'To His Coy Mistress', reply.

[Lalaith_Elf]

for english we had to write a reply to a poem by Andrew Marvell, turnong him down. marvell lived in the 17th century. the poem he wrote is one of my favorites and it's cleverly written, using mostly metaphors, etc as the true meaning would have caused an outrage at that time. anyway this is my reply and i'm quite proud of it, since i can't really write poetry.

To My Persistant Master

Had we but world enouh, and time
Coyness would probably still be a crime.
Would we really sit down, to think which way
We would walk, to pass this long, long day
I, not by the Indian Ganges side,
But watching the North-Easts tide
No rubies would I find. You would
Really love me ten years before the flood?
And if i still refuse?
You know there will be no conversion of the Jews.
What then will you do?
Find another woman to woo?
Why spend eternity under your gaze?
Do you think I want you praise?
Why spend one hundred years,
Looking at me as if you had no cares?
And thirty thousand to the rest,
You are being such a pest.
It would not take an age to look at every part,
Do you think i would show you my heart?
For do i really derserve you in this state?
I don't belive you wouldn't love at a lower rate.
So what if you always hear,
Times winged chariot hurrying near.
So before us vast eternity lies,
Do you not realise I would rather see you die?
Real beauty lies deep inside,
You think I can't tell that you've lied?
So what in my marble vault, worms shall try,
As I, stone cold, here do lie.
My honour will never turn to dust,
So long as I avoid your lust.
I have heard, the graves a fine, private place,
But I will go without your embrace.
I know my youthful hue,
Stands still like the morning dew.
And while my willing soul transpires,
A look at you puts out all the fires.
I realise you have so much power,
But many women before you cower.
We will not roll all our strength, and all
For we are not the same ball.
You are so desperate you will not suceed,
Just go and find someone you really need.
We have no sun to make stand still,
But with another, surley I will.

what do people think????

[Dreran the Green]

WOW. Very cool

[Anglorfin]

LoL very good! I remember having to do that last year too. I lost mine by now though . . .

[Lalaith_Elf]

LOL thank you..... i loved writing it

and thanks Dre

[Entlover]

That's great! I wish I could write poetry. I always enjoyed that poem too. Do you have to hate him in order to turn him down?

[Lalaith_Elf]

I forgot about this thread.

No we didn't have to hate him, to turn him down. We didn't really have to turn him down. Someone who was in my class wrote a reply to accept his offer.

I'm quite glad I found this thread again, as I had lost my version of the poem.

[Lief Erikson]

Pretty good. My impression from Marvell's poem was that it would be amusing to the person to whom it was written. It was assuming intimate friendship, at least.

But with your assignment, what you wrote looks pretty good. It might be worthwhile to try a little bit more on meter. You have the rhyming mostly very well done, but the rhythme is sometimes off.

Very good though! Keep up the good work!

[Beor]

I love it, Lal, you really stuck it to him!! Way to stick it to the man!!

Seriously, I really do like it, and i like the rhyme. It is a very playful (or maybe more like, "I am definitely not going to be playful with you" poem )

I love it, dude, rock on!!!

P.S. I laughed my ass off when you said, "Do you not realise I would rather see you die?"

[Lalaith_Elf]

Originally posted by Lief Erikson
But with your assignment, what you wrote looks pretty good. It might be worthwhile to try a little bit more on meter. You have the rhyming mostly very well done, but the rhythme is sometimes off.

Very good though! Keep up the good work!

Thank you Lief, I'm actually quite suprised I managed to get any of it to rhyme. I'm not good at poems and I hated the idea when this assignment was set, but I actually enjoyed writing it. I may try to fix it up, but I don't know. I want to improve it, but at the same time I want to leave it.

I love it, Lal, you really stuck it to him!! Way to stick it to the man!!

Seriously, I really do like it, and i like the rhyme. It is a very playful (or maybe more like, "I am definitely not going to be playful with you" poem )

I love it, dude, rock on!!!

P.S. I laughed my ass off when you said, "Do you not realise I would rather see you die?"

Thank You!
It just struck me that the original was extreamly arrogant, and I was going through a 'break-up' stage, so I guess that's kind of reflected in it. (Hence the "Do you not realise I would rather see you die?" ) Although appearences can also be deceptive, and it doesn't have much anger laced through it at all. Alot of it is just me being a tease!

[IronParrot]

To echo Lief, from an editorial perspective, primarily you want to be focusing on stretching or squeezing it to fit meter once everything rhymes. It makes it more natural to recite. Good job on getting the rhymes in place, and I'm glad to hear you enjoyed writing it.