War For All Of Middle Earth™!

[Human#3.141592653]

OOC: Can't enter Lorien, I'll show you who can't enter Lorien!

Human walks up to very large door that says "Welcome to Lorien" in large friendly letters above it. Ariel, of course. 64 point font. Bolded, too. And all-caps.
Human walks primly up to the door.
She places her hand upon the door nob. She turns it. She pulls with all her might behind it.
Then, upon noticing the little white and black sign next to the door, she pushes and watches disgruntledly as it swings inward.
"Stupid door, stupid sign, stupid stupid..." She could be heard muttering as she moved one step forward-
And froze.
For, yes, on the other side of the Big Friend Door to Lorien, sat the most foul, crule, vicious creature that ever lived!
Human shierked like the girl she was for a good five minutes. Then, after she had stopped, she slammed the door behind her, whirling about to face her rather confused Great Hoard of General Evil.
"Well," she said. "Maybe there's another door..."
The Great Hoard of General Evil collectively groaned.

[Willow Oran]

Random evil guy: Just fight the critter!

Human: Err... (Opens the door again.) Uh....

Creature: How would you defeat Nadie?

Hpi: What?

Creature: It's a riddle, How would you defeat Nadie?

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

*Just then Sauroookatt appeared near HumanPi.*

Saurooookatt: Oh, you are busy. I have some information to report to you. Can I spare a minute of your time?

Human: Actually n-

Saurooookatt: Great *Snapps fingers and a brick wall surrounds her and Human* The evil things are all coming down from the mountain, the hobbits are being hypnotized by Penguin #492, and the armies from the south are gathering in Mordor. We will be ready to attack all unconquored lands by tomorrow morning.

HumanPi: That's Great, except we can't get into Lothlorien until we can figure out how to defeat Nadie.

Saurooookatt: O_o *scratches head* Wouldn't logic work?

HumanPi: What?

Saurooookatt: Well, all we have to do is tell Nadie that she is nobody so she can't stop us and she will probably vanish in a puff of logic. Just like God.

HumanPi: Why is Nadie a nobody?

Saurooookatt: Well at least someone pays attention in Spanish class. Nadie is spanish for nobody.

HumanPi: Thanks a lot Katt.

Saurooookatt: Don't thank me, thank Maddie.

HumanPi: I will the next time I see her.

*Saurooookatt snapped her fingers and the next secont, she and the brick wall were gone.*

[Dolenloteiel]

Standing next to Human in fron of door

DO well, are you going to open it or not??

H It's not that simple!!!

DO Yes, it is!!

*SK comes, big discussion bla bla*

DO C'mon, you can do it!!

H If you think it's soooo easy, then you do it!!

DO *backs off* Hey, I'm not the one taking spanish! No Comprendo

H Whatever, *opens door* You are nothing!!!! *nadie is gone*
MWAHAHAHAAAAA SPOOON *makes a run for the door*

DO *Steps in front of her* No! I have Lorien!! This is my domain now!! You can room for as long as you wish and I'm still your ally but I need to fix a few things first! *turns around and takes a big paintbrush and paints over "Welcome to Lorien" replacing it with "Welcome to Laurelindale" *

H *reading it* That's the same thing.

DO *steps back to evaluate her work* So? This is more poetic!!! *Ushers squirrels in* Come on, come on!!

H Hey!! We're conquering Middle Earth tomorrow!! They can't go in there!!!

DO No, correction, YOU and YOUR OTHER ALLIES are conquering Middle Earth tomorrow!! I am a stronghold!! You wouldn't want to lose a stronghold now would you??? *slams door in her face*

H *shakes her head* Why didn't I kill her in the first place?? Stupid plastic knife!!!

[Human#3.141592653]

Human turns and surveys her remianing Hoard of General Evil. She turns to Suaroookatt. She turns to Lorien.
Human: Um....er...well.
Pause.
Human: *suffles feet and coughs*
Human turns and surveys her remianing Hoard of General Evil. She turns to Suaroookatt. She turns to Lorien.
Human: Hmmm.....um um um....well.
Pause.
Human: *suffles feet and coughs*
Pause
Human: SPOOON!!! *Hops on Po-go stick of Death adn rides off toward the gerneral direction of Mirkwood*
Penguins: MIER!!! *they follow*

But, somewhere, over there, a blond shadow hunches over evily folded hands, and begins to cackle....

[Willow Oran]

(Travel as they might the army cannot seem to get beyond the borders of Lorien. After a day of wandering around they found themselves back at the gates to Caras Galadhon, they are open and there is now a sign reading welcome to Lauralindorien. There is no sign of DO but the creature is still there.)

HPi: What? I thought you dissapeared in a puff of logic!

Creature: Sorry, that was Nadie, and because she was nobody there was nothing that changed for there was nobody to get rid of in the first place. However you may enter for you have answered the riddle.

HPi: What happened to DO?

Creature: She was not the one who answered I ate her. And even though you may enter you may no pillage or take. Not until you've fulfilled the other part of the condition.

HPi: What other part?

Creature: The part where you rescue Elrond and Glorfindel and return them to Imladris.

HPi: Oh... Drat.

[Earniel]

Eärniel: *whisper* Is the faery still there?

Poiple: Yes, she's just flying overhead.

Entesse: You think she saw us?

Eärniel: No I don't think so but she does seem to look for something in this area.

Entesse: You think she's looking for us?

Scaley: Dunno, could be.

Eärniel: I wonder how she might have known... Anyway, Cirdan said we'll have to get to Rivendell. Follow me. *sneaks of through the bushes, the dragons follow suit*

Scaley: These leaves are tickling me....

Eärniel: Ignore it.

Scaley: I can't, it's really getting annoying. Besides I think I have to......

Eärniel: Have to what? *turns around to look at Scaley*

Scaley: To... to... a... a....

Eärniel:*panicks* NO! Don't sneeze now!

Scaley AACHOOOO!!!

*As Scaley sneezes all the leaves of the bushes fall off, destroying their cover*

Eärniel: Oh, bugger.

[Human#3.141592653]

Human: Hmmm....how to atract Glorfindel....hmmm....well, If he where maggie, i would pretend to be Glorfindel, and then she would come running. But it doesn't work the other way around; Glorfindel's probably scared out of his wits at all these alter egos running around...
Pause
Human: I've got it! I'll pretend that I'm not Maggie!
Begins to wander about pretending not to be Maggie. Passes shadow.
Shadow: What on earth do you think that you are doing??
Human: Shhh! Be vewy vewy quiet! I'm huntin' elveses.
Shadow: You know so little. Fine; stay here and waiste your time and wait for me to do every thing for you.
Human: NEH?
Shadow: Tsk!
*Shadow vanishes*
Human: I don't have time for this!
Continues sneaking about, pretending not to be Maggie....

[Willow Oran]

(Willow rolls her eyes and lands in front of the sheepish looking elf and the three dragons.)

Willow: Oh stop that. I not here to harm you, Maggie sent me to bring you to Rivendell.

Earniel: I see, Who is Maggie?

Willow: She's one of the people in charge of this whole operation. I think. Actually, I'm not sure what side she's on, I think she is one of the sides. Anyway, she's offering you an alliance.

Earniel: Oh.

Willow: So... Will you come willingly or by force? I do either so whichever one you're more comfortable with is fine with me.

Earniel: I think I need to consult with my companions for a bit.

Willow: Alright, but remember, people who join with us get chocolate, and fresh homemade cider.

[Human#3.141592653]

WAH!

After much toil and lots of help form certain assoicates, Human became awear that there was another riddle to be solved.
What happened to Elrond and Glofindel?
Well, after much more toil and head ahces on the part of the associates, Human discovered that one of them had been poured into Gladriel's mirror!

Wah ha!

More on this subject later....

[Earniel]

*Eärniel and the three dragons put theit heads together*

Eärniel: So what do we do? We were going to Rivendell already, I see no problem why she can't bring us.

Entesse: I wonder how a little faerie like that can bring us to Rivendell without cheating.

Eärniel: Stop bleating about cheating already. She's probably evil, evil things cheat out of profession.

Scaley: I think it's alright then.

Poiple: Mmm, I'm not so sure if we will be able to trust this Maggie. If she's one of those who are trying to take over Middle earth, she'll probably betray us the moment she doesn't need us anymore. You know evil conquerors tend to be clad in black, go Mwahahahah occasionally and often exhibit backstabbing tendencies. On the otherhand I'm getting hungry and my feet hurt.

Eärniel: Okay, it's agreed then. We'll talk to this Maggie and see what she has to say. Then we can still decide to slip away or not.

Entesse: Agreed.

Scaley: Okay.

Poiple: Sure.

Eärniel: *turning to Willow* Okay we'll come. Willingly please.

[Human#3.141592653]

Immeadately upon discovering the above infromation, Human stops pretending not to be Maggie. Although it was a great deal of fun, she now must find Gladriel's mirror room!

Human: I must find Gladriel's mirror room!

Lo and beholden! a big huge sign reading "Gladriel's Mirror Room" was posted above a door directly to Human's left.

Human: How very fortuitous!

But a doubt crept into huamn's deranged mind...what if this very conviently placed sign was actually a skillfully placed trap...placed there by the good guys!

Human: It's either that or the Lorien elves really like big huge signs....

Deciding to err on the side of caution, Human sent one of the 15 regularly sized Balrogs in first, to see if all was well.

The Balrog goes in.

Silence.

More Silence.

Penguin: Mier?

More Silnce.

And More Silence.

Human: I CAN"T TAKE IT ANY MORE!

Human rushes up to the door just as the Balrog poke it's head out and says: "All clear boss!"

Human: AGK! ACK...gah...*has a heart attrack*

*Penguin pokes human with stick*

Human leaps and shrieks at the Balrog: You almost killed me!

Balrog: No? More's the pity...

Human: *Muttering and entering mirror room* Stupid mirror, stupid good looking elf, stupid door, stupid Balrog, stupid stupid...

[Willow Oran]

Willow: Alright then! Thank you so much for choosing to come willingly. You have no idea how bothersome it would be to do it the other way. (She snaps her fingers and the landscape around them dissapears to be replaced with the valley of Rivindell.)

Earniel: Wha- how did that happen?

Mahtaliel (coming up behind them): You've been wandering around down here for the last couple hours. Sorry about the illusion, but it was nessecary.

Scaley: What ever, just take us in to see this person, who ever she is.

Mahtaliel: Right this way.

(They follow her into the house and up to the library. Earniel starts to enter but stops at the door.)

Earniel: Wait... Cirdan told me not to go in libraries. He said he got attacked in his.

Mahtaliel: It's alright, nothing is going to attack you here. Now come in.

Earniel: Very well.

(They enter. The library looks relatively normal, aside from the pink fluffy bunnies running around that is. Maggie is sitting in an armchair by one of the windows. She is a normal looking girl wearing tattered blue jeans with writing all over them, an oversized green sweatshirt with Broderick Kids written across the front and blue converse hightops.)

Maggie: Hello, so glad you could make it. Now, what seems to be the problem?

[Earniel]

Eärniel: *blinks and stops staring* Erm... you're just not the way I imagined you. *elbows Poiple and whispers* I think you'll have to redefine your definition of evil conquerors.

Poiple:*still stares* Errrrr....

Eärniel: my point exactly.

Scaley: *whispers*Okay, so we were wrong about her looks. But maybe it's just an illusion, I bet she can look really mean if she wants to. And I bet she's still EVIL, she probably has some very nasty ways of deposing of any one who stands in her way such as boiling lava pits or starved pirhana pets. We'll have to tread very carefully.

Eärniel: Neh, don't worry, I can do that. *looks at Maggie, Willow and Mahtaliel* Say, you DO look a lot like eachother. Are you lot family or something?

Entesse:*sighs deeply and whispers to the other two dragons* And we have to safe the world with HER?

[Willow Oran]

(It is now Maggie's turn to blink confusedly.)

Maggie: Family? Er... no, We're not even the same species. Willow's a faerie, I'm human and Mahtaliel's an elf and we don't look that much alike. I mean... We're all different heights and weights and yeah. But we are alter egos so I guess it make sense...

Earniel: Oh. Sorry, just curious.

Maggie: I see. Now our task is to do away with those stupid penguins and their leader. I have them occupied looking for Elrond and Glorfindel right now. But she's progressing closer to the answer each day. And when she finds the answer we'll be forced to an all out war. We must get rid of her before it can come to that.

Earniel: Right... Out of curiousity, where are Elrond and Glorfindel? Cirdan said they had dissapeared and no one seems to know where they are. And why aren't Celeborn and Galadriel defending Lorien?

Maggie: They seem to have dissapeared as well. I honestly don't know where they've gone. As for the other two, Human should really look in a few more mirrors she might find something. (As she says this a wide grin slowly creeps across her face, had Human or Katt been there they would have recognized this grin. It was a grin to put terror into the hearts of the innocent, one that is normally seen only on rabid tigers about to pounce on something.) And then again, she might not.

(meanwhile in Lorien a lone bunny hops into the command tent where Human is puzzling overs Maggie's confounded riddles. The bunny puts a gift that looks rather thicker than it should, [due to Maggie's wrapping techniques,] on the table and hops out again, as quietly as it came.)

[Earniel]

Eärniel: I see. *taking back a step just in case. She may never have actually seen a rabid tiger but she somehow now knew how it would look*

Poiple: *pulls Eärniel's sleeve and whispers* What's an alter-ego?

Eärniel: *whispers back* You know when people go terribly insane, they tend to think they are other people, those are alter-ego's.

Scaley: No it's not, that's schizofrenia.

Eärniel: Same thing.

Scaley: No it isn't.

Eärniel: Yes it is.

Scaley: No it i.... *is interrupted by Maggie tapping the arm of her chair very explicitly*

Eärniel: Um, sorry about that. So let's see if I get this. If you haven't made all those elves dissappear and neither have this human and her penguins than who did? And why is this library safe? And how many mirrors DOES Lothlorien have? And.... pink fluffy bunnies?

[Willow Oran]

(Maggie sighs audibly and shakes her head, obviously getting exasperated.)

Maggie: No, I did make Elrond and Glorfindel dissapear and I'm keeping Human occupied by forcing her to search for them. I did not make Galadriel and Celeborn dissapear. I brought them here from Lorien and now I seem to have misplaced them. The pink fluffy bunnies are my minions. Lorien only has one Mirror, but it has many mirrors. Understand?

OOC: And for Eru's sake Human, check your spelling before posting! (tries to keep the new mini balrogs from attatching themselves to her leg.) Yar! Get off! Go bother human!

[Human#3.141592653]

OOC: Stupid elvish names! They should be spelt the way that I spell them! When I take over Middle Earth, I'm going to change all the spellings the way that I like them!
WA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

OOC2: (The Horror! My computer doesn't think that "Galadriel" is a word!)

Human desends a little stair way. The camera zooms in on her feet. She looks about dazedly and apraoches the mirror, waiting for
Galadriel
(I can spell it right...when I want...)
To pop up from behind her and scare her, as is the proper way to ask to use the mirror.
But she doesn't pop up.
Human waits and waits and still is not startled by the sudden appearence of Galadriel.
Human: Ah, to Mordor with it!
Human walks up the mirror and wips out a large bottle of disappearing, reapearing ink! She pours it into the mirror and with a loud woosh and the crackling of magic, Glorfindel is standing before her slightly daze and glazed with honey.
Human: *cocks head to one side* You not as hot as I thought you would be, what with the way Maggie goes on...
Glorfindel: *can't believe his pointed little ears and sputters*

Meanwhile...soem where in the south...
A Mini-balarog scuttles up to a large ornate throne, where a shadow sits.
Shadow: And who would you be?
Mini-balrog: Gladriel.
Shadow: Excellent. Go find Sparky, he will show you where you shall be and what to do when the time comes.
Gladriel: Yes sir! Ma'am...er...sir...um...by the way what are-
Shadow: Never mind! Just get going!
Gladriel: *squeaks and runs away*
Shadow: *Muttering to self* stupid stupid...

[Earniel]

Eärniel: *blinks a few times like an owl in the sun until realisation dawns* Oh, yes, of course I understand! Misplaced elves, minions with a fashion statement and one Mirror, many mirrors. *to herself* Amazing how the capital disappears in the plural, must be those new outlandish writing rules. *out loud again* Yeah, I got it.

Willow: *starts wondering whatever Cirdan had been smoking to send this particular elf, the dragons are franly thinking the same*

Eärniel: So um..... why am I here?

[Willow Oran]

OOC: Please note that anything said in character is not what I'm really thinking. You don't want to know what I'm really thinking.

Maggie: Er... Actually I'm not sure why you're here. At first I had thought to form an alliance with you but... I'm not sure I trust you.

Earniel: What! I'm trust worthy! And I'm really not as stupid as I seem.

Maggie: Yes, I realize that, you're a liar as well as being not stupid. But perhaps you are simply tired. Go with Willow and she'll show you where to sleep.

************************************************** **
Meanwhile in Lorien...

(Human is attempting to figure out where Elrond might be while trying to deal with a rather emmbaressed Elf Lord.)

Human: Well, I've found you, and You've managed to get the honey off and some more clothes on, so where on Middle Earth would she hve hidden Elrond?

Glorfindel: Right here.

Human: What?

Glorfindel: He's here, you forgot to release him from the Mirror as well.

Human: Oh. Alright then. (She pours in some more ink and the very disgruntled Elf Lod appears next to his friend)

Elrond: When I catch up with that maniac who put us in there I'll kill her. Imprisoned in a mirror, how undignified.

Glorfindel: At least who don't have honey on you. Where is she anyway?

Human: I don't know, I have to return you two to her I'm afraid. Unless of course you know how to defeat her?

Elrond: I have no idea, what's that?

(He points to a lumpy package on the table. Remember the bunny and the gift? Good.)

Human: Wonder what it is? (She peels off the wrapping paper to reveal... another layer of wrapping paper, she peels that one off to find another layer, and another, and another, and... you get the point. She keeps going through all sixteen layers of wrapping paper to find a very small hand mirror, taped to which is a note. The note read like this: )

Note: I suppose you're all wondering why I put you all here and how to defeat me. Don't bother. I didn't put you there, you see, there is more than one Maggie, I'm the good one. The one responsible for this is my evil side. She's currently in control of our body. I'll help you defeat her, if you can find me. Hint: Use the mirror.