Feedback on The Wolf Revolution

NoIdeaWhatI'mDoing · 09-28-2007, 09:58 PM

If you wish to post feedback on my story, please do so here, so as to prevent breakage in the storyline, ie, between posts.

The main thread is here: http://entmoot.tolkientrail.com/showthread.php?t=14481

Nautipus · 10-01-2007, 08:49 AM

I've only read a little of your story (I dont have time to read it all right now, I've got to go to class). but so far I'm enjoying it. Is this the whole story, by the way?

Also, go check out some other stories, Some of these guys are really good writers, like yourself

, and would probably appreciate your feedback.

***Earniel*** · 10-01-2007, 02:44 PM

There are quite some interesting ideas in this story. I like how the world at the other end of the warp field doesn't just run at a faster speed, but that the time difference jumps back and forth. I also quite like the idea of the human colonists being unwittingly put in disputed land and so used to challenge the other party.

However, I do wonder why so little recon was done before establishing a fully independant (from the natives, at least) on an alien planet. One would think they'd spend a little more time learning about the planet and its inhabitants before going over to share it. I marvelled also at the need for military surveillance on a colony on what was thought to be a peaceful planet, especially in relation to the conversation that comes afterwards that says the colony was woefully unprepared for anything. Minor details, of course, but just some things that struck me.

The exposition at the beginning may a bit on the long side. I wonder whether it wasn't better to break up all that information and insert it in shorter explanations, more spread over the story. But then again, that is usually the technique I personally prefer, not necessarily what's best for the story. Although I do think the first chapters suffers a bit from a lack of dialogue.

The shift to another person at the beginning of the second chapter is a tad confusing, especially since we don't know the name of the main character yet.

Liked the throw-away reference to area 51 too.

Looking forward to reading more.

NoIdeaWhatI'mDoing · 10-01-2007, 02:53 PM

To Eärniel: There is a part coming where the nuances in the warp field are explained, at least in part. Probably somewhere in part 2.

A good question. Later on there will be parts related more specifically to this lack of preparation. As it turns out, there is a good deal of intrigue going on all over this story.

Same thing I do, I just concentrate what I feel as necessary info near the beginning, with the rest to be explained on the way.

It's the same guy at the beginning, it changes when you get to the journal entry. I hoped to clear up any confusion by specifying that it was a journal.

The first chapter's an introduction. It had very little dialogue because it was a set up phase.

Yeah, you'll find other references as I go.

Acalewia · 10-05-2007, 12:34 PM

I'm really liking this so far. I like how you're using first person to tell the story. I really don't think any other way would have worked.

You've left me with quite a few questions. Why the Rulers and Wolves were fighting in the first place? What kind of species is Scar? Is thinking the humans a threat the real reason the Rulers attacked? I can see the Star trek and Stargate insperations in you story.

Keep up the good work, NIWID

NoIdeaWhatI'mDoing · 10-05-2007, 01:04 PM

Thank you for that!

Questions will be answered as the story continues, for the most part, anyway. Yeah, Star Trek was one of my favorite shows (and I mean the original, not TNG or Voyager). Strange, as I was born outside of the 'Trekkie' era.

NoIdeaWhatI'mDoing · 10-01-2007, 02:45 PM

To Nautipus: No, there is more to come. It's all I have to date, though.

Thanks, I have been looking around the stories, but I've already got a few projects going, such as this one, and I'm short on free time. Happens...

NoIdeaWhatI'mDoing · 11-20-2007, 10:24 PM

Chapter 4 is open for discussion!

Acalewia · 11-21-2007, 05:55 PM

I can feel the chaos Steven and the others have been thrust into. I was surprised that the Wolves and Rulers both had people within Rouge Central. Nice. You've really peaked interest by withholding info until you think we're ready for it. Keep it up

NoIdeaWhatI'mDoing · 02-19-2008, 07:11 PM

Been a while, hasn't it? But I'm back, and I've got a new chapter with me! Chapter 5 is posted and ready for criticism.

BTW, thanks for the comment, Acalewia

09-28-2007, 09:58 PM	#1
NoIdeaWhatI'mDoing Hobbit Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Puerto Rico Posts: 17	Feedback on The Wolf Revolution If you wish to post feedback on my story, please do so here, so as to prevent breakage in the storyline, ie, between posts. The main thread is here: http://entmoot.tolkientrail.com/showthread.php?t=14481 __________________ NIWID, the Roaming Writer Like old games? Try: http://chexquest.org Check out my writing project: http://entmoot.tolkientrail.com/show...483#post592483 Last edited by NoIdeaWhatI'mDoing : 09-29-2007 at 10:43 AM.

10-01-2007, 08:49 AM	#2
Nautipus Kraken King Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Under the sea Posts: 2,714	I've only read a little of your story (I dont have time to read it all right now, I've got to go to class). but so far I'm enjoying it. Is this the whole story, by the way? Also, go check out some other stories, Some of these guys are really good writers, like yourself , and would probably appreciate your feedback. __________________ Being the King of these Beings, This is my Child One of my top ten favorite movies. "You ever try to flick a fly? "No." "It's a waste of time." "Can you see it?" "No." "It's right there!" "Where? "There!" "What is it?" "A crab." "A crab? I dont see any crab." "How?! It's right there!!" "Where?" "There!!!!" "Oh." -Excerpts from A Tale of Two Morons One of the best Global Warming Messages out there Last edited by Nautipus : 10-01-2007 at 12:30 PM.

10-01-2007, 02:44 PM	#3
*Earniel* The Chocoholic Sea Elf Administrator Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: N?n in Eilph (Belgium) Posts: 14,363	There are quite some interesting ideas in this story. I like how the world at the other end of the warp field doesn't just run at a faster speed, but that the time difference jumps back and forth. I also quite like the idea of the human colonists being unwittingly put in disputed land and so used to challenge the other party. However, I do wonder why so little recon was done before establishing a fully independant (from the natives, at least) on an alien planet. One would think they'd spend a little more time learning about the planet and its inhabitants before going over to share it. I marvelled also at the need for military surveillance on a colony on what was thought to be a peaceful planet, especially in relation to the conversation that comes afterwards that says the colony was woefully unprepared for anything. Minor details, of course, but just some things that struck me. The exposition at the beginning may a bit on the long side. I wonder whether it wasn't better to break up all that information and insert it in shorter explanations, more spread over the story. But then again, that is usually the technique I personally prefer, not necessarily what's best for the story. Although I do think the first chapters suffers a bit from a lack of dialogue. The shift to another person at the beginning of the second chapter is a tad confusing, especially since we don't know the name of the main character yet. Liked the throw-away reference to area 51 too. Looking forward to reading more. __________________ We are not things.

10-01-2007, 02:53 PM	#4
NoIdeaWhatI'mDoing Hobbit Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Puerto Rico Posts: 17	To Eärniel: There is a part coming where the nuances in the warp field are explained, at least in part. Probably somewhere in part 2. A good question. Later on there will be parts related more specifically to this lack of preparation. As it turns out, there is a good deal of intrigue going on all over this story. Same thing I do, I just concentrate what I feel as necessary info near the beginning, with the rest to be explained on the way. It's the same guy at the beginning, it changes when you get to the journal entry. I hoped to clear up any confusion by specifying that it was a journal. The first chapter's an introduction. It had very little dialogue because it was a set up phase. Yeah, you'll find other references as I go. __________________ NIWID, the Roaming Writer Like old games? Try: http://chexquest.org Check out my writing project: http://entmoot.tolkientrail.com/show...483#post592483 Last edited by NoIdeaWhatI'mDoing : 10-01-2007 at 03:10 PM.

10-05-2007, 12:34 PM	#5
Acalewia Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: In trouble. As usual. Posts: 4,674	I'm really liking this so far. I like how you're using first person to tell the story. I really don't think any other way would have worked. You've left me with quite a few questions. Why the Rulers and Wolves were fighting in the first place? What kind of species is Scar? Is thinking the humans a threat the real reason the Rulers attacked? I can see the Star trek and Stargate insperations in you story. Keep up the good work, NIWID __________________ "Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera

10-05-2007, 01:04 PM	#6
NoIdeaWhatI'mDoing Hobbit Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Puerto Rico Posts: 17	Thank you for that! Questions will be answered as the story continues, for the most part, anyway. Yeah, Star Trek was one of my favorite shows (and I mean the original, not TNG or Voyager). Strange, as I was born outside of the 'Trekkie' era. __________________ NIWID, the Roaming Writer Like old games? Try: http://chexquest.org Check out my writing project: http://entmoot.tolkientrail.com/show...483#post592483

10-01-2007, 02:45 PM	#7
NoIdeaWhatI'mDoing Hobbit Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Puerto Rico Posts: 17	To Nautipus: No, there is more to come. It's all I have to date, though. Thanks, I have been looking around the stories, but I've already got a few projects going, such as this one, and I'm short on free time. Happens... __________________ NIWID, the Roaming Writer Like old games? Try: http://chexquest.org Check out my writing project: http://entmoot.tolkientrail.com/show...483#post592483 Last edited by NoIdeaWhatI'mDoing : 10-01-2007 at 02:47 PM.

11-20-2007, 10:24 PM	#8
NoIdeaWhatI'mDoing Hobbit Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Puerto Rico Posts: 17	Chapter 4 is open for discussion! __________________ NIWID, the Roaming Writer Like old games? Try: http://chexquest.org Check out my writing project: http://entmoot.tolkientrail.com/show...483#post592483

11-21-2007, 05:55 PM	#9
Acalewia Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: In trouble. As usual. Posts: 4,674	I can feel the chaos Steven and the others have been thrust into. I was surprised that the Wolves and Rulers both had people within Rouge Central. Nice. You've really peaked interest by withholding info until you think we're ready for it. Keep it up __________________ "Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera

02-19-2008, 07:11 PM	#10
NoIdeaWhatI'mDoing Hobbit Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Puerto Rico Posts: 17	Been a while, hasn't it? But I'm back, and I've got a new chapter with me! Chapter 5 is posted and ready for criticism. BTW, thanks for the comment, Acalewia __________________ NIWID, the Roaming Writer Like old games? Try: http://chexquest.org Check out my writing project: http://entmoot.tolkientrail.com/show...483#post592483

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