11-04-2002, 08:54 PM | #1 |
Bank'ress of Sith
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: In a hot-hot place, heh
Posts: 913
|
Limericks
(Okay I am mad now, I typed this stuff out and now I have to type it again!)
Rules of a Limerick A limerick is a 5 line poem where the 1s 2nd and 5th line rhyme, they also have a rythmical pattern of 3 groups of stressed and unstressed syllables. The 3rd and 4th line rhyme with eachother and have the pattern of 2 groups of stressed and unstressed syllables. (Note: Not all Limericks follow these exact guidelines) Try to make your own!!!! Here are some examples.... There once was a man of Perth Who was born on the day of his birth he was married they say on his wife's wedding day and he died when he quitted the earth. There once was an old man from Denver Who had a hard time to remember He went out to a diner And ate nothing finer But her didn't get home till September There was a man from Devizes who had ears of different sizes the one that was small was no use at all but the other won several prizes There once was a lady from Pright Whose speed was much faster than light She set out one day in a relative way And returned home the previous night A diner while dining in Crewe Found a large mouse in his stew Said the waiter,"Don't shout And wave it about or the others will be wanting one too." There once was a girl called Susie Whose mother had called her a floozy When she left her old house She saw a great mouse And suddenly felt very woozy There was a young maid from Madras Who had a magnificent a$$; Not rounded and pink, As you probably think--- It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass There once was a kid named Darren Who's room was surprisingly barren He had no toys Like all normal boys But he did believe in sharing There was a young lady from Niger, Who smiled as she rode on a tiger. After the ride She was inside, And the smile was on the face of the tiger. There once was a poet named Dan, Who's poetry never would scan. When told this was so, He said, "Yes, I know" "It's because I try to put every possible syllable into the very last line that I can" !! To Hilary Clinton said Bill, I think we're staying on Capital Hill, 'Cause that tired old timer, Dole, Is digging himself a deep hole, And the White Water thing's a cheap thrill. There once was a lady named Lynn Who was so uncommonly thin, that when she assayed to drink lemonade, she slipped through the straw and fell in! A wonderful bird is the Pelican. His beak can hold more than his belly can. He can hold in his beak Enough food for a week! But I'll be darned if I know how the hellican? There once was a fellow named Jim Who took his girl out for a spin The speedometer rose The gas pedal froze They found parts of her but not him (LISP) A thpeeth teacther named Mitheth Bathye Had thome thtudentth who acted quite lathye; They lithped and they thputtered, And thome of them th-th-thtuttered: She thought they might jutht drive her crathye. A canner exceedingly canny One morning remarked to his granny A canner can can Anything that he can But a canner can¹t can a can, can he? There was a young lady named Slater Who married an old alligator. The night that they wed They climbed into bed, But rather than mate her, he ate her. The once was a woman named Pat Who just ate butter and sat; She withered away Until one day Nothing was left butter fat. By beauty I am not a star. There are others more handsome by far. My face I don't mind it. because I'm behind it. It's the people in front that I jar. There was a young boy in my way Who was always happy and gay He jumped and he ran Like a crazy old man To avoid the fast moving sleigh
__________________
my new account name feigndeath. This one is deactivated, I think. |
11-04-2002, 09:29 PM | #2 |
Bank'ress of Sith
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: In a hot-hot place, heh
Posts: 913
|
May I repeat????
You can make your own!!!
__________________
my new account name feigndeath. This one is deactivated, I think. |
11-04-2002, 10:17 PM | #3 |
Bank'ress of Sith
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: In a hot-hot place, heh
Posts: 913
|
This was hilarious, it is several limericks making up a story, yet again, Dear Reader, I implore you to make your own limerick.
The Mad Weatherman "Now here is the weather", he said On the radio next to my bed, "There'll be thunder and lightning And hurricanes fright'ning And hailstones as big as your head." I nervously peered round the room In the eerily gathering gloom And I wondered if ... "Sleet", Said the voice, "I repeat; There'll be sleet on this Sunday of doom." I shivered and quivered in fear; "There'll be snow!", said the voice at my ear, "There'll be blizzards and rain Moving upwards from Spain And tornadoes the rest of the year!" "Typhoons and flash-flooding!!" he screamed. Well I hoped I was wrong and just dreamed It; but no ... he went on, "We're all doomed!! We're all gone!!" In one hell of a panic he seemed. Then suddenly over the air Came great sobbings of utter despair. "I'm so sorry", he cried, "Please forgive me; I lied, For today will be sunny and fair." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
__________________
my new account name feigndeath. This one is deactivated, I think. |
11-04-2002, 10:24 PM | #4 |
Enting
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 96
|
That was funny. Here is my Limerick.
I'm papering walls in the loo And quite frankly I haven't a clue; For the pattern's all wrong (Or the paper's too long) And I'm stuck to the toilet with glue
__________________
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like the difference between an eggs-and-ham breakfast, the chickens were 'involved', but the pig was 'commited'. - Anonymous In the end, we will not remember the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends - Martin Luther King Jr. Do or do not, there is no 'try'. - Yoda Only the dead have seen the end of war. - Plato In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shineth in darkeness, and the darkness comprehendeth it not - KJV. John 1:4-5 |
11-04-2002, 10:31 PM | #5 |
Enting
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 96
|
I got another one.
My cure for the common cold bug Is to keep myself cosy and snug In my bed with a lass And occasional glass Of chilled Moêt et Chandon or Krug
__________________
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like the difference between an eggs-and-ham breakfast, the chickens were 'involved', but the pig was 'commited'. - Anonymous In the end, we will not remember the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends - Martin Luther King Jr. Do or do not, there is no 'try'. - Yoda Only the dead have seen the end of war. - Plato In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shineth in darkeness, and the darkness comprehendeth it not - KJV. John 1:4-5 |
11-04-2002, 10:44 PM | #6 |
Enting
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 96
|
This is fun.
I spoke to the door as I charmed It, caressed it and stroked it and calmed It. "My god he's gone mad", You may think, but 'twas sad, For the note said "This Door is Alarmed." At 16 I sighed as I hoped For a bike like a Harley. I groped In my pocket for cash And bought something less flash; Then I sat on my mop and I moped I have nearly 200 aunts. Are they coming for Christmas? No chance For they're ancient and old And their pee they can't hold So I'm sending incontinence pants. I need a front door for my hall; The replacement I bought was too tall. So I hacked it and chopped it And carefully lopped it; And now the dam thing is too small I'd better confess 'fore I die That I tortured an innocent fly By removing its wings And its legs, of all things. My excuse? I was only ... so high I poured her a small glass of wine And she giggled and looked quite divine; So I poured her some more But she fell to the floor ... Wasn't quite what I had in my mind She wiggled and swayed as she strode Down the street; she looked gorgeous. I slowed, Then I walked on behind With no thought in my mind And didn't notice the hole in the road! Remember when nearly sixteen On your very first date as a teen At the movies? If yes, Then I bet you can't guess What was shown on the cinema screen. Young Josephine, pretty and sweet, Was a terrible flirt and a cheat. She was caught in a caper With Pete the young paper Delivery boy in her street. But Hugh, her young husband, was sad And discussed it at length with his dad. "It's the weight of those new Sunday Supplements, Hugh, That give Pete all his stamina, lad."
__________________
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like the difference between an eggs-and-ham breakfast, the chickens were 'involved', but the pig was 'commited'. - Anonymous In the end, we will not remember the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends - Martin Luther King Jr. Do or do not, there is no 'try'. - Yoda Only the dead have seen the end of war. - Plato In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shineth in darkeness, and the darkness comprehendeth it not - KJV. John 1:4-5 |
11-05-2002, 08:54 PM | #7 |
Bank'ress of Sith
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: In a hot-hot place, heh
Posts: 913
|
those were, um, interesting...~!!!!
__________________
my new account name feigndeath. This one is deactivated, I think. |
11-12-2002, 05:07 PM | #8 |
The Buddy Rabbit
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Trapped in the headlights..
Posts: 3,372
|
Mary had a little skirt,
With a slit right up the side, Everywhere that Mary went, The boys could see up her thighs. Mary had another skirt, With a slit up the front. She didn't wear that one much. |
11-13-2002, 09:33 PM | #9 |
Bank'ress of Sith
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: In a hot-hot place, heh
Posts: 913
|
Coney, that wasn't a Limerick, that was a poem. Although funny.
__________________
my new account name feigndeath. This one is deactivated, I think. |
11-14-2002, 08:07 AM | #10 |
'Bohemian princess of Covent Garden
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: The Mill
Posts: 544
|
How about an Irish Limerick? I've got a few that my Da wrote and they're very funny- here's one for starters.
There was a runner from Ballycotton, Who found his feet had gone rotten, He said, "Look at those, They're such ugly toes, They look like a Leprechaun's bottom." Nonsense I know but it was funny when he first made it up and told it to me- I was six though and still found the word bottom exceedingly funny!! I'll ask him if he has any more and post them. Mx |
11-15-2002, 03:24 AM | #11 |
Bard of Mangled Songs
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: West of Middle Earth...oh alright...Manila
Posts: 2,679
|
Mary had a little sheep
With whom she went to sleep But it turned out to be a ram So Mary had a little lamb
__________________
Power attracts the corruptible. Absolute power attracts the absolutely corruptible. -Missionaria Protectiva, Frank Herbert Accio, Ash Nazg! Elennuru s?*la lúmenn' omentielvo (The Death Star shines on the hour of our meeting) - Darth Arathorn Put aside the ranger... Start looking for Mumakil action figures... |
11-22-2002, 09:13 PM | #12 |
Sapling
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 13
|
These are really funny, I will have to think of a few.
__________________
Where are we going, From where we have been? How will we get there? And do you know when? Paths that are travelled And paths that are sought. Great expectations, Are sometimes for nought. Goals that we set, And prices are paid. Love that may flower, And flowers that fade. It seems to me sometimes, That sought after things. Are sometimes best left As matters for dreams |
11-23-2002, 12:06 AM | #13 |
I Antha
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: You expect ME to know?
Posts: 784
|
You guys are good, I can't think of any, or can i think of anyway I will ever think of one. They are funny though.
__________________
If you say my name I go "What?" If you say my name twice I go and look it up in the dictionary. ****************************** I'm Not Evil! ****************************** If the critics say it's good, is it really That good? ****************************** It's a bird! It's a plane! No! It's a balloon! ****************************** Duddun, Son of Bubbun |
11-29-2002, 12:00 PM | #14 |
I Antha
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: You expect ME to know?
Posts: 784
|
I got one!
No offense to anyone who likes swans it's all i could think of. I once knew a man named John, He was lamer than a swan, He was my dad, He was always sad, His favorite chess piece was the pawn. I know it's bad but it's all i could think of.
__________________
If you say my name I go "What?" If you say my name twice I go and look it up in the dictionary. ****************************** I'm Not Evil! ****************************** If the critics say it's good, is it really That good? ****************************** It's a bird! It's a plane! No! It's a balloon! ****************************** Duddun, Son of Bubbun |
12-05-2002, 10:07 PM | #15 |
Sapling
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 13
|
There once was a young blonde named Blair
Who would do anything on a dare She crossed over the street Was quite quick on her feet Cause she heard there was cock over there! Sorry, that wasn't nice.
__________________
Where are we going, From where we have been? How will we get there? And do you know when? Paths that are travelled And paths that are sought. Great expectations, Are sometimes for nought. Goals that we set, And prices are paid. Love that may flower, And flowers that fade. It seems to me sometimes, That sought after things. Are sometimes best left As matters for dreams |
12-06-2002, 01:01 AM | #16 |
Head Hollara
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Texas
Posts: 751
|
A fisherman sat on a pier
He saw a large fish very near He said "Please come with me You've a big world to see 'Cause I think you'd taste good with some beer." The fish replied, "I'm quite content. And I'm quite well aware what you meant. Come swim in the sea I've some friends you should meet For your body they'll thoroughly rend." A fruitbat had clung to that pier So their banter he chanced to hear "A beguiling fish! That's no show to miss" So he called for his friends, loud and clear. His friends he awoke with his cry They stirred, and then made their reply: "You're just getting dumber, Leave us to our slumber" And the bat got so sad that he died.
__________________
"People used to ring up and say 'Don't quit your day job' or 'sell your synth', but the joke's on them: we were fired and the synth is broken!" -John Flansburgh from They Might Be Giants Ever heard of Mormons? I'm one. Click here to know more about us. |
12-06-2002, 04:57 PM | #17 |
Marshal of the Eastmark
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,412
|
An earnest young poet named Eric
grew upset when the words turned chimeric. So he stopped his nail-biting And just gave up on writing, Since there's no word that rhymes with limerick. ta da! Is there a haiku thread too?)
__________________
cya |
12-06-2002, 05:40 PM | #18 |
Possessive Villain Fancier
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: On my ship, riding the waves YARR!
Posts: 2,008
|
I got two, very funny the second, well, i love it anyway...ahem
There was an old woman from Fife Who's never been kissed in her life She once saw a cat And said "I'll kiss that," And the cat answered ot on your life! There once was a man from Darjeeling Who travelled from London to Ealing It said on the door "Please don't spit on the floor" So hje carefuly spat on the ceiling! Heeh hehe heheh ahah heh...Mibble...I love that last one... *disintegrates*
__________________
My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies, Fairytales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly - my friends. XK |
12-06-2002, 11:45 PM | #19 |
I Antha
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: You expect ME to know?
Posts: 784
|
The second ones funny!
__________________
If you say my name I go "What?" If you say my name twice I go and look it up in the dictionary. ****************************** I'm Not Evil! ****************************** If the critics say it's good, is it really That good? ****************************** It's a bird! It's a plane! No! It's a balloon! ****************************** Duddun, Son of Bubbun |
12-06-2002, 11:51 PM | #20 |
Elven Warrior
Join Date: May 2002
Location: America!
Posts: 480
|
i like the second one. here's one i had to do for school once. it's not very good though.
Cupcake I can't think of a limerick What do i do? I can't think of a limerick, oh pooh! I just thought of a limerick Woohooo!
__________________
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: 'it goes on'." ~robert frost |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
Limericks | Bregalad | Middle Earth | 76 | 05-10-2002 12:33 PM |