What would you do? heh heh heh . . .

[Tessar]

I know thats its funny but........ could you please stop having me just say "just because" please?

also I want a designated chapter for ME to addapt. by the time I get back its to late..........

so can I have a chapter to be my very own?
PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?

[samwise of the shire]

Ok I'm happy. Actually I do this thing where I act like I'm not so you did'nt need to change it. I do it to my friend all the time, but I thank you and the score is much reduced. SO we all go. Right then.
FF:*Walks in to camp with wood for the fire*Where's Frodo?
Sam:*Who was asleep in the corner sits up and looks around shocked*
AL:*looks around and notices JD has dissapeared as well*I'm goin' lookin' for 'em
RE:But it hasn't been an hour.
FF:Shut up Rogue ElfFrodo's in trouble and it's OUR responsiblity to make sure he's protected. Right Sam you go that way*Points over to the right*Rouge Elf and I will go that way.
Sam:RIGHT!!
*CH and TS go up the Hill of Amon Stan, Sam follows AL*
MEANWHILE...
*Frodo comes up and sits on the bridge of this really big statues nose. Takes a big breath and takes the Ring out of his waistcoat pocket.Looks up with tears in his eyes to see JD sitting on a fallen tree drawing designer clothes with some charcoal from the fire on some paper which seemed to have come from his open pack*
EW:*puts ring back in his pocket*What are you doing here Jerseydevil?
JD:*avoids question and walks over to EW*Members of the Fellowship shouldn't wander about alone....especially you.
EW:Yeah...RIGHT.
JD:*gets this look in his eye*Give me the Ring Frodo that I may use it against the enemy. I'm tired of the feminine look. We need some...additude to our threads.
EW:*Looks down at his waistcoat and tunic. Then backup with a flame of apprehension in his blue eyes*I have additude to my clothes. What do you mean?
JD:*growing angry*YOU?!A HALFLING?!Do you call breeches and a tunic additude?Give me the Ring it is mine it should be mine!
EW:*gets up and starts walking away*I'm not interested in Jerseys and snowpants.
JD*chasing after him*Give me the Ring. I am from the line of Calvin Klein. I should have the Ring. It should be MINE give it to me.*cathes Frodo and starts digging at his breast pocket*
EW:NO!*puts Ring on. Walks over to JD and gives him a kick*
JD:I see your mind. You will take the Ring to Martha and do us all to flowery blouses and butterfly curtains. Curse you and all other Halflings
TheGIRLS:Hey we heard that!
Jd:*falls flat on his face after trying to chase the invisible Frodo.After a while he gets up*Frodo!FRODO!Forgive me a madness took me.FORGIVE ME!
MEANWHILE.....
*EW climbs to the seat on the crest of Amon Stan. He looks out over the lands and beholds with horror....the land of Miami with plam trees and a HUGE WHITE mansion and there on the top most tower is a woman clad in a wispy black dress. She bekons him*No!*EW falls off the seat and onto the ground on his back*
EW:Ouch!My TAILBONE!
AL:Frodo!Thank Eru I found you*starts walking toward the scared looking Frodo*
EW:Stay away from me!
AL:Frodo I swore to protect you.
EW:Then can you protect me from yourself?
AL:HUH?Oh I see Jerseydevil tried ot take the Ring form you RIGHT?
EW:*nods glumily*
AL:I swore to protect you. You have nothing to fear from me
EW:Can you destroy this thing?Honestly I'm sick and tired of what people think I need to wear. I like my breeches and I KNOW full well the girls love their waistcoats,cloaks and breeches.
AL:*reaches for the Ring as it calls out his name"Aldesign.Aldesign" AL takes Frodos hand and curls it around the Ring*No Frodo. You take it.
EW:I think I must go alone. Tell the fellowship as kindly as you can. And comfort the girls. They will take especially hard.
AL:*hears a noise in the background*Run Frodo!
EW:*turns and his cloak swirls behind him as he runs like amd down the hill*
All:*Starts kicking some orc butt, but the orcs run past him in pursute of the poor hobbit*
MEANWHILE....
RE:FrodoFriend. WHY did you have to chose this log. I just got what feels like a whole nestful of ants down my breeches.
FF:Shush up RougeElf
Sam:Well I think I just got a couple of centipedes down my shirt.
EW:*comes running up panting and hides behind a tree. Some orcs run past*Dang these cloaks come in ha-*sees the other hobbits staring at hims dreamily*
RE:Oh he is SO DREAMY!
EW:*looks at the other hobbits with regret in his tearfilled eyes. Blows a kiss to each and gets up and RUNS*
SAM:MR FRODO sir!!!!Wait for ME!
RE:and ME
FF:and ME*looks behind and sees orcs running at them*Oh S***
*all hobbits start running like mad down the hill towards the boats and Frodo is already out in the boat. the hobbits run in without a heed*
FF,RE,and Sam:Wait for us
EW:No you guys. I'm goin' alone
ALL:Of course you are and we're comin' with you
*RE and FF make it to the boat ok but Sam flounders and sinks*
RE,FF,and EW:SAM!!!
EW:You guys alright?Hey were's Sam? Hold on.*turns boat around and thrusts hand into the water*I've got her hand
RE:That lucky girl.*SIGH*
EW:Not if she dies.
FF and RE:*jump into water together*
EW: D*** *pulls Sam up and hugs her. Sam almost faints*I've got to get the others. Hold on.
EW:*Pulls RE and FF out of the Anduin. Hugs them too. They DO faint*Why oh WHY do I have to be so good looking?
Sam:I dunno.*splashes water on the hobbits faces.* Noodles. Didn't work.*Rubs their faces dry. Rogue Elf and Frodofriend wake up just as Sam throws another douse on them*
RE,andFF: Oh that helped alot Sam.*thwack her with the towel*
EW:Knock it off you guys. We're goin' together so we might as well be nice to each other.
RE,FF,and Sam: Dang!we left our swimsuits at camp.
EW:*Looks at them exasperatingly*We're not going swimming there. We're on a QUEST so shut the heck UP!
Otherhobbits:Fall into silence
MEANWHILE....
Orcs:Find the halfwits!!!Find the halfwits!!!
JD:Hey YOU oogly people !Over THIS way*Hides behind a tree
Orcs:Hey were'd he go
JD:Right here.*Kills some orcs*
*Lurtz comes up and fires a couple of arrows into Jerseydevil*
JD:Ow! That hurt ALOT!
Lurtz:I cant imagine why not
JdO your best you're not gonna get the Halfwits
*another couple of arrows fly*
JD:Ow. WIll you knock that off?You're spoiling my Levi jacket
Lurtz:So.
JD:SO?!This...is...the...best...one...I...have
*Jerseydevil falls down and kneels.Lurtz comes up to him and draw his bow for one last fatal shot*
AL:YAHHHHHHH!!!
*hits Lurtz*
Lurtz:That wasn't nice
AL:Well neither is fireing arrows at someone and being a brat aobut it
Lurtz:You heard that?
AL:Yep.
*CUts off lurtzs arm* Okay, I win the fight
Lurtz: No! fight, you coward!
AL:Your arms off
Lurtz: It's just a flesh wound
AL: You're a loony *cuts of Lurtz's other arm* Okay, NOW I win!
Lurtz: nah! fight, you coward! *starts kicking AL.*
AL:what're you gonna do? bleed on me? *rolleyes*
*Cuts off Lurtzs head*
AL:and I'm sure that did'nt feel good either.....
Ok I leave the death fo Bormir to you. I am near spent.Phhhhttttpppphhhh
Sam

[Rána Eressëa]

(Aldesign sees Jerseydevil leaning up against the tree, a shitzil full of arrows plunged in his chest. Aldesign lets out a cry of anguish and runs towards his fallen friend.)

Jerseydevil: I have failed the Messageboardship! I tried stealing the ring from Frodo! I'm sorry, Aldesign...I'm so sorry...
Aldesign: [tears in his eyes] NO! You shall die with honor, my brother. You are good at heart. It was the ring, not you. Do not blame yourself...
Jerseydevil: Then I have served you well, my friend...my brother...my king...... [face falls to the side]
Aldesign: NOOOOO!!!! My brother...

(Just then Tesseract and Churl run up to Aldesign. They see the fallen Jerseydevil, and then they too begin crying.)

Churl: He was...such a strong and willful man... [wiping his eyes]
Tesseract: I know...and...and just because--
Churl: [wacks Tesseract upside the head] Now, you quit saying that Eru-awful phrase, Elfling!
Tesseract: Elfling? ELFLING? Why you little--
Churl: Little? LITTLE? I'll have your head for that one!

(Tesseract and Churl begin fighting each other and topple onto the ground.)

Aldesign: My Eru! A man has just died! Have you no respect?!

(Tesseract and Churl get back up and brush the leaves off their clothes. Mist clouds over their eyes.)

Tesseract: What are we to do now?
Churl: The Messageboardship has failed!
Aldesign: Don't speak of such horrid words! We have not failed! As long as we continue on, our job will not fail. We must stick together and find the Halfwits! Who's with me?!
Churl: That's Dwarvish talk there!
Tesseract: Ai! Ai! Is not! You just said we failed!
Churl: Shut your blubbering mouth, Elf!
Tesseract: [snaps his fingers] You better watch it, Shorty.
Churl: Oh, now ya gone and done it!!!! [jumps on Tesseract]
Aldesign: Will you two QUIT IT! I thought you became FRIENDS by now!
Churl: Wishful thinker, aren't ye?
Tesseract: No, he's just stuck in La La Land.

(Churl and Tesseract snicker together.)

Aldesign: Oh, let me see...I'm on a friggin' quest to destroy a magical fashion-controlling ring, with a dwarf, four so-called Hobbits - or as they prefer the term "digitally shrunk", and a twelve-year-old Elf who's taller than me. Which part of that strikes you as odd???
Churl: Sounds pretty normal to me.
Tesseract: [nodding] I agree.

(Tesseract and Churl do a secret hand-shake and hug each other brotherly.)

Aldesign: What is wrong with you two?
Churl: What do you mean? We're the same as ever!
Tesseract: [nodding] Word.
Aldesign: Stop agreeing with each other! I can't stand it! And talk normal, for Eru's sake!
Tesseract: Oh, so now just because I--
Aldesign: SHUT UP!!!!!!
Churl: HEY!!! Don't you go a talking to my brother like that!!! [jumps on Aldesign]
Tesseract: Get him, Churl! Make him wish he wasn't born! Haha!

(Meanwhile...on the ridge of Gondor...)

EW: [sighs] So...it seems we must go on...
Sam: Yes, it does...
FF: Yeah, it does...
RE: Hey...where's my bottle-opener?

(Everyone is silent while Sam whistles obviously...)

RE: I know I had it right in my pocket... [wanders close to the edge]
FF: ROGUE ELF, WATCH OUT!

(RE stumbles on the ridge of the cliff and slips off the edge.)

FF, Sam, & EW: NOOO!!!

(EW runs up the the edge and grabs RE's arm just in time.)

EW: I've got you!
RE: Holy Eru this is a long fall! Drop me and I'll take you with me to your friggin' death, you hear??!!
EW: Don't worry, I--

(EW slips and falls.)

FF & Sam: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

(FF & Sam run up to the edge as two faint cries are heard in the distance below...)

FF: They're gona hit the bottom and DIE!
Sam: NO! They can't die! We must find a way to the bottom! Quick! Follow me!

(A loud sickening THUD is heard on the ground below...)

FF & SAM: EEEEELLLIIIJJJAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!

(Silence. Oh, good, leave Rogue Elf out of it. How nice.)

FF & Sam: Sorry. [muster up another loud scream] RRROOOGGGUUUEEE EEELLLLFFFF!!!!!!

(Silence.)

FF: OMIERU, they're DEAD! [bawls]
Sam: O-me-e-what?
FF: [smacks Sam upside the head] This is a serious time to grieving right now!
Sam: Oh. [lets out a squeal] We must make to the bottom at once and find them!

(FF & Sam carefully begin making their long journey down the steep cracks within the side of cliff...)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P.S. -- Sorry, Tesseract...I couldn't resist

[samwise of the shire]

The two sad and grieving hobbits*cough*find the bodies of their two companions. Elijahs cheek is cut and he is pale, his blue eyes are closed in peace. Rouge Elf is lying next to him laid out on the ground,beneath the two is a soft patch of green grass which has cushioned thier fall. Sam checks on RogueElf and Frodofriend checks on Elijah.
Sam:*faithful brown eyes well with tears as she sees Frodo and RogueElf lying side by side*They cant be dead. They cant be.Oh FrodoFriend.*falls down in a dead faint and jumps RIGHT back up again with a squeal*OUCH that HURT!
FF:What Sam?
Sam:I just flippin well fell on RougeElfs Bottle opener*pulls out from pocket a wine bottle opener(that is what you meant RIGHT?)*She was drilling holes in the boat with it so I took it from her pack while she was asleep. I meant on giving it back to her but it see-*sees movment from Rouge Elf and Elijah*
EW:OW!My HEAD!!Does any one have Athelas?
Sam:No Mr Frodo I do have some asprin if that'll help
EW:Thanks Sam*smiles*
RE:I heard that little bit aobut my bottle opener. I want it BACK NOW!!!*pounces on Sam*
Sam:Ow!I bumped my head. Ow ow ow ow.Here take it.
EW:Shush*the hobbits hush just to hear his voice*
RE:He is SO dreamy when he tells us to hush.
Sam and FF:Yeah.
EW:I mean it. HUSH UP!
*they all hear an ominous HIIISSSSSSS from up above*
Sam: Dang now we have to have that whiner along. Let's go Mr Frodo sir.
EW:No. Wayfarer said that Brollum might have a part to play yet.
Sam:An' that might just be to do somethin' I nor anybody else'll like....

[Rána Eressëa]

Originally posted by samwise of the shire
Then what of Eoywen or Beregond.

Eoywen & Beregond? Well, erm...see, most of the things that happened in the book or movie didn't happen in this. Do we really have to stretch this out that long? Let's just run the Hobbits along into Mordor, they encounter Shelob, (personally I have this funnyass idea I wanna use for Shelob's Lair, but someone else might end up writing it) and follow Tesseract, Aldesign, & Churl doing weird stuff until they met up with Wayfarer. Oh, yeah, keep the scene where Frodo's discovered in the Orc tower...if you know what I mean... *wink, wink*

I know, I'm messed up...

[Wayfarer]

You know...

Once we finish this, we need to go through and edit it a bit, and see if we can blend the different segments together a bit better.

I'd like to see if we can make a really good story out of it.

[Feraway Hawkbriar]

Umm, speaking of wich, in my word document compy of the story I made a minor change blending two scenes here it is:

"Hugo: Now I'll choose five more brave souls to follow them. Wayfarer! You shall serve as their mighty Wizard guide to the land of Miami. Samwise of the Shire! You shall serve the same purpose as Rogue Elf and FrodoFriend. Tesseract! You shall serve them with your vast archery skills. Churl! You shall serve them with your dwarvish battle heart and axe. And Jerseydevil! You shall serve as the evil man who tries to steal the ring from Elijah. Now...it is time for you all to leave on your way -- I won't keep you any longer. You must leave as soon as possible!
RE: Heeeyyy...anyone notice we're all characters? See: Me, FrodoFriend, and Samwise are the other three Hobbits. Wayfarer is Gandalf. Aldesign is Aragorn. Tesseract is Legolas. Churl is Gimli. And Jerseydevil is Boromir. Doesn't this seem odd?

JD: So I'm the evil one - Boromir? Really wasn't he just misunderstood? If Frodo would just let me see the ring - everything would be fine. I'll give it back - I promise. I'll destroy Martha Stewards fashions and institute the snowboarder/skater look around Middle Earth. Everyone wearing Bullhead, Vans, Menace, Trans Nine and Quicksilver. A NEW day of fashion will spread over all of Middle Earth and I will build a snowboarder resort on the slopes of Mt Doom for all to enjoy.

Adema, Linkin Park, Incubus and Creed will sing throughout the land and we will destroy the power of the popstars and the evil Martha Stewart.

Let us use the Ring!!!

(Jersy devil is ignored)

Hugo: I have chosen you that way on purpose. It makes it more entertaining. "

Does this sound ok? as it was before, JD's line didnt quite fit.

[Wayfarer]

It's ok, I think...

I would, in eventuality, like to see a rewrite that is in story form rather than script form. ya know?

Looking forward to seeing your character art, anyway.

[Feraway Hawkbriar]

Oh yes, eventually I'm sure it will be put into proper story form..however it will not be me who does it (I dont write, I draw) The only editing I've done on my notes is makeing bold the names so I can see whos saying what and smoothing out some things...also the obligitory spell check. Its easier to go from script form than from true story form when one is trying to put something to comic or graphic novel form.

[jerseydevil]

I actually just added that part in because I was surprised i was included in the story. I didn't really think it would become part of it. I just wanted the Ring- just to hold for a little bit. Honest.

But you really had to kill me off? Couldn't you have taken artsist license and have allowed me to live?

Cool story - I'll continue reading it - even if I am no longer part of it.

[Rána Eressëa]

Hey, nice blend I don't mind it one bit. I think making it in story form would be a wonderful idea, but I'm sure not one to have the time. If you do, Wayfarer, I encourage it.

[Gerbil]

You don't have the time?
Pull the other one!

You lot have already written more than the combined works of Tolkien!

[Starr Polish]

If I write it out in story form, can I have a cameo?

[FrodoFriend]

Heck, I'll write it out if no one else wants to.

Starr Polish, how would you like to be Shelob?
Now I've got to think of the next chapter . . .

[Starr Polish]

::laugh:: I'd happily write it, but I have to finish the trilogy first. Spoilers galore! Shelob aye? ::laughs::

Oh, pertaining to the ORIGINAL title of this thread, I'd probably cry or something, since 1) I'd be happy to meet them, 2) I cry at a lot of things and 3) It just wouldn't be the same.

[Rána Eressëa]

Originally posted by Rogue Elf
Churl: The Messageboardship has failed!
Aldesign: Don't speak of such horrid words! We have not failed! As long as we continue on, our job will not fail. We must stick together and find the Halfwits! Who's with me?!
Churl: That's Dwarvish talk there!
Tesseract: Ai! Ai! Is not! You just said we failed!
Churl: Shut your blubbering mouth, Elf!
Tesseract: [snaps his fingers] You better watch it, Shorty.
Churl: Oh, now ya gone and done it!!!!

Call me self-centered, but that's my favorite part of the whole story

[FrodoFriend]

The four hobbits lie crouched at the bottom of the cliff, staring upwards. They can just make out a strange figure coming down the face of the cliff. It seems to be riding down on an elevator.

Sam: Ugh! Just like a nasty teen shopper at the mall! *shudders*
RE: Let's kill it!
FF: Let's torture it!
EW: Yes, let's -- wait, no! What did I just say?! Brollum still has a part to play!
*RE, FF & Sam look abashed.*

Meanwhile, Brollum has reached the bottom of the cliff. He pauses to adjust his makeup, then twists his head around and sniffs as if searching for something.

EW: *whispering* I think he can sense the Ring.
RE & FF: Shhhh!!
Brollum: Where is it . . . yes, Precious, we must find it, we must find it otherwise we'll have to pay full price on that new glitter-ific nail polish, yesss, our beautiful new nailpolish, brollum ! Thieves, the filthy little thieves! Cursse them! We hatess them!
Sam: Well, I hate you too, you dirty -- *jumps on Brollum and begins punching him*
BR: Ssssss!! It's messsing up my makeup, it iss, nassty little hobbit! *tries to strangle Sam*
EW: *threatens Brollum with StringThing* Let her go!!
RE, FF & Sam: *sigh* He is SOOO dreamy when he's being protective!!
EW: Anyway, Brollum, you know your way around this evil shopping-center. You will be our guide!
BR: No, not there!! Nice hobbitses must not go to that falsetto sparkling land! SHE is there . . . she is always watching, brollum !
RE: Look, you little creep! Do what he says or, or . . . or I'll open your bottle! *threatens Brollum with bottle opener*
BR: Don't hurt us, don't let them hurt us! *paws at EW's knees*
FF: HEY!! That's MY job! *paws at EW's knees*
EW: Brollum! Swear to be our guide and serve me! Swear on the Precious!
BR: All right, all right! It does not need to be so pusshy, no! We swearss by your frickin' Precious already!
EW: Good!

The five travellers now continue on their way.

BR: First we must pass through the Dead Food Court . . . festering, stinking piles of food . . . they must not eat it, no, it has much cholesterol! No dietary fiber, no, none whatssoever!
EW: Er . . . all right. Lead on!
*soon they are in the Food Court. It smells funny and there are piles of junk food everywhere. They pass a scummy-looking fountain.*
RE: Hey! O! Water is fair that --
FF & Sam: NOOO!
EW: This is hardly the time for that!
RE: Oh, all right. *kicks a tussock*
*they walk all day and finally shelter for the night under a small mountain of burnt Chow Mein.*
Sam: How far did we walk today? *rubs legs*
EW: Hey! Stop rubbing my legs!
Sam: Sorry. *rubs her own legs*
FF: *pulls out Magnadoodle* Well, according to my calculations . . . *begins to scribble frantically*

Five minutes later . . .

Sam: Well, how far did we walk today?
FF: Oh, well . . . that is, I . . .
Sam: I thought you were calculating?
*Sam, RE & EW look at what FF drew on her Magnadoodle. It is a picture of EW proposing marriage to FF, surrounded by little hearts*
RE & Sam: *picturing themselves in FF's place* Awwwww . . .
EW: Hmmmm. *looks worried*
BR: *scratches himself and fixes make-up*
Sam: Well, you'd better get some sleep, Mr. Frodo.
RE & FF: Yes, yes, sleep! *staring eagerly at EW*
EW: *shrugs* Well, all right.
*FF, RE & Sam lie down as close to EW as possible. Close up of EW's face. He is grinning like a madman.*
EW: Heh heh heh . . .

(In Rivendell, Hugo Weaving looks up from his Spoon.
HW: Heh heh heh . . . Ha ha . . . MWA HA HA!! POOR FOOLS! *laughs some more, then gets down on the floor and rolls around laughing*)

MEANWHILE, the rest of the Messageboardship is trying to decide what path to follow!

TS: I really hate to say this, but . . . just because --
AL: Aaaahhh!
TS: Just kidding. What I mean to say is, we really have to save those Halfwits from the Orcs!
AL: What? But they all went with Frodo to Martha's Mansion.
CH: All the more reason to run the opposite way!
AL: *scratches head*
TS: HEY! Stop scratching my head!
AL: Sorry. *scratches own head* All right, let's follow the Orcs then! *stands up and places hand on sword hilt, looking noble and kingly* Jerseydevil, you have not died in vain!
JD: *groans* Actually . . . I'm not quite dead yet.
AL: Um, well . . . you have not been mortally wounded in vain!
JD: Actually, I think I'm going to be all right.
AL: Well, you shall not have had your honor wounded in vain!
JD: *stands up* No, no, I'm quite all right!
AL: LOOK! We're going to hunt those Orcs, all right?!
JD: Okay, okay, no need to get all huffy!
*AL, JD, TS, and CH stand around looking at each other*
TS: Um . . . shall we?
CH: Yyeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!

And . . . they ride off to the sound of heroic music.

[FrodoFriend]

I have to say, the most amusing character so far is Hugo. My kinda guy, LOL!

[Rána Eressëa]

I love how Hugo keeps popping up throughout the story He's cool.

[Rána Eressëa]

Originally posted by Rogue Elf
Jerseydevil: Then I have served you well, my friend...my brother...my king...... [face falls to the side]
Aldesign: NOOOOO!!!! My brother...

(Just then Tesseract and Churl run up to Aldesign. They see the fallen Jerseydevil, and then they too begin crying.)

I never said he was dead. I said "face falls to the side" and "they see the fallen Jerseydevil". That just means he fell

I knew someone else would make him pop back into the story as long as I didn't say "dead". See my point? There is reason in the most obsecure of things...

Ooh, I feel all intelligent now.