is love NECESSARY for a good relationship?

afro-elf · 07-14-2002, 05:54 AM

Andúril · 07-14-2002, 06:04 AM

I would be the wrong person to ask.

afro-elf · 07-14-2002, 06:39 AM

i used to think that love was necessary but

i'm in the BEST dating situation i've ever experienced and neither I or the lady is in love. everthing is just SMOOTH it ALMOST faery tale like in the way we click

there is always so much emotional drama with love.

its nice to have a relationship with such compatiablity without the emotional dreggs

Lizra · 07-14-2002, 10:06 AM

How good do you want it?

If no love is involved, the relationship will eventually fizzel out, out of boredom on someone's part. (I think) You gotta watch that love thing tho, It's very sneaky and will creep up on someone before they know it!!

Elvet · 07-14-2002, 12:02 PM

No, but I think respect is.

Faramir · 07-14-2002, 01:26 PM

AE, you've been kinda starting a lot of wierd threads lately. Men who cry, all that stuff. Maybe you should give it a rest.

Comic Book Guy · 07-14-2002, 01:44 PM

Quote:

AE, you've been kinda starting a lot of dumb threads lately. Men who cry, all that stuff. Maybe you should give it a rest

Theres no rule on how many topical threads you can create. Also whats so 'dumb' about the question of Love in a relationship?

Faramir · 07-14-2002, 01:52 PM

Just that Afro-Elf as been doing some wierd threads lately. Maybe not dumb, but wierd.

BeardofPants · 07-14-2002, 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Faramir
Just that Afro-Elf as been doing some wierd threads lately. Maybe not dumb, but wierd.

Faramir, who are you to dictate what is weird? Last time I checked, there was no rule as to what kind of threads we are allowed to start, and if anyone has a right to close or complain about thread topics, then it's the admins or mods. If you don't like it jesus-boy, then move along, nothing to see here.

Now: back on topic.

No, I don't think love is a necessary component of a good relationship - but trust, and respect are. And if you have those two, and just happen to be sexually compatible... well, who needs love? (Which is, after all, nothing more than a hormonal reaction anyway.)

Lizra · 07-14-2002, 04:08 PM

you lost me on the love is just a hormonal reaction. Exactly what do you mean there?

olsonm · 07-14-2002, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by afro-elf
is love NECESSARY for a good relationship?

Depends on what you mean by love and good. People can answer it for themselves, but I don't know if any one answer could suit all.

BeardofPants · 07-14-2002, 04:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lizra
you lost me on the love is just a hormonal reaction. Exactly what do you mean there?

Oh, I was just talking about hominid evolution really - and how small the component of "love" is in the grand scheme of things. Humans have placed such an importance upon this particular aspect of a relationship, but it is only a relatively new thing in terms of social evolution. (Biologically, it's probably been around a bit longer, but our social development - that is our dependency on these hormones to "gel" our relationship probably only started being utilised around the 35,000BP (years before present) mark.) I hope this explains further what I meant to say, Lizra.

Lizra · 07-14-2002, 06:46 PM

Well, not really, I guess I've got my "dense cap" on! Hormones brings thoughts of chemical reactions to my mind. Love seems to be a complex psychological development. I wonder if higher evolved animals don't feel, "love", tho man/ woman love probably is our recent developement. Of course some species are monogomous, do they love???. I agree with you on this thread Olsonm. AE, if you're happy, that's cool.

Rána Eressëa · 07-15-2002, 10:10 AM

Respect & trust neutralize love.

Lizra · 07-15-2002, 12:39 PM

Neutralize? What do you mean?

I'm starting to feel like Mrs. Romantic here!

Wayfarer · 07-15-2002, 05:31 PM

Yes.

However, you have an excellent point, in that you can have a relationship where you are not 'in love'. Because there is a difference.

Being 'in love' involves mainly hormones and emotions. So it's not likely to create a lasting relationship.

Real love (I use it in a christian sense) is a state of will. It involves a decision and a level of commitment to the relationship.

Likewise, real love is selfless, while the common 'in love' motif is often selfish and self serving.

Indeed... Love (in a christian sense) always involves trust and respect, and a desire to do right by the other party (or parties) involved. And it does have a tendancy to negate 'being in love'. So insofar as that goes I side with you ladies...

Rána Eressëa · 07-15-2002, 07:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lizra
Neutralize? What do you mean? I'm starting to feel like Mrs. Romantic here!

Neutralize, as in, make it inadequate and unneeded. With respect and trust, love in any term or meaning does not hold any bearing. I can care, respect, and trust someone and have a healthy relationship with them. Love is unnecessary then.

Lizra · 07-15-2002, 08:04 PM

I see.

I have a different idea of a good realtionship. I guess he (AE) means a relationship with a member of the opposite sex, (or whatever!), I like a little love to grow in mine. Just trust and respect make for a good friendship. Maybe that's the type of relationship he means? The "love" part does put you on an emotional roller coaster, but sometimes it's just unavoidable!

Rána Eressëa · 07-15-2002, 08:08 PM

I'd like an attachment with someone that didn't include distrust, jealousy, etc. because I had extremely strong feelings for them. That's just scary. I'd like a calm, soothing relationship. One that if, things changed, you don't have an emotional breakdown for 6 months to a year but realize how much they changed your life.

Lizra · 07-15-2002, 08:14 PM

You're right, strong feelings are scary! It's funny though, feelings seem to come up from some area in my brain that has nothing to do with what I'm thinking. Strong feelings just bubble up and they're there! Scary, scary!

07-14-2002, 05:54 AM	#1
afro-elf Hoplite Nomad Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 3,931	is love NECESSARY for a good relationship? is love NECESSARY for a good relationship? __________________ About Eowyn, Does anyone know what her alias Dernhelm means? She was kown as dernhelm because of her exclaimation when she realized that the rider's headgear was heavy and obscured her sight. 'Dern Helm" Culled from Entmoot From Kirinski 57 and Wayfarer.

07-14-2002, 06:39 AM	#3
afro-elf Hoplite Nomad Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 3,931	i used to think that love was necessary but i'm in the BEST dating situation i've ever experienced and neither I or the lady is in love. everthing is just SMOOTH it ALMOST faery tale like in the way we click there is always so much emotional drama with love. its nice to have a relationship with such compatiablity without the emotional dreggs __________________ About Eowyn, Does anyone know what her alias Dernhelm means? She was kown as dernhelm because of her exclaimation when she realized that the rider's headgear was heavy and obscured her sight. 'Dern Helm" Culled from Entmoot From Kirinski 57 and Wayfarer.

07-14-2002, 12:02 PM	#5
Elvet Elven Warrior Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Orillia, Ontario Posts: 221	No, but I think respect is. __________________ "But do not despise the lore that has come down from distant years; for oft it may chance that old wives keep in memory word of things that once were needful for the wise to know."

07-14-2002, 01:26 PM	#6
Faramir Elven Warrior Join Date: May 2002 Location: Ithilien Posts: 353	AE, you've been kinda starting a lot of wierd threads lately. Men who cry, all that stuff. Maybe you should give it a rest. __________________ This is the Window of the Sunset, Henneth Annun, fairest of all the falls of Ithilien, land of many fountains."-Faramir, Chapter IV, The Two Towers ========================== FRODO LIVES!!! ========================== YODA IS DA MAN!!! ========================== I Love Jesus! Last edited by Faramir : 07-14-2002 at 01:52 PM.

07-14-2002, 01:52 PM	#8
Faramir Elven Warrior Join Date: May 2002 Location: Ithilien Posts: 353	Just that Afro-Elf as been doing some wierd threads lately. Maybe not dumb, but wierd. __________________ This is the Window of the Sunset, Henneth Annun, fairest of all the falls of Ithilien, land of many fountains."-Faramir, Chapter IV, The Two Towers ========================== FRODO LIVES!!! ========================== YODA IS DA MAN!!! ========================== I Love Jesus!

07-14-2002, 06:04 AM	#2
Andúril The Original Corruptor Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 2,881	I would be the wrong person to ask.

07-14-2002, 10:06 AM	#4
Lizra Domesticated Swing Babe Join Date: May 2002 Location: Reality Posts: 5,340	How good do you want it? If no love is involved, the relationship will eventually fizzel out, out of boredom on someone's part. (I think) You gotta watch that love thing tho, It's very sneaky and will creep up on someone before they know it!!

07-14-2002, 04:08 PM	#10
Lizra Domesticated Swing Babe Join Date: May 2002 Location: Reality Posts: 5,340	you lost me on the love is just a hormonal reaction. Exactly what do you mean there?

07-14-2002, 06:46 PM	#13
Lizra Domesticated Swing Babe Join Date: May 2002 Location: Reality Posts: 5,340	Well, not really, I guess I've got my "dense cap" on! Hormones brings thoughts of chemical reactions to my mind. Love seems to be a complex psychological development. I wonder if higher evolved animals don't feel, "love", tho man/ woman love probably is our recent developement. Of course some species are monogomous, do they love???. I agree with you on this thread Olsonm. AE, if you're happy, that's cool. Last edited by Lizra : 07-15-2002 at 12:41 PM.

07-15-2002, 10:10 AM	#14
Rána Eressëa The Rogue Elf Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 1,722	Respect & trust neutralize love.

07-15-2002, 12:39 PM	#15
Lizra Domesticated Swing Babe Join Date: May 2002 Location: Reality Posts: 5,340	Neutralize? What do you mean? I'm starting to feel like Mrs. Romantic here!

07-15-2002, 05:31 PM	#16
Wayfarer The Insufferable Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 3,333	Yes. However, you have an excellent point, in that you can have a relationship where you are not 'in love'. Because there is a difference. Being 'in love' involves mainly hormones and emotions. So it's not likely to create a lasting relationship. Real love (I use it in a christian sense) is a state of will. It involves a decision and a level of commitment to the relationship. Likewise, real love is selfless, while the common 'in love' motif is often selfish and self serving. Indeed... Love (in a christian sense) always involves trust and respect, and a desire to do right by the other party (or parties) involved. And it does have a tendancy to negate 'being in love'. So insofar as that goes I side with you ladies... __________________ Disgraced he may be, yet is not dethroned, and keeps the rags of lordship once he owned

07-15-2002, 08:04 PM	#18
Lizra Domesticated Swing Babe Join Date: May 2002 Location: Reality Posts: 5,340	I see. I have a different idea of a good realtionship. I guess he (AE) means a relationship with a member of the opposite sex, (or whatever!), I like a little love to grow in mine. Just trust and respect make for a good friendship. Maybe that's the type of relationship he means? The "love" part does put you on an emotional roller coaster, but sometimes it's just unavoidable!

07-15-2002, 08:08 PM	#19
Rána Eressëa The Rogue Elf Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 1,722	I'd like an attachment with someone that didn't include distrust, jealousy, etc. because I had extremely strong feelings for them. That's just scary. I'd like a calm, soothing relationship. One that if, things changed, you don't have an emotional breakdown for 6 months to a year but realize how much they changed your life.

07-15-2002, 08:14 PM	#20
Lizra Domesticated Swing Babe Join Date: May 2002 Location: Reality Posts: 5,340	You're right, strong feelings are scary! It's funny though, feelings seem to come up from some area in my brain that has nothing to do with what I'm thinking. Strong feelings just bubble up and they're there! Scary, scary!

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Religion and Individualism	Beren3000	General Messages	311	04-17-2012 10:07 PM
lyrics thread ( not silly or trite)	afro-elf	Entertainment Forum	511	03-19-2009 04:22 PM
Teen Abstinence	Sminty_Smeagol	General Messages	430	06-20-2006 06:05 AM
Love???	sexy hobbit chick	General Messages	207	10-10-2005 10:01 AM
On Love	Ñólendil	General Messages	22	11-06-2004 05:43 PM