self harming

[Pirate]

Those who want to end there life are tired of living. They see to much pain in it. They know there’s no way death can be worse in the life they live. The way you let your friends be depressed is you relate with them. I never asked for any help when I was depressed and if a friend had told somebody about my problems it would have only made things worse. Then I'd have felt even more alone because I could no longer trust my only friends with my secrets. When you’re depressed pain makes it feel better. I'd stab myself when I got so depressed I'd be mad. I'd get so angry I'd want to kill my whole family to show them. I didn't even know what it was I had against my parents, but whatever it was it was killing me and it made me angry. Too angry. So I'd take my anger out on myself. I don't do that anymore, except for when my parents are fighting and trying to involve me in there arguments. Now I know there are better ways to pull through life then to give up. I take out most of my depression on my Novel. My parents still don't know what I have thought and I'm happy with that. I don't want them in my life. I only want one person in my life and that's me. Only when I really need it do I go to a friend for help. I know my depression wasn't (and isn't) real. It's only angst and anger.

[eowyngirl14]

Originally posted by Pirate
Those who want to end there life are tired of living. They see to much pain in it. They know there’s no way death can be worse in the life they live. The way you let your friends be depressed is you relate with them. I never asked for any help when I was depressed and if a friend had told somebody about my problems it would have only made things worse. Then I'd have felt even more alone because I could no longer trust my only friends with my secrets. When you’re depressed pain makes it feel better. I'd stab myself when I got so depressed I'd be mad. I'd get so angry I'd want to kill my whole family to show them. I didn't even know what it was I had against my parents, but whatever it was it was killing me and it made me angry. Too angry. So I'd take my anger out on myself. I don't do that anymore, except for when my parents are fighting and trying to involve me in there arguments. Now I know there are better ways to pull through life then to give up. I take out most of my depression on my Novel. My parents still don't know what I have thought and I'm happy with that. I don't want them in my life. I only want one person in my life and that's me. Only when I really need it do I go to a friend for help. I know my depression wasn't (and isn't) real. It's only angst and anger.

dont you think its kindof sick that you want (wanted) to kill your family? i just think thats awful. iv been clinically depressed before and all i just wanted to sleep forever. it was liek i saw stuck in this state of apathy. i had no motivation for anything. my grades dropped, i stopped practicing the voilin or soccer. i wanted people to help me but no one did. i had to help myself. it would have been so much better for me if someone had just talked to me or told my mom or their parents or a guidance councler or anyone. it would have been so much easier to deal with.

i think this might be one of those topics that we will just haveto agree to disagree on.

[Pirate]

dont you think its kindof sick that you want (wanted) to kill your family? i just think thats awful

Yes. It was sick, but I was depressed. It was pure anger toying with my thoughts. Depression is different for different people. Though you may have felt no motivation, I felt like I needed an extreme change to get attention. I know I'm a complete freak, but that's what angst did to me. I craved attention so badly I wanted to take the life of my own and others. I got depressed like this right around the time my brother was born (a year ago). I had been the baby for too long and then he came into my life and I hated him. I didn't blame him though, I blamed my mother. Then I started to think I was crazy. I now think that it was only so I could take pity on myself and deny that the real problem was that I was being a baby about letting something new into my families life. I love my brother now but at times I still feel resentment toward him. I feel like this is my territory and he needs to get away from me. Nothing but angst though.