The Jackson haters A to Z

Curufinwe · 01-24-2004, 11:59 PM

A - Arwen - A well developed female character in JRR Tolkiens The Lord of the Rings who was turned into a warrior princess for the movie version, due to a feminist named Fran Walsh.

B - Ball - An object frequently dropped by film-maker Peter Jackson, usually from the top of the Empire State Building.

C - Cheesy - Any events occuring in Peter Jacksons The Lord of the Rings that did not happen in the novel.

D - Distorted - Any character appearing in Peter Jacksons The Lord of the Rings.

E - Elves - A race from JRR Tolkiens The Lord of the Rings that was completely overlooked by Peter Jackson.

F - Frodo - A heroic super-hobbit from the novel The Lord of the Rings who was turned into a scared female rabbit for the film.

G - Gandalf - A wise and powerful wizard from JRR Tolkiens masterpiece, disgracefully represented as a bumbling hobo by Peter Jackson.

H - Harry Potter - The film that The Lord of the Rings should have been.

I - Impossible - To portray The Lord of the Rings in a visual medium without a 20 part TV miniseries.

J - Jackson, Peter - Public enemy #1. Ralph Bakshi has been hired to track him down, and cut him to pieces with a sword while shrieking "[edited]"

K - Kidding themselves - Anyone who enjoyed Peter Jacksons The Lord of the Rings.

L - Lurtz - Apart from Liv Tyler, the only member of the cast flown in directly from Hollywood.

M - Malt beer - The staple drink of the D&D dwarf. (to be consumed along with some rrrrred meat off the bone)

N - Nazgul - A flammable towel.

O - One - The number of viewings required to fully grasp the film.

P - Pure - JRR Tolkiens 34th revision of his work The Lord of the Rings. (i.e. the one that was finally published).

Q - Quest - In Peter Jacksons movie, this is apparently another word for 'thing'.

R - Ring - A subplot of JRR Tolkiens The Lord of the Rings which receives entirely too much attention in the movie version.

S - Sledge-hammer - Peter Jacksons tool of choice.

T - Tolkien - The prime reason why grave-rolling is now being considered for a new Olympic sport.

U - Unnecessary - Any changes made to JRR Tolkiens gospel.

V - Villain - Peter Jackson, Victim - JRR Tolkien

W - West - A location vital to understanding and appreciating any version of The Lord of the Rings. Peter Jacksons film is ruined by not explaining it.

X - X-ray vision - One of the Witch Kings super powers in his titanic battle with Arwen in The Return of the King. Oh right that was just the germ of an idea, so lets hem and haw about it ad naseum as an example of bad filmaking and bad adaptation.

Y - Yeti - A monster that should have attacked the Fellowship on Caradhras in the film, to keep in the spirit of Peter Jacksons repetitive creature-fest (which he had the audacity to name after JRR Tolkiens epic novel).

Z - Zero - The total number of a haters friends and relations who enjoyed and/or understood the film.

hectorberlioz · 01-25-2004, 02:36 AM

impressive

you could publish it.
Jackson's haters dictionary.

Millane · 01-25-2004, 02:47 AM

I - Idiot who wastes his time in what would appear to be an attempt at humor
Curufinwe your namesake may be skilled, yet it would seem you are not

**Nurvingiel** · 01-25-2004, 03:09 AM

I liked N for Nazgul, a flammable towel. However, I'm counting the seconds until this thread gets closed based on its title.

**crickhollow** · 01-25-2004, 03:44 AM

hmm, the only discussion this thread seems to be inviting is Dunedain-baiting. Tempting, I know, but otherwise useless. Closing.

01-25-2004, 02:36 AM	#2
hectorberlioz Master of Orchestration President Emeritus of Entmoot 2004-2008 Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Lost in the Opera House Posts: 9,328	impressive you could publish it. Jackson's haters dictionary. __________________ ACALEWIA- President of Entmoot hectorberlioz- Vice President of Entmoot Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life! Join the discussion at Entmoot Election 2010. "Stupidissimo!"~Toscanini The Da CINDY Code The Epic Poem Of The Balrog of Entmoot: Here ~NEW! ~ Thinking of summer vacation? AboutNewJersey.com - NJ Travel & Tourism Guide

01-25-2004, 02:47 AM	#3
Millane The Dude Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: at the altar of my ego Posts: 1,685	I - Idiot who wastes his time in what would appear to be an attempt at humor Curufinwe your namesake may be skilled, yet it would seem you are not __________________ Ill heal your wounds, ill set you free,

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01-24-2004, 11:59 PM	#1
Curufinwe Enting Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: New England Posts: 59	The Jackson haters A to Z A - Arwen - A well developed female character in JRR Tolkiens The Lord of the Rings who was turned into a warrior princess for the movie version, due to a feminist named Fran Walsh. B - Ball - An object frequently dropped by film-maker Peter Jackson, usually from the top of the Empire State Building. C - Cheesy - Any events occuring in Peter Jacksons The Lord of the Rings that did not happen in the novel. D - Distorted - Any character appearing in Peter Jacksons The Lord of the Rings. E - Elves - A race from JRR Tolkiens The Lord of the Rings that was completely overlooked by Peter Jackson. F - Frodo - A heroic super-hobbit from the novel The Lord of the Rings who was turned into a scared female rabbit for the film. G - Gandalf - A wise and powerful wizard from JRR Tolkiens masterpiece, disgracefully represented as a bumbling hobo by Peter Jackson. H - Harry Potter - The film that The Lord of the Rings should have been. I - Impossible - To portray The Lord of the Rings in a visual medium without a 20 part TV miniseries. J - Jackson, Peter - Public enemy #1. Ralph Bakshi has been hired to track him down, and cut him to pieces with a sword while shrieking "[edited]" K - Kidding themselves - Anyone who enjoyed Peter Jacksons The Lord of the Rings. L - Lurtz - Apart from Liv Tyler, the only member of the cast flown in directly from Hollywood. M - Malt beer - The staple drink of the D&D dwarf. (to be consumed along with some rrrrred meat off the bone) N - Nazgul - A flammable towel. O - One - The number of viewings required to fully grasp the film. P - Pure - JRR Tolkiens 34th revision of his work The Lord of the Rings. (i.e. the one that was finally published). Q - Quest - In Peter Jacksons movie, this is apparently another word for 'thing'. R - Ring - A subplot of JRR Tolkiens The Lord of the Rings which receives entirely too much attention in the movie version. S - Sledge-hammer - Peter Jacksons tool of choice. T - Tolkien - The prime reason why grave-rolling is now being considered for a new Olympic sport. U - Unnecessary - Any changes made to JRR Tolkiens gospel. V - Villain - Peter Jackson, Victim - JRR Tolkien W - West - A location vital to understanding and appreciating any version of The Lord of the Rings. Peter Jacksons film is ruined by not explaining it. X - X-ray vision - One of the Witch Kings super powers in his titanic battle with Arwen in The Return of the King. Oh right that was just the germ of an idea, so lets hem and haw about it ad naseum as an example of bad filmaking and bad adaptation. Y - Yeti - A monster that should have attacked the Fellowship on Caradhras in the film, to keep in the spirit of Peter Jacksons repetitive creature-fest (which he had the audacity to name after JRR Tolkiens epic novel). Z - Zero - The total number of a haters friends and relations who enjoyed and/or understood the film. Last edited by Curufinwe : 01-25-2004 at 02:41 AM.

01-25-2004, 03:44 AM	#5
crickhollow The Buckleberry Fairy/Captain Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Washington State again (I miss Texas). Posts: 1,345	hmm, the only discussion this thread seems to be inviting is Dunedain-baiting. Tempting, I know, but otherwise useless. Closing.