Lyrd of the Ryngs - Return of Good Architecture

[Grey_Wolf]

This is the continuation of Lyrd of the Ryngs - The Homies.

We are at the end of Book 5 chapter 9: The Last Debate.

The debate has been done and the marshalling of troops.
Useful site:
http://www.kevnet.com:9000/LOTR%20TE...he%20Ring.html

[Grey_Wolf]

And when they had reckoned up all their strength and taken thought for the journeys they should make and the roads they should choose, Imrahil suddenly laughed aloud.
"Surely," he cried, "this is the greatest jest in all the history of Gondor: that we should drive with seven thousands, scarce as many as the vanguard of its army in the days of its power, to assail the mountains and the impenetrable gate of the Black Land! So might a child threaten a bodyarmoured soldier with a slingshot! If the Dark Lawyer knows so much as you say, Mithrandir, will he not rather smile than fear, and with his little finger crush us like a fly that tries to sting him?"
"No, he will try to trap the fly and take the sting," said Gandalf. "And there are names among us that are worth more than a thousand commandos apiece. No, he will not smile."
"Neither shall we," said Aragorn. "If this be jest, then it is too bitter for laughter. Nay, it is the last move in a great jeopardy, and for one side or the other it will bring the end of the game." Then he drew Andúril the Powersaw and held it up glittering in the sun. "You shall not be sheathed again until the last battle is fought;" he said.

[Grey_Wolf]

Book 6 Chapter 10: The Black Gate Opens

Two days later the army of the West was all assembled on the Pelennor. The host of Orcs and Easterlings had turned back out of Anórien, but harried and scattered by the Rohirrim they had broken and fled with little fighting towards Cair Andros; and with that threat destroyed and new strength arriving out of the South the City was as well manned as might be. Scouts reported that no enemies remained upon the roads east as far as the Cross-roads of the Fallen King. All now was ready for the last throw.

At last the loudspeakers rang and the army began to move. Infantry troop by troop, and cavalry company by company, they wheeled off eastward. And long after they had passed away out of sight down the great road to the Causeway, Merry stood there. The last glint of the morning sun on armour and bodysuits twinkled and was lost, and still he remained with bowed head and heavy heart, feeling friendless and alone. Everyone that he cared for had gone away into the gloom that hung over the distant eastern sky; and little hope at all was left in his heart that he would ever see any of them again.

Legolas and Gimli were to drive their very own hummer together in the company of Aragorn and Gandalf, who went in the van with the Dúnedain and the sons of Elrond. But Merry to his shame was not to go with them.
"You are not fit for such a journey," said Aragorn. "But do not be ashamed. If you do no more in this war, you have already earned great honour. Peregrin shall go and represent the Shirefolk; and do not grudge him his chance of peril, for though he has done as well as his fortune allowed him, he has yet to match your deed. But in truth all now are in like danger. Though it may be our part to find bitter end before the Gate of Mordor, if we do so, then you will come also to a last stand, either here or wherever the black tide overtakes you. Farewell!"

And so despondently Merry now stood and watched the mustering of the army. Bergil was with him, and he also was downcast; for his father was to march leading a company of the Men of the City: he could not rejoin the Guard until his case was judged. In that same company Pippin was also to go, as a soldier of Gondor. Merry could see him not far off, a small but upright figure among the tall men of Minas Tirith.

The army of the west passed thru ithilien and reached the Roundabout of the King where the Aragorn dispatched a number of engineers to repair the statue and set the roundabout in order again.

They then continued on until they reached the wasteland in front of the Gates.

[Farimir Captain of Gondor]

When they came upon the Black Gate they saw the lawyers clad in black sitting atop the tower blabbing on their cell phones. The lawyers then turned to watch them as they approached. Pippen looked up and flipped them all the bird.

Gandolf took the lead with Aragorn and the sons of Elrond behind him. Also came Eomer, Imrahil, Legolas, Gimli, and Pippin. When they got to the foot of the gate Aragorn spoke:

"Let the Lord of the Dark Lawyers come forth! He is to be disbarred and sent to the retirement lands in Florida where he will play canasta and loose to elderly women for ever."

There was a long silence and they were about to begain tossing the rotten eggs they had brought at the gate when out of no where "It's Raining Men" began to blare from behind the Black Gate.

The gate swung open and what appeared like a blue-spikey haired woman, clad in a pink jogging suit with a matching pink boa, and ridding a pink scooter came out of it. As the figure got near they realized it was actually a man! He had on a peacock mask and spoke in a high pitched voice:

"Look at all these strapping young men, yummy. I am the Mouth Of Sauron, and this mouth ain't use for just talking. Who here is a pedacurist? Cause honey, my feet are in need of some serious help." He turned to Aragorn, "Is that a power tool in your pants or are you just happy to see me?"

Aragorn did not reply. He simply shook is head. Gandolf spoke up:

"No one here as made any advances towards you so keep yours to yourself."

The Mouth then responded

"Ohh, graybeard. You've been hiding from me. You can't stay in the closet forever honey. This time you've stuck your staff in the wrong black hole. Heheheheh. I have something I was suppose to show you, now where did I put it?" He rummaged through his pockets pulling out things that should not be spoken in any land. "Ah, here it is." He pulled out Frodo's bulletproof armor.
Pippen let out a cry. "Be quiet" Gandolf barked at him.

"So, you've got another little man with huh? Well I like em little, just the right height." The Mouth said in very girlie voice."I see this one was dear to you guys. Know that I will tie him up and have my way with him. Ohhh, it will be fun. I've got a pair of pink fuzzy cuffs just waiting for him. So, you dashing, juicy, men ready to hear the terms of Sauron?"

"I'm not sure I want to know now," Gandolf said, "but go ahead"

[The last sane person]

An lo! the foulmouth of Sauron didst lay down the tokens begot from frodo. And Pipin was much aggrieved and gave the Foulmouth a mighty two handed birdy after being thwaped to the back by Gandalf.

"So, you've got another little man with huh? Well I like em little, just the right height." The Mouth said in very girlie voice."I see this one was dear to you guys. Know that I will tie him up and have my way with him. Ohhh, it will be fun. I've got a pair of pink fuzzy cuffs just waiting for him. So, you dashing, juicy, men ready to hear the terms of Sauron?"

"I'm not sure I want to know now," Gandolf said, "but go ahead"

The girly foulmouth didst grin! (Or, at least tried to grin, it would be another hour till the Bowtox allowed him too) "The terms are these, Oh studs of the west!" From his armored pockets he drew forth a list and was about to read it. "Er..Well honeys, let me paraphrase it." The scroll he pulled out unraveled all the way from his seat on his monsterous ATV all the way to the feet of Aragorn. "You are to be slaves forever, and a.." He GIGGLED, "Worthy Over Lord shall be assigned to you to do what he will when he will."

Eomer growled to himself, "That smug poof...be damned if that happens..."

Gandalf spoke up, "And then let me paraphrase for you: Tell the Dark Lawyer to go shove it!"

And the foulmouth was booty smacked by the power and authority of the host infront of him. He engaged the choke and throttled back, as though threatened. "Discrimination!"

"None here have threatened you, but if that is how you feel, go tell that dark Lawyer to get his dark butt over here so we can throw down!"

[Rían]

"Throw him down!" repeated the foulmouth (and lipsticked-mouth) Mouth of Sauron. "Woo hoo! Sounds fun! Oh, wait - you mean, like, get rid of him? Nay, neigh, nay! We have these tokens and we KNOW what they mean, and you can't deny that we have them! Neener neener!"

"I do not wish to deny them," said Gandalf. "Indeed, I know them all and all their history, and despite your scorn, foul Mouth of Sauron, you cannot say as much. But why do you bring them here?"

"Dwarf-coat, elf-cloak, blade of the downfallen West, and spy from the little rat-land of the Shire - nay; do not start! We know it well - here are the marks of a conspiracy."

And lo! of a sudden, Michael Moore's voice was heard like a voice from the heavens, saying, "Could you repeat that just a little louder, please? I need a soundbite for the news tonight! I love conspiracies! I see them everywhere! And when even I can't see them, I makes 'em up! Now, what was that about the Republican party?"