Just a little poem.

[Arat-Falathion]

Just a little poem I wrote. I thought the structure was funny, so decided to post oh, and I bet you can see which verses has gone through more work than the others



Of King and Knight

...throughout the long night paced vigil they
from siege to war to righteous crusade
will heralds clarion homage lay
echoing names of revenants true...

...where stories of noble battles grew
in lands afar that's known to the few
who walked the trails of somber hue
battered men whom with swords parley...

...and of such men just one prevailed
in battle for the kings own grail
the soldiers cheered, the women prayed
when hero rode to perill's core...

...where crimson dragon of ancient lore
guarded treasure with fire blore
to fry those came claiming ore
high above a drear hemlocked hill...

...he soared and watched his lands until
the knight came riding to fulfill
his mission for his king gone ill
the cure of dragons blood to bring...

...the dragon lunged for prey riding
but mistake caused underestimating
the knight whos lance was long and thin
piercing dragon, deaths sudden lure...

...and home he rode with bottles of cure
to knowledge and fame, a honored sir
he cured the king but at evening he erred
when doughter of king him to chamber enticed...

...and there the knight spent night after night
till rumours of love between doughter and knight
was known throughout kingdom and sight
and king in anger permission refused...

...though knight and beloved lies abused
to cover their love from rumours that roused
but king quickly knew and their love was loosed
when knight lost his head in the end of the day...

...but...

...throughout the long night paced vigil they
from siege to war to righteous crusade
will heralds clarion homage lay
echoing names of revenants true...

[Lief Erikson]

I'm not sure I understood the first or last stanzas. The rest of the story was straightforward enough, though. It's kind of interesting how it sometimes switches between rhyming and not. However, there is the same general style of writing flowing through all of it. Just reading it, it's not difficult for me to imagine a bard telling the tale, after a few touch-ups had taken place.

[Arat-Falathion]

Originally there were only the two first stanzas. But I thought I should add a "bards" tale kind of story to this, so I added a storyline in the following stanzas, thus they are more straight forward.

The two first stanzas speak of heroes/knights in general.

...throughout the long night paced vigil they
Even at night the hero is doing service to his king and country
from siege to war to righteous crusade
from battlefield to battlefield without any complaint
will heralds clarion homage lay
bards telling tales of the duties in lands afar
echoing names of revenants true...
tales about heroes who shall return from the war

...where stories of noble battles grew
here it all gets less complicated, the whereas the bards form their tales
in lands afar that's known to the few
in lands only known tho those few who ever survived the trials
who walked the trails of somber hue
of the heroes who have gone through fire, shadow and death
battered men whom with swords parley...
heroes who speak with their swords in the name of their king



Thank you for the comments, and I agree... the rest of the poem shold need a lot more nurturing work

[Tessar]

I do like it, but I found some parts of it confusing and I had to reread them three or four times to figure out what you meant.

Overall it's a very nice poem though

[Arat-Falathion]

Thanks My english is still a bit norwegian I guess :P

[M. Brandsdal]

Originally posted by Arat-Falathion
Thanks My english is still a bit norwegian I guess :P

Tell me about it :P

Anyways, great poem.. but I, like Tessar found parts of it confusing.. easy is often the best, as you've said to me so many times, reading through my writings..

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

very good poem, i can't right that well

[Lady Ravyn]

good! it's not rambly! my ballads always tend to ramble a bit, but you managed to keep the reader's interest. like everyone has said, it was a bit cinfusing, but just revise it a bit- keep improving it and eventually you'll be even more pleased with how it turns out!

[Arat-Falathion]

Thanks all. I realize I should probably rewrite it and edit it a few times to improve it.