Lyrd of the Ryngs - Return of Good Architecture

[Grey_Wolf]

"Well you can walk ahead and drive along after you." Pippin said.

"You are under arrest. For breach of Security rules." said one of the Guards.

"Oh, yeah, says who?" said Merry."You just open that gate and let us through and walk ahead - we'll be coming along shortly."

"It does look as we didnt come home not too soon, Mr Frodo." said Sam.

"Yes, Sam. There is some deviltry at foot in here." said Frodo."Merry and Pippin, go off and get your people together. It looks like we're gonna need them to clear up the Shire."

Merry and Pippin turned around and drove off to their respective lands to marshall the troops.

And then Sam and Frodo continued on to Rosie Gamgee's house.

[Grey_Wolf]

They knocked on the door to Rosie's family home.

"When were you planning coming home?" Rosie asked fretfully."We've been waiting for months for you to come back."

"Rosie, Rosie, I'm home now am I not, so take it easy." Sam answered."Merry and Pippin is off to get the Tooks and Brandebucks marshalled for clearing out the riff-raff."

[Grey_Wolf]

And so they went out again later that evening met up with Merry and Pippin. At the end of a street they set up a roadblock with a huge bonfire.

It didnt take the Falck Security Guards long to catch wind of it and drive off in their golf carts to find out what all the hubbubb was about.

[Grey_Wolf]

As evening came, the Shire-hobbits gathered around the bonfire and Rosie's old man stood nearest to it and the others hid themeselves in the darkness of the surrounding buildings.

Then came the Falck Guards in their golfcarts and unknown to them they were surrounded by several hundred hobbits of Took Infantry, Brandybuck Armoured Cavalry and Shire Shirrifry.

One of the toughest of the Guards stepped forward.
"What are you doing here, old man." he challenged Rosie's father."You are breaking curfew."

[Grey_Wolf]

"Well, a question more to the point is what you are doing here." said the old man."You are not wanted and I suggest you leave."

"Is that so?" said the Guard saucily."Well, perhaps you wont be so cocky once we've put in the Chief's lock-ups for a week. Come, men, lets take him."

In that moment a thousand hobbits stepped forward in the ligth from the bonfire and aimed their assault rifles at the guards.

At the front stood Merry.
"Well, we've been told what you been up to and if you dont want to end up dead I suggest you do leave or lay down your sidearms."

The guard didnt want to seem a sissy in front his men and stepped forward and made a grab for the old man. He was dead from a fusillade of shots before he touched the old man. The other guards put down their sidearms and was meekly led to a three story building nearby which now was temporarily turned into a prison.

[Grey_Wolf]

The four adventurers went back to Rosie's for a sleep.

The next morning they made ready to confront Saruman.

They had only gotten halfway to Bag End when they were hindered by a dozen Falck Security Guards. One of them stepped forward.

"So you little runts are getting uppish, are you?" He said."Well we're soon gonna put a stop to that."

What he didnt see, in the darkness of early morning, was the IFVs, APCs and Hummers driving behind the group of armed Hobbits.

[Grey_Wolf]

Being stupid he shouted.
"Fire! Kill them uppity runts!" And being equally stupid the other Guards levelled their guns and began firing.

Not being very good shots the Guards it didnt do them much good. One by one they fell for the more accurate fire of the Hobbits, their blood staining the road.

A few hobbits were injured but none actually killed. So with that the Last Battle of the Shire ended.

Now all the Hobbits marched away to confront Saruman.

[Grey_Wolf]

As they came up the hill to Bag End, they noticed trash lying all over the place and overfilled trashbins no one had bothered to empty for months.

The hole looked awful. The windows were broken, the door lay outside, also in pieces.

Frodo was the first one to enter.

[EarthBound]

First thing Frodo noticed was the great use of "Vanilla-Lavender" plug-in air-fresheners.

“Must be trying to hide the smell of something,” Frodo muttered to himself.

Though the fresheners were working furiously the stench of unwashed socks, month-old pizza boxes, and expired milk permeated the burrow.

Staggering from the toxic stench the hobbits began to search out the “Chief”.

“I have my suspicions concerning who we are going to find,” Frodo simply stated to the others.

[Grey_Wolf]

Meanwhile, Sam, had gone around the house and entered the garden. He stood in shock at the sight of the chopped down party tree. Tears ran down his cheeks.

"Whoever has done this will pay." he shouted.

"What's the matter, Sammie boy." a sneering voice said behind him."You got something in your eyes, you blubber."

Sam turned and there stood the sawmill's owner, Mr Sandyman, with a wicked smile on his lips.

"Well, there's just one more mistake to rack up on your list, Mr Sandyman." said Sam and levelled his M-16 assault rifle. The old man blanched at the sight of the fiery anger in Sam's eyes.

[Grey_Wolf]

Meanwhile, Frodo, Merry and Pippin walked around in the rooms of the hole. Disgusted by the general uncleanlyness and wastefilled floors.

As they came back to the living-room a voice they remembered spoke up behind them.

"Don't like the way we kept house, do you?" it sneered.

They all turned and there stood Saruman with Wormtongue in tow.

[Grey_Wolf]

"Sharkey!" Shouted Sam.

"So, you've heard of the nickname my men has given me." Saruman sneered."Quite affectionate they are."

"Saruman, where is that miserable Lotho hiding?" Pippin asked.

"Well, Lotho he didnt like the way I ran things so I had to put him into house arrest. But then he vanished. Don't know where he went. But, my friend here, has been awfully hungry of late."

[Grey_Wolf]

"Kill him, kill Saruman!" shouted some hot-heads among the hobbits.

"Yes, do kill me, and one drop of my blood will taint the Shire and make it barren. Nothing will ever grow here again." Saruman said in a mezmericing voice.

"No. There will be no killing here today. Saruman, you may go - now. And, you fellows, lower your weapons. Before his fall he was a Great One whom we would never raise our hands against. As for you, Wormtongue, you may stay since I know of no harm you have done here."

"No harm!" sneered Saruman."What of hiring the Falck Security Guards and personally seeing to it that you precious relative got done in."

"You told me too, Saruman, you told me to do these things!" screeched Wormtongue, anger blazing in his eyes.

"Yes, I told you, and you always obey my commands, don't you, Wormie!" sneered Saruman.

On hearing this Wormtongue throws himself at Saruman, draws a concealed blade, pullls back the old man's throat and slits it. Before Frodo can do anything about it several M-16s roar and Wormtongue falls to the ground, riddled by bullets.

As for Saruman, he falls on top of the bleeding body of his former collegue and strangely enough, he starts to disolve into a mist and vanishes.

[Grey_Wolf]

They all stood in shock for several minutes - then Sam broke the silence:
"Never - Never in a million years would I have thought that the last act of the War of the Ring would play itself out here of all places, at the very doorstep of Bag End."

"No, neither did any of us - but we should have figured the game when we found those barrels of Longbottom Weed at Isengard - something fishy was in the works." said Pippin.

"Well - we didnt - and this is the end result." Merry said, in cold anger.

"Now, boys, there is no use trying to find a scapegoat." said Frodo."All we can do now is our best at mending the Shire and we will begin by demolishing that awful wall."

So began the Great Repair of the Shire. Month upon month passed as the Hobbits, busy as beavers, demolished the wall and used it to beautify the ravished landscape.

They bricked the paths, dug up the old holes and lined the walls with brick to make them warm and cozy.

They cut the bricks in all shapes and sizes and painted them in all the colours of the rainbow. The beautification project continued unabated for several months and meanwhile Sam wandered all of the Shire pouring the precious Wonder Powder of Galadriels in the holes where torn up trees have stood and in the stubs of cut down ones. Finally when all the trees had been treated he went to a high spot in the land and threw up the remainder of the Powder in the air.

The Actual final act was to plant the elmseed in the hole where the old Party tree had stood. Then he counted himself as worn out and awaited with happy anticipation what the Spring would be like next year.

[Grey_Wolf]

When it came it surpassed his wildest expectations. The Shire bloomed and flourished all over.

Even the elmtree, in some magical and inexplicable way, had grown to almost full length.

But, when he one day, came by Bag End to visit Frodo he found him lying in his bed, muttering "It's gone. Gone to the Shredder."

The next day Frodo was all right again. Only then did Sam remember that yesterday had been the anniversary of Frodo being cut by the Lawyer's Subpeona.

As the months passed Sam noticed with sadness the lessening of the impact Frodo had on decisions by the County Council despite fact that he had been chosen emergency Chairman of the Board.

Also, Sam noticed the gradual withdrawal of Frodo's from all things pertaining social events in Hobbiton.

One day, when he, Merry and Pippin came by for a visit they found Frodo in the process of packing his things.

"What are you doing?" asked Merry."You don't think you can give us the slip, do you?"

"Yes, I am leaving. The Shire wasn't saved for my sake. I've been cut and stung and the carrying of The Package has taken its toll. I've gotten a mail from Gandalf in which he told me that the powers-that-be have decided to let me travel to Valinor and find peace."

"But, Master, you can't leave. I thought you would stay here with us and perhaps find yourself a wife and live happily ever after."

"Yes, Sam, in the beginning I thought so too. But it is not to be. I'm tired and worn out from the Quest."

So the next day, Frodo and the other three began making preparations for the journey to the Grey Havens.

Early in the morning, they left the Shire behind in Pippin's rented BMW.

Several hours later they arrived at the Grey Havens, where a magnificent white 100foot motoryacht was moored. On the pier stood Gandalf, Galadriel and Elrond awaiting their arrival. The foursome parked and got out.

"Well, friend, are you ready for the final long trip?" said Gandalf.

"Yes, as ready as I'll ever will be." said Frodo.

Then Galadriel, Elrond, Gandalf and Frodo boarded the ship and the moorings where slipped and it sailed away.

The remainder of the Homies stood on the pier waved their final goodbye. Frodo waved back. Soon the ship was only a white dot in the sunrise.

The trio got back in the car and left for home. Sam got off at Hobbiton. Merry and Pippin drove on to a pub.

When Sam came home to his wife Rosie he sat down in his favourite chair surrounded by his family.

"Well, I'm back."

THUS ENDS RETURN OF GOOD ARCHITECTURE - THIS BEING THE THIRD AND FINAL PART OF THE LYRD OF THE RYNGS.