The United States' Super-Secret Evil Weapon

[Lief Erikson]

According to Hugo Chavez, the United States has developed a secret weapon capable of creating floods, droughts, hurricanes and earthquakes. Its sinister plan is to use this weapon on Iran in an ultimate showdown, but before it could use this weapon, it had to be tested . . . who was to be the victim? No one would care about those poor people of Haiti, so we would use it there . . .

Originally Posted by Fox News

Hugo Chavez Mouthpiece Says U.S. Hit Haiti With 'Earthquake Weapon'

Hugo Chavez blames the U.S. for the devastating earthquake in Haiti.
The United States apparently possesses an "earthquake weapon" that set off the catastrophic quake in Haiti and killed 200,000 innocents. Don't believe it's true? Just ask Hugo Chavez.

Citing an alleged report from Russia's Northern Fleet, the Venezuelan strongman's state mouthpiece ViVe TV shot out a press release saying the 7.0 magnitude Haiti quake was caused by a U.S. test of an experimental shockwave system that can also create "weather anomalies to cause floods, droughts and hurricanes."

The station's Web site added that the U.S. government's HAARP program, an atmospheric research facility in Alaska (and frequent subject of conspiracy theories), was also to blame for a Jan. 9 quake in Eureka, Calif., and may have been behind the 7.8-magnitude quake in China that killed nearly 90,000 people in 2008.

What's more, the site says, the cataclysmic ruin in Haiti was only a test run for much bigger game: the coming showdown with Iran.

The ultimate goal of the test attack in Haiti, the report reads, is the United States' "planned destruction of Iran through a series of earthquakes designed to topple the current Islamic regime."


The story has since been taken down from the Venezuelan Web site, but a Google cache of the charges remains intact.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,583588,00.html



LOL!!!!

Is the man trying to give us a stand-up comedy routine??? This stuff is just too good.

[hectorberlioz]

That man IS a stand-up comedy routine . This is incredibly hilarious.

And by the way, hi Lief *wave*

[Lief Erikson]

Thanks . Good to see you again too!

[GrayMouser]

Does this mean Obama is actually....Lex Luthor

[GrayMouser]

Besides, everyone knows the earthquake was caused by Haiti's deal with the Devil.

And Pat Robertson's a pretty good authority on selling your soul to Satan for the things of this world.

[Jonathan]

Originally Posted by Fox News

Citing an alleged report from Russia's Northern Fleet, the Venezuelan strongman's state mouthpiece ViVe TV shot out a press release saying the 7.0 magnitude Haiti quake was caused by a U.S. test of an experimental shockwave system that can also create "weather anomalies to cause floods, droughts and hurricanes."

Can Fox be any less critical of sources?

True, Chávez has acted like a clown in many respects, but when I read this article I seriously doubt he himself would have stated such things. We know nothing about the mouthpiece, what status he has or whether he is the mouthpiece of the whole party or only of Chavez, or anything really.

[Earniel]

Heh, I remember how a couple of months ago, one or two Indian newspapers ran with a story from the Onion how Neil Armstrong admitted in the face of 'overwhelming evidence' that he obviously couldn't have been to the moon, and that it must have been all a lie.

That said, you Americans have a secret weapon capable of creating floods, droughts, hurricanes and earthquakes?! And you aren't sharing?

I'm deeply disappointed.

[Valandil]

Well... we really wanted to keep it a secret. So it's too bad it's gotten out now. The truly awkward thing about it is that Venezuela was to be the next targeted location, as we work toward eventually doing Iran.

That is... Venezuela is next if you don't count Belgium. But who would notice Belgium anyway?

[Insidious Rex]

Suprised Telc didnt beat Lief to this announcement on here (complete with the standard race/bible conspiracy argument and 36 exclamation marks.)

And wait till Chavez finds out about Operation Eclipse designed to keep the sun from shining on any other country but America...

[Valandil]

Originally Posted by Insidious Rex

:
:
And wait till Chavez finds out about Operation Eclipse designed to keep the sun from shining on any other country but America...

*** shhhhhh... you're gonna spoil the whole thing! ***

[Lief Erikson]

Lol!

I've got to show my brother this story when he gets home from college today. He'll get such a kick out of it.

[Earniel]

Originally Posted by Valandil

Well... we really wanted to keep it a secret. So it's too bad it's gotten out now. The truly awkward thing about it is that Venezuela was to be the next targeted location, as we work toward eventually doing Iran.

Well, that's no fun. Why are you yanks always hogging the nice doomsday devices?!

That is... Venezuela is next if you don't count Belgium. But who would notice Belgium anyway?

Bah, you'll miss us when all the chocolate of the world turns sour.

Ah well, you better make it a nice hurricane then. I'm not going to be wiped off the surface of the earth by anything less!

[Jonathan]

*Random European, looking out over a part of the North Sea that used to be Belgium*

"Hm, didn't the EU have a parliament around here somewhere? Oh well it doesn't matter, there's still the parliament in Strasbourg."

*munches Swiss chocolate*


As Val said, who would notice?

[Earniel]

Et tu Brutus?

Ah, curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!

But you'd miss the short stories, oh yes, you would....

[Jonathan]

What are you so grumpy about, you're Dutch and not Belgian, right?



Truth be told I'd miss them, AND the chocolate...

[Earniel]

Originally Posted by Jonathan

What are you so grumpy about, you're Dutch and not Belgian, right?

Only if Mari adopts me, I'm afraid.

[Varnafindë]

Originally Posted by Jonathan

*munches Swiss chocolate*


As Val said, who would notice?

There's also Norwegian chocolate

[Tessar]

Originally Posted by Eärniel

Et tu Brutus?

Ah, curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!

But you'd miss the short stories, oh yes, you would....

Hi, my name is Tessar and I love this post because the writer has an umlaut 'a' in her name, and also because she quoted Firefly.

[Jonathan]

Originally Posted by Varnafindë

There's also Norwegian chocolate

Roald Dahl's parents might've been Norwegian but I wouldn't say Willy Wonka's candy is


Sliding back on topic, this isn't the first time I hear of alleged earthquake weapons.
The Kobe earthquake in 1995 (the costliest disaster ever to fall upon a single country) resulted in thousands of deaths, massive damage and a stock market crash, and some Japanese debated whether the quake had been the display of a new doomsday weapon and an act of war.

There were accusations that Aum Shinrikyo (the cult behind the Tokyo subway sarin gas attacks in 1995) possessed, or at least tried to research, the means to trigger earthquakes.



I guess it can be kind of soothing to blame unfathomable disasters with huge random death tolls, on the evil of man. It gives an explanation to the inexplicable.

[Mari]

Originally Posted by Eärniel

Only if Mari adopts me, I'm afraid.

Sure thing. My sister's room is empty anyway