Poem?

[EllethValatari]

Hey I wrote a fictional poem account of the journey of Legolas and Gimli to Valinor....any comments or criticisms on it?
*I know that I am an amateur writer and it might sound bad, this is why I'm asking for comments.

When silent fell the silver rain,
the elves into the forest came,
of Mirkwood where the sun shines high,
over the woods that never die.

Here at the gates of this silvan realm,
a Sindarin Elf waits by the elms
of royal and immortal blood,
Legolas, prince of the wood.

He awaites another friend,
who will join him to find their end
in a ship of hemlock core,
across the Sea to Valinor.

To Moria they ride with haste,
for Orcs still dwell among the waste
there they help the Dwarves rebuild
Khazad Dum with glory filled.

Again the travel to Entwood,
where they find that Treebeard stood
absorbed in thought of distant places,
they leave him alone on Bregalad's terraces.

At Tolfalas they find their ship,
and secretly away they slip
over the waves to thither shore,
across the Sea to Valinor.

[Earniel]

Moved to Writer's Workshop.

Welcome to the Entmoot, Elleth Vallatari.

I'm not very good at poems myself, but I quite like yours. The only bit that could use some more work is I think the verse about Treebeard. It probably should also be "Again they travel to Entwood," instead of 'the travel'.

[EllethValatari]

Yea...it's supposed to say, Again they traveled to Entwood

[Count Comfect]

I like the poem, and I don't want to be too critical, so take these comments in the light that I do like it.

That said, you might want to take a look at your rhythms and rhymes. It seems that you're going for tetrameter (eight beat lines, like your "To Moria they ride with haste," a line I quite like) with each couplet rhyming. You can definitely get away with slant rhyme and near rhymes (like rain/came or realm/elms) - it's quite pretty in my opinion - but I think you'll find that sometimes you're letting words that look similar but don't sound the same slip in - the chief example being "absorbed in thought of distant places,/
they leave him alone on Bregalad's terraces" where places and terraces have different ending vowel sounds (in most dialects of English at any rate).

Similarly, I'll focus on those two lines again, because while your meter, those eight beats (seven in some cases where you change stress, like "there they help the Dwarves rebuild," another line I like), is generally strong, it stumbles occasionally. they LEAVE him Alone ON breGAlad's TERRacES is very long compared to your normal lines (I've alternated ALL CAPS for syllables here). Other places it stumbles because of a lack of stressed syllables ("Legolas, prince of the wood," for instance, breaks from your standard alternating stress pattern).

That said, I really enjoyed reading it; I hope you stay around to contribute more here on Entmoot!