Monty Python Meets LOTR

I saw this thread on a newsgroup. The idea here is to rewrite scenes from LOTR as if Monty Python were doing the movie. There were some pretty funny ones, but if there are some Python fans here (besides me) I bet we can do just as well. Here are two of mine:

A famished Pippin goes to the butteries with Beregond to find some refreshment. Beregond: "This is the storehouse and buttery of my company of the Guard. Greetings, Targon! It is early yet, but here is a newcomer that the Lord has taken into his service. He has ridden long and far with a tight belt, and has had sore labour this morning, and he is hungry. Give us what you have!"

Targon: "We've got eggs and spam, bacon and spam, spam and spam, eggs, bacon sausage and spam..."



Tom Bombadil sings an altered song when he meets up with a desperate Frodo:

I'm Tom Bombadil, and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I work all day!

I talk to trees, I eat my lunch,
I go to the lavat'ry.
On Wednesdays I go shopping
And have buttered scones for tea.

I'm Tom Bombadil and I'm OK,
I sleep all night, I work all day!

I talk to trees, I skip and jump,
I like to press wild flowers,
I put on women's clothing
And hang around in bars....



Your turn!

:lol: :lol:

i'll try to see if any monty python stuff reminds me of lotr, and i'll rewrite it.

can you give us i link to the thread? it sounds funny!

:lol: :lol:
I love it! Python is great!
Hmm...How about this;
As Sam and Frodo hide from the orcs hunting them inside Mordor, the two orcs debate on where to search.
Orc Tracker: Nar! I'm going home. No good wearing my nose out on stones any longer. There's not a trace left, I say. They are hiding."
Soldier Orc: Not much use then, are you. Nevermind, with a bit of explosive, we can soon find out where they are hiding."
Orc Tracker: and how do we do that?
Orc Soldier: Well, there are only three thorn bushes over there...
Not great, but the only thing that leaps to mind on short notice.

Or Boromir, in trying to take the Ring from Frodo:
I'll need to take that ring from you now. I need it.
Frodo: But it isn't yours, it's mine and my hand alone will wear it.
Boromir: Suits me. Put your hand down on this rock for a moment.
Frodo: Why?
Boromir(drawing sword): Because I need that ring and since only your hand will wear it...
Frodo: But my god, I'm using that hand. Besides, if you carry my hand around, it'll start to putrify.
Boromir: Eh, what's that then?
Frodo: Putrify, you know, start to rot.
Boromir: Oh! Yeah, it would ooze a lot, hands do that, but I can live with it.

andustar, I don't think I can give you a direct link that will work. I have an account with deja-news that allows me to read the newsgroups. (I managed to delete my news reader at one point, but that's another story. In my defense it was when we first got the computer...) Go to www.deja.com and do a power search. Search alt.fan.tolkien for Monty Python over the last three days and you should be able to fint the thread. You'll probably notice that my suggestions are some of the lamer ones...

Here's my contribution to this thread.

When the Black Riders enter the Shire by way of Buckland...

Original line: "Open, in the name of Mordor!"
New line: "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

Gandalf when he first appeared after his encounter with the Balrog: "I'm not dead!"

Aragorn: "All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost, the old that is..."
Frodo: "Oh shut up!"

The Mouth of Sauron, when confronted by Gandalf and Aragorn at the gates of Barad-dur:

"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"

But that doesn't compare to Orcs in Moria...

"We are the Orcs who say... ni!"

Or Gollum:

"Sssspam... sssspam!"

Another one:
Gimli, Legolas and Aragorn are camping along the edge of Fangorn. All of a sudden they are surprised by an old man.

Gimli: Who is it?
Legolas: It's Gandalf.
Aragorn: How do you know it's Gandalf?
Legolas: It looks like him! Well, he's got a staff...


One from Sil.
Beren is brought before Thingol for having the gall to consort with Luthien (played winsomely by Eric Idle). Thingol finds out Beren wants to marry his daughter to which he answers, "Bring me a shrubbery, and then if she will, Luthien may lay her hand in yours!"

This is stupid but I just thought of it now

Legolas and Gimli find Aragorn at the dead body of Boromir.

Legolas: He looks dead.
Aragorn: No, no, he's uh,...he's resting.
Gimli: Look, I know a dead human when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
Aragorn: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable men, those Gondorians, huh?

:lol: :lol: :lol:
I had forgotten about the knights who say "ni!" I'd say that works pretty well.

Frodo and Sam look up at the high tower of Cirith Ungol, high above them, when suddenly.....

*ba-dum, ba-dum bum bum*

We're orcs of the land of Mordor,
We dance along the corridor
We do routines, and cut out spleens,
And attack the good guys' border
We dine here in Cirith Ungol
We eat bread with mold quite fungal.

*dum dum dum dum dum dum da, dum dum da, dum dum da, dum dum dum dum dum dum da, dum dum dum dum daaaa*

We're orcs of the land of Mordor,
We kill when we're given the order
But many times, we're given rhymes,
That are to sing quite poor(der)
We guard here at Cirith Ungol,
And we never, ever, bungle.

*orcs tap-dance along the corridors, play tunes on each other's helmets, etc.*

All are tough and sure ter
Chop up your wife and dorter,
We kill the elves, and men themselves,
Despite the fact we're shorter,
We have fun in the land of Mordor

*an extremely fat orc gets up and sings*

I'm very rarely bored(ur)

*dum dum dum dum dum da-da, dum da-da da-dum, daaaaaa!*


Frodo: No, on second thought, let us not go to Mordor. It is a silly place.

That was truely insipred!

:lol: :lol: :lol:
That's great! From where do you get it?

Out of my own crazed mind. I have a "talent" (if you want to call it that) for such things.... if you mean what does it come from, it's a parody of the "Knights of the Round Table" song in "Holy Grail". You know, the one that goes "We're knights of the Round Table, we dance whenever we're able....".

Man, that's good...

I have a song parody thread sitting in the depths of the ME forum... mind reposting it there?

whats left of the company arrives at Isenguard (or anything else with a large building)

<they all look up in wonder at the huge magnificent structure of Orthanc>
Aragorn: Isenguard!
Legolas: Isenguard!
Gimli: Isenguard!
Gandalf: Who cares, its only a model!

Boromir and Denethor shortly before Boromir leaves for Rivendell.
Denethor: Some day son this will all be yours!
Boromir: What the curtains father?

Frodo, discussing the effects of the ring on Gollum.
Frodo: It turned him into a newt!
Sam: A newt?
Frodo: He got better

Frodo after having his finger bit off by Gollum.
Frodo: Come here and fight!
Gollum: But I bit your finger off!
Frodo: It's but a flesh wound!

Yes, I remember that scene, One Ring. Good one! I just meant to say that you definitely have a talent for parody. All hail!

:lol: :lol: :lol:
i love this. can anyone think of any more? (i cant!)

Here's one we seem to have missed.

Aragorn: "I never wanted to lead the company out of Moria. In fact, if I weren't of the line of Isildur I would not have become a Ranger. I would have been... a lumberjack! Leaping from tree to tree in the mighty forests of Mirkwood. With my best hobbit by my side, I'd sing, sing sing! I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay..."

Treebeard shows up, not looking very pleased.