Sci fi

Katt_knome_hobbit · 01-20-2004, 07:49 PM

Attempt at a Novel #1: 1/17/03

Chapter 1: The History of Helios

It was in the early 22nt century when The Unity was established on Helios on October 15th, 2115, slightly after the Earth had become uninhabitable. Before the Great Relocation of 2097, Earth had been divided into to factions; the Loed-puro and the Gromel. The Loed-puro made up about 10% of the population. In the beginning, the 18th century, they were all of a Loed-puro clan, but interbreeding had turned everyone but the few of those that wished to remain “genetically pure” into people with dark olive skin, with brown hair and deep black eyes. The Loed-puro were easy to distinguish. Their skin was as pale as the polluted atmosphere, and they had bright blue eyes. Their golden hair gave them the idea of a crown with which to rule the rest of Humanity, which they called Gromel. The powerful Loed-puro clans banded together and ordered weapons of mass destruction to be built; weapons for the sole purpose of controlling the Gromel. This began the downfall of the McCuen Empire, for as Humanity has proven before, the weak oppressors will not tread upon the masses for long. After the Great Relocation, the Gromel claimed power and created the communist government The Unity. The Gromel then changed their name to the proper Humans for they were one race that stood together and supported it self. The old oppressors were not severely punished, however, in merely two generations all the Loed-puro traits were wiped out, with the exception of the occasional blue-eyed baby. Greed was outlawed, but Human instinct was only made dormant. It was greed that nudged the Humans to start exploring. By 2160 they were capable of faster than light speed, and by 2175 they had mastered interstellar travel. They were thoroughly disappointed. After visiting almost fifty neighboring star systems, they had not found one inhabited planet. Then, in 2213, almost one hundred years after The Unity had been founded, Humans made a frightening discovery. They were not alone in the universe, nor were they welcome.

Chapter 2: Of the Raitel and Remos

Year 2213: The first ship to enter the Regulus System was the UGEH Downfall, serial number UGEH7-0321 Beta. The Downfall had been taken captive while testing minerals on the outermost planet. Humans, at this period in time, were used to asking and getting beause they never asked for anything unreasonable. So when Captain Raimer of the Downfall was denied his polite request to be released, he was puzzled. He was even more puzzled by the fact that he got no response or explanation why. He came to the conclusion that the aliens that held their ship in a tractor beam them could not speak English.
“Enigsin Halloway,” said Raimer. “See if you can send these aliens a picture of them releasing us.”
Suddenly a booming voice filled the bridge of the ship.
“We are well aware of your language and your request to leave. Your request is denied. You will come with us.”
There the voice stopped.

***Tessar*** · 01-20-2004, 10:50 PM

Ermmm I'm having some trouble reading that, could you please put it into paragraph form?

**Nurvingiel** · 01-20-2004, 11:00 PM

Paragraphs are a useful tool to control the flow of your story as well.

01-20-2004, 07:49 PM	#1
Katt_knome_hobbit Dead Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: on the floor, under the table, just to your left, your other left Posts: 1,486	Sci fi Attempt at a Novel #1: 1/17/03 Chapter 1: The History of Helios It was in the early 22nt century when The Unity was established on Helios on October 15th, 2115, slightly after the Earth had become uninhabitable. Before the Great Relocation of 2097, Earth had been divided into to factions; the Loed-puro and the Gromel. The Loed-puro made up about 10% of the population. In the beginning, the 18th century, they were all of a Loed-puro clan, but interbreeding had turned everyone but the few of those that wished to remain “genetically pure” into people with dark olive skin, with brown hair and deep black eyes. The Loed-puro were easy to distinguish. Their skin was as pale as the polluted atmosphere, and they had bright blue eyes. Their golden hair gave them the idea of a crown with which to rule the rest of Humanity, which they called Gromel. The powerful Loed-puro clans banded together and ordered weapons of mass destruction to be built; weapons for the sole purpose of controlling the Gromel. This began the downfall of the McCuen Empire, for as Humanity has proven before, the weak oppressors will not tread upon the masses for long. After the Great Relocation, the Gromel claimed power and created the communist government The Unity. The Gromel then changed their name to the proper Humans for they were one race that stood together and supported it self. The old oppressors were not severely punished, however, in merely two generations all the Loed-puro traits were wiped out, with the exception of the occasional blue-eyed baby. Greed was outlawed, but Human instinct was only made dormant. It was greed that nudged the Humans to start exploring. By 2160 they were capable of faster than light speed, and by 2175 they had mastered interstellar travel. They were thoroughly disappointed. After visiting almost fifty neighboring star systems, they had not found one inhabited planet. Then, in 2213, almost one hundred years after The Unity had been founded, Humans made a frightening discovery. They were not alone in the universe, nor were they welcome. Chapter 2: Of the Raitel and Remos Year 2213: The first ship to enter the Regulus System was the UGEH Downfall, serial number UGEH7-0321 Beta. The Downfall had been taken captive while testing minerals on the outermost planet. Humans, at this period in time, were used to asking and getting beause they never asked for anything unreasonable. So when Captain Raimer of the Downfall was denied his polite request to be released, he was puzzled. He was even more puzzled by the fact that he got no response or explanation why. He came to the conclusion that the aliens that held their ship in a tractor beam them could not speak English. “Enigsin Halloway,” said Raimer. “See if you can send these aliens a picture of them releasing us.” Suddenly a booming voice filled the bridge of the ship. “We are well aware of your language and your request to leave. Your request is denied. You will come with us.” There the voice stopped. __________________ How to Survive the Sillmarillion I thought that Alcohol was just for those with nothing else to do. I thought that drinking just to get drunk was a waste of precious booze. But now I know that there's a time and there's a place where I can choose To walk the fine line between self control and self abuse. "Lacerations make complications, but welts go away in a day."

01-20-2004, 10:50 PM	#2
*Tessar* Master and Wielder of the Cardboard Harp of Gondor Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: IM IN UR POSTZ, EDITIN' UR WURDZ Posts: 6,433	Ermmm I'm having some trouble reading that, could you please put it into paragraph form?