Mustang! (poem)

Fimbrethil · 09-17-2003, 08:03 PM

Mustang! Free spirited and running wild way back when. Leading his herd across grass filled plains, his head up high he rears to the sky and cries his happiness to the sun. With a leap he's off again ears pricked, tail plumed galloping toward the rising sun.
Mustang. Standing still behind a fence now. No herd to lead, no grass filled plains, only dust and work. His head hangs low, ears not pricked to hear the small, sweet foals that should be there. With tail now dropped he lifts his head and cries one last time to the setting sun.

I wrote this for my english 9 honers class and to just to make it clear you would not eleive the boneheads they put in that class. I had a very hard time trying to get them to see that this didn't have to about a horse, it could be about whatever you wanted it to be old age, a new day beginning and ending. Whatever you interperted(sp?) it as. It was very frustrating so I thought I'd post this hear and see if you guys got what I meant by it could be about whatever. What do you think?

Lizra · 09-17-2003, 09:24 PM

I get it! Ain't life sad!

Good Job Fimbrethil

Fimbrethil · 09-19-2003, 12:55 PM

Thanks Lizra!

Finally someone understands my troubled soul.

Lizra · 09-19-2003, 02:54 PM

Hey...misery loves company!

Ianua · 09-28-2003, 04:40 PM

Beautiful work, hope you got a good mark for it

Fimbrethil · 10-01-2003, 06:43 PM

Thank you! Do you get what I mean by it though?

***IronParrot*** · 10-02-2003, 12:07 AM

You call it a poem in the thread title but it reads more like a prose snippet. I don't mean this as a bad thing - just that it feels that way stylistically. It might be because of the paragraphing, but I think even the full-sentence style and the word choice you have going there lends itself to one of those "100-word short fiction contests" and the like.

I applaud you for thinking outside the box.

The rest of you - if you were given the word "Mustang", what poem would you write?

Lizra · 10-02-2003, 07:54 AM

I'd write a cooking column piece on the discovery of fantastic mustards, concluding with the definition of a great mustard....sweet, complex but ultimately full of mus "tang".

Elvedans · 10-02-2003, 11:41 AM

It's a nice piece

However i'm slightly put out at how almost every poem i've read on the moot is depressing. People seem to think that to be beautiful poetry has to be about something sad. It doesn't. But i do like your Mustang. It's sweet.

Fimbrethil · 10-11-2003, 04:06 PM

Hey thanks. I did want it to be a poem but I couldn't see mto get the words out in any other way than the way I did it. I geuss now that have that to look at I'll try it again...but I'm not promisin anything. I didn't think it was that depressing, actually I don't find it drepressing at all...I'm gonna add another verse, provided it mess up what the message is, to show you that it's not depressing. I have other stuff...oh, I have one that's really good (I think) wanna hear it? Mustard....eesh!

09-17-2003, 08:03 PM	#1
Fimbrethil My microwave speaks to me Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Having conversations with my major household appliances. Posts: 937	Mustang! (poem) Mustang! Free spirited and running wild way back when. Leading his herd across grass filled plains, his head up high he rears to the sky and cries his happiness to the sun. With a leap he's off again ears pricked, tail plumed galloping toward the rising sun. Mustang. Standing still behind a fence now. No herd to lead, no grass filled plains, only dust and work. His head hangs low, ears not pricked to hear the small, sweet foals that should be there. With tail now dropped he lifts his head and cries one last time to the setting sun. I wrote this for my english 9 honers class and to just to make it clear you would not eleive the boneheads they put in that class. I had a very hard time trying to get them to see that this didn't have to about a horse, it could be about whatever you wanted it to be old age, a new day beginning and ending. Whatever you interperted(sp?) it as. It was very frustrating so I thought I'd post this hear and see if you guys got what I meant by it could be about whatever. What do you think? __________________ Bah, Bah black sheep have oyu any wool? Yes sir, yes sir. Three bags full! One for the master, one for the dame, one for the little boy who lives down the lane! Bah, bah black sheep have you any wool? Yes sir, yes sir. Three bags full. I'll be gone for a while. But never fear! "I shall return anon!" Last edited by Fimbrethil : 09-20-2003 at 06:22 PM.

09-17-2003, 09:24 PM	#2
Lizra Domesticated Swing Babe Join Date: May 2002 Location: Reality Posts: 5,340	I get it! Ain't life sad! Good Job Fimbrethil __________________ Happy Atheist Go Democrats!

09-19-2003, 12:55 PM	#3
Fimbrethil My microwave speaks to me Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Having conversations with my major household appliances. Posts: 937	Thanks Lizra! Finally someone understands my troubled soul. __________________ Bah, Bah black sheep have oyu any wool? Yes sir, yes sir. Three bags full! One for the master, one for the dame, one for the little boy who lives down the lane! Bah, bah black sheep have you any wool? Yes sir, yes sir. Three bags full. I'll be gone for a while. But never fear! "I shall return anon!"

09-19-2003, 02:54 PM	#4
Lizra Domesticated Swing Babe Join Date: May 2002 Location: Reality Posts: 5,340	Hey...misery loves company! __________________ Happy Atheist Go Democrats!

09-28-2003, 04:40 PM	#5
Ianua Hobbit Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: England Posts: 28	Beautiful work, hope you got a good mark for it __________________ Happy, Clappy, and annoying beyond belief ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Her Lips were red, Her looks were free, Her locks as yellow as gold, Her skin was as white as leprosy, The nightmare life-in-death was she, Who thicks man's blood with cold -Intrveiw with the vampire- ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 'I can resist everything exept temptation'- Oscar Wilde

10-01-2003, 06:43 PM	#6
Fimbrethil My microwave speaks to me Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Having conversations with my major household appliances. Posts: 937	Thank you! Do you get what I mean by it though? __________________ Bah, Bah black sheep have oyu any wool? Yes sir, yes sir. Three bags full! One for the master, one for the dame, one for the little boy who lives down the lane! Bah, bah black sheep have you any wool? Yes sir, yes sir. Three bags full. I'll be gone for a while. But never fear! "I shall return anon!"

10-02-2003, 12:07 AM	#7
*IronParrot* Fowl Administrator Join Date: Dec 1999 Location: Calgary or Edmonton, Canada Posts: 53,420	You call it a poem in the thread title but it reads more like a prose snippet. I don't mean this as a bad thing - just that it feels that way stylistically. It might be because of the paragraphing, but I think even the full-sentence style and the word choice you have going there lends itself to one of those "100-word short fiction contests" and the like. I applaud you for thinking outside the box. The rest of you - if you were given the word "Mustang", what poem would you write? __________________ All of IronParrot's posts are guaranteed to be 100% intelligent and/or sarcastic, comprising no genetically modified content and tested on no cute furry little animals unless the SPCA is looking elsewhere. If you observe a failure to uphold this warranty, please contact a forum administrator immediately to receive a full refund on your Entmoot registration. Blog: Nick's Café Canadien

10-02-2003, 07:54 AM	#8
Lizra Domesticated Swing Babe Join Date: May 2002 Location: Reality Posts: 5,340	I'd write a cooking column piece on the discovery of fantastic mustards, concluding with the definition of a great mustard....sweet, complex but ultimately full of mus "tang". __________________ Happy Atheist Go Democrats!

10-02-2003, 11:41 AM	#9
Elvedans Diamond Of The Night Sky Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Old London Town (Well somewhere near there) Posts: 366	It's a nice piece However i'm slightly put out at how almost every poem i've read on the moot is depressing. People seem to think that to be beautiful poetry has to be about something sad. It doesn't. But i do like your Mustang. It's sweet. __________________ I see a little silhouetto of a man. Scaramouche scaramouche will you do the fandango? Thunderbolts and Lightning, very very frightening me!

10-11-2003, 04:06 PM	#10
Fimbrethil My microwave speaks to me Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Having conversations with my major household appliances. Posts: 937	Hey thanks. I did want it to be a poem but I couldn't see mto get the words out in any other way than the way I did it. I geuss now that have that to look at I'll try it again...but I'm not promisin anything. I didn't think it was that depressing, actually I don't find it drepressing at all...I'm gonna add another verse, provided it mess up what the message is, to show you that it's not depressing. I have other stuff...oh, I have one that's really good (I think) wanna hear it? Mustard....eesh! __________________ Bah, Bah black sheep have oyu any wool? Yes sir, yes sir. Three bags full! One for the master, one for the dame, one for the little boy who lives down the lane! Bah, bah black sheep have you any wool? Yes sir, yes sir. Three bags full. I'll be gone for a while. But never fear! "I shall return anon!"

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