They'd never say that! (part 2)

[me9996]

(Gandalf is standing around, in runs Legolas looking scared)
Legolas: Help me! The pink elephants are after me!
Gandalf: I never thought me9996 would bring drunkeness into this...
Legolas: No realy! There are pink elephants after me!
Gandalf: Have been drinking?
Legolas: Only one!
Gandalf: Oh realy?
(Then Legolas turns around, screams like a girl, and runs from pink -yes pink!- elephants)
Gandalf: ... Maybe I've had to many...
(Gandalf walks off screen, we see Gimli holding a paintbrush)
Gimli: It is amazeing what one can do to encourage sobrity by just painting a few elephant pink.

[me9996]

Boramir(Singing): I am the very model of a modern major general,
I know information vegtable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of engeland in order catagorical,
allthough my knowlage military is limited to the turn of the cenutry.
I am the very model of a modern major general!
Legolas, Gimli, and Aragorn(Singing falsetto): He is the very model of a modern major general!
Boramir: I-
Peter Jackson: Help! Help!
(Enter Peter Jackson looking scared)
Peter Jackson: Help me! They're after me! AHHHH!!!
(Exit Peter Jackson, enter army of squirels and Ragast the brown, Ragast stands in the middle of the flooding army of squirels looking dinamic)
Ragast: Go forth my army! Reek my vengance! You shall pay Peter Jackson! You shall pay!!!
(Fin)
Frodo: Why is the word 'fin' at the end of so many movies?
Sam: It's french and is pronounced 'fan'.
Ragast: ARG!!! YOU'RE BUTCHERING THE FRENCH LAUNGIGE!!!

[luvEyowen]

OK.....I know I haven't been here for like FOREVER...here goes!

Frodo: I Really wish that I were the dark lord, he looks so cool being an eye and all that!
Dark Lord: K....U R just WEIRD
Frodo:What?
Dark Lord: I Want the ring, dude
Frodo: So?
Dark Lord: You Can Be the dark lord if you give me the ring
Frodo: Why do you want the ring?
Dark lord: So I can be a pretty hobbit-lass!

[me9996]

Aragorn: Use the force Frodo!
Frodo: You goof! This is LOTR! Not Starwars!
Aragorn(Waveing hand): This is Starwars.
Frodo: No, it's not.
Aragorn(Waveing hand): This is Starwars.
Frodo: No, it's not!
Aragorn(Waveing hand): This is Starwars
Frodo: ... I'm leaveing now.
__________________
(Gandalf, Aragorn, Arwen, Sam, Frodo, and Boramir are at a party or something)
Gandalf: Okay! Party game time! I was givein this bag here by gladreal and it's filled with things we can pretend to be! Everyone take one and I'll try to guess them!
(Everone exept Gandalf takes a peace of paper from the bag)
Gandalf: So who wants to go first?
Boramir: Me! Me! MEEEEE!!!
Gandalf: Okay, you first.
(Boramir starts to put his arms out)
Gandalf: You're an ent with a stomach ache.
Boramir: Huh? Yeah, how'd you know?
Gandalf: Realy easy.
Frodo: I'm next!
(Frodo runs out of the room and returns dressed like Gandalf, includeing a staff and fake beard!)
Frodo(Deep voice): YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!
Gandalf: Hmm... A crossing guard?
Frodo(Deep voice): Fool of a Took! Next time throw yourself in!
Gandalf: Um, Gladreil?
Frodo(Takeing aback): Erm, no.
Gandalf: Aw...
Frodo(Deep voice): CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...
Gandalf: Aha! It's me!!!
Frodo(Deep voice): ...EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...
Gandalf: You can stop now you know.
Frodo(Deep voice): ...EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...
(And so it goes for some time)
__________________
Aragorn: I can proove we're in Starwars.
Frodo: How?
Aragorn: Meet my friend, General Grevous.
(Enter General Grevous)
Gen. Grevous: Wow, so this is what middle earth is ment to look like...
Frodo: AHA! He knows he's out of Starwars!
Aragorn: Grevous, I'm going to have to kill you know.
(Aragorn draws out Anduril which is glowing red Grevous screams like a girl and runs out of the room)
Frodo(Sarcastic): A brave one isn't he?
(Grevous returns with a giant mousetrap)
__________________

[me9996]

And now for a surpeme Starwars/LOTR parody.

Ringwars episode 1A: The fellowship of the ring!

The allience of men and elves against the dark lord Souron has had many victorys. To resolve this problem the dark lord has constructed a giant ring with the firepower to distroy an entire planet. And so the allience has sent a fellowship -mostly of hobbits- to find a weekness in the ring and distroy it...

(Pan to see a spaceship flying through space with the words "aged eagle" on the side, it flys untill we see both it and a giant ring floating in space.
Then we go to inside the spaceship where we see the four hobbits, Gandalf dressed like Han Solo, and Boramir dressed as a jedi.)
Frodo: So that's the ring?
Gandalf: Yup, I have a bad fealing about this.
Boramir: We must distroy it or the dark lord Soruon's power will be unmatched.
Gandalf: Uh oh, we're cought in a tractor beam!
Frodo: What do tractors have to do with anything?
(To be contenued...)

[Thain Peregrin Took I]

(At the Council of Elrond)
Frodo: Oh, bleep.
Elves: *GASP!!!!*
Frodo: What?
Legolas: In Elvish, 'bleep' isn't used as a replacement for a bad word, it is a bad word.
Aragorn: I've never heard of it. What does it mean?
(Legolas whispers in Aragorn's ear)
Aragorn: *GASP!!!* *slaps Frodo's mouth*
Frodo: What did I say?
(Aragorn whispers to him)
Frodo: WHAT??!?!?!?! *runs looking for soap to put in his mouth*

[Thain Peregrin Took I]

*Aragorn and Arwen are walking along, holding hands* *Eowyn comes in*
Eoywn *sings*: Hey, hey, you, you, I don't like your girlfriend. No way, no way, I think you need a new one. Hey, hey, you, you, I could be your girlfriend.
Aragorn and Arwen: *stares* *walks away slowly*

[me9996]

(Bridge of Balen-Dur)
Gandalf: You shall not pass!!!
Balrog: I know you don't fear my fire, but what about your friends here?
Gandalf: NEVER!!!
(Gandalf shoots lightning at the Balrog who seems starts flailing around dramaiticly)
Balrog: Lightning! Lightning! Oh what a world, what a world! To think a good little girl like you could distroy by beutiful wickedness!
Gandalf: Excuse me?
(Balrog falls off the bridge)
Balrog(Fadeing away): Lightning! Lightning... Oh what a world, what a world...
(Orc captan peers over the edge)
Orc captan: It's- it's dead... You... Killed it...
Gandalf: I only ment to protect my friends, I didn't-
Orc captan(To orcs): ALL HAIL DORTHY! THE WICKED BALROG IS DEAD!
Orcs: ALL HAIL DORTHY! ALL HAIL DORTHY!
Gandalf: Let's get out of here...
(They all start running)
Orc 35: Hey! Come back here!
(Frodo hesatates)
Gandalf: Fly you fools!!!

[me9996]

(Gandalf rides up to a building in fangorn forest marked "Ent burger")
Quickbeam(From inside): Welcome to Ent Burger! Where our motto is: "Don't be hasty"!
Gandalf: I'd like a hasty burger with CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...
Quickbeam: Um, sir?
Gandalf: ...EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ...
Quickbeam(To someone inside): Bring the manager! That wizard is at it again!
(Treebeard comes forward)
Gandalf: ...EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ...
Quickbeam: Sir, what do we do?
Treebeard: We wait.
Gandalf: ...EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ...
(Some time later, Treebeard, Quickbeam, and the store are all covered in vines)
Gandalf: ...EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ...
Quickbeam(Muffled): Well, now can we do something?
Treebeard(Muffled): Just a little longer...

[me9996]

Ugluk: Oh I'm an Uruk-hai and I'm okay-
(Ugluk is pin-cushioned in an instant with white-feathered arrows)
__________________
(The assault on the black gate, Aragorn and company ride up to the gate)
Aragorn: Let the lord of the black land come forth!
???(French actcent all the time, off camera): Why are you here?
(Everyone looks around)
???(Still of camera): Up here.
(Everyone looks up, at the top of the gate we see the mouth of Souron)
Mouth of Souron(Same as ???): As I said, WHY are you here?
Aragorn: We seek to stop the dark lord from reclaiming the one ring.
Mouth of Souron: Oh yeah? Well he's allready got one!
(Up at the top of the black gate)
Mouth of Souron(To orc archers): I told him we've allready got one!
Orc archers: Hehehehehe
(Back outside)
Aragorn: What? The dark lord allready has one?
Gandalf: Don't give up hope.
Mouth of Souron: Well now go away or we will throw wargs at you!
Aragorn: Run away!!!
Gandalf: Run away!!!
(As the army of good flees the orcs launch unsuspecting wargs at them with catapults)
__________________

[me9996]

As is my custom on the forth of july I will now do a "They'd never say that!" involveing orcs and fireworks.

Mmm...
*Thinks up image of an orc straped to a firework rocket*

Let's try again.
__________________
(Orcs 1&2 are sitting around waiting for fireworks)
Orc 1:...Zzz...
Orc 2: I wonder what's takeing the fireworks so long.
Orc 1:...Zzz...
Orc 2: Wake up!
(Orc 2 shakes Orc 1)
Orc 1: Huh? What? Why'd you wake me?
Orc 2: The fireworks are starting!
(Orc 1 looks around, the fireworks have not started)
Orc 1: I don't see any fireworks.
Orc 2: Ha! HAHAHA! Bwhahahaha!
Orc 1(Sarcastic): Oh yeah, very funny.
Orc 2: Well I- ... You ever get desa-vu?
Orc 1: Is that a kind of chinese food? Because I don't eat chinese food.
Orc 2: It's when you go through something you think you've gone through before.
Orc 1: Ah... Nope.
Orc 2: Even though we allways end up siting next to each other at the fireworks?
Orc 1: ...Zzz...
Orc 2: Aw hobbits.
(The Gandalf starts lighting the fireworks)
Orc 2: Wake up!
Orc 1: Huh? What? Why'd you wake me?
Orc 2: The fireworks are starting!
Orc 1: Yay!!!
Orc 2: And you still don't get desa-vu?
Orc 1: Is that a kind of chinese food? Because I don't eat chinese food.
Orc 2: ...
__________________
Edit/P.S:
My last years one of these is on page one, and this is on... Page 5? Page 6?

[me9996]

My birthday is comeing up...

And now for the funny stuff!
__________________
(Battle of Helms Deep)
Aragorn: See? The dawn comes!
Uruk-Hai captian: What do we care?
(Music starts)
Uruk-Hai captian(singing): Oh I'm an uruk-hai and I'm okay! I fight all night and I fight all day!
Uruk-Hai corus(singing): Oh he's an uruk-hai and he's okay! He fights all night and he fights all day!
Uruk-Hai captian(singing): Oh I'm an uruk-hai and I'm okay! I put on-
(At this moment Gandalf and the roherim charge in)
__________________
(Counsel of Elrond, everyone is wereing strange super-hero costumes)
Elrond: Welcome, counsel of the free super-people of middle earth.
As you may know we have found: THE ONE RUNG! TO RULE THEM ALL!!!
Frodo(A.K.A. Heir of lucky number): I thought it was the one ring.
Elrond: Oops, typo. Well to distroy it we must go to:
MOUNT DOOM!!!
Frodo: Sounds like a big water slide.
Elrond: Be that as it may, we must distroy it, who will go?

In the end 9 were picked:
Heir of Lucky Number(Frodo)
The Dunadan(Aragorn in ranger cloathing made to look like a super-suit)
The Electric Hobbit(Merry in Suit with lightning bolts on it)
Stone Head(Pippin)
Eagle Wizard(Gandalf with wings on his hat)
Wonder Elf(Legolas dressed in a guy vertion of Wonder Womans outfit)
The Dwarf From Down Under(Gimly in stereotypical austrailian outback stuff)
Guardain of the White Tower(Boromir in white)
And... Sam.
__________________
By the way, I was haveing internet problems when I made this so I had to copy and paste it to notepad and then copy and paste it from there now to get it here.

I made it last night and by birthday is still comeing up!

[me9996]

(After the battle of pelenor fields)
Gandalf: We must keep his eye on us and away from Frodo!
Aragorn: What are you proposeing?
(Cut to later, sevral of the people of Gondor and doing a play)
Corus(Singing, Falsetto): He is the very model of a modern major general!
Faramir(Singing):I know-
(Eowen comes in with a flame thrower)
Eowen: You let him out and not me?!? RAAAGGGHHHH!!!
(Eowen starts throwing flames with the flamethrower, everyone runs for cover, meanwhile in Balen-dur)
Souron: Hahaha! Now thing is good!
(We see that Souron is useing a palanteir to watch it like a T.V. show, back at Minus Tirith Aragorn and Eomer have ducked behind a building)
Aragorn: Not the cold lady of Rohan anymore, eh?
(Eomer knocks Aragorn over his head, back at Balen-dur)
Souron: Ahahaha! This is just too much!
(Rumbleing)
Souron: Huh?
(Everything crumbles and Souron is now just a wisp but the palanteir is unharmed)
Souron: Aw, hobbits.
(A few years later outside Minus Tirith a scrapy roleing is heard)
Guard: Huh?
(Up roles the palanteir with a wisp behind)
Wisp: Hello, I'm Souron. Could you guys do that funny thing with the flamethrower again?

[me9996]

Song number by rohirrim on way to Minas Tirith.
(Note: This most of the song is ment to have an upbeat tempo but the stuff in italics is ment to be said fast)
(Note2: Unless otherwise noted you are to assume all charictars are singing)

(Rohirrim on way to... Oh, you know!)
Teoden: We ride for death and glo-ory!
Rohirrim Chorus: We ride for death and glo-ory!
Teoden: We ride for death and glo-ory!
Teoden and Rohirrim Chorus: And we're not going to stop on the way!

(Eomer rides forward)
Eomer: Oh I came to ride to the stone city, I know that they hath room!
But it would be fonder I found out yonder yon ol' bath room!

Teoden(Talking): I told you, go before we left!
Eomer(Talking): I did!
(Eomer rides back)

Teoden: We ride for death and glo-ory!
Rohirrim Chorus: We ride for death and glo-ory!
Teoden: We ride for death and glo-ory!
Teoden and Rohirrim Chorus: And we're not going to stop on the way!
__________________
And I can't think of any more verses right now

[me9996]

Theoden: Mustard the rohirrim!
Eomer: Huh?
Theoden: Quickly! Bring the ring of mayo!
Eomer: Help!
Frodo(Narrating): And then they put ol' Theo in the funny farm with Gandy.

[me9996]

Forenote: This is based off of the song on the show Mash, not the movie, I have never seen the movie and don't want too.

Forenote 2: When it says they the soldiers are singing, remember: They're all soldiers.

(Soldier dinner hall in Minus Tirith)
Soldiers(singing): Oh, I don't want no more of army life, please Mom I wanna go home!
(Those two rangers who guarded Frodo and Sam stand up, I forget their names )
Those two rangers(Singing): Oh, rangers in the army, they say we're mighty keen, if we can get our masks off maybe we'll see what you mean!
(They sit down)
Soldiers(singing): Oh, I don't want no more of army life, please Mom I wanna go home!
(Beregond stands up)
Beregond(singing): Oh tower guards in the army, they say our dutys mighty light, if you think it's so easy you try staying there all night!
(Beregond sits down, some scattered laughter and applause)
Soldiers(singing): Oh, I don't want no more of army life, please Mom I wanna go home!
(Faramir stands up)
Faramir(singing): Oh, captains in the army, we order as we please, if there wasn't a war our life would be a breeze!
(Faramir sits down)
Soldiers(singing): Oh, I don't want no more of army life, please Mom I wanna go -but they won't let me go- please Mom I wanna go home!!!
(End song)
__________________
It's my birthday today! YAY!

[me9996]

In the end, the following were chosen to become the fellowship of the ring:
Eldrond, Arwen, Legolas, Glorfindel, Gladreal, and Thuranduril to represent the elves. 6

Bombur, Gloin, and Gloin's son Gimli to represent the dwarves. 3

Merry, Pippin, Fatty Boldger, Lothia of the Sackville-baggenses, The old Gaffer, the Gaffer's son Sam, Gollum, Bilbo baggens, and the ring-bearer Frodo to represent the hobbits. 9

Treebeard and Quickbeam to represent the Ents. 2

Tom Bombadill to represent ... whatever he is. 1

Ugluk and Snaga to represent the orcs. 2

Bob to represent the Trolls. 1

Gandalf, Ragast, and Saruman to represent the wizards. 3

Old man willow to represent the trees. 1

A dragon that nobody knows to represent Dragon-kind. 1

Shamu to represent the killer whales. 1

Aragorn, Boramir, Beregon, Eomer, Barliman Butterbur, Thoden, Faramir, Denethor, Bard the dragonslayer, Arathorn, and five of Aragorns ranger friends to represent men. 15

And Eowen to represent women. 1

In the end, 45 were chosen to become the fellowship of the ring.

And as the marched forth from rivendell they realized they had about five times too many people here but they marched on anyway.

(This took so long it logged me off when I tryed to post it so I did some rather strange stuff to get this posted)

(NOT HACKING! NONE OF THAT!)

[super-pippin]

Legolas carying a Lady Elf (Areodin) down a path..

Legalas: Your so light! How much do you weigh?!?

Areodin: Oh, just a ton or so .

Legolas: that explains it, allmost half my weight!


( hehehehehehe!!!)

[me9996]

(At that place where the fellowship of the ring broke, Aragorn and Frodo are fighting orcs)
Aragorn: Forsooth! I smite down orcs like butter!
Frodo: You smite butter?
Aragorn: I smite it orfen!
(A giant cat walks up on hind legs)
Cat: Heloo!
Aragorn: I must smite this cat! It is an instrament of Souron!
(Aragorn slashes the cat, his blow skids off the fur)
Cat: Yay! The human wants to play!
Aragorn: Quickly, smite him with your elven blade!
Frodo: I will! And don't call me Quickly!
(Frodo stabs at the giant cat, his blow also slides off)
Cat: Oh yay! I get to play with both the humans!
Frodo: I'm not-
Cat: Oh yay! Orcs to chase!
(The cat starts chaseing orcs like it would mice)
Aragorn: Frodo, fate has smiled on us today.
Frodo: Who's fate?

[super-pippin]

( Frodo at weathertop staring at the Nazgul)

Witch king: Quit straining to keep it from us!

Nazgul: Give our acsesory back! Souron loves it dearly.

2nd Nazgul: gold foreged in Mt. Doom, pure evil and a twist of
perfection to go with any outfit.