Could you be involved with some if you were not...

[afro-elf]

Could you be involved with some if you were not the greatest love of that person. Even if the relationship is pretty darn good.

Examples being:

Your partner's spouse died and you know the dead spouse will always be number one for the other person.

A person who never got over a former love.

[IronParrot]

I think Example 1 is fundamentally different from Example 2 because one has the very possible threat of that former "greatest love" being re-established (and your being ditched in a flash), whereas the other does not - necrophilia notwithstanding.

"I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world."
- Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart), Casablanca

[brownjenkins]

i never bought the whole "greatest love" premise... i've had two myself, very different people, but i would never rank them against each other

i imagine i would have a hard time remaining with someone who felt the necessity to make comparisons, either positive or negative, between levels of love... it's something that is better left unquantified

[Lizra]

Oh yes....people do change their minds you know. I might not start out being the greatest love, but if the situation was right, new love could scale exhilarating heights unreached before! Pretty hard to put a limit on love! I know quite a few good tricks...eh! Give me a spark, and I could fan the flame. Never miss out on an opportunity for love, just because your ego says you must have it/be all or you have nothing!

NO problem here!

[Andúril]

Originally posted by Lizra
...if the situation was right, new love could scale exhilarating heights unreached before!...I know quite a few good tricks...eh! Give me a spark, and I culd fan the flame.

[Lizra]

You know it Daddy!!

[Ruinel]

That's hard, AE. As hard as your hot body. oops... did I say that? Oh, and btw... you've been nominated as captain of the American Strip Team in my latest thread.

Ok, seriously... I think it will always come between you if the former love is still alive. However, if the former love is dead, then that's another story. This person would know that there is no return from death and I think the relationship would be fine between the two that are alive. (Am I making sense? I didn't sleep well last night.)

[afro-elf]

I didn't sleep well last night

Opps. My Bad.

[afro-elf]

you've been nominated as captain of the American Strip Team in my latest thread.

I've replied there and to my sorta leaving/diminished thread.

[Tessar]

It's hard to say, and for me it would depend on the person, but for the most part I'd say 'no'.

For a really GOOD relationship you have to give 100% of yourself, your love, and your affection. You can't be moping around sighing "Oh, if only dear old Sue were still alive!"

[Beruthiel's cat]

Odd how I just posted a poem in the Writer's Forum, then this thread shows up in General Messages...

The poem is on this very subject.

My Wish For You
by Beruthiel's cat


My wish for you is simple –
love.

Love to fill the morning with promise,
the afternoon with anticipation,
the evening with tenderness.


Love as comfortable as an old easy chair –
the way it was before
we broke
into cutting shards
and lonely pieces.

Off-kilter, odd lives, starting again
with false stops
and jolts.

You –
in the company of old friends.
Tasting bitter,
finding sweet
among tangled weeds
of doubt –
of pain realized and released.


I –
in the confusion of new.
Winning confidence,
losing respect –
Seeking another freedom,
another bond –
more or less than there was before.

Be happy now that someone has touched you.

(I never could.)

***

(This, young ones, is how it feels after you've put a few miles on the old odometer...)

[katya]

My first response would be "no". I wouldn't want to be just a second best for the person. If they were truly more in love with the other person, and could bever ever get over it, I could not stand to be in a really serious relationship with that person. Maybe something more casual though, but that's just me...
However, ideal world aside, people do move on, and if they really can't get over their long dead love, than they're a hopelessly romantic fool (like me! ). If I could be a different love, then sure, why not? Tomoe vs. Kaoru (form Rurouni Kenshin, actually) comes to mind. They were very different but equally (that's debatable) important in Kenshin's life. So yeah, I think it could work.
I guess the bottom line is, if they were willing to move on, then sure. If not, I could not take the relationship totally seriously, and would not hesitate to move on if someone came along who cared for me.

[Andúril]

I have been in this type of relationship before. Wasn't exactly the best thing that's ever happened to me.

[Elvengirl]

My first thought would be no. I wouldn't want to be in a serious relationship with someone who was still stuck on a past relationship, and I wouldn't want to be with someone if I still cared for another. It wouldn't be right and I wouldn't be happy with just settling for a person. I would be ok with having a friendship with that person, but nothing more. Things do change and it might grow into something later on.

[Starr Polish]

I agree that they both very different situations. The first one I could see myself being in, possibly, but not the second one. For if someone isn't over a former lover, why are they with another person? There's always the threat of them cheating/leaving for that person.

But, it also depends on how "vocal" or obsessive they seem about it. If I was in the first situation, and the person continually brought up the former spouse or compared me to her, I would be gone FAR before I said "I do." I don't expect complete, absolute devotion to only me, but I won't put up with being compared and basically trodden upon.

[Anglorfin]

Originally posted by afro-elf
Could you be involved with some if you were not the greatest love of that person. Even if the relationship is pretty darn good.

Examples being:

Your partner's spouse died and you know the dead spouse will always be number one for the other person.

A person who never got over a former love.

AE, I can't think of any other circumstance where I'd be "involved" with someone if I wasn't their grestest love. For their greatest love to be alive is not likely. There may be first loves, or once great loves, but I think after a while I'd hope to replace that.

As for a spouse dying. If I truly loved my partner I'd respect that and in any case it wouldn't stop me from doing everything I could to make her life better.