First lines

[IronParrot]

You've probably all heard the saying that to get the reader involved, you need to hook them right from the very first page, or even the very first sentence - perhaps the first line. So, here's the challenge: share the first line to a story you're writing, or even a concept you intend to write. Make it a really great hook that interests me in reading the rest of the piece. Remember, you only have so many words to work with, so use them wisely!

[Tessar]

A rustle... Something had moved behind him. Or some things.

Slowly enough that he wouldn't frighten it if the creature was a friend, Abanor turned and faced the noise. At this time of night anything that was moving in Green Woods was likely to be more afraid of him than Abanor was of it.

A gentle wind brushed past Abanor's face like a sigh, almost seeming to whisper something in a secret language. Moonlight filtered through the many tree branches and enchanted the forest with a silver glow. And yet nothing moved in the wind. It was a sigh, but not of unhappiness.

It was the last wind Abanor would ever feel.

~*~*~*~*~*~

*blink*

And no, he doesn't die. *evil grin*

[IronParrot]

Good one! The foreshadowing helps tremendously. A bit more than one line, but hey...

[frodosgirlfriend]

THE STORY OF SERJ

Oh, my dear, sweet Kali, I ever love you, but this seems to be the end. I shall forever be sorry for every burden I never took myself and laid upon your back. I’m sorry for it all, though you don’t remember, or you don’t believe. I have written this for you, so you may know the truth, my dear, sweet Kali. I have left you, to find my companion elsewhere, for you didn’t deserve it. Everything that happened to me I did deserve. Please remember me, dear Kali, though memory is painful. I will always miss you.
~ Serj ~

1

“Why do you always follow me around?” A young girl asked as she took off her headphones but didn’t stop walking down the long, wet street.
“Because I have to.” A young boy replied as he walked next to the girl and raked his hands through his coffee colored hair...


***
I know it's a bit more then the first line. If anybody would like to read the full story theres a link at the bottom of my sig to my FP.net page.

[Tanoliel]

Got a couple...

“I say,” Celine said quietly. “Have I got something right here?”
(This as she gestures at a large spike through her middle...okay, so it's the beginning of a scene, not a story, but I like it.)


She watched out of the corner of her eye, waiting, because she knew he would come. He always did. And when he finally showed, at almost midnight, she was there to hand him a bowl of stew and a leftover loaf of bread, to lead him down to the cellar where a special hidden room was waiting, and to show him in and kiss him goodnight and lock the door firmly behind her.
(Also a bit longer than asked--but it all flows so well. )

It was on the morning of the fourteenth of April that Metro Bus 8464 decided it was quite fed up with everything.
(This story is actually finished--gasp--I'll send it to anyone to wants to read the whole thing.)

tano

[Gwaimir Windgem]

I've posted the beginnings of two stories on here, already, and I'm sorry to say that that seems to be (almost) all I've got; the other stuff is on the other computer, and I can't access it on Internet.

[galadriel]

Originally posted by Tanoliel
“I say,” Celine said quietly. “Have I got something right here?”
(This as she gestures at a large spike through her middle...okay, so it's the beginning of a scene, not a story, but I like it.)

Hehe... behold the power of understatement.

Here's mine.

"Ten minutes into the drive, a dull morning rain started up over London, obscuring the city streets with an endless sheet of gray."

A little too "dark and stormy night"-ish, I guess, but it improves from there. I think.

[Starr Polish]

"Wind rustled through the dying trees with the sound of dry bones one day in late autumn."

"Sometimes I think I'm a little crazy. Not your everyday, caffeinated teenager crazy, but actually crazy. Other times, it seems I'm the only one who has a good grasp on things, and the rest of the world has gone insane. Most days, it's somewhere in between the two. Well, maybe not <i>most</i> days."

There are a couple.

[Tessar]

OoooooOOOO...

Now those are stories I would love to read Galadriel and S.P.


The second one was a great start S.P.

[Willow Oran]

Heh, first lines, heres my somewhat over traditional first line thingy.

"Once upon a time there was a world called Kiaca and in this world was a country. The country was called Enigma because the people who lived there thought that Enigma was a nice name for a country. Enigma was ruled by a king and queen as many countries in those times were, and this story begins with them."

[Fimbrethil]

Hey that's a good one. I wouldn't mind reading it when you're done Willow. I have an idea started but besides the young aruther thingys at school (which might I ad are a complete load of bull and a waste of my some what limited talents) This will be the first story I've writen and I kinda want to make it long enough to call it a novel but it all depends on if it's good enough.

Cathy was sitting in the bright almost to painful to look at white hospital room, just stairing(sp?) into space. "How could this have happened to me?" She quietly asked herself. "It was a perfecly normal day," the young girl said thinking back on what had happened two days ago. "Cat?" Cathy's mother whispered from the door way.
"Yeah mom I'm here. Do the doctors know anything yet?"
"I'm so sorry baby, but they say you'll never walk again."
Cathy's mother came over to hug her daughter and comfort her as best she could. "I'll show them," Cathy whispered defiantly, "I'll show them I can walk again. I will."

Alright so it's a little longer than a first line but what do think? I know I need to work on my spelling and maybe dialoge but am I on the right track?

[IronParrot]

Alright so it's a little longer than a first line but what do think? I know I need to work on my spelling and maybe dialoge but am I on the right track?

I assume it's a short story in its current form? From this opening passage it's hard to say anything, but I do get the impression that it's moving along way too fast - even by short story standards, let alone a novel. Example:

"I'm so sorry baby, but they say you'll never walk again."
Cathy's mother came over to hug her daughter and comfort her as best she could. "I'll show them," Cathy whispered defiantly, "I'll show them I can walk again. I will."

The emotional reactions and conflicts here, and the demeanours of the mother and daughter, could be fleshed out at least tenfold.

However, I'm not sure what direction you're taking this in, so I can only say so much. It's a good place to open, though. Introducing a sense of conflict right from the beginning is always something you should aim for. Now revise it and sharpen the hook.

[Fimbrethil]

Thanks. But her learning to walk again is really only the opening to hook my reader. Honestly if you want the truth that's probably the smallest conflict in the story. I've been thinking about this for a long time but this is the first time I've done anything about it.

[Balrog_of_Morgoth]

I've been working on a story for about 2 years. After the prologue, this is the first half page of my beginning:

Tharn Telion stood upon the rocky coastline of northern Akaya, long black hair blown back by the strong northern winds from Mistrime Bay and beyond. The sun was shining amid a clear blue sky. Midsummer was come, yet it seemed that winter had never left. The temperature was barely above freezing, and the wind made it seem far colder. He had always loved the water, the crashing of the waves, the smell of the salty air – now it seemed that the tides of death were the only thing that the northern bay had to offer. A few seagulls rode the winds, calling to each other in their lonely voices, then flew to the east and disappeared, leaving Telion with only his thoughts to keep him company. His people, the Elminti, had finally resolved to leave their homelands of the north, giving in to the relentless cold that had slowly replaced the more moderate weather that they had enjoyed in decades past. He could remember a few of the warmer summers, but they were a distant memory, near forgotten relics of his childhood.

[Arat-Falathion]

The rain lashed down in dark, relentless sheets, beating on the roofslates with the sound of clashing armies, guishing in great torrents from the gutters and flowing across the slippery cobbles, chattering down towards the swollen river below.

The short man walked swiftly, pulling down his hood and dipping his head low in a futile attempt to escape the cold raindrops attacking from above. He thanked his godess ironically for his fortune of weather and pulled his cloak closer about him. The rain fell only heavier upon his shoulders, as if his prayer had been heard, but denied.

"Usstan bel'la dossta kyona, Ilhar Quar'valsharess." He muttered sourly, again refering ironically to his godess.

The dusk of night was slowly creeping upon the City of Erador, erasing the shadows of twilight, swallowing all light in its greedy march. The cloaked man did not seem to be bothered though, did not seem to fear the cruel and rightfully achieved reputation of this citys nightlife. Night was the hour of rogues, thieves and thugs, and lonely people walking the streets upon their hours was as seductive for a thief as a piece of mithril for a dwarf...

...yet the man did not seem to flinch, wasn't even wary of the many dark corners lining the streets of this horrid city. The man walked unbothered, as if the darkness itself knew to show its respect to his presence.

The pale light from a window revealed the cheek of the mans face for merely a second as he swiftly walked by, revealing the colour of his skin. Dark violett, the skin of a highly rare elven kind, the drow.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

OOC: Thought it was about time to join this "first lines" topic. I usually try immediately to catch a certain mood in those lines, to create an atmosphere and raise perhaps a few questions in the reader... ah well... it is late I realize that it was a little long, but didn't want to cut it in the middle and the fact that I have work a lot more writing the beginning than the end may cause it only to be dull... ah well

Oh, and the language used in that dialogue is my try at drow language

[Elfmaster XK]

I know it's a bit more then the first line...

I guess this thread is becoming first paragraphs, eh?

Originally posted by Starr Polish

"Sometimes I think I'm a little crazy. Not your everyday, caffeinated teenager crazy, but actually crazy. Other times, it seems I'm the only one who has a good grasp on things, and the rest of the world has gone insane. Most days, it's somewhere in between the two. Well, maybe not <i>most</i> days."

That is a great opening line(s). I'm going to assume that there is more story to go with it It'd be nice to know a little more about that.

Fimbrethil, you do need to work on spelling and grammar, but the opening itself is a good emotional grab. Nice one

This is the first line of my novel...

The hill is steep, but I keep climbing, my only mission to reach the top.

...but to be fair it doesn't reveal a lot on its own. So this is the rest of the paragraph.

Around me leaves stir, whispering at my feet and urging me on. The answers will be at the top of this hill, and all I need is to know. I glance up and see the moon is bright in the sky, the stars gentle and clear. Such clarity. How ironic. Clear as the words on the page. I flick through catching only glimpses of the words inside, the words I have read a hundred times or more, the words that shed the purest light upon every mistake I ever made. It chills me.

I have been working on this for a while and have 10,000 words in four chapters, and a few bits of other chapters I just wrote when I felt like it. I don't know how good this is as an opening, but I suspect it is a little plain, so may be subject to change. As it has several times already.

[Tanoliel]

How about the one you're writing with your twin?
She said I could read at least her parts. Would you send it to me when you're done?

tano

[Elfmaster XK]

Originally posted by Tanoliel
How about the one you're writing with your twin?
She said I could read at least her parts. Would you send it to me when you're done?

tano

Sure you can. If you want the summary go ahead and ask her for it. I don't mind you seeing it. Haven't had chance to talk to her about it since she went back to Uni though yet. Must send email.

Though I believe she is writing chapter one, so she'd have to write the first line here.

[Tanoliel]

She's told me about it, a bit--sounds like a grand adventure!

I'll bug her about it too.

tano

[Elfmaster XK]

Hey Tano, you'll have to email me your address so I can email you when it's done.

I don't mind you looking at it in progress if you want to, as I have written chapters three and four already. Or alternatively you could wait for the whole thing Knowing us though, that could be a while