A story

[Treehobbit]

Just a start tell me what you think I'll continue it later

The drink was still cold after those three futile hours. It was now only half full though compared to its orignal physical state of overflowing. It no longer had a foamy top surface and the contents inside where seperated into gooey white on the bottom and a liquid red on top but it was still cold. A hand reached out from a girl cloaked in a deep purple resembling the color the sky gives off on the most beautifull sunset nights. On her left brest a pin with a barroke pearl circled in some pattern of diamonds and on her forehead she had a golden headband which held some type of triangular red jewel which matched the color of her eyes. Her hand pointed to the mangery of spoons, the bartender quickly hander her one and she stirred her drink with it, the drinks two layers inter mingled and turned into a beautiful pink mixture, the women slowly took a sip.
"Hey," The bartender interuppted indulging his curiosity, "most people with that type of jewlery try to keep there faces hidden around here...why arn't you?"
"I didn't steal it, if thats what you're trying to imply." She coldly retorted back.
"No, well most....travelers don't...wear such pices traveling." The bartender explained.
"Well...I'm not most travelers." She told him not making eye contact though she knew the bartender was giving her a good long stare,
"I know," He finally outburst, "You're one of the Mayagens! Yah, but what are you doing here, and talking to Ms. Sida Higgens of all people, she's very rich and well respected around here, ussually wouldn't be caught in a place like this. Why was she here waiting fer you.
"Buisness between old friends." The girl replied looking off ito the corner of the room as if in reminisence.
"Friends?" The bartender asked as if to make sure, "I never thought Ms. Higgens to have a Mayagen as a friend, I mean, she is getting married to the constible you know."
"Oh, yes, she told me so." The women finally look up at the bartender, "May she forget about all the Mayagens of the past and let us did a swift death."
"Come now, you really don't want that to happen." The bartender said. The lady took out and long elegantly carved pipe and started a smoke,
"In truth," she said, "I really want her to shrivel up like a prune and be one of those people you hate talking to because all they ever talk about is old days, and how they should of experienced life but hey, like that's ever going to happen."

[Nurvingiel]

Hey I like it! I hope you're gonna post more soon.

Do you want us to review or edit it?

Cheerio! Nurv

[Bilbo]

You could edit out the speeling mistakes. You could also make it obviously humorous instead of your brief tries at jokes (if they are meant to be jokes).

Also try and put me in it.

I like that sort of thing.

[goldiegollum]

sounds happy. like the description of the jewlrey and such.

[Treehobbit]

Thank you for feedback. I know there are alot of mistakes but thats me. I usually don't edit it until I'm a ways in...And there not jokes, just som random comments, like i'd probobly even take some out in the final revision but for the time being I just write what comes to mind. I have no time to writ more now, but soon I promise a response.

[Nurvingiel]

Originally posted by Bilbo
You could edit out the speeling mistakes. You could also make it obviously humorous instead of your brief tries at jokes (if they are meant to be jokes).

Also try and put me in it.

I like that sort of thing.

Are you trying to be funny or something? Why would she put you in the story? You didn't even spell "spelling" properly.

If you're joking, then never mind. If you're not joking, your post is a waste of time.


Anyway, I hope you post more soon Treehobbit.