Favourite teacher quotes.

[mirrille]

Anybody collect funny or inspiring things that their teachers or profs/TAs have said?

I have some to share:

I think it's cold enough now. - a TA who was testing the temperature of a salt solution cooled in a dry ice bath by putting his finger in it (the solution, not the dry ice). This statement was followed up by - Oh my god! My finger is turning white. that was dumb!

What is psi? Psi is the square root of psi squared!. - The wave function explained oh-so-succintly.

My friend...(pause)...my former friend published a paper... - My virology prof.

To demonstrate this principle, I will give an example from my rash youth. I once tried to do 6 blind dates on a single weekend. For the first 2, I was perfectly charming (of course. ) For the next 2, I was frazzled. For the last 2, I was incoherent. - My immunology prof, trying to show how the nature of some immune responses depend on the amount of stimulation.

[HOBBIT]

Ms. Harris: The British won the battle of Yorktown.

[FrodoFriend]

A few Dusekisms from history class:

"Cold? If you studied harder you wouldn't be cold!"

"Spring break? What are you talking about, there's no break from US history!"

"You get an A for imagination! Probably one of the only A's you'll ever get, too!"

Quotes from the band director:

"Okay, everyone . . . do the Paperclip!"

"I HATE Kenny G!"

"How dare you think of something besides band!"

"Allright, I'm getting the bullhorn!"

[Nibs]

I have this religion professor here at college and he says the darndest things... here's an abridged list:

"We have the saints, the ain'ts, and between them we have all these complaints... they say things like 'my leaders should keep out of my business' and such things and all they do is... well, I wanted to say ***** and moan, but that would be bad."

Every day when we leave class: "Remember - don't sin."

"If you die before you marry here on Earth, don't worry. Dating is better in the hereafter... no curfew or immorality issues."

"You can only be so retarded and survive."

"I can't open my damn mouth or I'll swear."

"Over here, the Jews are doing what they do best - ticking every one off."

"Let's say that, hypothetically, the cieling will fall in five minutes and we'll all be crushed and die. But, it's before finals, so it's all good."

"Kids, when you turn in your paper, write your name CLEARLY on the top. Girls, some of you have such sexy heiroglyphs, but I can't for the best of me tell what they say."

More from assorted teachers:

"It's like herding cats; you get one side, and then they go out of control on the other... you know how that is."

Student: I'm majoring in psychology.
Teacher: Oh... I made that mistake.

"I can either lift you up or smack you down and say 'Straighten up!!' - In love, of course."

"Even the dogs here speak better Danish than I do."

"When you go to a Commie country and go to the store to buy breakfast, look at the shelves, and choose from the only cereal they have. Communist Crunch."

[Laurelyn]

This was in fifth grade:
*two boys are fighting over something*
Teddy: *whining, to teacher* He called me a moron!
Mrs. Pryce: Well, don't act like one then!!

[Arathorn]

A few yrs ago, one of the professors I worked with told me about a student who was wasn't around half the sem. He asked to be given extra work to pass the course. The prof replied: "I'm afraid I can't do that because it would be cruel. You already had a hard time with regular work and you're asking me for extra?"

During a multiple choice exam a student asked the same prof aloud if letter C was the correct answer and it in fact was. He said with a big sneer: "YES IT IS! GO WRITE IT DOWN, QUICK!" The student and half the class changed their answers to another letter.

[emplynx]

LoL. I will try and think of some that my teachers say.
Nibs - Get out of that class!

[Legolas]

My former chemistry teacher:

"Good afternoon, pupils. Sit down. Open your notebooks. Write down the date. Today's theme: "Hydrogen... REMEMBER: N2 O2 F2 Cl2 Br2 I2 H2!!! Now repeat with me: N2 O2 F2 Cl2 Br2 I2 H2!!!"

"Write down: "heat goes out"... Who wrote "heat'? You cannot write "heat". You must write... "Q !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


My present chemistry teacher:

"So, we will now start what? the acid class. Write what? 'acid class', and then write what? the first sub-theme: acid's what? table..." etc etc

Also, she always repeats: "if you learn this what? theme by what? heart the whole chemistry later will be what? very easy for what? you". The same goes with every new theme.

[crickhollow]

"There. Use that word at the dinner table, and impress your parents."

"Thank you, thank you. I'm here all semester."

From my Education Prof:
There are two kinds of statements we elicit from our students. "Aha!" statements, and "duh" statements. Try to have more "aha!" statements than "duh" statements.

Also, I had a history prof that immigrated to the states from the Netherlands right after WWII. He spoke w/ and accent, and loved to tell stories. One of them was about different words meaning different things in different languages.
He said: "There was a couple who immigrated shortly after I did, and the woman's name was ****ja [he said it, but I won't. Starts with "f", rhymes with luck]" He went on to say that the man refused to let his wife change her name, it being a perfectly good name where they came from. But once, when they were shopping together, they got separated in the grocery store, and he walked around calling her name. You can imagine the looks he got. It was kind of weird hearing my seventy-year-old history professor say f*** so many times.

[MasterMothra]

"if you were in the war, the war would be sorry", football coach to one of my friends.

[gdl96]

My math teacher makes a lot of mistakes...no good quotes though....

My science teacher tells great little perverted science facts. Like how when woman are born, they are born with all the eggs they will ever need. But if men we born with all the sperm they would ever need, they would be born with testicles the size of beachballs.

[markedel]

Its all about in Grade 12 math we're about to write a logarithms test:

"Alright class do you know your logs" takes a log of wood, puts it on his desk)

[Nibs]

My eighth grade Algebra teacher, Mrs. Poindexter (I'm not kidding):

"Okay, class, let's move on... I really want to talk about sets."

Now, I knew what she really said, but many kids mistook it and were slightly perturbed.

"I think I speak for all of us when I say we hate people like you, Marcus."

[Darth Tater]

"There are no stupid questions, just stupid people" Mr. Seiden, my Science teacher.

[LuthienTinuviel]

band teacher(s)
- ...well, i don't have a tight end anymore (he was supposed to be talkig about football, but somehow it turned to his umm, physique)
- did you hear the one about the blonde....
- how do you know when an elephant's on it's period? when there's a quarter on your nightstand and your mattress is missing.
(the whole hour was like that)
- no, when you play 1 and a 2 e and a 3 and 4 you sould be playing 1 e and a 2 e and 3 4 and....no, wait. it's one e and a rest rest.. no.. hold on... (yea, i wonder why i haven't gotten better yet)

[Laurelyn]

(Math class
My friend asks a rather pointless question.
Her teacher replies: Sure, no!
(there is a puase, b/c nobody gets the point)
Her teacher explains: You ask a stupid question, you get a stupid answer!

[Renille]

Oh wow. My Western Civ teacher...so many...too many!

"If life were fair, we'd all be driving around in Corvettes."
"Don't make me get out the Gerber baby food to spoonfeed ya!"
"Can you flip burgers?"

My Bio.2 teacher-- "LOSERS!"

[mirrille]

Fun with biology:

When discussing population genetics - "Now if these males are mating randomly...hah! Not with MY daughter you don't!"

"Life is a sexually transmitted disease."

From a geography teacher who was as dumb as rocks:
"Methane isn't a chemical. It's a gas." - when a student complained that she had gotten deducted on a test for saying "chemicals such as methane...."

"Well, that's what the book says, so it must be right." - when asked why Germany was listed as having a NEGATIVE death rate. When asked how a negative death rate is possible (perhaps a surge in the zombie population?), she couldn't think of an answer, but insisted the book was right.

" 'Deleterious' is not a real word" - I guess she was too lazy to look up the big words in a dictionary, so she just took marks off student essays for things she didn't know.

My sweet old chemistry teacher. Imagine a cute little old lady who taught while knitting sweaters - "And the nucleus sh*ts out an electron..." Imagine her face go red as she realizes what she said instead of "spits".

[Nibs]

My Microbiology Professor:

Student: Can we do the review Wednesday night?
Professor: [noticably large with child] Oh, that won't work for me... I'm going into labor that night.

While talking about cloning:
"I say, if you want to make a person, do it the old-fashioned way."

Student: I have two questions.
Professor: Two questions? Only one per customer.

My eighth grade P.E. teacher:
"Are you cruisin' for a bruisin'??"

[Arian]

Uh, well my keyboarding teacher was like: (one this one boy came) Hey, hon. Guy: Hey baby, ready for tonight (he was joking when he said this stuff) Teacher: Yeah I'll wear the blue or black tight dress. Guy: K, see ya tonight, at 6:00p.m. The whole class was cracking up. Then our teacher dropped somthing and was like o' sh.... then stopped. One of the guys finished it for, her, but this time only half the class laughed.