Limericks

[Aeryn]

(Okay I am mad now, I typed this stuff out and now I have to type it again!)

Rules of a Limerick
A limerick is a 5 line poem where the 1s 2nd and 5th line rhyme, they also have a rythmical pattern of 3 groups of stressed and unstressed syllables. The 3rd and 4th line rhyme with eachother and have the pattern of 2 groups of stressed and unstressed syllables. (Note: Not all Limericks follow these exact guidelines)

Try to make your own!!!!
Here are some examples....

There once was a man of Perth
Who was born on the day of his birth
he was married they say
on his wife's wedding day
and he died when he quitted the earth.

There once was an old man from Denver
Who had a hard time to remember
He went out to a diner
And ate nothing finer
But her didn't get home till September

There was a man from Devizes
who had ears of different sizes
the one that was small
was no use at all
but the other won several prizes

There once was a lady from Pright
Whose speed was much faster than light
She set out one day
in a relative way
And returned home the previous night

A diner while dining in Crewe
Found a large mouse in his stew
Said the waiter,"Don't shout
And wave it about
or the others will be wanting one too."

There once was a girl called Susie
Whose mother had called her a floozy
When she left her old house
She saw a great mouse
And suddenly felt very woozy

There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent a$$;
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think---
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass

There once was a kid named Darren
Who's room was surprisingly barren
He had no toys
Like all normal boys
But he did believe in sharing

There was a young lady from Niger,
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.
After the ride
She was inside,
And the smile was on the face of the tiger.

There once was a poet named Dan,
Who's poetry never would scan.
When told this was so,
He said, "Yes, I know"
"It's because I try to put every possible syllable into the very last line that I can" !!

To Hilary Clinton said Bill,
I think we're staying on Capital Hill,
'Cause that tired old timer, Dole,
Is digging himself a deep hole,
And the White Water thing's a cheap thrill.

There once was a lady named Lynn
Who was so uncommonly thin,
that when she assayed
to drink lemonade,
she slipped through the straw and fell in!

A wonderful bird is the Pelican.
His beak can hold more than his belly can.
He can hold in his beak
Enough food for a week!
But I'll be darned if I know how the hellican?

There once was a fellow named Jim
Who took his girl out for a spin
The speedometer rose
The gas pedal froze
They found parts of her but not him

(LISP)
A thpeeth teacther named Mitheth Bathye
Had thome thtudentth who acted quite lathye;
They lithped and they thputtered,
And thome of them th-th-thtuttered:
She thought they might jutht drive her crathye.

A canner exceedingly canny
One morning remarked to his granny
A canner can can
Anything that he can
But a canner can¹t can a can, can he?

There was a young lady named Slater
Who married an old alligator.
The night that they wed
They climbed into bed,
But rather than mate her, he ate her.

The once was a woman named Pat
Who just ate butter and sat;
She withered away
Until one day
Nothing was left butter fat.

By beauty I am not a star.
There are others more handsome by far.
My face I don't mind it.
because I'm behind it.
It's the people in front that I jar.

There was a young boy in my way
Who was always happy and gay
He jumped and he ran
Like a crazy old man
To avoid the fast moving sleigh

[Aeryn]

May I repeat????


You can make your own!!!

[Aeryn]

This was hilarious, it is several limericks making up a story, yet again, Dear Reader, I implore you to make your own limerick.

The Mad Weatherman


"Now here is the weather", he said
On the radio next to my bed,
"There'll be thunder and lightning
And hurricanes fright'ning
And hailstones as big as your head."

I nervously peered round the room
In the eerily gathering gloom
And I wondered if ... "Sleet",
Said the voice, "I repeat;
There'll be sleet on this Sunday of doom."



I shivered and quivered in fear;
"There'll be snow!", said the voice at my ear,
"There'll be blizzards and rain
Moving upwards from Spain
And tornadoes the rest of the year!"

"Typhoons and flash-flooding!!" he screamed.
Well I hoped I was wrong and just dreamed
It; but no ... he went on,
"We're all doomed!! We're all gone!!"
In one hell of a panic he seemed.

Then suddenly over the air
Came great sobbings of utter despair.
"I'm so sorry", he cried,
"Please forgive me; I lied,
For today will be sunny and fair."




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Dussander]

That was funny. Here is my Limerick.

I'm papering walls in the loo
And quite frankly I haven't a clue;
For the pattern's all wrong
(Or the paper's too long)
And I'm stuck to the toilet with glue

[Dussander]

I got another one.

My cure for the common cold bug
Is to keep myself cosy and snug
In my bed with a lass
And occasional glass
Of chilled Moêt et Chandon or Krug

[Dussander]

This is fun.

I spoke to the door as I charmed
It, caressed it and stroked it and calmed
It. "My god he's gone mad",
You may think, but 'twas sad,
For the note said "This Door is Alarmed."


At 16 I sighed as I hoped
For a bike like a Harley. I groped
In my pocket for cash
And bought something less flash;
Then I sat on my mop and I moped


I have nearly 200 aunts.
Are they coming for Christmas? No chance
For they're ancient and old
And their pee they can't hold
So I'm sending incontinence pants.


I need a front door for my hall;
The replacement I bought was too tall.
So I hacked it and chopped it
And carefully lopped it;
And now the dam thing is too small


I'd better confess 'fore I die
That I tortured an innocent fly
By removing its wings
And its legs, of all things.
My excuse? I was only ... so high


I poured her a small glass of wine
And she giggled and looked quite divine;
So I poured her some more
But she fell to the floor ...
Wasn't quite what I had in my mind

She wiggled and swayed as she strode
Down the street; she looked gorgeous. I slowed,
Then I walked on behind
With no thought in my mind
And didn't notice the hole in the road!

Remember when nearly sixteen
On your very first date as a teen
At the movies? If yes,
Then I bet you can't guess
What was shown on the cinema screen.

Young Josephine, pretty and sweet,
Was a terrible flirt and a cheat.
She was caught in a caper
With Pete the young paper
Delivery boy in her street.

But Hugh, her young husband, was sad
And discussed it at length with his dad.
"It's the weight of those new
Sunday Supplements, Hugh,
That give Pete all his stamina, lad."

[Aeryn]

those were, um, interesting...~!!!!

[Coney]

Mary had a little skirt,
With a slit right up the side,
Everywhere that Mary went,
The boys could see up her thighs.
Mary had another skirt,
With a slit up the front.
She didn't wear that one much.

[Aeryn]

Coney, that wasn't a Limerick, that was a poem. Although funny.

[Miranda]

How about an Irish Limerick? I've got a few that my Da wrote and they're very funny- here's one for starters.

There was a runner from Ballycotton,
Who found his feet had gone rotten,
He said, "Look at those,
They're such ugly toes,
They look like a Leprechaun's bottom."

Nonsense I know but it was funny when he first made it up and told it to me- I was six though and still found the word bottom exceedingly funny!! I'll ask him if he has any more and post them. Mx

[Arathorn]

Mary had a little sheep
With whom she went to sleep
But it turned out to be a ram
So Mary had a little lamb

[Humming bird]

These are really funny, I will have to think of a few.

[Duddun]

You guys are good, I can't think of any, or can i think of anyway I will ever think of one. They are funny though.

[Duddun]

I got one!
No offense to anyone who likes swans it's all i could think of.

I once knew a man named John,
He was lamer than a swan,
He was my dad,
He was always sad,
His favorite chess piece was the pawn.

I know it's bad but it's all i could think of.

[Humming bird]

There once was a young blonde named Blair

Who would do anything on a dare

She crossed over the street

Was quite quick on her feet

Cause she heard there was cock over there!


Sorry, that wasn't nice.

[Nibs]

A fisherman sat on a pier
He saw a large fish very near
He said "Please come with me
You've a big world to see
'Cause I think you'd taste good with some beer."

The fish replied, "I'm quite content.
And I'm quite well aware what you meant.
Come swim in the sea
I've some friends you should meet
For your body they'll thoroughly rend."

A fruitbat had clung to that pier
So their banter he chanced to hear
"A beguiling fish!
That's no show to miss"
So he called for his friends, loud and clear.

His friends he awoke with his cry
They stirred, and then made their reply:
"You're just getting dumber,
Leave us to our slumber"
And the bat got so sad that he died.

[Elfhelm]

An earnest young poet named Eric
grew upset when the words turned chimeric.
So he stopped his nail-biting
And just gave up on writing,
Since there's no word that rhymes with limerick.

ta da!

Is there a haiku thread too?)

[Elfmaster XK]

I got two, very funny the second, well, i love it anyway...ahem

There was an old woman from Fife
Who's never been kissed in her life
She once saw a cat
And said "I'll kiss that,"
And the cat answered ot on your life!

There once was a man from Darjeeling
Who travelled from London to Ealing
It said on the door
"Please don't spit on the floor"
So hje carefuly spat on the ceiling!

Heeh hehe heheh ahah heh...Mibble...I love that last one... *disintegrates*

[Duddun]

The second ones funny!

[Elven Archer]

i like the second one. here's one i had to do for school once. it's not very good though.


Cupcake

I can't think of a limerick
What do i do?
I can't think of a limerick, oh pooh!
I just thought of a limerick
Woohooo!