What would you do? heh heh heh . . . - Page 2

FrodoFriend · 01-08-2002, 12:47 AM

Yes!! A kindred spirit!!!

Me: *runs to Rogue Elf's door* Quick, Rogue Elf, Frodo/Elijah is going on a dangerous quest to take the Ring to Mount Doom and Sam isn't with him! We must be there!!

RE doesn't need to be told twice, so we run off to EW's house . . . just in time!!

EW: *taking out his recycling* Hmmm . . . why bother with recycling, I'll just take this to the dumpster.
RE & Me: Noooooooooo!!
Me: The Ring is corrupting your mind!!
RE: You must resist, Frodo!! You must come with us to . . . a safe place and . . . er, recover your strength so that you can . . . um . . . pleasur -- I mean, go on a heroic Quest!!
EW: YOU AGAIN!!! AAAAAAHHHHH!! *throws trashbag at us and runs*
RE: No! You cannot abandon the Quest!
EW: I just wanted to take out my trash, honest!! *runs into a blind alley* Uh oh . . .

RE & Me close in on EW . . .

Me: Take it off, fool! Take it off!
EW: *looks confused*
Me: Take it off! No, I'm not talking about the Ring!!

bropous · 01-08-2002, 02:35 AM

Elijah Wood runs around a corner...he's lost the pursuing FrodoFriend and Rogue Elf...

bropous pops out of a bush in the alley...

Me: Elijah! Over here! Quick!
EW: [diving in bushes, gasping for breath] Thanks, mate!
Me: Sshhh! here they come! [hiding, covering his mouth to quieten him] [sound of running feet pass by, panting oversexed female breaths fading in distance] [uncovering his mouth]
EW: Phew! That was close! [rubbing reddened lower face]
Me: Damn straight...those chicks are after you like Nazgul, huh?
EW: [eyeing warily] Uh, yeah...
Me: So we're like, in that scene, you know, hiding under the road?
EW: [getting nervous] Uh, yeah. Gotta go now...
Me: Wait! [clutching arm] They are coming...So, like, when Sam and Merry and Pippin had them mushrooms, right?
EW: [breaking grip, backing away nervously] Right, mate, gotta go now...nice meeting ya....
Me: Wait! So where's me mushrooms?
EW: I don't have any mushrooms! Try the Safeway! [getting panicky]
Me: No, not them store-bought mushrooms, Frodo, I want Farmer MAGGOT'S mushrooms! [Evil glint in eye]
EW: [voice rising in tension] There IS no Farmer Maggot, and no Farmer Maggot's mushrooms! It was just a movie!
Me: Arright, arright, little master, I meant no 'arm, 'tis my JOB to ask questions, 'specially at night!
EW: You're mad! It's broad daylight! It was only a movie! I have no mushrooms!
Me: Well, Shire-weed! You gotta have some Shire weed on ya, well-off young hobbit like you!
EW: [Tears welling in eyes] But that's just tobacco! I swear it!
Me: Tobacco my nuncle's shin bone, little master, now where's the Old Toby or Longbottom Leaf? Back at Bag End, I would hazard a guess, with the rest of old Mr. Bilbo's dragon gold!
EW: Bag End...dragon gold...[mist passing over eyes] It was just a movie! Can't you people SEE???? It's just a movie!
Me: [In a low hissing whisper] The Nine passed over the Isen on Midsummer's Eve! You must make your way to the Inn of
the Prancing Pony! Wait for me there! The passes are being watched! Remember! Stay off the Road! Ware the Downs!
EW: [feigning interest, watching for tell-tale signs of impending violence] Yes, Yes, The Inn of the Prancing Pony! In Bree!
Me: No, no, no! The Inn of the Prancing Pony on Bleaker Street at 21st! Knock three times. Ask for the inkeep, "Austrian Johnny". The password is "1420 vintage"! Got that?
EW: [Recovering panic, talking nice to the mean doggie whilst reaching for a rock, can't find one] Yes...Prancing Pony...Bleaker at 21st...knock three times...ask for Austrian Johnny...password 1420 vintage...got it!
Me: Whatever you do...do not put it on...His spies are
everywhere...
EW: You're bonkers! Just like the bloody rest of 'em! Bill Shatner TOLD me this would happen! You're not dragging me off to some stupid Tolkien Fan Convention, are you?
Me: [clearing throat, whistling tonelessly, shuffling feet,
examining my shoes] Who, me? Naaaaaaawwwww, Go' bless ya, go' bless ya! Convention, now them's hard words, Mr. Frodo...I don't know nothin' about no Convention that you was supposed to do strip dances at and I was supposed to collect the money for...nothing like that at all!
EW: [Relaxing a tad] Well that's a relief!
Me: Well, at least, just a FEW dances for the ladies...but they do have good Dwarvish gold...
EW: You're a loony! I'm not going anywhere with you! All I was doing was taking out the recycling!
Me: Come now, Mr. Frodo, calm yersel'. All they wants is to see the Ring...[panic in eyes, grabbing EW by the shoulders] ....The Ring......The Riiiiiinnnnnggggg.....my preeeeesciousssssss.....
EW: [making tiny sounds of true fear in back of throat, looking about desperately for a cop] I really have to go now....
Me: [mist in eyes clear in an instant, snatching EW's shoulders] The Ring! The Ring! Is it safe? Is it secret?
EW: Get the hell away from me! What is wrong with you people!
Me: You must tell me! It was only yours by happenstance! The Ring should have rightly gone to me!
EW: I'll call the police, I swear!
Me: Give me the Ring!
EW: Help!
Me: I know your heart! You will betray us all! He will take the Ring from you and you will beg for mercy!
EW: Police! Help! [running away]
Me: [jumping up from bushes, pointing] FrodoFriend! Rogue Elf! There he goes! [squeals of female delight as they spot him] Hey, Elijah! [yelling after fleeing EW] What's Peter Jackson's number? I've got a script for him to look at! Elijah!
Eeeeliiiijaaaaahhhh! Curse us and crush us! We hates it! We hates it!!!!......foreeeeveeeeerrrr!!!!

If Elijah Wood ever read these posts, he'd resign from the next two films even though they are almost complete!

***Tessar*** · 01-08-2002, 11:24 AM

Lets just hope that he DOSN'T see that post

lol

but it would be nice if one of them were to come to the entmoot and stuff.......

oh well.

hummmmmmm just give me a few hours and I will come up with a continum for that post

FrodoFriend · 01-08-2002, 06:34 PM

bropous, you deserve a standing ovation!! *jumps up and applauds wildly*

Rogue Elf & FrodoFriend spot Elijah:
Me: *gibbering with excitement* Ai! Ai! Elijah Wood! Elijah Wood is come!
EW: Mercy! Mercy! I swear I'll never make another movie again!
RE: Oh no, we can't have that . . . I'm afraid you'll have to come with us . . .
EW: No! Not with you! Mercy, mercy!
Bropous: Told you you'd beg for mercy . . .

Rána Eressëa · 01-08-2002, 10:42 PM

(Back in FrodoFriend & Rogue Elf's secret lair...)

FF: Hmm...what should we do with him?
Me: I'm thinking something along the lines of reverse psychology...tell him he's not Frodo and that we've captured the wrong person...he's so far losing it that he'll start believing he's Frodo!
FF: Well...that's all "smart" and stuff, but I was thinking something more "Full Mon--
Me: Reverse psychology it is!

(FrodoFriend & Rogue Elf approach the distraut Elijah Wood.)

EW: AHHH! What do you want?! Haven't I been tortured enough?! Let me go! Please! It's just a movie! It's not real! I'm not Frodo! I'M ELIJAH!
Me: [speaks sadly] It seems we've been mistaken... [sniffs] you're not the chosen Ringbearer... [wipes tear from eye] we thought you would be strong enough to bear the ring to Mount Doom... [sniffs] but you've lost all faith...and now.......
FF: THE WORLD IS DOOMED!

(FrodoFriend & Rogue Elf burst into tears.)

EW: What?! What is wrong with you! I AM NOT FRODO BAGGINS! MY NAME IS ELI--
Me: What are we going to do, FrodoFriend? We can't just let Sauron take over the world! [sobs]
EW: IT'S JUST A MOV--
FF: WE'RE ALL DOOMED! The Ring has made Frodo go mad! [sobs]
EW: I'M NOT MAD!

(FF & RE stop crying and slowly look at EW.)

Me: You're not mad...?
EW: NO! I'M NOT MAD! My name is Frodo Baggins! Son of Drogo Baggins! And by Eru I swear to take that ring to it's firey doom in Mordor!

(RE & FF share a sly grin and giggle quietly with each other. They have succeeded in their plan to make Elijah so crazy that he believes he's Frodo!)

EW: Where's that ring?! Bring it to me!

(RE & FF blink.)

Me: You're wearing it.
EW: [looking down at his chest] Oh...yeah. Then...LET'S GO! [tries standing up] [realizes he's tied to a chair] Ehh...anyone mind helping me first?
Me & FF: WE WILL! [untie EW from the chair]
EW: Now...LET'S GO! [tries walking away] [realizes his feet are chained to the wall] Uhh...
Me & FF: WE WILL! [unchain EW from the wall]
EW: Finally! We can embark on our-- [tries walking further but is jerked to the floor] [realizes he's also chained to the wall by his waist]
Me & FF: Oops...
FF: We forgot about that one.
Me: Apparently, so did you...

(RE & FF giggle like little school girls.)

EW: We must be quick, ladies, unchain me! Mount Doom is waiting!

(RE & FF fully unchain EW and they leave the secret lair on their quest for Mount Doom...)

EW: Hey! Who touched my butt?!

(RE & FF giggle quietly in the background.)

bropous · 01-09-2002, 12:09 AM

Thanks FrodoFriend...wonderful posts. You are a sweetheart...and extremely demented! Just like me....LOL!

Churl · 01-09-2002, 02:12 AM

Why do I get the feeling that a transcript of this thread will be labeled "Exhibit A" sometime in the near future…?

bropous · 01-09-2002, 11:35 AM

LOL, churl, as long as it is "Exhibit A" for the Defense and not for the Prosecution, I'm cool with the idea!

Judge: Mr. Rectus, call your first witness.
Prosc: Your honor, the Prosecution calls to the stand, bropous.
Me: Your honor, I object! I am not bropous, I only play him on the Internet!
Judge: Take the stand, bropous.
Me: [Grumbling all the way to the stand]
Clerk: Hold up your right hand. Do you sweartotellthetruthandnothingbutthetruthsohelpyouT olkien?
Me: I do.
Clerk: Be seated.
Prosc: Mr. bropous...
Me: I'm not bropous!
Prosc: Objection, your honor, evading the question!
Me: You ain't ASKED a question!
Judge: Sustained. Answer the question, bropous.
Prosc: Now, bropous, what in the world does EIDRIORCQWSDAKLMEDDCWWTIWOATTOPWFIO mean? Is that some sort of terrorist organization?
Me: I forget! I'd have to check my notes!
Prosc: Don't toy with this court, bropous! We know you made threats to kidnap Elijah Wood and make him dance naked!
Me: It was a joke, I swear it! I don't want to see ANY guy naked! Really!
Prosc: Your honor, I would like to call your attention to Prosecution Exhibit A...
Me: Well you better do the damn voices right, then.

Rána Eressëa · 01-09-2002, 05:23 PM

Ai! Ai! This Saga needs an ending!

*silence*

Anyone willing?

*dark, cold, silence*

Anyone?...

*crickets*

bropous · 01-09-2002, 06:32 PM

Oh, come on, RE, let's work it to death like we do with every other thread!

FrodoFriend · 01-09-2002, 09:50 PM

Heck, this is too much fun to end!

EW, RE & FF set out on the quest to Mount Doom.

FF: This is taking too long! We must make haste!
RE: *sees a golfcart* Look! An Elven-boat!
*all three jump into golfcart and start off at top speed of 5 miles per hour. Suddenly, a PoliceMan runs up!*
PoliceMan: Mr. Wood! I heard your frantic screams and came to protect you from vicious fans! *sees RE & FF* All right, girls, the fun's over, now let him go!
RE: *shrieks*
FF: Orc! Orc!
EW: Face your doom, Fatcat son of Packrat, for I am Frodo son of Drogo! *beats PoliceMan with a golfclub. PM flees*
RE & FF: My hero!
EW: *looks at golfclub* I shall name you Stringthing, Causer of Brain Damage and Bringer of Hemorrhages. *sticks Stringthing through his belt and jumps back onto golfcart*

The Threesome drive off again. Soon many police cars are following them. RE & FF turn around and chant an Elven-spell:
"Be you Orc or be you Man
You'd better run while you still can
Frodo's ours now, 'til the end of time
So leave him to us, lest we make worse rhymes!"
The PoliceMen, dismayed by the ferocity of the chanting, fall back. EW, RE & FF sneak into a drive-in movie to hide.
EW: That was some nice chanting.
*RE & FF giggle*
FF: So can I see your mithril coat now?

Rána Eressëa · 01-09-2002, 11:24 PM

(EW, FF, & RE are continuing one their journey to Mount Doom. As they rode there in their Elven-boat, they hit something sharp and received a flat tire. Gloomy and annoyed, they deserted their Elven-boat.)

EW: We've lost our precious boat! What other tragedies shall come hither to us?!
RE: [sighs] Isn't he so dreamy when he talks like that?
FF: [sighs] Yeah......

(Suddenly, noises are heard in the thickets nearby. Surprised by the sound, EW draws out his mighty StringThing and advances towards the bushes.)

EW: Abide there, Friend & Rogue...I shall hinder this beast myself...
FF & RE: [sigh dreamily]

(EW creeps up to the brake...and with one mighty swing, clears away the bush. bropous is crouching on the ground eating a fish fillet. He glances up at EW slowly...and lets out a shriek.)

bropous: Don't hurts us! Don't hurts us! We only feasting!
EW: Why, you pesky beast! What brings you to these foul and plagued lands?
bropous: [blinks] We lives here. [blinks] Duh.
EW: You shall live here no more!

(EW lifts StringThing and is about to swing when...)

bropous: WAITS! We knows you! Elijah! Elijah Woods!
EW: I am NOT Elijah! I am Frodo, son of Drogo!
bropous: No, no, no! We knows a face when we sees one! And we hates it! WE HATES IT FOREVEEEEEEERRRRR!!!!
EW: Foolish vagrant! If you know me so well, answer me a riddle!
bropous Riddles?! RIDDLES?! We loves riddles! [hops around happily for a while]
EW: Then answer me this...what have I got in my pocket?
bropous: [thinks silently to himself for a few moments] THE RING! THE RING! You gots the RING in your pockets!
EW: WRONG! [pulls out Pepper Spray and sprays it in bropous' eyes] FLY, my ladies! We must flee!

(RE & FF flee away with EW close behind.)

bropous: CURSE ITS! CURSE ITS! BAGGINS, HOBBIT-FRIEND, AND ELF! WE HATES IT! WE HATES IT FOREVEEEEEEERRRRR!!!!

CardenIAntauraNauco · 01-10-2002, 12:08 AM

From the bushes rides a tall figure with a white beard and moustache and a pleasingly accurate wizard hat. The golf cart halts. The weather beaten face opens his mouth and all three intently listen... suddenly a familiar voice is heard rising from his lips....

GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE GANDALF:U ned 2 relise that is not profound 2 b like tht. Tht u r ben dum like ud shod not b wunting to b like. and furthrmor...

EW STARTS THROWING GOLF TEES AT HIM

GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE GANDALF: I am nvr fraid of tee picks b/c I don't hurt by them. u r dum 2 waste mi ti-

EW CRANKS GOLLUM UPSIDE THE HEAD WITH HIS PUTTER

Carden appears with little white gloves and a stupid looking golf cap and starts clapping.

EW FF AND RE THINK HE IS ARWEN

jerseydevil · 01-10-2002, 01:12 AM

tesseract12 - you are one of the most funniest people on this board. I love your posts. Keep it up.

And it's not only Elijah Wood this may scare off. I think this thread should be required reading for any want to be actors. Any actor or want to be celebrity should be required to take a course entiltled - "The Stalkers & Fans - Is There a Difference?" with this thread being the discussion point.

Rána Eressëa · 01-10-2002, 07:48 AM

Hmm...I didn't know stalking an imaginary Elijah Wood counted...

*frowns depressingly*

Curse its, Jackson! Curse its movie!

***P.S. -- The 'Elven-boat' (golfcart) has a flat tire and EW, RE, & FF deserted it. *smirks*

jerseydevil · 01-10-2002, 11:31 AM

If Elijah Wood ends up mysteriously missing - you guys will be getting knocks on your doors.

And I agree with Churl - this thread will be exhibit A.

bropous · 01-10-2002, 03:00 PM

Great one, Carden!

Rána Eressëa · 01-10-2002, 05:39 PM

Let them come! There is still one Elf with enough stupidity to outstupid the very wise!

aldesign · 01-10-2002, 06:24 PM

A book called: What would you do? heh heh heh . . .

Chapter 1 - Dancing Mad- by FrodoFriend

(side storey) Chapter 2 - A Meeting with Gandalf? - by Tesseract12

Chapter 3 - Elijah's Recycling - by FrodoFriend

Chapter 4 - Intervention of Bropous - By Bropous

Chapter 5 - Elijah's Capture - By FrodoFriend

Chapter 6 - Reverse psychology - By Rogue Elf

Chapter 7 - An Elven Boat - By FrofoFriend

Chapter 8 - The Return of Brollum - By Bropous

Chapter 100 - Exhibit A - Title By Churl, Writen by Bropous

Edited together by aldesign

CHAPTER 1 - Dancing Mad- by FrodoFriend

What would you do if you met the actor who plays your favorite LotR character walking on the street one day?
Here's my scenario:

FrodoFriend : Frodo!! O great glory and splendour!! It's Frodo Baggins!
Elijah Wood : Oh well, it's nice to be recognized but actually my name's Elijah Wood.
FrodoFriend : Frodo speaks!! Frodo speaks!! Speech, speech!
Elijah Wood: Er, yes, well . . .
FrodoFriend : But you're so tall!! Have you been drinking Ent-draughts??
Elijah Wood: No, I'm not a hobbit!
FrodoFriend : Not Ent-draughts after all, he's been into the old Winyards!! *starts pawing EW and attempting to remove his shirt* Can I see your mithril coat?
Elijah Wood: Ahhh!! Help! Bodyguards! *tries to run*
FrodoFriend : Oh no you don't! *lassos EW with an elven-rope* I have plans for you . . . *starts dragging EW to secret lair*
Elijah Wood: Help!! Help!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMEONE HELP ME!!
FrodoFriend : Mwa ha ha ha . . .

(Later, at secret lair)
Elijah Wood: Orlando! Viggo! Billy! Dominic! Sean! She got you too?!
Guys: Elijah!
FrodoFriend : Now . . . DANCE!!
Orlando: Please, can't we just give you our autographs?
FrodoFriend : No! (irritably) Dance, slaves!!!
Guys: *sigh* Yes, O Mistress Supreme.
(Dancing . . . dancing . . .)
FrodoFriend : Now . . . STRIP!!
Guys: *stare in horror*
FrodoFriend : Just kidding. I wouldn't go that far.
Hee hee hee . . .

CHAPTER 2 - A Meeting with Gandalf? - by Tesseract12

Tesseract12: oh my gossssssssssh! ahhhhhhhh!
Ian McKellen: what was that?
Tesseract12: *big eyes* ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......wow.......
Tesseract12: Are you ok? you look pale.
Tesseract12: *bigger eyes* ohhhhhhhhhhhh...ahhhhhhhhh....
Tesseract12: uhhh hello?
Tesseract12: are you really Gandalf?.......
IM*kindly smile as he sees that I am obviously one of those fans who loves lotr to the point of obsession* Yes I'm Gandalf...well I played the part of Gandalf.
Tesseract12: *dopey grin* you're even cooler than I thought...... I had a dream about you... you were pacing back and fourth and the moonlight shone on you're white hair....
IM: *starting to get worried* uhhh... thats nice, do you want an autograph or something
kid?
Tesseract12: *says in elvish* I am no mere mortal! I am an elf prince! hear me Gandalf the Grey!
IM: kid I'm really busy, if you want an autograph you can have one just ask.
Tesseract12: *rolls eyes* Yes, thanks, an autograph would be nice, *hands him a book* just sign right here next to radagasts name.
IM:*signs book* ok there you go kid have a nice day.
Tesseract12 *sigh* uhhhh... you too.....

(later when I am staring in to my palantear)
Tesseract12: no he does not know who he is. our only hope now is arwin......*thinks of her*...never mined...*sob* all is lost!....*sob*
lol

sorry to all you liv fans.

CHAPTER 3 - Elijah's Recycling - by FrodoFriend

FrodoFriend : *runs to Rogue Elf's door* Quick, Rogue Elf , Frodo/Elijah is going on a dangerous quest to take the Ring to Mount Doom and Sam isn't with him! We must be there!!

Rogue Elf doesn't need to be told twice, so we run off to EW's house . . . just in time!!

Elijah Wood: *taking out his recycling* Hmmm . . . why bother with recycling, I'll just take this to the dumpster.
Rogue Elf & Me: Noooooooooo!!
FrodoFriend : The Ring is corrupting your mind!!
Rogue Elf : You must resist, Frodo!! You must come with us to . . . a safe place and . . . er, recover your strength so that you can . . . um . . . pleasur -- I mean, go on a heroic Quest!!
Elijah Wood: YOU AGAIN!!! AAAAAAHHHHH!! *throws trashbag at us and runs*
Rogue Elf : No! You cannot abandon the Quest!
Elijah Wood: I just wanted to take out my trash, honest!! *runs into a blind alley* Uh oh . . .

Rogue Elf & Me close in on Elijah Wood . . .

FrodoFriend : Take it off, fool! Take it off!
Elijah Wood: *looks confused*
FrodoFriend : Take it off! No, I'm not talking about the Ring!!

CHAPTER 4 - Intervention of Bropous - By Bropous

FrodoFriend and RogueElf Meet bropous Part Deux

Elijah Wood runs around a corner...he's lost the pursuing FrodoFriend and Rogue Elf...

b]Bropous[/b] pops out of a bush in the alley...

Bropous : Elijah! Over here! Quick!
Elijah Wood: [diving in bushes, gasping for breath] Thanks, mate!
Bropous : Sshhh! here they come! [hiding, covering his mouth to quieten him] [sound of running feet pass by, panting oversexed female breaths fading in distance] [uncovering his mouth]
Elijah Wood: Phew! That was close! [rubbing reddened lower face]
Bropous : Damn straight...those chicks are after you like Nazgul, huh?
Elijah Wood: [eyeing warily] Uh, yeah...
Bropous : So we're like, in that scene, you know, hiding under the road?
Elijah Wood: [getting nervous] Uh, yeah. Gotta go now...
Me: Wait! [clutching arm] They are coming...So, like, when Sam and Merry and Pippin had them mushrooms, right?
Elijah Wood: [breaking grip, backing away nervously] Right, mate, gotta go now...nice meeting ya....
Bropous : Wait! So where's me mushrooms?
Elijah Wood: I don't have any mushrooms! Try the Safeway! [getting panicky]
Bropous : No, not them store-bought mushrooms, Frodo, I want Farmer MAGGOT'S mushrooms! [Evil glint in eye]
Elijah Wood: [voice rising in tension] There IS no Farmer Maggot, and no Farmer Maggot's mushrooms! It was just a movie!
Bropous : Arright, arright, little master, I meant no 'arm, 'tis my JOB to ask questions, 'specially at night!
Elijah Wood: You're mad! It's broad daylight! It was only a movie! I have no mushrooms!
Bropous : Well, Shire-weed! You gotta have some Shire weed on ya, well-off young hobbit like you!
Elijah Wood: [Tears welling in eyes] But that's just tobacco! I swear it!
Bropous : Tobacco my nuncle's shin bone, little master, now where's the Old Toby or Longbottom Leaf? Back at Bag End, I would hazard a guess, with the rest of old Mr. Bilbo's dragon gold!
Elijah Wood: Bag End...dragon gold...[mist passing over eyes] It was just a movie! Can't you people SEE???? It's just a movie!
Bropous : [In a low hissing whisper] The Nine passed over the Isen on Midsummer's Eve! You must make your way to the Inn of
the Prancing Pony! Wait for me there! The passes are being watched! Remember! Stay off the Road! Ware the Downs!
Elijah Wood: [feigning interest, watching for tell-tale signs of impending violence] Yes, Yes, The Inn of the Prancing Pony! In Bree!
Bropous : No, no, no! The Inn of the Prancing Pony on Bleaker Street at 21st! Knock three times. Ask for the inkeep, "Austrian Johnny". The password is "1420 vintage"! Got that?
Elijah Wood: [Recovering panic, talking nice to the mean doggie whilst reaching for a rock, can't find one] Yes...Prancing Pony...Bleaker at 21st...knock three times...ask for Austrian Johnny...password 1420 vintage...got it!
Bropous : Whatever you do...do not put it on...His spies are
everywhere...

aldesign · 01-10-2002, 06:26 PM

Elijah Wood: You're bonkers! Just like the bloody rest of 'em! Bill Shatner TOLD me this would happen! You're not dragging me off to some stupid Tolkien Fan Convention, are you?
Bropous : [clearing throat, whistling tonelessly, shuffling feet,
examining my shoes] Who, me? Naaaaaaawwwww, Go' bless ya, go' bless ya! Convention, now them's hard words, Mr. Frodo...I don't know nothin' about no Convention that you was supposed to do strip dances at and I was supposed to collect the money for...nothing like that at all!
Elijah Wood: [Relaxing a tad] Well that's a relief!
Bropous : Well, at least, just a FEW dances for the ladies...but they do have good Dwarvish gold...
Elijah Wood: You're a loony! I'm not going anywhere with you! All I was doing was taking out the recycling!
Bropous : Come now, Mr. Frodo, calm yersel'. All they wants is to see the Ring...[panic in eyes, grabbing EW by the shoulders] ....The Ring......The Riiiiiinnnnnggggg.....my preeeeesciousssssss.....
Elijah Wood: [making tiny sounds of true fear in back of throat, looking about desperately for a cop] I really have to go now....
Bropous : [mist in eyes clear in an instant, snatching EW's shoulders] The Ring! The Ring! Is it safe? Is it secret?
Elijah Wood: Get the hell away from me! What is wrong with you people!
Bropous : You must tell me! It was only yours by happenstance! The Ring should have rightly gone to me!
Elijah Wood: I'll call the police, I swear!
Bropous : Give me the Ring!
Elijah Wood: Help!
Bropous : I know your heart! You will betray us all! He will take the Ring from you and you will beg for mercy!
Elijah Wood: Police! Help! [running away]
Bropous : [jumping up from bushes, pointing] FrodoFriend! Rogue Elf! There he goes! [squeals of female delight as they spot him] Hey, Elijah! [yelling after fleeing EW] What's Peter Jackson's number? I've got a script for him to look at! Elijah!
Eeeeliiiijaaaaahhhh! Curse us and crush us! We hates it! We hates it!!!!......foreeeeveeeeerrrr!!!!

CHAPTER 5 - Elijah's Capture - By FrodoFriend

Rogue Elf & FrodoFriend spot Elijah:
FrodoFriend : *gibbering with excitement* Ai! Ai! Elijah Wood! Elijah Wood is come!
Elijah Wood: Mercy! Mercy! I swear I'll never make another movie again!
Rogue Elf : Oh no, we can't have that . . . I'm afraid you'll have to come with us . . .
Elijah Wood: No! Not with you! Mercy, mercy!
Bropous : Told you you'd beg for mercy . . .

CHAPTER 6 - Reverse psychology - Rogue Elf

(Back in FrodoFriend & Rogue Elf's secret lair...)

FrodoFriend : Hmm...what should we do with him?
Rogue Elf : I'm thinking something along the lines of reverse psychology...tell him he's not Frodo and that we've captured the wrong person...he's so far losing it that he'll start believing he's Frodo!
FrodoFriend : Well...that's all "smart" and stuff, but I was thinking something more "Full Mon--
Rogue Elf : Reverse psychology it is!

(FrodoFriend & Rogue Elf approach the distraut Elijah Wood.)

Elijah Wood: AHHH! What do you want?! Haven't I been tortured enough?! Let me go! Please! It's just a movie! It's not real! I'm not Frodo! I'M ELIJAH!
Rogue Elf : [speaks sadly] It seems we've been mistaken... [sniffs] you're not the chosen Ringbearer... [wipes tear from eye] we thought you would be strong enough to bear the ring to Mount Doom... [sniffs] but you've lost all faith...and now.......
FrodoFriend : THE WORLD IS DOOMED!

(FrodoFriend & Rogue Elf burst into tears.)

Elijah Wood: What?! What is wrong with you! I AM NOT FRODO BAGGINS! MY NAME IS ELI--
Rogue Elf : What are we going to do, FrodoFriend? We can't just let Sauron take over the world! [sobs]
Elijah Wood: IT'S JUST A MOV--
FrodoFriend : WE'RE ALL DOOMED! The Ring has made Frodo go mad! [sobs]
Elijah Wood: I'M NOT MAD!

(FrodoFriend & Rogue Elf stop crying and slowly look at EW.)

Rogue Elf : You're not mad...?
Elijah Wood: NO! I'M NOT MAD! My name is Frodo Baggins! Son of Drogo Baggins! And by Eru I swear to take that ring to it's firey doom in Mordor!

(Rogue Elf & FrodoFriend share a sly grin and giggle quietly with each other. They have succeeded in their plan to make Elijah so crazy that he believes he's Frodo!)

Elijah Wood: Where's that ring?! Bring it to me!

(Rogue Elf & FrodoFriend blink.)

Rogue Elf : You're wearing it.
Elijah Wood: [looking down at his chest] Oh...yeah. Then...LET'S GO! [tries standing up] [realizes he's tied to a chair] Ehh...anyone mind helping me first?
Rogue Elf & FrodoFriend : WE WILL! [untie EW from the chair]
Elijah Wood: Now...LET'S GO! [tries walking away] [realizes his feet are chained to the wall] Uhh...
Rogue Elf & FrodoFriend : WE WILL! [unchain EW from the wall]
Elijah Wood: Finally! We can embark on our-- [tries walking further but is jerked to the floor] [realizes he's also chained to the wall by his waist]
Rogue Elf & FrodoFriend : Oops...
FrodoFriend : We forgot about that one.
Rogue Elf : Apparently, so did you...

(Rogue Elf & FrodoFriend giggle like little school girls.)

Elijah Wood: We must be quick, ladies, unchain me! Mount Doom is waiting!

(Rogue Elf & FrodoFriend fully unchain Elijah Wood and they leave the secret lair on their quest for Mount Doom...)

Elijah Wood: Hey! Who touched my butt?!

(Rogue Elf & FrodoFriend giggle quietly in the background.)

01-08-2002, 12:47 AM	#21
FrodoFriend Halfwitted Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Eryn Vorn Posts: 1,659	All hail Rogue Elf! Yes!! A kindred spirit!!! Me: runs to Rogue Elf's door Quick, Rogue Elf, Frodo/Elijah is going on a dangerous quest to take the Ring to Mount Doom and Sam isn't with him! We must be there!! RE doesn't need to be told twice, so we run off to EW's house . . . just in time!! EW: taking out his recycling Hmmm . . . why bother with recycling, I'll just take this to the dumpster. RE & Me: Noooooooooo!! Me: The Ring is corrupting your mind!! RE: You must resist, Frodo!! You must come with us to . . . a safe place and . . . er, recover your strength so that you can . . . um . . . pleasur -- I mean, go on a heroic Quest!! EW: YOU AGAIN!!! AAAAAAHHHHH!! throws trashbag at us and runs RE: No! You cannot abandon the Quest! EW: I just wanted to take out my trash, honest!! runs into a blind alley Uh oh . . . RE & Me close in on EW . . . Me: Take it off, fool! Take it off! EW: looks confused Me: Take it off! No, I'm not talking about the Ring!! __________________ Fingolfin lives! ... in my finger! The Crossroads of Arda - Warning. Halfwit content. Not appropriate for people with IQ of over 18. The Fellowship of the Message Board Nyáréonié - The Tale of Tears Last edited by FrodoFriend : 01-09-2002 at 08:25 PM.

01-08-2002, 02:35 AM	#22
bropous EIDRIORCQWSDAKLMED DCWWTIWOATTOPWFIO Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Littleton, CO Posts: 1,176	FrodoFriend and RogueElf Meet bropous Part Deux Elijah Wood runs around a corner...he's lost the pursuing FrodoFriend and Rogue Elf... bropous pops out of a bush in the alley... Me: Elijah! Over here! Quick! EW: [diving in bushes, gasping for breath] Thanks, mate! Me: Sshhh! here they come! [hiding, covering his mouth to quieten him] [sound of running feet pass by, panting oversexed female breaths fading in distance] [uncovering his mouth] EW: Phew! That was close! [rubbing reddened lower face] Me: Damn straight...those chicks are after you like Nazgul, huh? EW: [eyeing warily] Uh, yeah... Me: So we're like, in that scene, you know, hiding under the road? EW: [getting nervous] Uh, yeah. Gotta go now... Me: Wait! [clutching arm] They are coming...So, like, when Sam and Merry and Pippin had them mushrooms, right? EW: [breaking grip, backing away nervously] Right, mate, gotta go now...nice meeting ya.... Me: Wait! So where's me mushrooms? EW: I don't have any mushrooms! Try the Safeway! [getting panicky] Me: No, not them store-bought mushrooms, Frodo, I want Farmer MAGGOT'S mushrooms! [Evil glint in eye] EW: [voice rising in tension] There IS no Farmer Maggot, and no Farmer Maggot's mushrooms! It was just a movie! Me: Arright, arright, little master, I meant no 'arm, 'tis my JOB to ask questions, 'specially at night! EW: You're mad! It's broad daylight! It was only a movie! I have no mushrooms! Me: Well, Shire-weed! You gotta have some Shire weed on ya, well-off young hobbit like you! EW: [Tears welling in eyes] But that's just tobacco! I swear it! Me: Tobacco my nuncle's shin bone, little master, now where's the Old Toby or Longbottom Leaf? Back at Bag End, I would hazard a guess, with the rest of old Mr. Bilbo's dragon gold! EW: Bag End...dragon gold...[mist passing over eyes] It was just a movie! Can't you people SEE???? It's just a movie! Me: [In a low hissing whisper] The Nine passed over the Isen on Midsummer's Eve! You must make your way to the Inn of the Prancing Pony! Wait for me there! The passes are being watched! Remember! Stay off the Road! Ware the Downs! EW: [feigning interest, watching for tell-tale signs of impending violence] Yes, Yes, The Inn of the Prancing Pony! In Bree! Me: No, no, no! The Inn of the Prancing Pony on Bleaker Street at 21st! Knock three times. Ask for the inkeep, "Austrian Johnny". The password is "1420 vintage"! Got that? EW: [Recovering panic, talking nice to the mean doggie whilst reaching for a rock, can't find one] Yes...Prancing Pony...Bleaker at 21st...knock three times...ask for Austrian Johnny...password 1420 vintage...got it! Me: Whatever you do...do not put it on...His spies are everywhere... EW: You're bonkers! Just like the bloody rest of 'em! Bill Shatner TOLD me this would happen! You're not dragging me off to some stupid Tolkien Fan Convention, are you? Me: [clearing throat, whistling tonelessly, shuffling feet, examining my shoes] Who, me? Naaaaaaawwwww, Go' bless ya, go' bless ya! Convention, now them's hard words, Mr. Frodo...I don't know nothin' about no Convention that you was supposed to do strip dances at and I was supposed to collect the money for...nothing like that at all! EW: [Relaxing a tad] Well that's a relief! Me: Well, at least, just a FEW dances for the ladies...but they do have good Dwarvish gold... EW: You're a loony! I'm not going anywhere with you! All I was doing was taking out the recycling! Me: Come now, Mr. Frodo, calm yersel'. All they wants is to see the Ring...[panic in eyes, grabbing EW by the shoulders] ....The Ring......The Riiiiiinnnnnggggg.....my preeeeesciousssssss..... EW: [making tiny sounds of true fear in back of throat, looking about desperately for a cop] I really have to go now.... Me: [mist in eyes clear in an instant, snatching EW's shoulders] The Ring! The Ring! Is it safe? Is it secret? EW: Get the hell away from me! What is wrong with you people! Me: You must tell me! It was only yours by happenstance! The Ring should have rightly gone to me! EW: I'll call the police, I swear! Me: Give me the Ring! EW: Help! Me: I know your heart! You will betray us all! He will take the Ring from you and you will beg for mercy! EW: Police! Help! [running away] Me: [jumping up from bushes, pointing] FrodoFriend! Rogue Elf! There he goes! [squeals of female delight as they spot him] Hey, Elijah! [yelling after fleeing EW] What's Peter Jackson's number? I've got a script for him to look at! Elijah! Eeeeliiiijaaaaahhhh! Curse us and crush us! We hates it! We hates it!!!!......foreeeeveeeeerrrr!!!! If Elijah Wood ever read these posts, he'd resign from the next two films even though they are almost complete! __________________ "...[The Lord of the Rings] is to exemplify most clearly a recurrent theme: the place in 'world politics' of the unforeseen and unforeseeable acts of will, and deeds of virtue of the apparently small, ungreat, fogotten in the places of the Wise and Great (good as well as evil). A moral of the whole (after the primary symbolism of the Ring, as the will to mere power, seeking to make itself objective by physical force and mechanism, and so also inevitably by lies) is the obvious one that without the high and noble the simple and vulgar is utterly mean; and without the simple and ordinary the noble and heroic is meaningless." Letters of JRR Tolkien, page 160. Last edited by bropous : 01-08-2002 at 02:48 AM.

01-08-2002, 06:34 PM	#24
FrodoFriend Halfwitted Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Eryn Vorn Posts: 1,659	bropous, you deserve a standing ovation!! jumps up and applauds wildly Rogue Elf & FrodoFriend spot Elijah: Me: gibbering with excitement Ai! Ai! Elijah Wood! Elijah Wood is come! EW: Mercy! Mercy! I swear I'll never make another movie again! RE: Oh no, we can't have that . . . I'm afraid you'll have to come with us . . . EW: No! Not with you! Mercy, mercy! Bropous: Told you you'd beg for mercy . . . __________________ Fingolfin lives! ... in my finger! The Crossroads of Arda - Warning. Halfwit content. Not appropriate for people with IQ of over 18. The Fellowship of the Message Board Nyáréonié - The Tale of Tears

01-08-2002, 10:42 PM	#25
Rána Eressëa The Rogue Elf Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 1,722	The Saga Continues... (Back in FrodoFriend & Rogue Elf's secret lair...) FF: Hmm...what should we do with him? Me: I'm thinking something along the lines of reverse psychology...tell him he's not Frodo and that we've captured the wrong person...he's so far losing it that he'll start believing he's Frodo! FF: Well...that's all "smart" and stuff, but I was thinking something more "Full Mon-- Me: Reverse psychology it is! (FrodoFriend & Rogue Elf approach the distraut Elijah Wood.) EW: AHHH! What do you want?! Haven't I been tortured enough?! Let me go! Please! It's just a movie! It's not real! I'm not Frodo! I'M ELIJAH! Me: [speaks sadly] It seems we've been mistaken... [sniffs] you're not the chosen Ringbearer... [wipes tear from eye] we thought you would be strong enough to bear the ring to Mount Doom... [sniffs] but you've lost all faith...and now....... FF: THE WORLD IS DOOMED! (FrodoFriend & Rogue Elf burst into tears.) EW: What?! What is wrong with you! I AM NOT FRODO BAGGINS! MY NAME IS ELI-- Me: What are we going to do, FrodoFriend? We can't just let Sauron take over the world! [sobs] EW: IT'S JUST A MOV-- FF: WE'RE ALL DOOMED! The Ring has made Frodo go mad! [sobs] EW: I'M NOT MAD! (FF & RE stop crying and slowly look at EW.) Me: You're not mad...? EW: NO! I'M NOT MAD! My name is Frodo Baggins! Son of Drogo Baggins! And by Eru I swear to take that ring to it's firey doom in Mordor! (RE & FF share a sly grin and giggle quietly with each other. They have succeeded in their plan to make Elijah so crazy that he believes he's Frodo!) EW: Where's that ring?! Bring it to me! (RE & FF blink.) Me: You're wearing it. EW: [looking down at his chest] Oh...yeah. Then...LET'S GO! [tries standing up] [realizes he's tied to a chair] Ehh...anyone mind helping me first? Me & FF: WE WILL! [untie EW from the chair] EW: Now...LET'S GO! [tries walking away] [realizes his feet are chained to the wall] Uhh... Me & FF: WE WILL! [unchain EW from the wall] EW: Finally! We can embark on our-- [tries walking further but is jerked to the floor] [realizes he's also chained to the wall by his waist] Me & FF: Oops... FF: We forgot about that one. Me: Apparently, so did you... (RE & FF giggle like little school girls.) EW: We must be quick, ladies, unchain me! Mount Doom is waiting! (RE & FF fully unchain EW and they leave the secret lair on their quest for Mount Doom...) EW: Hey! Who touched my butt?! (RE & FF giggle quietly in the background.) Last edited by Rána Eressëa : 01-08-2002 at 10:50 PM.

01-09-2002, 12:09 AM	#26
bropous EIDRIORCQWSDAKLMED DCWWTIWOATTOPWFIO Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Littleton, CO Posts: 1,176	Thanks FrodoFriend...wonderful posts. You are a sweetheart...and extremely demented! Just like me....LOL! __________________ "...[The Lord of the Rings] is to exemplify most clearly a recurrent theme: the place in 'world politics' of the unforeseen and unforeseeable acts of will, and deeds of virtue of the apparently small, ungreat, fogotten in the places of the Wise and Great (good as well as evil). A moral of the whole (after the primary symbolism of the Ring, as the will to mere power, seeking to make itself objective by physical force and mechanism, and so also inevitably by lies) is the obvious one that without the high and noble the simple and vulgar is utterly mean; and without the simple and ordinary the noble and heroic is meaningless." Letters of JRR Tolkien, page 160.

01-08-2002, 11:24 AM	#23
*Tessar* Master and Wielder of the Cardboard Harp of Gondor Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: IM IN UR POSTZ, EDITIN' UR WURDZ Posts: 6,433	Lets just hope that he DOSN'T see that post lol but it would be nice if one of them were to come to the entmoot and stuff....... oh well. hummmmmmm just give me a few hours and I will come up with a continum for that post

01-09-2002, 02:12 AM	#27
Churl Elven Warrior Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Pennsylvania, USA Posts: 128	Why do I get the feeling that a transcript of this thread will be labeled "Exhibit A" sometime in the near future…?

01-09-2002, 11:35 AM	#28
bropous EIDRIORCQWSDAKLMED DCWWTIWOATTOPWFIO Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Littleton, CO Posts: 1,176	LOL, churl, as long as it is "Exhibit A" for the Defense and not for the Prosecution, I'm cool with the idea! Judge: Mr. Rectus, call your first witness. Prosc: Your honor, the Prosecution calls to the stand, bropous. Me: Your honor, I object! I am not bropous, I only play him on the Internet! Judge: Take the stand, bropous. Me: [Grumbling all the way to the stand] Clerk: Hold up your right hand. Do you sweartotellthetruthandnothingbutthetruthsohelpyouT olkien? Me: I do. Clerk: Be seated. Prosc: Mr. bropous... Me: I'm not bropous! Prosc: Objection, your honor, evading the question! Me: You ain't ASKED a question! Judge: Sustained. Answer the question, bropous. Prosc: Now, bropous, what in the world does EIDRIORCQWSDAKLMEDDCWWTIWOATTOPWFIO mean? Is that some sort of terrorist organization? Me: I forget! I'd have to check my notes! Prosc: Don't toy with this court, bropous! We know you made threats to kidnap Elijah Wood and make him dance naked! Me: It was a joke, I swear it! I don't want to see ANY guy naked! Really! Prosc: Your honor, I would like to call your attention to Prosecution Exhibit A... Me: Well you better do the damn voices right, then. __________________ "...[The Lord of the Rings] is to exemplify most clearly a recurrent theme: the place in 'world politics' of the unforeseen and unforeseeable acts of will, and deeds of virtue of the apparently small, ungreat, fogotten in the places of the Wise and Great (good as well as evil). A moral of the whole (after the primary symbolism of the Ring, as the will to mere power, seeking to make itself objective by physical force and mechanism, and so also inevitably by lies) is the obvious one that without the high and noble the simple and vulgar is utterly mean; and without the simple and ordinary the noble and heroic is meaningless." Letters of JRR Tolkien, page 160.

01-09-2002, 05:23 PM	#29
Rána Eressëa The Rogue Elf Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 1,722	Ai! Ai! This Saga needs an ending! silence Anyone willing? dark, cold, silence Anyone?... crickets

01-09-2002, 06:32 PM	#30
bropous EIDRIORCQWSDAKLMED DCWWTIWOATTOPWFIO Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Littleton, CO Posts: 1,176	Oh, come on, RE, let's work it to death like we do with every other thread! __________________ "...[The Lord of the Rings] is to exemplify most clearly a recurrent theme: the place in 'world politics' of the unforeseen and unforeseeable acts of will, and deeds of virtue of the apparently small, ungreat, fogotten in the places of the Wise and Great (good as well as evil). A moral of the whole (after the primary symbolism of the Ring, as the will to mere power, seeking to make itself objective by physical force and mechanism, and so also inevitably by lies) is the obvious one that without the high and noble the simple and vulgar is utterly mean; and without the simple and ordinary the noble and heroic is meaningless." Letters of JRR Tolkien, page 160.

01-09-2002, 09:50 PM	#31
FrodoFriend Halfwitted Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Eryn Vorn Posts: 1,659	Yo! It's bro, Ro and Fro! Whoa! Heck, this is too much fun to end! EW, RE & FF set out on the quest to Mount Doom. FF: This is taking too long! We must make haste! RE: sees a golfcart Look! An Elven-boat! all three jump into golfcart and start off at top speed of 5 miles per hour. Suddenly, a PoliceMan runs up! PoliceMan: Mr. Wood! I heard your frantic screams and came to protect you from vicious fans! sees RE & FF All right, girls, the fun's over, now let him go! RE: shrieks FF: Orc! Orc! EW: Face your doom, Fatcat son of Packrat, for I am Frodo son of Drogo! beats PoliceMan with a golfclub. PM flees RE & FF: My hero! EW: looks at golfclub I shall name you Stringthing, Causer of Brain Damage and Bringer of Hemorrhages. sticks Stringthing through his belt and jumps back onto golfcart The Threesome drive off again. Soon many police cars are following them. RE & FF turn around and chant an Elven-spell: "Be you Orc or be you Man You'd better run while you still can Frodo's ours now, 'til the end of time So leave him to us, lest we make worse rhymes!" The PoliceMen, dismayed by the ferocity of the chanting, fall back. EW, RE & FF sneak into a drive-in movie to hide. EW: That was some nice chanting. RE & FF giggle FF: So can I see your mithril coat now? __________________ Fingolfin lives! ... in my finger! The Crossroads of Arda - Warning. Halfwit content. Not appropriate for people with IQ of over 18. The Fellowship of the Message Board Nyáréonié - The Tale of Tears

01-09-2002, 11:24 PM	#32
Rána Eressëa The Rogue Elf Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 1,722	The Return of Brollum... (EW, FF, & RE are continuing one their journey to Mount Doom. As they rode there in their Elven-boat, they hit something sharp and received a flat tire. Gloomy and annoyed, they deserted their Elven-boat.) EW: We've lost our precious boat! What other tragedies shall come hither to us?! RE: [sighs] Isn't he so dreamy when he talks like that? FF: [sighs] Yeah...... (Suddenly, noises are heard in the thickets nearby. Surprised by the sound, EW draws out his mighty StringThing and advances towards the bushes.) EW: Abide there, Friend & Rogue...I shall hinder this beast myself... FF & RE: [sigh dreamily] (EW creeps up to the brake...and with one mighty swing, clears away the bush. bropous is crouching on the ground eating a fish fillet. He glances up at EW slowly...and lets out a shriek.) bropous: Don't hurts us! Don't hurts us! We only feasting! EW: Why, you pesky beast! What brings you to these foul and plagued lands? bropous: [blinks] We lives here. [blinks] Duh. EW: You shall live here no more! (EW lifts StringThing and is about to swing when...) bropous: WAITS! We knows you! Elijah! Elijah Woods! EW: I am NOT Elijah! I am Frodo, son of Drogo! bropous: No, no, no! We knows a face when we sees one! And we hates it! WE HATES IT FOREVEEEEEEERRRRR!!!! EW: Foolish vagrant! If you know me so well, answer me a riddle! bropous Riddles?! RIDDLES?! We loves riddles! [hops around happily for a while] EW: Then answer me this...what have I got in my pocket? bropous: [thinks silently to himself for a few moments] THE RING! THE RING! You gots the RING in your pockets! EW: WRONG! [pulls out Pepper Spray and sprays it in bropous' eyes] FLY, my ladies! We must flee! (RE & FF flee away with EW close behind.) bropous: CURSE ITS! CURSE ITS! BAGGINS, HOBBIT-FRIEND, AND ELF! WE HATES IT! WE HATES IT FOREVEEEEEEERRRRR!!!! Last edited by Rána Eressëa : 01-10-2002 at 07:52 AM.

01-10-2002, 12:08 AM	#33
CardenIAntauraNauco Elven Warrior Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: rural oklahoma Posts: 324	From the bushes rides a tall figure with a white beard and moustache and a pleasingly accurate wizard hat. The golf cart halts. The weather beaten face opens his mouth and all three intently listen... suddenly a familiar voice is heard rising from his lips.... GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE GANDALF:U ned 2 relise that is not profound 2 b like tht. Tht u r ben dum like ud shod not b wunting to b like. and furthrmor... EW STARTS THROWING GOLF TEES AT HIM GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE GANDALF: I am nvr fraid of tee picks b/c I don't hurt by them. u r dum 2 waste mi ti- EW CRANKS GOLLUM UPSIDE THE HEAD WITH HIS PUTTER Carden appears with little white gloves and a stupid looking golf cap and starts clapping. EW FF AND RE THINK HE IS ARWEN __________________ "We will have peace","Yes we will have peace...we will have peace when you and all your works have perished - and the works of your dark lord to whom you would deliver us. You are a liar,Saruman,and a corrupter of men's hearts. You hold out your hand to me and I percieve only a finger of the claw of Mordor. Cruel and cold! Even if your war on me was just - as it was not,for were you ten times as wise you would have no right to rule me and mine, for your own profit you desired-even so, what will you say of your Torches in westfold and the children that lie dead there? And they hewed Hama's body before the gates of Hornburg, after he was dead. When you hang from a gibbet at your window for the sport of your own crows, I will have peace with you and Orthanc. So much for the House of Eorl. A lesser son of greater Sires am I, but I do not need to lick your fingers. Turn elsewither for I fear your voice has lost it's charm.

01-10-2002, 01:12 AM	#34
jerseydevil I am Freddie/UNDERCOVER/ Founder of The Great Continent of Entmoot Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Plainsboro, NJ Posts: 9,431	tesseract12 - you are one of the most funniest people on this board. I love your posts. Keep it up. And it's not only Elijah Wood this may scare off. I think this thread should be required reading for any want to be actors. Any actor or want to be celebrity should be required to take a course entiltled - "The Stalkers & Fans - Is There a Difference?" with this thread being the discussion point. __________________ Come back! Come back! To Mordor we will take you! "The only thing better than a great plan is implementing a great plan" - JerseyDevil "If everyone agreed with me all the time, everything would be just fine"- JerseyDevil AboutNewJersey.com New Jersey MessageBoard Another Tolkien Forum Memorial to the Twin Towers New Jersey Map Fellowship of the Messageboard Legend of the Jersey Devil Support New Jersey's Liberty Tower Peacefire.org AboutNewJersey.com - New Jersey Travel and Tourism Guide Last edited by jerseydevil : 01-10-2002 at 01:24 AM.

01-10-2002, 07:48 AM	#35
Rána Eressëa The Rogue Elf Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 1,722	Heeeyy... Hmm...I didn't know stalking an imaginary Elijah Wood counted... frowns depressingly Curse its, Jackson! Curse its movie! **P.S. -- The 'Elven-boat' (golfcart) has a flat tire and EW, RE, & FF deserted it. smirks* Last edited by Rána Eressëa : 01-10-2002 at 07:51 AM.

01-10-2002, 11:31 AM	#36
jerseydevil I am Freddie/UNDERCOVER/ Founder of The Great Continent of Entmoot Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Plainsboro, NJ Posts: 9,431	If Elijah Wood ends up mysteriously missing - you guys will be getting knocks on your doors. And I agree with Churl - this thread will be exhibit A. __________________ Come back! Come back! To Mordor we will take you! "The only thing better than a great plan is implementing a great plan" - JerseyDevil "If everyone agreed with me all the time, everything would be just fine"- JerseyDevil AboutNewJersey.com New Jersey MessageBoard Another Tolkien Forum Memorial to the Twin Towers New Jersey Map Fellowship of the Messageboard Legend of the Jersey Devil Support New Jersey's Liberty Tower Peacefire.org AboutNewJersey.com - New Jersey Travel and Tourism Guide

01-10-2002, 03:00 PM	#37
bropous EIDRIORCQWSDAKLMED DCWWTIWOATTOPWFIO Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Littleton, CO Posts: 1,176	Great one, Carden! __________________ "...[The Lord of the Rings] is to exemplify most clearly a recurrent theme: the place in 'world politics' of the unforeseen and unforeseeable acts of will, and deeds of virtue of the apparently small, ungreat, fogotten in the places of the Wise and Great (good as well as evil). A moral of the whole (after the primary symbolism of the Ring, as the will to mere power, seeking to make itself objective by physical force and mechanism, and so also inevitably by lies) is the obvious one that without the high and noble the simple and vulgar is utterly mean; and without the simple and ordinary the noble and heroic is meaningless." Letters of JRR Tolkien, page 160.

01-10-2002, 05:39 PM	#38
Rána Eressëa The Rogue Elf Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 1,722	Let them come! There is still one Elf with enough stupidity to outstupid the very wise! Last edited by Rána Eressëa : 01-10-2002 at 05:46 PM.

01-10-2002, 06:24 PM	#39
aldesign Elven Warrior Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Uk Posts: 447	What Would You Do, Book A book called: What would you do? heh heh heh . . . Chapter 1 - Dancing Mad- by FrodoFriend (side storey) Chapter 2 - A Meeting with Gandalf? - by Tesseract12 Chapter 3 - Elijah's Recycling - by FrodoFriend Chapter 4 - Intervention of Bropous - By Bropous Chapter 5 - Elijah's Capture - By FrodoFriend Chapter 6 - Reverse psychology - By Rogue Elf Chapter 7 - An Elven Boat - By FrofoFriend Chapter 8 - The Return of Brollum - By Bropous Chapter 100 - Exhibit A - Title By Churl, Writen by Bropous Edited together by aldesign CHAPTER 1 - Dancing Mad- by FrodoFriend What would you do if you met the actor who plays your favorite LotR character walking on the street one day? Here's my scenario: FrodoFriend : Frodo!! O great glory and splendour!! It's Frodo Baggins! Elijah Wood : Oh well, it's nice to be recognized but actually my name's Elijah Wood. FrodoFriend : Frodo speaks!! Frodo speaks!! Speech, speech! Elijah Wood: Er, yes, well . . . FrodoFriend : But you're so tall!! Have you been drinking Ent-draughts?? Elijah Wood: No, I'm not a hobbit! FrodoFriend : Not Ent-draughts after all, he's been into the old Winyards!! starts pawing EW and attempting to remove his shirt Can I see your mithril coat? Elijah Wood: Ahhh!! Help! Bodyguards! tries to run FrodoFriend : Oh no you don't! lassos EW with an elven-rope I have plans for you . . . starts dragging EW to secret lair Elijah Wood: Help!! Help!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMEONE HELP ME!! FrodoFriend : Mwa ha ha ha . . . (Later, at secret lair) Elijah Wood: Orlando! Viggo! Billy! Dominic! Sean! She got you too?! Guys: Elijah! FrodoFriend : Now . . . DANCE!! Orlando: Please, can't we just give you our autographs? FrodoFriend : No! (irritably) Dance, slaves!!! Guys: sigh Yes, O Mistress Supreme. (Dancing . . . dancing . . .) FrodoFriend : Now . . . STRIP!! Guys: stare in horror FrodoFriend : Just kidding. I wouldn't go that far. Hee hee hee . . . CHAPTER 2 - A Meeting with Gandalf? - by Tesseract12 Tesseract12: oh my gossssssssssh! ahhhhhhhh! Ian McKellen: what was that? Tesseract12: big eyes ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......wow....... Tesseract12: Are you ok? you look pale. Tesseract12: bigger eyes ohhhhhhhhhhhh...ahhhhhhhhh.... Tesseract12: uhhh hello? Tesseract12: are you really Gandalf?....... IMkindly smile as he sees that I am obviously one of those fans who loves lotr to the point of obsession Yes I'm Gandalf...well I played the part of Gandalf. Tesseract12: dopey grin you're even cooler than I thought...... I had a dream about you... you were pacing back and fourth and the moonlight shone on you're white hair.... IM: starting to get worried uhhh... thats nice, do you want an autograph or something kid? Tesseract12: says in elvish I am no mere mortal! I am an elf prince! hear me Gandalf the Grey! IM: kid I'm really busy, if you want an autograph you can have one just ask. Tesseract12: rolls eyes Yes, thanks, an autograph would be nice, hands him a book just sign right here next to radagasts name. IM:signs book ok there you go kid have a nice day. Tesseract12 sigh uhhhh... you too..... (later when I am staring in to my palantear) Tesseract12: no he does not know who he is. our only hope now is arwin......thinks of her...never mined...sob all is lost!....sob lol sorry to all you liv fans. CHAPTER 3 - Elijah's Recycling - by FrodoFriend FrodoFriend : runs to Rogue Elf's door Quick, Rogue Elf , Frodo/Elijah is going on a dangerous quest to take the Ring to Mount Doom and Sam isn't with him! We must be there!! Rogue Elf doesn't need to be told twice, so we run off to EW's house . . . just in time!! Elijah Wood: taking out his recycling Hmmm . . . why bother with recycling, I'll just take this to the dumpster. Rogue Elf & Me: Noooooooooo!! FrodoFriend : The Ring is corrupting your mind!! Rogue Elf : You must resist, Frodo!! You must come with us to . . . a safe place and . . . er, recover your strength so that you can . . . um . . . pleasur -- I mean, go on a heroic Quest!! Elijah Wood: YOU AGAIN!!! AAAAAAHHHHH!! throws trashbag at us and runs Rogue Elf : No! You cannot abandon the Quest! Elijah Wood: I just wanted to take out my trash, honest!! runs into a blind alley Uh oh . . . Rogue Elf & Me close in on Elijah Wood . . . FrodoFriend : Take it off, fool! Take it off! Elijah Wood: looks confused FrodoFriend : Take it off! No, I'm not talking about the Ring!! CHAPTER 4 - Intervention of Bropous - By Bropous FrodoFriend and RogueElf Meet bropous Part Deux Elijah Wood runs around a corner...he's lost the pursuing FrodoFriend and Rogue Elf... b]Bropous[/b] pops out of a bush in the alley... Bropous : Elijah! Over here! Quick! Elijah Wood: [diving in bushes, gasping for breath] Thanks, mate! Bropous : Sshhh! here they come! [hiding, covering his mouth to quieten him] [sound of running feet pass by, panting oversexed female breaths fading in distance] [uncovering his mouth] Elijah Wood: Phew! That was close! [rubbing reddened lower face] Bropous : Damn straight...those chicks are after you like Nazgul, huh? Elijah Wood: [eyeing warily] Uh, yeah... Bropous : So we're like, in that scene, you know, hiding under the road? Elijah Wood: [getting nervous] Uh, yeah. Gotta go now... Me: Wait! [clutching arm] They are coming...So, like, when Sam and Merry and Pippin had them mushrooms, right? Elijah Wood: [breaking grip, backing away nervously] Right, mate, gotta go now...nice meeting ya.... Bropous : Wait! So where's me mushrooms? Elijah Wood: I don't have any mushrooms! Try the Safeway! [getting panicky] Bropous : No, not them store-bought mushrooms, Frodo, I want Farmer MAGGOT'S mushrooms! [Evil glint in eye] Elijah Wood: [voice rising in tension] There IS no Farmer Maggot, and no Farmer Maggot's mushrooms! It was just a movie! Bropous : Arright, arright, little master, I meant no 'arm, 'tis my JOB to ask questions, 'specially at night! Elijah Wood: You're mad! It's broad daylight! It was only a movie! I have no mushrooms! Bropous : Well, Shire-weed! You gotta have some Shire weed on ya, well-off young hobbit like you! Elijah Wood: [Tears welling in eyes] But that's just tobacco! I swear it! Bropous : Tobacco my nuncle's shin bone, little master, now where's the Old Toby or Longbottom Leaf? Back at Bag End, I would hazard a guess, with the rest of old Mr. Bilbo's dragon gold! Elijah Wood: Bag End...dragon gold...[mist passing over eyes] It was just a movie! Can't you people SEE???? It's just a movie! Bropous : [In a low hissing whisper] The Nine passed over the Isen on Midsummer's Eve! You must make your way to the Inn of the Prancing Pony! Wait for me there! The passes are being watched! Remember! Stay off the Road! Ware the Downs! Elijah Wood: [feigning interest, watching for tell-tale signs of impending violence] Yes, Yes, The Inn of the Prancing Pony! In Bree! Bropous : No, no, no! The Inn of the Prancing Pony on Bleaker Street at 21st! Knock three times. Ask for the inkeep, "Austrian Johnny". The password is "1420 vintage"! Got that? Elijah Wood: [Recovering panic, talking nice to the mean doggie whilst reaching for a rock, can't find one] Yes...Prancing Pony...Bleaker at 21st...knock three times...ask for Austrian Johnny...password 1420 vintage...got it! Bropous : Whatever you do...do not put it on...His spies are everywhere...

01-10-2002, 06:26 PM	#40
aldesign Elven Warrior Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Uk Posts: 447	Elijah Wood: You're bonkers! Just like the bloody rest of 'em! Bill Shatner TOLD me this would happen! You're not dragging me off to some stupid Tolkien Fan Convention, are you? Bropous : [clearing throat, whistling tonelessly, shuffling feet, examining my shoes] Who, me? Naaaaaaawwwww, Go' bless ya, go' bless ya! Convention, now them's hard words, Mr. Frodo...I don't know nothin' about no Convention that you was supposed to do strip dances at and I was supposed to collect the money for...nothing like that at all! Elijah Wood: [Relaxing a tad] Well that's a relief! Bropous : Well, at least, just a FEW dances for the ladies...but they do have good Dwarvish gold... Elijah Wood: You're a loony! I'm not going anywhere with you! All I was doing was taking out the recycling! Bropous : Come now, Mr. Frodo, calm yersel'. All they wants is to see the Ring...[panic in eyes, grabbing EW by the shoulders] ....The Ring......The Riiiiiinnnnnggggg.....my preeeeesciousssssss..... Elijah Wood: [making tiny sounds of true fear in back of throat, looking about desperately for a cop] I really have to go now.... Bropous : [mist in eyes clear in an instant, snatching EW's shoulders] The Ring! The Ring! Is it safe? Is it secret? Elijah Wood: Get the hell away from me! What is wrong with you people! Bropous : You must tell me! It was only yours by happenstance! The Ring should have rightly gone to me! Elijah Wood: I'll call the police, I swear! Bropous : Give me the Ring! Elijah Wood: Help! Bropous : I know your heart! You will betray us all! He will take the Ring from you and you will beg for mercy! Elijah Wood: Police! Help! [running away] Bropous : [jumping up from bushes, pointing] FrodoFriend! Rogue Elf! There he goes! [squeals of female delight as they spot him] Hey, Elijah! [yelling after fleeing EW] What's Peter Jackson's number? I've got a script for him to look at! Elijah! Eeeeliiiijaaaaahhhh! Curse us and crush us! We hates it! We hates it!!!!......foreeeeveeeeerrrr!!!! CHAPTER 5 - Elijah's Capture - By FrodoFriend Rogue Elf & FrodoFriend spot Elijah: FrodoFriend : gibbering with excitement Ai! Ai! Elijah Wood! Elijah Wood is come! Elijah Wood: Mercy! Mercy! I swear I'll never make another movie again! Rogue Elf : Oh no, we can't have that . . . I'm afraid you'll have to come with us . . . Elijah Wood: No! Not with you! Mercy, mercy! Bropous : Told you you'd beg for mercy . . . CHAPTER 6 - Reverse psychology - Rogue Elf (Back in FrodoFriend & Rogue Elf's secret lair...) FrodoFriend : Hmm...what should we do with him? Rogue Elf : I'm thinking something along the lines of reverse psychology...tell him he's not Frodo and that we've captured the wrong person...he's so far losing it that he'll start believing he's Frodo! FrodoFriend : Well...that's all "smart" and stuff, but I was thinking something more "Full Mon-- Rogue Elf : Reverse psychology it is! (FrodoFriend & Rogue Elf approach the distraut Elijah Wood.) Elijah Wood: AHHH! What do you want?! Haven't I been tortured enough?! Let me go! Please! It's just a movie! It's not real! I'm not Frodo! I'M ELIJAH! Rogue Elf : [speaks sadly] It seems we've been mistaken... [sniffs] you're not the chosen Ringbearer... [wipes tear from eye] we thought you would be strong enough to bear the ring to Mount Doom... [sniffs] but you've lost all faith...and now....... FrodoFriend : THE WORLD IS DOOMED! (FrodoFriend & Rogue Elf burst into tears.) Elijah Wood: What?! What is wrong with you! I AM NOT FRODO BAGGINS! MY NAME IS ELI-- Rogue Elf : What are we going to do, FrodoFriend? We can't just let Sauron take over the world! [sobs] Elijah Wood: IT'S JUST A MOV-- FrodoFriend : WE'RE ALL DOOMED! The Ring has made Frodo go mad! [sobs] Elijah Wood: I'M NOT MAD! (FrodoFriend & Rogue Elf stop crying and slowly look at EW.) Rogue Elf : You're not mad...? Elijah Wood: NO! I'M NOT MAD! My name is Frodo Baggins! Son of Drogo Baggins! And by Eru I swear to take that ring to it's firey doom in Mordor! (Rogue Elf & FrodoFriend share a sly grin and giggle quietly with each other. They have succeeded in their plan to make Elijah so crazy that he believes he's Frodo!) Elijah Wood: Where's that ring?! Bring it to me! (Rogue Elf & FrodoFriend blink.) Rogue Elf : You're wearing it. Elijah Wood: [looking down at his chest] Oh...yeah. Then...LET'S GO! [tries standing up] [realizes he's tied to a chair] Ehh...anyone mind helping me first? Rogue Elf & FrodoFriend : WE WILL! [untie EW from the chair] Elijah Wood: Now...LET'S GO! [tries walking away] [realizes his feet are chained to the wall] Uhh... Rogue Elf & FrodoFriend : WE WILL! [unchain EW from the wall] Elijah Wood: Finally! We can embark on our-- [tries walking further but is jerked to the floor] [realizes he's also chained to the wall by his waist] Rogue Elf & FrodoFriend : Oops... FrodoFriend : We forgot about that one. Rogue Elf : Apparently, so did you... (Rogue Elf & FrodoFriend giggle like little school girls.) Elijah Wood: We must be quick, ladies, unchain me! Mount Doom is waiting! (Rogue Elf & FrodoFriend fully unchain Elijah Wood and they leave the secret lair on their quest for Mount Doom...) Elijah Wood: Hey! Who touched my butt?! (Rogue Elf & FrodoFriend giggle quietly in the background.) Last edited by aldesign : 01-10-2002 at 06:29 PM.