The Good Spirit's Music {Short Story}

[Tessar]

I'm afraid that this is rather a sad one, or at least a bit depressing as I was writing it to some music from Final Fantasy 10 . It isn't one of my 'good' pieces as I just sat down and slapped it out as it came, but if you wouldn't mind R&Ring anyways I would appreciate that to help me keep some things in mind next time I write a story.



The Good Spirit's Music
By Anthony G.
July 7th, 2003

Asaar spread his arms and closed his eyes, the haunting melodies of the spirit world ringing in his ears and piercing his mind.

Ever since he was five Asaar had heard the melodies. It had started faintly, the sort of sound that you turned your head in all directions to locate and yet still remains annoyingly faint, untraceable and yet so sweet that it tempts you to hear more. Slowly the music had grown a little louder, until now it was plain and easy to hear.

The elders had told him the music was a gift, a gift of the Good Spirits. The music never gave Asaar a moments peace though, it was there as he drifted to sleep every night and there as he woke before the last stars had faded from the sky.

With a quick indrawn breath, Asaar threw himself off the cliff face and plummeted towards the ground far below. The sudden pounding of his heart echoed in Asaar’s ears and seemed to blend with the spirit melodies, a drum pounding the beat for a thousand other instruments, all intensified by the hollow rushing of the air. Life coursed through his veins and a burst of fear and energy surged against his chest, making breathing hard even as air rushed with increasing speed past him.

A word. A single word would stop this fall, and Asaar knew he would say it, knew he had another second or two.

“Good spirits protect me.” Asaar whispered, his voice lost in the rushing winds and haunting melody. They heard him though, and Asaar knew his life was safe. Perhaps that was even a good thing.

A gentle tickle of grass against the souls of his feet made Asaar curl his toes and open his eyes, light and color flooding in to fill the blackness created by his eyelids. Wild flowers swayed in the light breeze that blew and supported Asaar inches off the ground. The ankle-high grass seemed to roll like the waves of the ocean. Not that Asaar had ever seen the ocean when he was awake, but he knew it all the same.

A sigh barely escaped his lips and Asaar took a step forward, allowing himself to be lowered down into the green grass.

“Thank you.” Asaar murmured softly, unsure of why he was thanking them. Oh yes, for saving what would be called his ‘life’.

People wandered why he was so often sad. Had he not been blessed two-fold by the spirits? Were his parents not caring and kind?

Slowly lowering himself into a sitting position, Asaar reached out a hand and cradled a golden blossom that leaned towards him, gently fingering the petals and feeling the life energy that seemed to surge at his probe.

So much of Asaar’s life had been guided by the Village Elder’s wishes and whims because he had special gifts. The spirits were, in a sense, at his command; and the music was another gift. If he could, Asaar would have given it all up in a blink. For those that are blessed… Are hunted. Evil is drawn to good, and many evils hunted after Asaar. Also the Elders had little respect for him, and many were openly jealous.

“Asaar… You must run. Go to the elders.” ethereal, the voice was a warning. Something was coming, and whatever it was wouldn’t go near the elders, or at least wouldn’t openly attack in front of the Elders.

With another sigh, Asaar pushed himself up and let the flower return to its former place, waving gently in the wind. Asaar envied the flower for a moment, wishing he too could be let go. But no, it was not to be.

With a last look back over his shoulder at the peaceful meadow, Asaar turned and ran back towards the village a good mile or two away. Towards those who tried to control him, all so he could be safe. As Asaar ran away, the golden blossom waved a last time in the wind, and was gently lifted off the ground to be blown far away.

[Tessar]

Anyways, I can't see it turning into anything more than what it is right now, but some day I might expand on it.

[Arat-Falathion]

Beautiful! I liked the turn there at his fall. I really thought he jumped into his death because he was tired of it all -end of story, but noooo

I like it, I have not much constructive feedback to give on this. It seems good to me

A nice hook there at the beginning also, making me ask what the heck? Has this guy music in his head? Why? How? ****, I'll read on to find out...

So it all worked for me. And by the time he jumped out from that cliff I could do nothing but to finish the read

[Tessar]

Yay! I'm glad you liked it!

I was in the kind of mood that I almost put the jump in first, but I thought I would sort of 'build up' to it a tiny bit and tell you who this guy is. I was going to have him falling and thinking about all the things, but I thought 'Yes, the mind is pretty quick, but that's all going to be way too much. It will take away the excitement from the fall'.

I just realized that I never put anything in about what he looks like or what sort of person he is besides being a manic depressive . I guess that's probably for the best though, leaves room for mental images.

[Arat-Falathion]

That last point you stated there could go either way I suppose. As long as the read flows and always urge me to go on, I keep reading. Description is nice, character relation is nice, though it is all things that need to be given one piece at a time. It can all get overloaded if you toss too much at the reader at once. That can cause unwanted confusion and rereading of sentances ("did I just read that wrong? *reads again* No... hm! Strange...")

You don't want the reader to stop like that, as the reader is supposed to be drawned into the reality of the story, there must be flow...

So with that said, I think you gave the story a good approach. Better then starting the story with the fall and list up all about him and his skills... That would indeed take away the flow and ,not the least, the focus on the fall.

[Lizra]

I liked the first part! I think you could strech out the music and fall, and descriptions of him a lot more before getting to "the problems"! It was very nice though!

[Tessar]

Originally posted by Lizra
I liked the first part! I think you could strech out the music and fall, and descriptions of him a lot more before getting to "the problems"! It was very nice though!

*faints*

*mumbles*

(I got a review from Lizra...)

I GOT A REVIEW FROM LIZRA!!!!!!!


*grin* Good ideas, I read it a few times and none of the sentances struck me in a way that made me want to reread them to see if I had gotten them right, but maybe that's just me?

And when/if I get to revise it I probably WILL go back in and give him a description of what he looks like in a roundabout way. And agreed, the fall should probably be a TAD longer before you realize he can save himself.