Teacup Mystery #3: The Case of the Missing Military General

[hectorberlioz]

Teacup Mystery #3: The Case of the Missing Military General

Prologue

General Sane stood outside the Teacup Cafe one afternoon, sipping a latte, and thinking of yet another strategy to deal with those pesky elf spies. Her horse gently eased around the small meadow area in front of the Teacup. General Sane tossed the bread crust down to the birds nearby. Her horse had by now eased up under beautiful elm tree. Sane sighed. She was exhausted after all the bandit-chasing she'd done today. Thugs who tried to rob from or hold hostage the Teacup usually ended up with a very sore back-end. But today she'd had a harder day. It seemed the new thugs were elves from Mirkwood, and as a consequence were faster than other criminals. Mirkwood knew no bounds, it seemed, when it came to breaking their Peace Pacts with Fangorn. She'd have to ring up her boss, the Entmoot President, Acalewia, and fill her in on this development.

Sane dismounted her horse and sat down under the elm tree. She needed some rest.

After draining her cup, Sane took it and smashed it deep into the ground with the heel of her iron-lined boots. How soon did styrofoam decompose? More pressing matters where on her mind. She ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich slowly, relishing the sticky jelly as it melted against the organic peanut butter she'd bought from the Wild Foods store in Rohan, which specialised in home-grown produce and locally-made products. Interrupting her lazy thoughts, she heard a sound in the nearby clump of trees. A metallic clink, in fact. More Mirkwood spies! (and stupid ones too, since spies aren't supposed to wear gear that clinks. But these were elves, after all, so it wasn't too surprising.)

In a swift movement Sane reached for her crossbow and whizzed an arrow in the direction of the sound. It was enough to scare the spy out of his spot and send him running---a tall someone wearing a red jacket (yeesh!) and yellow sports pants. Sane took off after him, nimble even in her iron-lined boots.

Chapter 1: A Note of Ransom

In the evening the Teacup Cafe was busiest. People traveling through Fangorn provided the most business in the warm seasons, while the local frequenters came every evening to the cafe for drinks, a meal, and good talk.
When the founder of the Teacup Cafe, the esteemed Nurvingiel, had left the responsiblity of the place to caretakers, she had never dreamed that the Teacup would become such an integral part of a traveller's journey through Middle-Earth's terrain.

On this particular evening, several of the local Teacup frequenters were gathered at a table in a corner of the cafe. Gwaimir Windgem, Tessar, Sasquatch of Fangorn, and Grey Wolf were playing "Catch Eight." The game involved that each of the four players end up with a flush set of eight cards, but requiring that each take a card from each other in turn.

"Well now I hate cards," said Tessar in frustration.

He stood up, slapped his cards on the table and left. Grey Wolf collected the five dollar stake gleefully. The other guys went up to the counter bar and ordered tea.

"Things have really slowed around here," said Sasquatch. "I always feel sleepy nowadays."

"That's because there's nothing to do around here," Gwaimir said, and sipped from his drink.

Acalewia, who was tending the bar, overheard their conversation.

"Even if you guys had something important to do, you wouldn't do it," she said.

"Well I don't know about that," Gwaimir said in response. "Nothing's popped up to test us on that."

Grey Wolf, who had been busy slurping his tea, piped in. "We could always explore the Teacup for secret torture chambers."

"We already have one of those," Acalewia said, refilling Grey Wolf's cup, "it's called the pantry, when I have to clean it."

It was late evening now and the customers were finishing their drinks and conversation. After they'd all left, Acalewia prepared for the hardest task of the evening: cleaning the pantry. After a particularly busy day the pantry was left looking like a battlefield. Flour and sugar spilled on the floor, noodles of various sizes seemed to get stuck in the cracks under the door, and...at the far end of the pantry was a large, dark, creepy area that nobody liked to have their back turned to. It was hard to clean the pantry while always having to face the dark area. A strange, dark blue lightbulb, dangling by the socket wires, shone on old kitchen equipment, large portrait frames, and cobwebs in the back. Acalewia stared at the area for a moment. She propped the door open with a brick, and then went to the jukebox to put on some comforting music. If she had to clean the pantry at all, she might as well try to lighten the mood.

The music played as she swept the pantry out, mopped, wiped the storage shelves, and put the proper lids on their respective containers. When she had to sweep the area where pantry met storage area, she smartly kept her distance and used the broom sparingly.

The music stopped and she said to herself, looking at her work, "well that's that." She turned, with her back to the dark storage area. Suddenly she felt a cold draft at her back. It startled her. She jumped, gave a sharp scream, leaped out the door, shut it and bolted it. She rested with her back to the door, panting.

"That is one freaking scary place."

But even though she had shut the door to the pantry, the feeling she got from it stayed with her as she finished up the cleanup and locked up the cafe. it felt as if a pair of eyes were continually looking at her, and her back felt vulnerable.

"Gah! I am so stupid!" she thought to herself. "Ride a bike to work on the night you have to clean Satan's palace? You're a genius, self."

It did seem foolish, but there it was.

The wind was blowing very strongly this night. She unlocked her bike from the rack. She felt like ripping the chains off to get away faster from the monster. She unlocked the chains, tossed them, and leapt on her bike. She took off like there was a full police brigade behind her.

The area around the Teacup Cafe looked particularly eerie this night, and just as Acalewia sped away the large elm tree in front of the Teacup gave a deep-throated moan. A squirrel desperately dashed out from it's hollow in the elm tree.

She turned down the dark street that was her neighborhood. Hadn't Coffeehouse had enough time to take down those creepy red Christmas lights? Why hadn't Midge cut her lawn?

Acally didn't bother putting her bike away. She nervously stepped to her door and fumbled for her keys. She checked her purse, spilling a number of pennies out on the deck. The keys were nowhere in there. She checked her jacket, then her pants pocket before realizing she had them in the pantry.

"Why does this always happen to me?" she whispered despairingly.

She would ride back if she had to, or bug Midge to drive her back. But she remembered that the bathroom window was unlocked. She would have to rip the screen and frame off, but it was worth it. Quickly (but not quietly) she scrambled around her front yard shrubs. The window was barely out of reach. She looked around and say the mop bucket. Hardly sturdy, but it would suffice. She mounted it and was in the process of tearing the screen off when she was blinded by flashing lights.

"Step away from the house with your hands in the air" said a stern voice through a loudspeaker.

"This is my house, I locked myself out," explained Acally, blinking at the lights.

"Step away now," said the authoritative voice.

She heard a shuffle of boots, then felt her arms being grabbed and put behind her back and cuffed. Oh great, she thought. She was the President of Entmoot, and was being arrested for breaking into her own house. The papers wouldn't let this one pass for months, maybe years.
****

Acally sat across from the Fangorn police officer as he noted down her story.

"So you're denying it was you who were trying to break into that house?" he asked again.

"It was my house. I locked myself out. My keys are back at work," she patiently repeated.

"Why didn't you go home to your own house, Madam President?" asked the officer.

Acally wanted to scream and yell, but that would hardly help her case.

"That was my house," she said firmly.

"Then why were you trying to break into it?" he asked, determined to break her.

It was just then that another officer entered. Acally bit her tongue.

"Sir," said the second officer. "Sir, we found this tied to her bicycle."

He handed over a small scroll to the senior officer. The other untied it and read it without comment for some moments, then looked at Acally.

"State secrets, ma'am?" he asked.

"I don't know what it says," said Acally.

"Are you sure you want that on the record?" he asked cautiously.

"It's the truth," said Acally.

"How would you know if you haven't read it?" he asked.

"Because I haven't" she insisted.

"So what you're saying is that you have no idea what this relates to?" he flashed it in her face, too quickly to read.

"No. I might know what it was about, if I was allowed to read it," said Acally.

"Are you bribing me ma'am, seriously?" he leaned back and smiled.

"This is ridiculous," Acally muttered.

The young officer opened his mouth to speak.

"Also sir," he said. "I think that may have been the President's house she was attempting to break into."

"Yeah, there's something goin' on," said the first officer. "Read it." He handed the scroll to the younger officer.

"A note of ransom for General Sane, sir!"

"Read it out loud for our audience," said the first officer menacingly.

The young officer began.

"Insofar as you value the preeminence of your office, you will answer this request of ransom for purchase of your beloved General Sane. Bring money to Rohan Hill at 6:35 by Friday, leave it between the two large stone pillars, then walk directly away. Signed, Mirkwood."

"Oh my God, Sane!" exclaimed Acally.

"Madam President, you're released," said the senior officer.

"Well thanks. We have to save General Sane!"

"Oh, I'm afraid that' beyond my pay grade, ma'am. I'll let you handle that."

"Why in the heck have you held me so long, then?"

"Oh," laughed the officer. "I was just teasin'."
~~~~~~~~

Chapter 2: The General's Safe Return

The rest of that night it rained hard in Fangorn, and when morning came Sisterandcousinandaunt, who opened the cafe on weekday mornings, had a miserable time trudging across the grassy and muddy ground around the teacup. Moreover, the wind had blown loose trash into the Teacup Cafe's grassy area. "Frigginliddle..." she muttered, unlocking the Teacup.

A few hours later the Teacup was bustling with a good number of customers. They talked about the previous night's storm. Sis went over to Sasquatch and Grey Wolf were seated. She poured them glasses of orange juice. "Say, would you two gentlemen be so good as to pick up the litter around the yard outside. Grey Wolf and Sasquatch looked at eachother, disappointed with this request.

"Sure," Grey Wolf said.

After Grey Wolf and Sasquatch had finished their breakast they went outside and began picking up the mess that the storm had wrought.

"Why did she have to ask me, of all people?," protested Sasquatch.
"That probably has to do with the fact that this is a story being written by Hector," Grey Wolf said philosophically.

Which is true.

Sasquatch's trashbag was already half-full. He let out an exasperated sigh and bent down to his knees, bracing himself against the large elm tree.

"You had to agree," said Sas. Grey Wolf shrugged.

"Hiya guys!"

They heard the voice, turned, and saw General Sane walk down the path to them.
***

Earniel was clearly overwhelmed. A customer named Efocaus was complaining that his latte didn't show evidence of marshmallows even though Earniel had pointed out that his order didn't call for marshmallows. His tongue caught for lack of response, Efocaus left in a fit of rage.

"This is no way to manage a busy cafe. I gotta get some extra helping hands." So she made a large poster board with the words: HIRED HELP NEEDED FOR EVENING, and hung it on the bar table. As it turned out, there were two girls volunteering: Rosie and Nasuada, who had a lot of kitchen experience already.

"I'll tend the bar," Rosie said. "That way you can bake more cookies."

"Ok, that's fine. And Nasuada can be server. Let's get to work!" said Earniel.

The day wore on, and the three Teacup workers became more and more exhausted. One of the kitchen fans broke down, raising the temperature of the kitchen to near-unbearable heights. "I think I may be going insane," Earniel said to Rosie. "I'm cooking myself more than the cookies."

The Teacup customers were startled by the sudden entrance of General Sane. Unlike the feisty general everyone knew, this Sane looked worn and exhausted. Sane tramped over to the kitchen door.

"Help," she panted. "Elves..."

She collapsed against the counter before she could finish.

Earniel, Rosie, and Nasuada stood in shocked silence. Surely this was the crown jewel to a bad day? They helped Sane into a chair and gave her water.
"Sane, are you ok?"

"Elves," she said again. "Captured me in forest. Got away, but chased me all the way here..."

"Drat those elves!" Earniel raised her fist. "And these Entmoot politicians, always promising some pact. What has President Acalewia done, though? Nothing!"

"In any case, you'll have to stay with me, Sane," said Mari. "My two cats should keep any night burglars out pretty easy."

The rest of the evening was anti-climactic; there were no elf break-ins, no holdups, or even pesky, complaining customers. The four co-workers went their ways.

Chapter 3: General Insane

Midge was visiting, and Hector came to do accounting (he was, after all, co-proprietor of the oil well that funded the cafe). Gwaimir Windgem was having a cinnamon & chocolate frappe with a pistachio juice injection. Rosie and Nasuada were helping in the kitchen again. General Sane had come back with Earniel; she seemed happier now, but nobody was asking how she felt after the previous day's events. Yet, in one instance Rosie thought Sane looked confused and anxious.

Naturally, Mari was beside herself with concern over Sane's well-being. This resulted in Sane having to sit down and drink lots of water, and...

"Are you sure you can stand up, Sane?" asked Mari.

"Yes, I'm fine. I walked here this morning from Earniel's house," said Sane.

"Ok, but sit down again if you feel faint," Mari reminded her.

"Don't worry, I will."

Earniel was not feeling supportive since a Sane taken ill meant a crowded kitchen.

"That's enough molly-coddling for now. Everyone get back to their tasks. We've got customers to serve."

A short time later Hector was tallying numbers in the far corner of the kitchen, and had nearly completed his task when he noticed Sane acting very strangely indeed: she stood up from her chair then staggered against a counter, and began convulsing.

"Sane, are you OK?" Hector held her up despite the convulsions. "You gotta sit down, I'll get Mari."

He dashed out of the kitchen and found Mari serving a table.

"Mari, come quick! It's Sane, she's having a seizure!"

Mari's eyes widened in horror, and she immediately made for the kitchen taking the serving tray with her.

"Hey, what about my drink!" Gwai called, and followed.

"There's obviously something wrong with her," Hector said. Not wanting to hurt Hector's feelings at this insipid and transparent statement, nobody said anything.

"Anything," said nobody.

"I'm fine guys, really!" Sane insisted, after all this attention. "I just didn't get enough sleep last night, and yesterday was kinda scary. I need to get home and rest. I'll be better tomorrow. Oh gosh, this migraine. I'm gonna need someone to help me to my house."

"Alright," said Mari. "I'll take you home, but don't get up from bed! And you're going to a doctor tomorrow, too."

They left and the others gathered around to talk about what had happened (Earniel was seething, as this meant another chit-chat as she was left with all the responsibility).

"Exactly what did happen, Hector?" Gwai asked, taking another customer's drink.

"Well, I was doing accounting here in the corner, then I noticed Sane getting up, and she started convulsing really badly--"

"I did notice she looked kinda anxious earlier," Rosie put in.

"--and--"

"We don't really know what happened to her yesterday when she was captured by those elves. Did she mention anything besides being captured and chased?" said Rosie

Hector's mind was churning, considering all possibilities.

"Well no she didn't, actually," Earniel said, coming over. If nobody else was working, why should she?

"...the way she's acting," said Hector, " she could have been poisoned, and the effects are only kicking in now."

"Hmm." Earniel considered.

"Doesn't that mean we should go get her?" asked Gwai.

"There is a guy who knows all about poisons," Gwai continued.

"Who?" they all asked at once.

"Fred Thompson."

"Like the guy who ran for president?"

Earniel, Rosie, Nasuada, and Hector all raised their eyebrows in amusement.

"Yeah. But he doesn't looks anything like him."

"Ok, so if we can get this poison guy over, would he be able to cure her?"

"Oh yeah, he'll have an antidote for sure."

An angry customer was yelling through the kitchen door. "Heeeeyyy!, ain't this place being tended to by anybody? Heeeeyyy!...." Bang bang, went his fists on the door. Earniel stamped furiously over to the door.

"You again. Get out from behind this counter. We could have you jailed!"

There was a brief scramble, then Earniel closed the door.

Gwai continued. "You can find old Fred at the Hatchet Inn, Hec. It's on the opposite side of town. Just take the main road all the way over, and you'll find it when the road peters out into dirt road and grass."

On his way out he took another frappe from the tray on the counter. Earniel was feeling so badly about running the cafe that she had thrown aside any cares for it whatsoever. She sat down to have a cookie.

Chapter 4: Fred Thompson

Hector had never been to the Hatchet Inn once in all his years in Fangorn. He knew where it was to be found, of course. Ouside of Entmoot Town proper, tucked in the darker part of the forest. It wasn't a place one went to for a simple drink, that was for sure. It was a haven for strange wanderers, peddlers of quack medicines, weirdos, and murderers. It was just the place Gwai would visit.

It was nearly a two hour walk, or an hour's ride by horse to the other side. The sun was setting by the time Hector reached the front door of the inn. It was as he had imagined: dank and musty environment. The inn was a dilapidated building, which leaned on its frame against a very, very large old oak tree.

Hector tentatively opened the entrance door, and walked into the busy atmosphere. And busy it was! The place was filled with the sort of people dubbed "vagabonds" by the general public. That wasn't all, apparently. On a large, stout, oak table in the middle of the bar hall, lay a black bear. He was sprawled out, unmoving.

The quickest way to find this Fred Thompson, Hector thought, would be to ask the bartender. The gruff-looking bartender pointed him to a table by a window. Gwai must have been pulling his leg when he said that this Fred Thompson looked nothing like the politician: they were identical. In the corner next to the fireplace sat the man himself, reading a large book.

"Are you Fred Thompson?" Hector asked.

"Well, sure. I look like him, don't I? said Fred in his Tennessee drawl, flipping the page.

"So you're...the real one?"

Thompson nodded, still not looking up.

"But what's a famous politician doing in a seedy place like this?"

"Who said I was a politician? I prefer to think of myself as a guy who gets elected, then goes back home when the job's done."

He took a healthy gulp of his ale and studied the book further.

"This little bar ain't much seedier than most of the places back home...and if it's drinks you want, this is a good place."

"Well...I'll certainly keep that in mind. And please excuse me, Mr. Thompson, I forgot to introduce myself-"

"No need, son. I know who you are. But what's your business? You didn't tramp all the way down here to chat, did ya?"

"No indeed, my mission is very urgent, actually. A friend of mine has been poisoned, and word is you're an expert on poisons."

"I am. How urgent's urgent?"

"Urgent, as in...urgent."

Hector loaned his horse to Fred, who rode ahead. Walking two hours on a road is not very interesting, but writing about walking two hours on a road can be even less interesting.

Skipping to the critical scene, Fred Thompson had found Sane to be free of any symptoms of poison. She was laying on her living room sofa, with Mari, Midge, Hector, and Fred around her.

"Darned if I didn't come up here for somethin' less than 'urgent.' She looks fine to me," Fred said.

"I AM fine!" said Sane, exasperatedly. "I've been lying down on this coach all day on Mari's orders, but I feel okay."

"Well..." Mari started, looking guilty. "I did take her to the hospital, and they said she was alright as well. Maybe we jumped to the wrong conclusion, Hector. And Sane says the elves didn't make her drink anything."

"Well there is something going, or she wouldn't have had that convulsion," Hector insisted.

As if to punctuate the word, Sane stood instantly up and began convulsing again. Her face was contorted wretchedly. Instead of falling over onto the couch again, she ran into the bathroom and slammed the door.

Before anyone had time to rush and ask if she was ok, Sane emerged from the bathroom, looking perfectly fine. "I'm fine guys, really," she said for the umpteenth time.

"No you are NOT!" shouted Mari. "There is something wrong, and you aren't telling us!"

Fred was ready to go, obviously impatient with all the drama. He turned to Hector and said in a low voice, "she ain't poisoned."

Chapter 5: Theories and Speculations

When Hector and Fred had gone, the two girls spent time cleaning the apartment. Just when Mari felt sure enough to take Sane to the hospital, the General would seem to be back in perfect health. Sane slept in her own room, and Mari took the couch. The next day morning Sane said she wanted to stay home.

"If you're feeling okay, but shouldn't you get some sunshine?" asked Mari.

"I'm just not up to going back to the cafe," said Sane.

"Well of course, I'm sure you're sick of it. But you know you have lots of other stuff to do, right? Duties of the kind for a general?"

"Oh, sure," said Sane flippantly

Ending the conversation here, Mari turned and went to the Teacup. She told Earniel, Midge, Rosie, and Nasuada about the conversation with Sane.

"...and she won't admit that something is wrong!" Mari was saying. She sighed.

"I think the shock of being captured by those elves might have caused some mental breakdown."

"That's a very reasonable explanation," Earniel said.

The others nodded in agreement. The burning question of what afflicted Sane preoccupied the minds of all the Teacup staff that day. Different theories arose, and then the arguing started.

Marit: "We don't know if the elves REALLY DID brainwash her, we only know that they captured her and scared her badly."

Hector: "We DO KNOW that she's acting weird, and those Mirkwood elves are always looking for trouble. What better chance for them than to capture the most famous military general in Fangorn?"

Earniel: "It's true that the elves wouldn't do badly if they captured Sane and held her for ransom. She's lucky she escaped."

Rosie: "Maybe they DID get her and still have her, and this Sane is not the real one? Maybe it's a double?"

This last suggestion sounded so retarded and inane that nobody (not even Hector) heeded it, and pretended not to have heard Rosie so as to save her the embarrassment of telling her how dumb it sounded. It was one of those moments that takes place in a multi-person conversation when the most naive person offers a very improbable or simple answer to a complex subject.

They all agreed to their parts in the plot. Mari was to stay with Sane and try to rehabilitate her back to her old self; Earniel was to do research on behavior after traumatic events; Hector was to brood on all the clues; Gwaimir was to go to the Hatchet Inn for a drink.

~~~~~
Thursday evening at Sane's apartment, Marit had prepared supper for Sane and herself. They sat down to a dinner of lima bean soup. This is a dish that may not sound very tasty, but if you grow your own lima beans and take them fresh off the vine, boil them in water for 10 minutes or so, add spices and bits of bacon, the result is very tasty.

Sane made a face at the dish, though.

"Ughh..." she said.

Mari looked up immediately.

"But you like that dish!"

"Oh. Yeah, well you did a good job on it. It's just that I have this stomach cramp from eating too many pastries, and I don't think I can handle the combination tonight."

"If you say so." Mari glared.

~~~~
Earniel was finding lots of information on the subject of behavior after trauma, but it was all too extreme. None of it seemed to fit Sane's peculiar behavior. The closest thing was Dissociative Identity Disorder. Split personalities. Was that too extreme a conclusion?
~~~~
Hector sat at home. Actually, he was pacing up and down the carpet, blowing bubbles through his bubble pipe. His mind was fraught with a million ideas, swirling in his head like fruit in a blender. But the smoothie wouldn't be as smooth. And much, much nastier.
~~~~~
Gwai sat in the Hatchet Inn, drinking.
~~~~~

Chapter 6: Acalewia's Story

Hector woke up to the sound of ringing. He picked up his phone and clicked.

"Hello?" he asked groggily.

"Hector, is that you?" asked a woman's voice nervously.

"Boss? Yeah, it's me. What's up? Where've you been?"

"Listen Hector, it's important. I've been holed up in my presidential office forever. I'm now at Meduseld, visiting Theoden. I don't trust this line, though."

"Didn't we raise taxes just to fix the secure phone line problem?"

"Still, I don't trust it. Go look in your inbox. Meet me at the specified place."

Quickly Hector checked his email, read the relevant message, then deleted it permanently. If someone was indeed listening in there was need for extreme precaution. He shoved his laptop between his mattresses.

He hastily ran to the Teacup Cafe. If the enemy was watching, this was where they would expect him to go. He met Earniel in the kitchen.

"Is Marit still with Sane?" he asked.

"As far as I know," she said. "What'd you come up with?"

"I have a theory. What'd you find out?"

"Well I researched all I could last night. There's a million possibilities. It could be anything. But this morning I talked to Sas and Grey Wolf, and they were the first ones to see Sane walk back from her capture."

"Hector," she leaned in and looked around. "She was acting differently than her little drama act in the kitchen."

At this Hector looked surprised.

"Can you call Sas and GW in?" he asked.

Earniel called them into the kitchen, and they talked in the corner out of range of any eavesdroppers.

"So she seemed happy and waved to you before going into the Teacup?" Hector asked.

"Exactly," said Sas.

"And did she seem to start acting differently when she reached the door?"

Sas and GW looked at each other. "No," they said together.

Hector furrowed his brow. "This is the hardest, most confused case ever," he said exasperatedly. Acally was waiting in the undisclosed location.

"Ok listen you two, this is what I need you to do...."
~~~~~~~

Acally waited in the presidential office, hiding under her desk. Of course she had made up that story about being at Meduseld. The least he could do was try to throw Mirkwood off the scent a little bit. If Hector had read the email he would be arriving shortly. Presently there was a knock on the door. Acally crawled over to the bolted door and peered under. Sandaled feet. Did Hector wear sandals?

"Boss?"

Acally opened the door. It was Hector.

"I'm so glad you're here," said Acally, getting up and closing the door.

"You need to tell me everything that's happened," said Hector.

After briefing him on the events of that stormy night, Acally revealed that she had sent an E.N.T. force to Rohan Hill to drop off the ransom for Sane.

"Did they take the ransom?" asked Hector.

"Of course," said Acally. "But now they're asking for continuous installments of the same amount. Hec, they're trying to bankrupt Fangorn! And they've still got Sane!"

"Acally, they may be trying to do more than that. I have a theory. Can you tell me any more?"

And Acally was about to tell him about the missing papers down at Intelligence when the door opened. Who else had a cardkey to the presidential office? But Acally's mouth dropped wide open when she saw who it was.

Chapter 7: The Plot Thickens


Acally looked to Hector, then to the equally astounded person in the doorway.

"Hector!" she said.

"Yes?" they both answered.

But the question as to who the real Hector was, was quickly answered since the Hector she had been talking to grabbed her around the neck from behind and held a pistol to her head.

"No one moves until I call my guys," said the fake Hector.

"Cool it," said the Hector at the door. "Nobody wants any trouble. We'll pay the ransom."

"You already are. Indefinitely," said the fake Hector.

"Who are you?" asked the Hector in the doorway, holding his hands up and not moving.

"Don't you know already?" asked the fake Hector. "We've been dogging you since the start."

"Did General Lindor send you?" asked Hector in the doorway.

"Hec--rruun--" said Acally, choking. The security detail should have finished lunch a long time ago. What had happened to them?

"No! Don't move!" said the fake Hector, now pointing the gun at Hector in the doorway.

"How'd you know about Lindor?" asked the fake Hector.

At this the Hector in the doorway cocked his head quizzically, not understanding the question. Then there was a shot, and Hector fell to the floor clutching his right shoulder. Acally screamed, but nobody came running. They really, really needed to fix the security problem in this building.

"Acally," said the fake Hector. "It really is me."

"What's my dog's middle name?" asked Acally.

"Butler," said Hector. "William Butler Yeats," and released her.

He went over to the Hector on the floor, who had fainted from the wound. Acally and Hector both gasped as they peeled back the mask of the truly fake Hector. It was a Mirkwood elf, and Hector recognized him immediately as the villain from the previous Teacup Mystery, which you can purchase to read for the very reasonable price of $19.99 at your local bookstore.

"How'd you know he would turn up?" asked Acally, as Hector looked for any information on the fainted Hector. There was none.

"I didn't," said Hector. "But I figured he'd reveal something if he thought there was a deep undercover agent on the case. Now we know that General Lindor from Mirkwood is behind all of this, if not Thranduil himself. Acally, I didn't tell you, but Sane is back. Or so we thought. Mari is with her."

"It's not her," said Acally, guessing rightly.

"But whoever it is disguising as Sane doesn't know we know they're a fake, yet," said Hector. "Let me call Mari."

"Madam President!" a security guard was panting, bending over catching his breath in the doorway.

"You missed it already," said Acally acidly.

"Darn!" said the guard.

"Take that elf and lock him up in the deepest dungeon we have," said Acally, pointing to the fainted form on the floor.

~~~~~~~~
Chapter 8: More Insanity

Acally and Hector made it to Sane's house in record time. Sas and Grey Wolf were sitting on the steps.

"We haven't moved from here all day," said Grey Wolf.

"My butt hurts," said Sas.

"Keep guard," said Hector dashing past them. "The most dangerous stuff is yet to come."

"Hector! Acally!" Mari cried in delight as they came in.

The fake General Sane was lying on the couch, and looked at them with a bemused smile.

"Alright," said Hector looking at her, and nodded. Mari and Acally each took one of Sane's arms and held her. Hector tried to pull the mask off, but it didn't seem to be a mask. Her face was a real as anyone's. Then a thought came to him. He dialed the Hatchet Inn number.

"Yes. Is a Mr. Fred Thompson available? Yes, I'd like to speak to him. It's quite urgent. Thank you. Fred?"

"Here. What can I do for you, Mr. Berlioz?"

"Is there such a thing as a potion than can imitate the identity of any chosen person?"

"Yessir. Polyjuice potion."

"How long does it take to wear off?"

"Without sipping a little every few minutes it wears off in about an hour."

"Thank you Mr. Thompson. You are truly invaluable."

"I guess. Goodbye now. Good luck."

Indeed, it was polyjuice potion that the fake Sane had been sipping all that time.

"That explains all those convulsions," said Mari.

As she said it Sane began to convulse again, her face distorting in different ways.

"Hold her still!" said Hector.

"I think she is a he" said Acally.

There, in Sane's summer polka dot dress, stood Trolls' Bane looking quite as shocked as everyone else.

"TB?" asked Hector, astounded. He had expected another elf. Possibly the accomplice of the previous one. Not in his wildest dreams had he expected a good friend to be involved in the dark matters of the war between Mirkwood and Fangorn.

"You have a lot to explain," said Hector, trying to maintain sanity.

"It' not what you think, Hector," stammered Trolls' Bane.

"Then what?" asked Hector.

"Well, it was an elaborate practical joke. On the Teacup folks. I was paid to impersonate Sane while she vacationed in Mirkwood. She paid me a good sum, too."

"She?" asked Mari.

"Sane," Trolls' Bane clarified.

"Probably another impersonator, while they held the real Sane captive," said Acally.

"Wait," said Hector. "Let's wait for all that. We need to know where the real Sane is first. TB, were you instructed to do anything else by this person?"

Trolls' Bane thought a moment.

"Yeah," he said. "Now that I think about. She asked me to mail her a package. Some stuff in her vault. A bunch of papers."

They all looked at each other, and Acally especially looked concerned.

"Hec," she said. "I forgot to tell you about the missing papers in the Intel Department. They went missing yesterday."

"What would Mirkwood want with a bunch of intel papers?" asked Trolls Bane. None of them deigned to answer this question, but they were about to leave for the Teacup when the phone rang. Mari answered.

"Gwai?"

"Mari. Listen. I've found You-Know-Who."

"Voldemort? Oh no!"

"No, don't be inSANE. Here at the Hatchet Inn... they have great drinks for a great price," said Gwai.

"You're drunk," said Mari.

"Sometimes I am, sometimes I'm not. Tell Hector to come join me for a great time. Exactly what I've said," said Gwai.

"Which is?" asked Mari, rolling her eyes. Hector and Acally were deeply confused, as was Trolls' Bane.

"Look. I'm very limited in intelligence," said Gwai. "I can't speak very well when I'm drunk."

"That's obvious enough," said Mari, smiling in the direction of the wall. This was most amusing.

"Mari please. Put....on. Please."

Mari rolled her eyes and handed the phone to Hector.

"Gwai?" asked Hector.

"Heccy, listen. The drinks are great here. You might say they're GENERALly inSANE at the Hatchet Inn. Right?"

"Right!" said Hector excitedly. He hung the phone up.

"We know where Sane is being held," he said.

"We do?" asked Mari.

"I'm going back to the office," said Acally. "I have a feeling we need to secure all the computer data and paper files."

"Great idea," said Hector.

"Don't leave until I give you a call," added Acally.

They exited to the porch and met Sas and Grey Wolf.

"What happened?" asked Sas, seeing Trolls' Bane in the polka dot dress.

"It's complicated," said Mari, "but basically Trolls' Bane has been Sane this whole time."

"I knew it!" said Grey Wolf.

"No, dude," said Sas. "You didn't. It's too insane."


Chapter 9: The Hatchet Inn

On entering the Hatchet Inn for the second time Hector now noticed the stairwell behind the counter. He looked around for Gwai, but found Fred Thompson instead in his usual spot. No need to bother him again, thought Hector. He looked around for the bartender, but was too impatient. He snuck behind the counter and silently mounted the stairs. There was an open room. He could see daylight leaking through the curtains. Tied to a chair in the middle of the room was Gwai. It was obviously a trap. Hector cautiously moved back, but felt a prod in the middle of his back.

"Move inside" said a menacing voice.

Hector obeyed. Sane was nowhere in the room. She must've been hidden elsewhere in the building, he thought.

"Really Hector, we didn't think you'd bite the bait so easily," said another person, coming out from behind the curtains. He laughed and came into the light.

"General Lindor."

"However did you guess," said the elven general, sneering. "You Fangornians think you're so clever, having escaped Mirkwood's expanding empire for so long, but we're here now. It's amazing, really, to think you've gotten as far as you have for so long with so little wits. Even the dodo must have had some brains, until it waddled straight into the mouths of its predators. Yet perhaps that was its smartest mistake, for the weak must eventually cede to the strong. It's the way of life."

"You're making a big mistake," said Hector. "You shouldn't preach in the middle of a victory."

"Like the Greeks in the horse, we have infiltrated your filthy little free forest," said Lindor, and laughed.

"You're forgetting one thing," said Hector mysteriously.

"And what's that?" sneered Lindor.

"The Trojans escaped."

Suddenly there were a series of crashes. The windows shattered, and the roof collapsed, and sunlight poured in. The room was soon filled with E.N.T force troops, and Lindor's henchman were overpowered. Hector ungagged Gwai and untied him.

"Hec," said Gwai, "Sane's downstairs!"

"Downstairs? I didn't see her!"

"She is, follow me."

"YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS, MOOTERS!" snarled General Lindor.

"Somebody gag that elf," said Hector.

He followed Gwai downstairs, nearly tripping over the steps. More E.N.T. troops had stationed themselves inside, to the amazement of all the customers. Some of the seedier types had tried to weasel outside, but were stopped by the burly E.N.T. captain. Fred Thompson still sat in his chair, reading his book. The big, black bear was still sprawled across one of the tables. Gwai went up to it and rubbed its belly.

"I figured it out," he said.

He poked a finger up and down the bear's side, then grabbed a tuft of hair. The bear made no move. A moment later the bear's side opened up, and Gwai peeled its skin away. There lay General Sane, drugged and half-suffocated.

Chapter 10: Hashing It All Out

"So, wait, let's run over this from the start" said Trolls' Bane, pressing his fingers to his temples. They were all safely back in the Teacup Cafe two days later, after all the dust had settled and with all the details available.

"So, Sane hired me to impersonate her, but she was captured by the elves?"

"No," said Hector, pounding the table. He had explained everything five times that morning, to Mari, Earniel, Gwai, Sas, Grey Wolf, Rosie, and everyone else, including Sane herself.

"No. Someone impersonating Sane told you to impersonate Sane, while the real Sane was tied up, disguised in that bear suit."

"This is insane," said Sas.

"You could say Sane the bear suit was Outsane," Grey Wolf joked. Mari facepalmed.

"Ok," said Trolls' Bane. "So they captured Sane, ransomed her for money, and hired me to impersonate her? That doesn't even make sense!"

"I think it does," Earniel put in. "Apparently Acally had no idea that Sane had returned, just like we didn't know that she was really missing. The elves played both cards by isolating Acally and making her think Sane was captured, which she was, while you played your part in making us think she had returned, so we wouldn't bother about the ransom. It makes sense."

Earniel shrugged. Sas widened his eyes.

"No," he said. "It doesn't."

"Wait," said Acally. "I think Earniel has a point. I was arrested for trying to break into my own house. What if that was just an excuse to hand over the ransom note to me?"

"I was coming to that," said Hector. "Those officers must have been elves who had taped back their ears."

"Actually, I did notice they never took off their caps," said Acally.

"But what about the missing intel files?" Rosie asked, munching on a scone.

"That's what I can't figure out," said Acally.

"I've thought about that," said Hector. "But didn't our guys recover those from Lindor's henchman?"

"Yeah, most of them," said Acally. "The others must have been sent to Mirkwood."

Trolls' Bane looked up suddenly from his thoughts, his mouth hanging open.

"I think I get it!" he exclaimed. Everyone listened.

"They were looking for the papers in Sane's vault. That's why they needed her out of the way and hired me to impersonate her and hack into her vault!"

"They were the treaty renewal papers," said Sane. She had been quiet until now, still groggy from her overnight stays at Entmoot Hospital.

"The treaty renewal with Mirkwood!" said Earniel excitedly. But then a look of puzzlement came over her face and she squinted.

"But those were meant to be sent to Mirkwood in time," she said. "So why would they steal them if they were going to get them anyway?"

"Lindor tried to steal them," said Acally. "To prevent them being sent to Thranduil, thus putting Fangorn-Mirkwood relations into doubt once again."

"But why bother with the intel papers at Headquarters once they'd gotten the treaty renewal?" Hector pondered aloud.

"Good point," said Acally. "They mostly stole bank information. One thing Thranduil does like is money. But they obviously wanted both. Lindor wanted to bankrupt, and then conquer Fangorn."

"What doesn't make sense," Hector said after a pause in the conversation, "is why they would hire Trolls' Bane to send the papers to them."

"In order to hide the identity of the ultimate thief, duh," said Mari.

"But how did they knew where they were locked in Sane's vault?" Hector insisted.

"They didn't know," said Acally, timidly. "They never got them."

"What?!" everyone gasped.

"Oh, don't get me wrong," said Acally. "I did send them to Thranduil yesterday via the Eagle Express, as usual. The treaty will be renewed. But Lindor never got ahold of them."

"Then who hired Sas to impersonate Sane?" asked Earniel. It was on the tip of everyone's tongue.

Acally shrugged. "I did," she said. She continued through the stunned silence.

"After Sane was captured I didn't want anyone freaking out over her, especially since the treaty renewal papers were in her vault, so I impersonated her myself with the help of a little polyjuice potion. Of course, that was only long enough to hire Trolls' Bane to impersonate her in turn. I already knew Mirkwood was using disguises to infiltrate Fangorn (witness: the police officers), which is why I was frightened to leave my presidential office. The place must have been crawling with elves. Anyhow, Mirkwood spies wouldn't be alarmed to see Sane impersonated, thinking that Entmooters were ignorant of what was happening in international affairs, and thinking it was one of their own agents."

"Mirkwood was using rubber masks, but you used polyjuice," said Hector, voicing a fact that had stuck with him since the day he had unmasked Trolls' Bane.

"I didn't know what they were using until you pulled the mask off your own impersonator, Hector," said Acally.

"Acally, you are a genius," said Grey Wolf. Everyone nodded and murmured enthusiastic agreement, laughing nervously with astonishment.

"I had help, of course," said Acally. "Fred Thompson has been the director of the E.N.T. forces for quite some time. I've kept him under wraps."

Of course, everyone was equally amazed at this revelation, too.

"This whole time, I had my own theory," said Hector, trailing off. "...and it was just completely wrong."

"Well, it wouldn't be the first time you were wrong," Mari interjected.

"Care to tell us what your theory was? You never did say," Earniel said.

"It's not worth the embarrassment," said Hector, humbly.

"But what about Gwai?" asked Mari

"What?" said Gwai, noticing all eyes on him.

"How did you figure out that Sane was stitched up in that bear suit?" asked Mari.

"Oh, well I just hung out at the Hatchet Inn too long. I noticed, through a cracked door, this guy stitching up a bear skin every morning and placing it on a table in the bar room. I figured it was just a decoration, but occasionally it seemed to move. It occurred to me, through all my drinks, that it was just the place to hide someone I wouldn't want to be found. A bear skin, you know? Who would think of that?"

"Makes sense," said Earniel. Everyone nodded. Except Sas, who shook his head from side to side.

"No," he said. "It doesn't. It makes no sense at all."

THE END

This has been the third adventure of the Teacup Cafe Mysteries. If you are interested in reading more of these exciting stories, please look for the two previous titles in the series, featuring all you favorite character such as Hector, Mari, Acally, and all their friends as they match wits with dangerous enemies and ultimately save the day.

#1. The Mystery of the Missing Locket
#2. The Mystery of the Missing Cookie-Recipe

And of course, look for future titles in the Teacup Mysteries Series!

[hectorberlioz]

I know, I know...I've been absent and it's been about two years since I last promised to deliver this story. Well, it's finished now. Worked on it the last two days. I have not forgotten you, my dear friends

[Mari]

It was fun reading
I think you've improved too.

[Acalewia]

This gave me a really good laugh. Esp with me being afraid of the creepy corner of the pantry.

Those of you who know me personally know why that is so funny to me :P