They'd never say that! (part 2)

[jammi567]

This is a continuation of the thread in the lord of the rings forum, except you can now use characters from the hobbit and silmarillion as well. enjoy .

[me9996]

Okay...
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Bilbo Baggens:MUHAHAHA!!! I WILL STEAL THOSE DWARVES BLIND!!! MUHAHA!!!
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Gollum:Okay, Let's play a game, if I win I eat you, if you win I eat you anyway.
Bilbo:hmm... Can I think about this?

[jammi567]

Feanor has just created the simarils, and is having a party to celebrate. suddenly, Barbie Girl by Aqua is playing very loudly (don't ask), and he also grabs Galadrials hand to dance with her. she's pissed out of her mind.

Hi, Glad!
Hi, Feo! (falls over)
(pulling her up) You wanna go for a ride?
Sure, Feo!
Jump in! (both fall into an opentop sportscar. Feanor takes the wheel and zooms around the plains of Valinor).

(Galadriel) I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world
Life in plastic, it's brill (throws up over edge of car)
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere (feanor looks long and hard at her breasts. Manages to just advoid the Trees).
Imagination, life is your creation (throws up again. Feanor does a thumbs up to Eru).
(Feanor) Thanks dude!

(Feanor) You're my doll, rock'n'roll (smokes a bit of weed whilst also imitating hitting drums), feel the glamouring and pain (takes his shoes and socks off. Puts car on autopilet and at high speed).
Kiss me here (touches d**k), touch me there (touches knee) , hanky panky (she touches him lightley on the knee).

(Galadriel) Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please
I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees. (during this, she takes off her shoes and dress, and he takes off his shirt and trousers. They are both totally naked).

(both together) You can touch, you can play
If you say: "I'm always yours". (Feanor stops the car. Galadriel gets on top of him, and is about to do "it" when...)

(Finarfin) What the effing hell are you doing?!
(Finwe) Yes Feanor, you were about to have sex with your step-niece!
(Feanor) I know that, but I really wanted a bit of her hair, and when she said no...
(Finwe) You, young man, are grounded for 12 years.
(Feanor) But dad, I've just created the most...
(Finwe) I don't ******* care, you're still grounded.
(Finarfin) That goes for you too, but for as well as taking drink, you're grounded for an extra 15 years.
(Galadriel, getting up from the floor) But daddy, it's not my fault. (she bursts into tears).

[me9996]

(Sam is doing taxes on his computer and Frodo comes in with a silly hat on)
Frodo:I'm a lawn gnome!
Sam(Flatly):Realy...
Frodo:YUP!
Sam(Flatly):And how did you find this out?
Frodo:Aragorn said I was a lawn gnome! And that he was...
Frodo(Perfect imatation of Aragorns voice):'THE EVILEST LAWN GNOME IN MIDDLE EARTH!!!'
Sam(Flatly):Realy...
Frodo:And he said that Gimli and I are lawn gnome too!
Sam(Flatly):Then why don't you go out and stand in the lawn while I finish my taxes?
Frodo:OKAY!!!
(Frodo leaves)
(Later)
Sam:Ah, done with my taxes, and look just in time! April 14th! (And I started on July 2nd!)
*Rim shot*
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(Sam is playing Suducu and Frodo comes into the room carrying some geliton desert)
Frodo:My <Product> talked to me, hey wait, why was that censored?
Sam:It's a brand name, you've gotta use genaric names for stuff.
Frodo:Huh?
Sam:That food is Geliton desert, this thing is tisue paper, this is a copying mashean.
Frodo:What have you done with the <Product>, the <Product>, and the <Product>?!?
Sam:Any way, you said the Geliton desert talked to you?
Geliton:YUP! I did, my name is <Product> and I think this product censoring stinks!
Sam:You would, so I guess for once you were right Frodo. Frodo?
Frodo:HELP!!! I GOT SOME <Product> COUGHT IN THE <Product> AND IT'S ATTACKING MEEEEE!!!
Sam(Flatly):You got tissue paper stuck in the copyer again?
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Sam:On brave sir-
Aragorn:IF I HEAR THAT ONE MORE TIME I'LL DEFECT TO SOURONS HOARDS!!!
Sam:On brave sir Aragorn...
(Later at balendur)
Souron:So what are your credenshals?
Aragorn:I am Aragorn son of Arathorn heir to the thrown of Gondor!
Souron:That's it?
Aragorn:I also got experience as an evil minion in collage.
Souron:Hmm... We'll review your resume' and call you back tomarow.
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[me9996]

About time for a joke involveing fireworks, Gandalf, and orcs... Hmm...
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Orc1:Soooo, Gandalf, what are these fireworks for anyway?
Gandalf(Very fast):They are to celebrate the independence of a country that will gain it's independence in possably sevral millenia and 2 days.
Orc1:And what does fireworks have to do with this?
Gandalf(Very fast):It is a widespread method of celebration in the time of this country.
Orc1:And why are we doing this all this time before them?
Gandalf(Very fast):It is a joke desighned to make the people over 200 years past the date of the afforementioned nations independance find great humor in the fact that orcs and wizards are celebrateing the date of their nations birth.
(Later)
Orc2:So what did he say?
Orc1:He didn't know ether.
Orc2(very fast):Oh well, I guess it is very illogical for orcs to celebrate a holiday called 'Independance Day' when orckind has been enslaved many times by whatever evil there is in middle earth and any time they are free they are only free as there is no one to enslave them.
Orc1:Shhh! The fireworks are starting!
Orc2: Do you ever get deja vu?
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[jammi567]

(It's the council of Elrond. suddenly...)
Elrond: Mr Baggins, you are the One.
Frodo: W-w-what?
E: You are the only One who can distroy the One.
F: Errr, Elrond, i think you've got the wrong movie.
E: Therefore, i will have to kill you.
F: Fine, i give up. i'll go along with you.
(They fight ala the end of 'The Matrix'. all of a sudden...)
Gandalf: STOP!
(They do)
G: Elrond, Frodo, what are you doing? This isn't 'The Matrix'. It's...'The Davinci Code!'
(Everyone there stares are him in silence).
Legolas: I'm a proffecional movie critic, and you have to be part of the shitest movie of the year.
(Everyone murmers in agreement).
L: Therefore, we have to kill you, and everyone who was ever a part of it.
(They do so)

(no offence to anyone who does like it, because i know i do).

Originally Posted by jammi567

Feanor has just created the simarils, and is having a party to celebrate. suddenly, Barbie Girl by Aqua is playing very loudly (don't ask), and he also grabs Galadrials hand to dance with her. she's pissed out of her mind.

Hi, Glad!
Hi, Feo! (falls over)
(pulling her up) You wanna go for a ride?
Sure, Feo!
Jump in! (both fall into an opentop sportscar. Feanor takes the wheel and zooms around the plains of Valinor).

(Galadriel) I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world
Life in plastic, it's brill (throws up over edge of car)
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere (feanor looks long and hard at her breasts. Manages to just advoid the Trees).
Imagination, life is your creation (throws up again. Feanor does a thumbs up to Eru).
(Feanor) Thanks dude!

(Feanor) You're my doll, rock'n'roll (smokes a bit of weed whilst also imitating hitting drums), feel the glamouring and pain (takes his shoes and socks off. Puts car on autopilet and at high speed).
Kiss me here (touches d**k), touch me there (touches knee) , hanky panky (she touches him lightley on the knee).

(Galadriel) Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please
I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees. (during this, she takes off her shoes and dress, and he takes off his shirt and trousers. They are both totally naked).

(both together) You can touch, you can play
If you say: "I'm always yours". (Feanor stops the car. Galadriel gets on top of him, and is about to do "it" when...)

(Finarfin) What the effing hell are you doing?!
(Finwe) Yes Feanor, you were about to have sex with your step-niece!
(Feanor) I know that, but I really wanted a bit of her hair, and when she said no...
(Finwe) You, young man, are grounded for 12 years.
(Feanor) But dad, I've just created the most...
(Finwe) I don't ******* care, you're still grounded.
(Finarfin) That goes for you too, but for as well as taking drink, you're grounded for an extra 15 years.
(Galadriel, getting up from the floor) But daddy, it's not my fault. (she bursts into tears).

um i think you have a bit too much time on your hands.

[me9996]

Feramir(Singing): I told the Witch King that I was in love with you.
(Dun dun dun)
Feramir(Singing): I told the Witch King that I was in love with you!
(Dun dun dun)
Feremir(Singing): My friend the Witch King he told me what do do he said say:
Ooo-ah ooo ah-ah bing bang walla-walla bing-bang
Ooo-ah ooo ah-ah bing-bang walla-walla bing-bang!
(Ect.)

[luvEyowen]

Wow. This thread is getting reallllly annoying

(Saruman finishes his speech about how Gandalf wants the staffs of all five wizards, etc. etc.)
Gandlf: Well, yeah, I do. BUT THAT IS AGAINST THE POINT! YOU ARE AN EVIL WIZARD!!!!!
Saruman: NO IM NOT!!!!
G: Than who made all thos Uruk-Hai over there?
Uruk-Hai 1: Grrrrrrrr
S: not me! My, ummmmmm, evil clone! Namuras!
U-H1: GRRRRRRRRRRRrrrr
G: Really?
S:UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
(Uruk-Hai army rushes at gandalf. Gandalf sidesteps. Uruk-Hai knock down Isengard.)
U-H1:Oops.

[super-pippin]

Legolas carying a Lady Elf (Areodin) down a path..

Legalas: Your so light! How much do you weigh?!?

Areodin: Oh, just a ton or so .

Legolas: that explains it, allmost half my weight!


( hehehehehehe!!!)

[Jon S.]

No.