My screenplay

Here's what I have so far. Please tell me what you think, I know it needs work, but I was just so eager to show you! SCENE 1 [The screen is black and silent. Suddenly a single powerful note pierces the silence, and with that not a blue flame without a source, grows and then fades. This flame slightly illuminates two rows of pillars, showing that the flame is in the center of a great hall. This is the only time we see these pillars in the sequence. That single flame “sings” into being a greater flame, mostly on stage right, which writhes, grows, and fades with a powerful theme of music. This flame is mostly blue, but has hints of green in it. Suddenly a red flame appears on the opposite side of the screen, brought into being by an evil sounding theme of music. For a time we see the red and the blue theme seem to fight each other, but though they are different there music somehow intertwines to create a beautiful theme. Eventually the blue theme seems to prevail, and the red flame becomes part of it, being a small background in the theme of music. The whole flame grows suddenly with a powerful not, similar yet more complex then the note that began the sequence, and immediately goes out, the last part visible being the original blue flame in the center. The screen is black.] SCENE 2 [Cut to forest scene, close up of Carandhel’s face. He is an elf. We see him climb with great agility through the trees. As he carefully picks a fruit from a high branch, making sure not to harm the tree, he hears a crackling noise below. Cut to shot of Beledan, a man, walking through woods. He is week, and about to collapse. Carandhel looks at him for a time before speaking.] Carandhel: Who are you? By whose order do you have the right to walk in these land which are the dominion of elves, and not a place of men? Beledan: [startled, looking around for speaker] I am Beledan. I, I have no right, but I beg pardon. I am lost, my people were slain by a great evil that came out of the north. I seek assistance, or at least asylum, before I go to face this evil, for I must revenge my father’s house. [Carandhel jumps lightly down from the tree, landing in front of Beledan, who is startled and starts to reach for his sword, but hesitates and decides against it.] Carandhel: I can grant you leave at least for a time. Come, you seem to need help. I will take you to my people’s dwelling. There your wounds will be mended and your fate decided. Beledan: I thank you, your kindness will be rewarded. [Carandhel and Beledan walk off camera, Carandhel leading the way.] SCENE 3 [Carandhel and Beledan come to a natural gate in the forest. Carandhel whistles like a bird, and we see two gray figures, who were apparently guarding the way but who we did not see, move to the side. Carandhel and Beledan walk forward.] Carandhel: This is Ar-brethil, great city of elves. Beledan: But I see no dwellings. Where is this city? Carandhel: It is all around you. [Carandhel takes a silver woven ladder from the trunk of a tree, the ladder was not seen before. He begins to climb it and bids Beledan to do the same. They reach the top, where there is a sort of tree house which is built to blend in with it’s surrounding in the trees. Carandhel enters it and Beledan follows.]

Here's the second installment, just a few notes on pronunciation: Feadur has the double dots over the first e, Manator has a line over the first a, and Laurewen has double dots over the first e. Hope you like it. [We see in the tree house Laurewen and Manator, king and queen of these elves. They are discussing something or maybe eating lembas. When Carandhel enters they look up, and when Beledan follows they are started, on their guard. Carandhel bows and Beledan does the same.] Manator: What is this Carandhel? How dare you bring a man into our secret city? Carandhel: Manator my lord, Laurewen my lady, this is Beledan. He seeks aid, for his people were destroyed in a battle with darkness. Manator: Nonetheless, he is a man. Do you realize the danger you could have brought to us? Laurewen: [to Manator] My lord, it seems the man is in need of our help. Would you have us turn him away from our doors? He is a child of Iluvitar as well. [To Beledan] Come, tell us your tail. What evil is it that has sent you homeless on your way? Beledan: My lady, our people were peaceful, we learned from dark elves to live at one with nature, and we were not accustomed to war. But forces of the evil one, who’s name I dare not speak in this fair land, came and destroyed our peace. Great orcs came in hordes; they sacked our villages, stole our wives and children, murdered our fathers. When they were done there was nothing left of our homes but ashes. We tried to fight, but we were not prepared, and I fear that I am the only one who has escaped. I seek revenge on the forces that have destroyed all I had, but I do not want to hurt the beauty of this land. If it is your will I will leave, and go alone to revenge my father’s house. [Laurewen and Manator look at each other for a moment.] Manator: We both are enemies of the same evil and, man though you are, I could not turn you away from our door without help. Carandhel, since you brought him to Ar-brethil you shall aid Beledan in his quest. Go and seek from our people others who are willing to help you in this. Go in peace. [Carandhel and Beledan bow.] SCENE 4 [Beledan is sitting on the grass, eating a lembas. Carandhel approaches silently, followed by four other elves, Feadur, Aramorth, Aragurth, and Calerial. Beledan hears them when they are almost on top of him and rises, surprised, to great them.] Carandhel: These elves have agreed to aid us on your quest. They are Feadur, the brother’s Aramorth and Aragurth, and Calerial [all bow slightly to Beledan when they are introduced and he bows in turn.] Beledan: Thank you noble sirs for your willingness to aid my in my fight. I want to warn you that I go into great danger, for my enemy is in the north, in the lands of Taur-Nu-Fuin, and from that place none have returned alive. Feadur: [Who has a slightly haughty tone] We are elves, we do not fear this evil, I am only surprised that a man is willing to face this, who would usually run in fear. Aragurth: [Trying to fix any injury Feadur may have caused] We are glad to journey with you, and we only hope that we may bring you aid. Beledan: Thank you, I am sure your help will be greatly appreciated, and do not worry, you will be rewarded. Calerial: We do not seek reward. The evil that plagues all these lands is our enemy too, we go to fight it for our people as well. Carandhel: Then let us be off. There are horses prepared who will take us as far as is needed. The queen Laurewen has prepared lembas to feed us on our journey, and she sends her blessings. Also Beledan, she gives this to you. [Carandhel hands Beledan a beautiful clear jewel.] She says it may aid you in your most desperate hour. Beledan: I thank the lady, and I am glad her blessings go with us. Let us be off!

More...

Man, it has been awhile since I have asked for more.....but I would like to see some more please.....I like it very much

Good job!

I'll give you more when I actually write it! Anyways, what do you think? Come on, critisize me!!! (I can't beleive I just said that)

Just a question. When and where (in Middle-earth) is this supposed to be taking place?

That's gonna be established more later, but basically it's towards the north, near the river Sirion, Ar-brethil is in either the forest of Brethil or the forest of Neldoreth, and the stories gonna move up to Taur-Nu-Fuin. It takes place sometime around when the battles with Morgoth were taking place, probably near the time of the fourth and fifth battles.

Think for a moment about your opinion of Feadur before you read this next part. It actually surprised me!!! SCENE 5 [The group comes upon some horses and mounts them. There is a musical sequence showing the group riding through the woods, stopping to eat, etc., to represent the passing of time. Sequence ends with Beledan cupping his hand to drink water from a stream. Feadur walks up behind him.] Feadur: I do not think it wise to drink that water. It flows out of Taur-Nu-Fuin, where we are going, and nothing from that land is good. Years ago a hoard of orcs came out of that land. My family and I were living alone, for I had not yet come to Ar-brethil. I tried to fight, but I was captured, chained to a tree by those foul creatures of Morgoth. I watched as they murdered my family, my wife, my children... [Feadur stops, hurt by the memory.] Beledan: [Rising] I am sorry. I see we two share a similar fate, I understand now why you have chosen to come on this quest. Feadur: I must revenge them, I want to look an orc in the eye and end his pitiful life! I want revenge on all that vile people! Beledan: And that is what we go to, though it may mean our own undoing. Feadur: My life is worthless now, I only want to join my family in the halls of Mandos. [Aragurth and Aramorth enter.] Aramorth: We must be off. The forest ends soon and then we can follow the river Sirion for a time. [Carandhel and Calerial enter with the horses.] Carandhel: Then let us go.

Not too bad, Tater! Go on.......

Nice dialogue I was wondering if you could put in some character direction.....so we could understand better the emotion that you envision them having.

Ok, I'm a little sick of revenge stuff right now since we're studying Hamlet in my literature class. It just seems so pointless, and not at all noble. How can a revenge cycle have a happy ending? I'm hoping this story takes a different turn! So there's my feedback, Tater. I like your style, though.

Thanks everyone for the great feedback. Anduin, I'll work on that. Elanor, you have a very wise insight, and I think you can see into the future! I'm not gonna say anything more now though, cause I've got another isntallment: [The company mounts their horses and rides off through the forest. Beledan rides up to Carandhel.] Beledan: I have just spoken to Feadur. I did not realize he had seen such sorrow. Carandhel: Why do you think he chose to accompany us on this journey? All of your companions have a reason to come. The brothers Aragurth and Aramorth saw their father die defending orcs when they were very young. They were kidnapped and managed to escape, but their mother was not so lucky. Calerial’s story may not sound so sorrowful to a man, but to an elf it is sad indeed. He loves the forest, and he considered it his special duty to care for the trees. Once he was away from the forest, and when he returned he saw that the glade he especially loved had been burned down or hewn down by orcs. Beledan: The story of the brothers is sad indeed, but you are right, I do not understand Calerial’s plight. [Calerial rides up.] Calerial: [To Beledan.] Do you know what an ent is? Beledan: No. Calerial: Ents are like trees, but they have a life that even men would see. They are the keepers of the forest, placed here to watch and cultivate the beautiful creations of Yavanna. In the glade I loved there dwelt an ent, but he had grown sorrowful, knowing of all the evils that the servants of Morgoth had done to the beautiful forests of Middle-earth. In his sorrow he grew roots, and was more like a tree then most ents. Yet I loved to visit him, and I was like a pupil of his, caring for the forest the way he would. When the orcs destroyed the forest, he too lost his life. Beledan: That is sad indeed, I see now why you feel you must go to face the evils in the north. I know that our company will fight a good fight, for we all have lost much to the hands of those who we will slay. But Carandhel, you have not told me your tale. What sorrow is it that makes you come on this journey? Carandhel: [Pauses, said defensively.] I found you, I was commanded to come, you need ask no more. [The sky is beginning to grow dark, and suddenly a howling is heard in the distance. The whole group stops, listening.] Aragurth: We near the edge of the wood, and in the lands beyond there are many evils. I see wolves are not a lesser one of them. Aramorth: Come, we must move on. [The company begins riding to the edge of the forest.]

"Tater, Tater, he`s our man! If he can`t do it, noone can! Go, Tater!"

OK, I think my cold medicine and my cough syrup with codeine are interacting! Excuse my silliness! LOL

Someone needs to get off their drugs!!!

Here we go agian. Put the kiddies to bed early, this part might give em nightmares! SCENE 6 [The company rides out of the forest. There is grass for some time, but soon the terrain becomes very barren. Cut to scene of the group around a campfire. Carandhel brakes up a lembas and distributes it. They begin to eat.] Beledan: [Eats a bite of lembas before speaking.] We must consider what moves to make when we attack the enemy. How will we complete this revenge that we all go to? Feadur: I believe we should all fight for ourselves. If one of us fell and the others tended to him the rest of us will soon be lying with him. Aragurth: I disagree. Aramorth: Yes, if we all fight together we shall be a powerful force to conquer the minions of Morgoth. What if a fell beast like a Balrog comes to face us? There are few among the sons of Iluvatar who could face a creature like that alone. [Suddenly the howl of a wolf is heard. It sounds very near. Carandhel jumps up and begins to ready his bow.] Carandhel: Evil is upon us! [The others jump up to fight as well. Calerial readies his bow as do Aragurth and Aramorth, Beledan and Feadur draw swords. The group surrounds the fire so that they form a circle with their backs to the middle, so that all sides are seen.] Feadur: This is the first test of courage! Let us see how we withstand! Calerial: I wish that we did not have to fight now! Feadur: Do not cower in this, our first moment together as warriors! For the honor of my father’s house, I will destroy these fell beasts! [Suddenly a great wolf jump up upon them. He is facing Beledan. He growls, showing an immense set of teeth, and their is an evil hatred in his eyes. Beledan crouches down, preparing his sword to kill the beast if it jumps. Suddenly lesser wolves appear about the circle. There are ten of them. The great wolf lets out a huge howl. One of the lesser wolves jumps at Carandhel, who shoots an arrow right into it’s chest. Another wolf jumps towards the brothers Aragurth and Aramorth. Aragurth shoots the beast, but it still has some life in it, and it lands on Aramorth, who loses control of his bow.] Aramorth: Down foul beast! [Aramorth reaches behind him to the fire, grabbing a burning log. He jabs the fire into the wolves face. The wolf howls with rage before falling back, dead.] Feadur: Be gone evil spirit of Morgoth! [Feadur charges towards a wolf. It rises up but he stabs his sword through it’s chest. Suddenly a wolf jumps on Calerial. He is pinned to the ground.] Calerial: Manwe have mercy on me!!! [Carandhel shoots an arrow at the wolf, piercing it’s eye. The animal howls with rage and runs away. Aragurth and Aramorth kill two wolves with arrows before they are even ready to pounce. The rest of the wolves run away, but the leader still stares at Beledan, growling. Suddenly it pounces. Beledan lets out a warriors cry, slashing at the wolf and scaring it’s face. The wolf turns it’s face for a moment, but then stares at Beledan, growling. Suddenly the two begin to wrestle. The come dangerously near the fire, and Beledan is scratched all over. The others look on, unable to do anything since the would harm Beledan. Suddenly Beledan lets out a great cry, and stabs the wolf in the chest as it is about to slash at his face. The wolf collapses on him. Cut to black.]

urgh. :P

What's that supposed to mean Elanor?

exactly what it said.