Forced emotions

[Mari]

As some of you may know, I've recently started working as a waitress/hostess/valet/kitchenhelp. At one of the places I worked was a poster on the kitchendoor saying "smile, you're going on-stage". When I'm working I have to not only smile, but be happy. Smiling is not enough, you have to show a smiling, cheerful, bright, full of energy kind of attitude. Off course I'm not always happy, most certainly not after 10 hours of work when an annoying guest starts telling me how bad they think the food was or whatever.
I think everyone has been in a situation where they had to/ were expected to show a certain emotion. I was wondering what kind of situations you guys have been in and how you handle these "expected emotions". I was also wondering how you got yourself in the right mood for showing an emotion you don't feel at the time.
How do you get to switch emotions?
I sometimes really have trouble being happy and keeping a smile on my face, especially since my natural expression isn't a happy bright one. Any tips?

[Miss Cassandra]

It gets easier the longer you do it. When I used to waitress, It was very had to keep focused and smile at the same time, especially when I messed up their change. One time I almost shorted a guy 50$ and had to laugh right through it. It was very embarrassing.

What I did was on my break, I would try to escape any way possible, by listening to a song or going for a short walk around the block. Sometimes call a friend I havent heard from in ages just to say hello. That cheers me up for the next shift. And giving candy to your co-workers works too. Bring them a peace offering and seeing their appreciation, will make you feel better, like you did a good deed. I used to buy everyone cookies and candy beacuse if theyre happy so are you.

I dont look happy normally either, and Its hard work at first, but It get easier on you. You need to learn to be fake and all exterior. Once you have it mastered though you can make it through anything! With a smile!


Hope I could help Mari, I know how hard it is, I hope you get the hang of it soon.

[Mari]

Thanks! I'll try to cheer up during my breaks (if I'm lucky enough to have one )
You're right when saying you need to recharge those "fake-happiness-batteries".
I don't like pretending though.

[Earniel]

In a way it is indeed like you're on stage, you're playing a role of a smiling, pleasant waiter/sales person/employee. I remember that the few long days I helped in the front of the shop, all the smiling made my face feel strained. A few times it felt like I wouldn't be able to get my face back into normal position afterwards, the muscles at the corner of my mouth felt fixed in pace. So you're not the only one with that problem.

But I suppose Miss Cassandra has a point, practise does help with that.

[katya]

I work at the gas station but.. I guess I gave up on the fake happiness thing right away. I try to be friendly but I think I usually just look grumpy and tired. That can be ok sometimes there though, like when creeps try hitting on you.

On thing I would agree helps though is talking to a friend on the phone over a break. It makes you happy and gets you talking, in happy-conversation-mode, also.

Really earnestly trying to understand and love the customers helps too.

[Rían]

I think Miss C's tip about giving to others was a great idea, too!

I teach my kids that they should always be friendly to workers in the places that they go to, because it's a tough job, and they can always give them a friendly word and smile - they have the power to bless someone. And maybe you can think of it that way, too! You have the power to make someone feel better.

[Jonathan]

I always feel the need to have a smile on my face when I talk with patients (as part of my studies). They feel more comfortable and become more cooperative. It certainly gets easier to smile the more you do it, as Cassandra and everyone says.

I believe it's also important not to associate a forced smile with faked happiness, or any other negative things. A smile is always a good thing, both for the person who smiles and for those around. So even though your day might have been really bad and you're not feeling the slighest bit of happiness, I think you can treat yourself to a smile anyway

[Mari]

Well, I can do the friendly and helpfull part, no problem. Don't even have to act.
And I do have interest in the people in front of me and most of the time I actually can find happy moments enough to be generally happy, but when I get tired...
I'm not the nicest person to be around when I'm tired And those are the moments that get me. Plus when I'm having to focus.
But I guess indeed I'm learning. Hehe, practiced in front of the mirror, but that's our little secret okay?
Thanks for the sharing everyone!

by the way, my goal in life is to be happy through making others happy and therefore my motto is "smile and be RADIANT!" It has been my motto for several years now. But I still find it difficult to keep smiling constantly...

Just a question: have you ever been in a situation where people expected you to cry while you didn't feel like crying at all, or perhaps did not want to cry in front of them?

[Nurvingiel]

Great thread Mari!

I worked at Starbucks for a little bit, and found that you don't need to smile constantly. Just make sure you give each customer a genuine smile at least once during your transaction. I found it was a lot easier to send people a real smile when I wasn't keeping my face frozen in place. (It's also easier to be happy when you get all the free lattes you want on your breaks. )

I try to be nice to people who work in food service and sales because: been there.

About your second question: I never want to cry in front of people, but sometimes I do anyway.

Once I was at my friend's Dad's funeral, and I couldn't cry. I really wanted to have a good cry and I couldn't.

[Mari]

At my grandfathers funeral, everyone expected me to cry, but I didn't and I seriously got questions afterward about it.
One woman wanted to send me to therapy to learn how to grieve and I was like: yeah so I didn't cry and that means that I didn't grieve, because? Never told my parents about it, it probably would upset them.
Besides, everyone else in the family broke down, someone had to keep it together for the practical side of a death.
But I really didn't like people expecting me to cry, when according to me that was not possible at that moment.
The same when my friend finally got the girl he'd set his eyes on, my (other) friends expected me to set a happy face and try to be happy for him (because I've liked him for a long time and they knew that) but instead I was angry with him and myself so we got into a big fight. (don't worry, we made up afterward, I still never told him and he is happy with his girlfriend, whom I grew to like as well )
I guess I just don't like the stiffling emotional expectations people have in some situations.

[Nautipus]

Originally Posted by Mari

At my grandfathers funeral, everyone expected me to cry, but I didn't and I seriously got questions afterward about it.
One woman wanted to send me to therapy to learn how to grieve and I was like: yeah so I didn't cry and that means that I didn't grieve, because? Never told my parents about it, it probably would upset them.
Besides, everyone else in the family broke down, someone had to keep it together for the practical side of a death.
But I really didn't like people expecting me to cry, when according to me that was not possible at that moment.
The same when my friend finally got the girl he'd set his eyes on, my (other) friends expected me to set a happy face and try to be happy for him (because I've liked him for a long time and they knew that) but instead I was angry with him and myself so we got into a big fight. (don't worry, we made up afterward, I still never told him and he is happy with his girlfriend, whom I grew to like as well )
I guess I just don't like the stiffling emotional expectations people have in some situations.

Readin' loud and clear here, Mari. After a few years of something like hardship, I've become very good at hiding my emotions, up until I think I need to express them. I dont like having to show an emotion at a certain time because people expect it of you.
Like when I worked at a grocery store. I was a bagger, and every customer who came in (most of whom were on welfare) treated us like scum. I kept up the happy face for about four.......minutes. All the other employees had alot of empathy though, like it was us against the customers and the management. One time, a customer asked one of my friends to do something (ring up beer) that only a manager was allowed to do because she wasnt eightteen, and when she told the customer he would have to wait on the manager he stormed off and reported her for not doing her job. Well, she wasnt worried because she really couldnt ring it up, but when the manager finally came and the customer talked to her, she berated my friend! She told her that she should have just rung it up! Even though if she had she could have been fired or arrested. The more I work around people the less I like 'em, especially when they just do not care about you, and litterally call you names, try to run you over with buggies (and their cars) and turn the management against you. It can be ridiculous at times.

[katya]

I think I decided that it wasn't worth it to me try to show forced emotions. The end didn't justify the means. Sometimes I'll try to be happy, or seem happy for someone because I sincerely want them to feel good, which I think is a little different. As long as it's sincere, you know? I figure I don't want anyone's fake kindness myself. I want to give others only real kindness and happiness, or sadness, or whatever.

I pretty much cry all the time so I've never had that problem, haha. I can see how that would be difficult though. :/