What would you do? heh heh heh . . .

[FrodoFriend]

Originally posted by Rogue Elf
Ohhh...FrodoFriend? Giiirrrl....you have to check this out.

*squeals*

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww . . .

[Rána Eressëa]

FrodoFriend, look at what I just found: a gallery with large, high quality photos of Elijah as Frodo! You have to surf through it for them, but finally it's a site with lots of great quality photos. Ooooohh...I'll be back later...

[FrodoFriend]

Chapter 11 (I think): The Magic of Rivendell

RE, FF, Aldesign, and the wounded EW ride on to the Fords . . . but the nine Pop Singers are close behind!!

Pop Singers: Elllliiiiiiiijaaahhhh!!! Please!! Only your sex appeal can keep our group afloat!! You must join with us!!
RE & FF: Faster, Aldesign, they're gaining on us!!
EW: *gasps and groans * It's . . . tearing up my . . . heart . . . when . . .
AL: No! Frodo, don't let go! Not now, not after all you've been through! *a single tear runs down his cheek*
FF: There are the Fords!!

The four ride across a small stream filled with floating beer bottles. Suddenly, they hear the nine Pop Singers on the other side of the stream.

Pop Singers: I'll never taaaaaake your Ring . . .
I'll never maaaake you die
But you must come with us and sing
And make the fangirls cryyyyy

RE: They're trying to take Frodo! Do something, Aldesign!!

Aldesign begins to mutter strange words.
AL: Foster's, Bud, Coors, Foster's, Bud, Coors, FOSTER'S, BUD, COORS!!!

Suddenly, a huge flood of drunken hobos rolls, stumbles, staggers, and hiccups out of the bushes. They pick up empty beer bottles and begin to throw them at the Pop Singers.

Justin: NO!! My beautiful hair!!! My manicure!!
Nick Carter: Not the nose job, please not the nose job!

Not waiting to see the end of this grisly scene, RE, FF, EW and AL gallop away.

FF: Frodo!! Frodo's fading!!
EW: *moans* Oh giiirll . . . I'd go anywhere for you . . . Yes, even to Mordor if you asked me tooooo . . .
AL: There is Rivendell!!

Ahead, RE & FF see a large concert hall with a multicolored, flashing neon sign advertising "Rivendell: The Last Quality Music Hall. Today, featuring U2!!"

AL: Only here can Frodo be cured!!

They all jump of the horses and carry the half-conscious Frodo into the building. At the first sound of "In the Name of Love", Frodo revives.
EW: Where am I? What time is it?
AL: You are in Rivendell, and it is time to PAR-TAY!!!
All: WOOOOHOOOOO!!!
EW: *leaps into mosh pit and begins to dance*
RE & FF: *sigh* He is sooooo dreamy. *join EW in mosh pit and dance as close to him as possible; meanwhile Al is hitting on some tall dark-haired chick*

Music: In the naaaaaame of love . . . one Hobbit, in the name of love . . .

EW jumps on stage, grabs a microphone and begins to sing movingly. Sweat is running down his face. He takes off his shirt and throws it into the crowd.

RE & FF: AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

EW takes two roses out of his pockets and hands one to each of his adoring devotees.

RE & FF: *giggle and sigh hysterically*

But unbeknownst to the delirious party-goers, a small, shadow figure is climbing onto the roof of the concert hall.

Small shadowy figure: My preciouuusssssss . . .

OMINOUS MUSIC


So danger is averted . . . for now.

[samwise of the shire]

*walks in to the party sees small slinking figure about to jump on EW*
SOTS: Elijah! WATCH OUT!!!!
FF:Huh
RE:Wha-
*runs and gets in whatisfaces way when he jumps. Whatisface jumps on SOTS and SOTS is knocked right into EW(lucky me NOT). EW falls over taking ER and FF with him. Purdy soon the whole dance floor is strewn with piles of people*
SOTS:*Untangles self from the EW,FF,RE pile sees damage done*Um. That was a weird experience to be sure. I'll leave the reat of the imagination to you kooks. I'll post in on the story every once and again.
Oh btw thanks for the websites and pictures WOOOOHOOOO.
Sam

[aldesign]

im liking my role in this storey
for indeed i am a Young Fit 19yo, English lad
(with a baby face)

who's very much besotted by the sexy actress who plays Arwen,

FF, and RE, i will be ur Strider!!!!

[Gerbil]

Careful, Aldesign might be a Gerbil

[aldesign]

gerbil...... pah in ur dreams matey.

[Rána Eressëa]

NO ONE write anything! I'm working on the next part!

[FrodoFriend]

RE & Sam:

Have you seen this?

Thanks, Aldesign! Seems you've already got the job!

[Rána Eressëa]

(At the Last Quality Music Hall in Rivendell, Aldesign, Elijah Wood, Rogue Elf, and FrodoFriend are sitting at the Council of Elijah. At the front of the table is Hugo Weaving and it's crowded with all the people that have replied to the Thread. Everyone is silent until Hugo speaks...)

Hugo: I know you're wondering why I call this the Council of Elijah...

(Everyone stares at him as if to say, "Well, I bet.")

Hugo: I won't answer it now, and I'll forget to answer it later, so moving on, it is time for me to say something else. I know I played Elrond in the movie, and that I own the Last Quality Music House within a place known as Rivendell, but...it goes much further than that...

(Everyone strains their ears to hear.)

Hugo: The nine men dressed--
RE: --WEARING.
Hugo: [cough] Excuse me, the nine men WEARING color cordinated clothing that you ran into do not work for any Pop Lord. They work for... [long dramatic pause] ...Martha Stewart.

(Everyone GASPS! and begins conversing between each other.)

Hugo: SILENCE!

(Everyone grows silent.)

Hugo: The Dark Lord Stewart has been trying for decades to take over the world with her traumatic and torturous ways of fashion and decorative design...and in the darkness of her multi-million dollar mansion...she forged a one ring to help her control the fashion and decorative sense of people all around the globe!

(Everyone SCREAMS.)

Hugo: SILENCE!

(Everyone grows silent again.)

Hugo: For exactly ten years she controlled the way people decorated their homes, fixed their gardens, and color cordinated their clothes! Is was the Dark Decade of Man...but then, she lost the ring down her kitchen sink, and we were FREE of her rule! The ring was thought to be gone forever, but a little curious creature named Bropous found it one day in the sewer as he was searching for fish. He kept the ring, until it slipt from his own fingers and landed in the hands of Peter Jackson. Frightened of the ring's power he devised a scheme to make a movie out of the spectacle, based on books by J.R.R. Tolkien, considering the books were about a ring of power, and secretly gave the ring to Elijah...

(Everyone stares wide-eyed...)

Hugo: Little did he know the ring would control Elijah to dress and decorate the same way as Martha...explaining his spotless, white feminine blouse...

(Everyone jerks around to look at Elijah's SPOTLESS WHITE FEMININE BLOUSE.)

EW: My name is FRODO, you arrogant fools!
Hugo: Oh dammit...I forgot to mention the other rings -- [clears his throat] [cue suspense music] -- In the dark depths within the Mansion she forged many other rings of power. She gave the first nine to well-known public figures, but I do not feel like naming all of them. She gave the second nine of them to the influential trend setters 'N Sync and Backstreet Boys, but Kevin shunned the idea, him thinking he was better at fashion than her, therefore left the Backstreet Boys. Martha was angry, but gave the extra ring to Barbara Streisand, laughing greedily as Barbara unknowningly took the ring...

(Hugo pausing, taking a deep breath...)

Hugo: The time has now come, though, I'm afraid...for someone to destroy the evil ring of Stewart and release the souls of her slaves. Considering FrodoFriend and Rogue Elf confused Elijah into believing he's Frodo, I'm afraid he must be the one to continue to bear the ring to the Mansion's Doors in the land of Miami. And Rogue Elf and FrodoFriend...you two must go with Elijah...
RE & FF: WOOHOO! Miami here we come!
Hugo: SILENCE! You know not of what you speak! Miami is an evil land! Hot and sweltering air breathed by creatures of the Popculture Side! They are our enemies. Do not marvel in such perials.
RE & FF: [blink]
Hugo: Aldesign...you too shall follow them. For your sword is mighty in your hand. And if this task is completed, I will make you owner of the Last Quality Music Hall of Rivendell, and Steve Tyler will offer you his daughter's hand in marriage.
Aldesign: Sweeet. I'm in.
Hugo: Now I'll choose five more brave souls to follow them. Wayfarer! You shall serve as their mighty Wizard guide to the land of Miami. Samwise of the Shire! You shall serve the same purpose as Rogue Elf and FrodoFriend. Tesseract! You shall serve them with your vast archery skills. Churl! You shall serve them with your dwarvish battle heart and axe. And Jerseydevil! You shall serve as evil man who tries to steal the ring from Elijah. Now...it is time for you all to leave on your way -- I won't keep you any longer. You must leave as soon as possible!
RE: Heeeyyy...anyone notice we're all characters? See: me, FrodoFriend, and Samwise are the other three Hobbits. Wayfarer is Gandalf. Aldesign is Aragorn. Tesseract is Legolas. Churl is Gimli. And Jerseydevil is Boromir. Doesn't this seem odd?
Hugo: I have chosen you that way on purpose. It makes it more entertaining.
FF: Which Hobbit am I?
Hugo: [sighs] FrodoFriend, you are Merry. Samwise, you are Sam. Rogue Elf, you are Pippin.
RE: I'm Pippin! Yay! I get to cause lots of trouble and mischief and get yelled at by Wayfarer!
Hugo: Now that everyone knows who they are, go now and do your duties! Time must not be wasted!

(The Fellowship of the Ring all grumble and groan as they pack up their things...)

RE: Wait! We can't leave without taking baths!
FF: What do we need to take baths for?
RE: So I can sing the bath song!
Hugo: We have a room upstairs that contains four bath tubs...
EW: Then hey! Let's stay for baths!
Samwise: I feel the need to bathe, too...

(Rogue Elf, FrodoFriend, Samwise, and Elijah all run upstairs to take baths.)

Wayfarer, Aldesign, Tesseract, Churl, & Jerseydevil: Dear mother of Eru...

(All is quiet for a while. Suddenly from upstairs the fivesome can hear the "Hobbits" singing...)

Sing hey! for the bath at close of day
that washes the weary mud away!
A loon is he that will not sing:
O! Water Hot is a noble thing!

Hugo: Well...I'll leave you five to plan out the journey while the others... [cough] ...bathe.

(Hugo disappears down the hall as the fivesome remains silent. A loud burst of laughter comes from down the hall Hugo went.)

Tesseract: Uhhh...Hugo forgot to tell us how to destroy the ring.
Jerseydevil: [sarcastically] Well, isn't that just a disaster.
Churl: I demand a character change!

(Silence...)

Aldesign: Sooooo...anyone read the books? I have a funny feeling that this will turn out just like them...or the movies...
Wayfarer: What would we be doing in a Tolkien forum if we didn't read the books?

(Everyone leans away from Wayfarer, sensing a powerful feeling of intelligence and embodiment in his words.)

Aldesign: No wonder he picked you as Gandalf...


TO BE CONTINUED...

Of course, once again, by anyone who wants to.

[Tessar]

HEY! HOW DID I GET DRAGED IN TO THIS SILLY IMATURE STUPID THING?!?!?!??

oh well, I guess I could force my self to do this.

(yay! thanks for adding me guys) Hey Bmilder! when this is over you need to put this in the story section.

[Rána Eressëa]

Your welcome, Tesseract!

Everyone should have known they'd get dragged into this sooner or later...hehehe...

[jerseydevil]

So I'm the evil one - Boromir? Really wasn't he just misunderstood. If Frodo would just let me see the ring - everything would be fine. I'll give it back - I promise. I'll destroy Martha Stewards fashions and institute the snowboarder/skater look around Middle Earth. Everyone wearing Bullhead, Vans, Menace, Trans Nine and Quicksilver. A NEW day of fashion will spread over all of Middle Earth and I will build a snowboarder resort on the slopes of Mt Doom for all to enjoy.

Adema, Lincin Park, Incubus and Creed will sing throughout the land and we will destroy the power of the popstars and the evil Martha Stewart.

Let us use the Ring!!!

[bropous]

*jumps off the bandwagon to consort and conspire with Shelob, spawn of ungoliant*

[Gerbil]

Originally posted by aldesign
gerbil...... pah in ur dreams matey.

My dreams are much more interesting than about being you :P

[FrodoFriend]

In a quiet room in Rivendell, Hugo Weaving sits at a table, staring at an obscenely large Spoon. He bends closer and closer to it, his nose nearly touching the silvery surface. Strange gleams appear on the Spoon, seeming to take the shape of four short humans sitting in bathtubs . . . one has dark curly hair and looks suspiciously like Elijah Wood . . . Hugo leans closer, an eager glint in his eye, when --

Wayfarer: Hugo! I must speak with you!
*Hugo abruptly draws back from the Spoon, blushing bright red*
HU: Er, yes, of course. I was just . . . gazing into my Spoon for tidings of the journey to come.
WY: *suspiciously* Of course you were. Say, you forgot to tell us how to destroy the Ring of Popculture.
HU: Eh? What? What're you asking me for?
WY: You're the one sending us on a quest to destroy it!
HU: Well, yes, but . . . it was actually more for my personal entertainment, see. *eyes Spoon longingly*
WY: *sighs* Sure. Fine. Whatever

Back in the main room where things have previously been discussed, the four "Hobbits" have finished their bath.

Sam: I suppose we'll be taking Will the pony again? *points to a grotesquely obese pony*
FF: Er . . . I don't think a journey to Martha's Mansion is quite the place for a . . . pony, if that's what you choose to call it.
RE: *edges away from the huge piece of horse-flesh*
WY: *returning* Well, let's be off.
AL: Don't we need, like, food and stuff?
WY: Nah.

No one really cares, so they start walking in no particular direction. Soon they are lost in what looks to be a giant parking lot.

Churl: Ha! Leave it to an Elf to get us into a mess like this!
Tesseract: *grumbles and plays ominously with bow*
CH: Elves being, after all, the stupidest, proudest, vainest, smelliest, half-wittedest -
TS: Grraarr!! *leaps on CH. They begin fighting*
AL: Is this the Dumbo lot or the Pinocchio lot?
WY: I have no memory of this place . . . We must make for the Pass of Half-A$$, the Matterhorn Mountain, the only safe path across the Disney Mountains. *kicks the fighting CH and TS, chuckles with amusement*
EW: Look!!! The mountain!!!

Everyone looks behind them and sees a mountain that was definitely not there a minute ago. It is large, brown, and has distinct screaming sounds coming from it.

JD: This place has an evil air. Why not make for the Baby Gap, thus passing through the lands of the allies of my people, the Ro-harem?
CH: But that would be taking the long way around . . . we could always go through the Subway Tunnels of London. My cousin Bleeb son of Dweeb would give us a hearty welcome!
WY: The Gap is watched and may already be taken over by the fashion agents of Martha Stewart. And I will not enter the Subway unless I must. No, we must cross the Matterhorn Mountain! *dramatic music*
AL: Onto the Mountain!! Onto the Mountain!!!

Dum duuum dumm da da duuuuum . . . dadada duuuum dada duuuuum dum dum . . .

The Messageboard of the Ring begins to climb Matterhorn . . . Soon, however, the wind begins to blow and snow comes storming out of the sky. Even worse, large groups of people come hurtling by in some foul devices of Sauron . . . their screams rend the air.

Sam: I don't like this at all, Mr. Frodo. Screaming folks are all right, but I like to be in bed listening to them. *wind and snow almost blow him to the ground*

EW arbitrarily falls over and drops the Ring in the snow. It is picked up by JD.

JD: Funny, that we should suffer so much for such a little thing . . . hmmmm, yes, corn print curtains are a very good idea . . . and I DO need some new potholders . . . and saltshakers, many, many hand-carved one-time sale saltshakers . . . such a little thing . . .
AL: jerseydevil! Give the Ring to Frodo!
JD: *looks confused* But it's mine. I am the King of Fashion. It should be mi -- oh, wait, sorry that doesn't happen 'til later. *gives the Ring to EW, who grabs it and hangs it around his neck, looking adorably angry*
RE & FF: *sigh* Isn't he soooooooooo dreamy? *a huge blast of wind and snow knocks them on top of EW*
JD: This is some contrivance of the Enemy!
TS: There is a fell voice in the air!

Everyone listens. They seem to hear words in the howling wind:
the Snowman . . . was a very merry soul . . .

WY: It's Frosty the Snowman!!! *people going by on roller coaster laugh & throw snowballs at him*
JD: This will be the death of the Half-witlings!!

RE, FF & Sam are huddling close to EW.
FF: Frodo . . . we'll follow you to the end . . . but it's awfully cold . . .
RE: Yes, let's huddle together and conserve body warmth.
*huddling, lots of huddling*

Suddenly, Frosty, yes the Snowman himself appears!!!!! Backed up by his minions, the Overly-Cute Reindeer and armed with hundreds of cheesy Christmas tree ornaments!!!!

AL & JD: Let the strongest find a way!
AL: I have destroyed many a child's plaything in my day! Come, foul beasts! *brandishes his sword, Nostril*

JD, AL, TS, and CH begin to hack the Snowman and Reindeer to pieces, but the wind and snow are against them.

AL: *decapitating Rudolph* It's no use!
TS: *shooting an arrow through Prancer's eye* There are too many! We must get off the Mountain!
WY: Let the Ringbearer decide!

Everyone looks at EW, who cannot be seen due to being enveloped in RE, FF & Sam's arms.

WY: Never mind! Just RUN!!
AL: Off the Mountain! Off the Mountain!

The Messageboard flees the Matterhorn and runs back down into the parking lot. They find themselves standing in front of a large dark doorway leading into a tunnel.

WY: These are the doors to the Subway of London. We must now face the long dark . . .

In Rivendell, Hugo sits gazing into his magic Spoon.
HU: Ahh, yes, very entertaining. I can't wait to see what happens next . . . *laughs maniacally*

[Rána Eressëa]

Hold up...samwise of the shire that posts on this messageboard...you are a girl, right? Or am I dreadfully wrong? Forgive me if I am!

[Rána Eressëa]

(The Messageboard of the Ring are all except for Wayfarer sitting around outside the Subway of London being bored. Wayfarer has been for the past five hours shouting out various Elven words, but to no avail. The doors of the Subway of London still have not opened...)

Wayfarer: Curse this contraption! Can't we for once make our way around or through something without so much TROUBLE! [throws down his staff he picked up in Rivendell that no one has noticed yet]

RE: Hey, I haven't noticed that yet...
Sam: Me either...
FF: Me neither...
EW: Isn't that odd?

(The "Hobbits" all shake their heads and remain cuddl-- *cough* huddled together beside Wayfarer.)

Churl: [mockingly] Why don't you try knocking it open with your invisible magic wand, you big fairy?

(Wayfarer turns and glares long and menacingly at Churl. Churl's face grows red and he looks down.)

Tesseract: How about I shoot at it with my strong and wistful arrows?

(Everyone stares at Tesseract.)

Tesseract: What?! Sounds like a good idea to me...
RE: [searches through her pockets] Hey...my lucky quarter! I was wondering where that went...
FF: Ooh...can I hold it?
RE: Sure.

(RE hands her lucky quarter to FF. FF stares at it for a moment and hands it back to RE, but it slips from her fingers and rolls towards the doors of the Subway.)

RE: NO! Help me get it, FrodoFriend!

(They jump up and dive for the quarter. FF gets it, but it slips from her fingers again as if it has a mind of its own. RE then dives for it and snatches the stubborn coin. But once again, her tight grip on the coin causes it to spring in the air...and land in the coin dispencer for the Subway of London. The large doors open.)

Wayfarer: GENIUS! You two are pure GENIUS!

(The Messageboard of the Ring walk into the Subway of London. EW stands outside, though, staring at a small puddle. Wayfarer turns around and calls out...)

Wayfarer: Frodo, come!
RE & FF: His name is--
Wayfarer: I know what his name is! He only answers to Frodo, though. Thanks to you two!
RE & FF: [slink back]
Wayfarer: FRODO!

(EW glances over his shoulder to Wayfarer.)

EW: Where's the Watcher?
Wayfarer: There's no Watcher. Frodo...it's a puddle.
EW: Oh...okay. [walks into the Subway]

(Suddenly the doors shut behind them causing everyone to SCREAM. Wayfarer lifts his staff that he has now picked back up before he walked inside that no one has noticed and lights the tip of it. There are cobwebs and skeletons everywhere. Everyone SCREAMS again.)

Tesseract: This is no Subway...this is a Tomb.
Churl: Those [censored] little [censored] horrible [censored] wormy [censored] slimy [CENSORED]!!!!
Wayfarer: Dear Eru, Churl, how much foul language does your mouth speak?
Churl: [proudly] Seventy-three different ones, thank you very much.

(Everyone looks around and suddenly decide to sit down on the floor or on the broken blocks.)

EW: It was a pity I didn't slay that slimy Bropous when I had the chance...
Wayfarer: Pity? PITY! It was Pity that stayed your hand!
EW: [looks confused] Huh?
Wayfarer: [whispering] Just go with it...
EW: Oh. Well...I feel no pity for Bropous. He deserves to die.
Wayfarer: Deserves it! I daresay he does! But many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? [creepy silence as Wayfarer stares at EW] Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends...
RE: RIPOFF!!!
Wayfarer: Silence, you inbred Hobbit!
RE: [gasp!]
Wayfarer: Aha! Yes! Score!
EW: Wayfarer! That is my beloved Pippin you are talking to! Speak to her with respect! Now, apologize!
Wayfarer: [grumbling] Sorry...
EW: [smiling and crossing his arms] Better.

(EW goes over to huddle with RE and FF again. Sam is drawing on one of the walls with a piece of chalk rock. Aldesign is walking around the grounds inspecting things. Tesseract and Churl are having a bow verses axe contest. Jerseydevil is staring at Frodo with greedy eyes.)

RE: Wait...Wayfarer...did Hugo ever tell you how we are to destroy the ring?
Wayfarer: Hugo Weaving is a deceiving little scoundrel. He lied. The whole friggin' story he told was a lie! Now, it is time for a flashback so that I may appear all wise and cool while you stare at me with your mouth's agape.

(Flashback...)

Wayfarer: Hugo! I must speak with you!

(Hugo abruptly draws back from the Spoon, blushing bright red.)

Hugo: Er, yes, of course. I was just . . . gazing into my Spoon for tidings of the journey to come.
Wayfarer: [suspiciously] Of course you were. Say, you forgot to tell us how to destroy the Ring of Popculture.
Hugo: Eh? What? What're you asking me for?
Wayfarer: You're the one sending us on a quest to destroy it!
Hugo: Well, yes, but . . . it was actually more for my personal entertainment, see. [eyes Spoon longingly]
Wayfarer: [sighs] Sure. Fine. Whatever.

(Back to present...)

Wayfarer: [appears all wise and cool while the others stare at him with their mouth's agape] Thank you. [smiles] [becomes angered again] He told it just for entertainment on his behalf! Martha Stewart has nothing to do with this. We are really after Sauron, I'm afraid...
FF: Well... [long pause] ...that sucks.

(Back at Rivendell...)

Hugo: [laughing maniacly and stomping his feet on the ground]

(Back at the Subway of London...)

Aldesign: That explains things.
Churl: It doesn't explain Frodo's spotless white feminine blouse!

(Everyone turns to look at EW's SPOTLESS WHITE FEMININE BLOUSE.)

(Back at Rivendell...)

Hugo: [silent] Oh s***.

(Back at Subway...)

Aldesign: Oh yeah...I forgot about that. [off in thought] Why does he have a spotless white feminine blouse?
Jerseydevil: [sarcastically] Because he's a spotlessly clean, feminine, white boy.
Aldesign: [missing the sarcasm] Ohhh...that explains things.

(Silence again.)

Wayfarer: [sighs deeply] We must go on into the Tombs of London! Have Rogue Elf idiodicly make a lot of noise, have me yell at her for her foolishness, then we shall get raided by Orcs, have a Sub Troll nearly kill Frodo, get chased by a large fiery demon, hop across large falling stairs, then I get to valiantly save the day as I plunge deep into a large pit within the Subway with the large fiery demon! [oddly cheerful] Off we go!

(The Messageboard of the Ring go into the Tombs of London where soon Rogue Elf will idiodicly make a lot of noise, have Wayfarer yell at her for her foolishness, then get raided by Orcs, have a Sub Troll nearly kill Frodo, get chased by a large fiery demon, hop across large falling stairs, then have Wayfarer get to valiantly save the day as he plunges deep into a large pit within the Subway with the large fiery demon. A little creature crawls around in the background, giggling evilly as he watches the Messageboardship walking off in the distance.)

Bropous: We gets them soon, preciousss, yess, yes, we gets them sooon! Brollum!

[samwise of the shire]

*We get on a train. Tess and Churl try to shoot and chop one of those little pole thingymabobs. The "HOBBITS" sit together and talk about breakfast and....EWs perilous journey. Wayfarer fnds this really weird book*
WF:Hey you guys check this out
*We all get up. Sam,TS,Churl,JD,FF and EW stay near Wayfarer.*
Wayfarer:They have stopped the south and north tunnels. Drums drums in the dark.
*RE backs up slowly staring about with awe and bumps into a skeleton. It falls down this hole in the train. It eches behind them ominiously.Every one turns around. RE winces*
REops.
Sam:Oh yeah I'm sure that helps ALOT.
*shrieks and squeals sound in the tunnels behind them*
Wayfarer:They are coming
*Sam pulls out Pots and Pans. EW pulls out Sting. It's glowing bright neon Green*
RE:Hey wait a minute I thought that was supposed to be BLUE!
Sam:Hey you're right
FF:Cut the gab here they come
JD:Oh guess what you guys. There's another train with passengers and they have a CONDUCTOR.
Hobbits:Oh that makes us feel special!(RE,Sam and FF SIGH when they see EW jump into the fray)
FF:Lets kick BUTT!!
*Tess takes an orc in the mouth. The conductor for the other train jumps on to ours and starts following EW*
Conductor:Tickets please, Tickets please.
Sam:I've been wanting to do this for quite awhile.*Hits passenger from other train on the head and knocks it out cold*
Tess:*as fires bow rapidly*Hey where in the HECK did I learn to do this.
ConDuctor:You cant hid from me Hobbit.
*EW slinks around a chair ans meets the CD. CD stab EW with his ticket puncher*
EW:AUUUUGGGGHHHHH*faints*
RE,Sam,FF:NOOOOOOOOOOO
*RE and FF jump on CD and Sam goes nuts with her pots and pans*
Ok, I've got writers block now. Continue one of you people.
yes I'm a girl.
Sam

[Gerbil]

My GOD you girls have too much time on your hands

And since when was Hugo a gay voyeur? I'll never look at him in the same light again!