The Adventures of Web Design Guy

[Midge]

The Adventures of Web Design Guy, Volume 1: The Battle Against IE7

Web Design Guy peeked around the corner cautiously. Nobody was there.

'Curses!' he thought. 'My arch-nemesis has escaped my clutches again.'

Standing up straight, he called out, "To the Web Lair!" At that instant, the eMailMobile appeared beside him and he jumped into it and sped off.

Back at the Web Lair, Web Design Guy was going through all his weapons, discarding the ones he knew wouldn't avail him against his arch-nemesis, IE7. In a pile behind him already lay his Min-Height gun, the Box-Shadow cape and the Border-Radius ray, which helped him cut corners when chasing his enemies.

He had his faithful <p>-shooter at his side like always, but it wasn't working with this one. IE7 kept taking the <p>s with little hurt, and the way that WebPage City looked never changed.

Web Design Guy's faithful servant, Firefox, and his neighbor, G. Chrome helped him whenever they could. Firefox put the discarded weapons back on the shelves where they belonged and Web Design Guy ate a very late dinner on the patio, which overlooked WebPage City. Chrome sat next to him, watching him shovel the food to his mouth.

"You know," mused Mr. Chrome, "maybe you just need to hit him with the bigger guns... He's not invincible, after all."

Web Design Guy stopped with the fork halfway to his mouth. An idea had just occurred to him. He threw the fork back onto the plate, splattering Chrome with spaghetti and rushed back to the Web Lair.

"Firefox!" he shouted. "I need you! I know what to do! And bring the <div>zooka!"

In seconds, the eMailMobile was fired up and ready to go. Firefox shoved the <div>zooka in the backseat, and Web Design Guy was gone.

When he reached WebPage City, Web Design Guy noticed it was eerily quiet. He turned the eMailMobile's volume level to zero so no one would notice when he arrived near where IE7 was last known to be.

The eMailMobile crept along the streets and Web Design Guy parallel-parked silently right in front of IE7's house.

'Hm,' he thought. 'It's dingier than I expected.' He remembered that IE7 had a couple of older siblings who were rolling in the dough. But then, he'd spoken with them and was surprised to find that they were not as averse to his ideas for good as IE7 was. At least IE7 was a little more open than IE6, whom Web Design Guy had defeated the year before. The funeral had been beautiful though, he had to admit.

Web Design Guy hefted the <div>zooka onto his spindly little shoulder. Firefox was often known to badger him to lift weights, if only to improve his appearance, but Mr. Chrome was adamant that "Web Design Guy has all the strength he needs to defeat the enemies of WebPage City!" He was fearless as he marched up IE7's front steps. He didn't bother to ring the doorbell or knock, but walked right in. He knew his plan would work.

When IE7 realized that Web Design Guy was in his house, with the <div>zooka, he began whimpering.

"That's right. Cower!" growled Web Design Guy as he aimed the <div>zooka at IE7. Just as he let fly with a <div>, IE7 took off into the next room and the <div> only caught his hand. Web Design Guy followed him swiftly, only to find IE7 standing there, with nothing to defend him. Web Design Guy aimed the <div>zooka and pulled the trigger, just as IE7 whipped out an image. It took a second to load, but quickly Web Design Guy had grabbed his <p>-shooter, set it to "<img>" and shot the picture out of IE7's hand. It fluttered off the to the side, nested securely in a <img>, just to be safe. IE7 was then caught helplessly in the ropes of the <div>, with not even a bargaining chip.

Web Design Guy stood and pointed down at IE7.

"IE7, my arch-nemesis! You are no match for my HTML and CSS skills!"

IE7, though tightly bound, muttered, "I'll find a way to foil your designs... One day... You will see!"

And as the sun rose over WebPage City, the users living there opened their windows to a bright and beautiful city, with no more confusion or ugliness to be found, no matter how far you zoomed in to look.

IE7 scowled at the sunrise and the birds through the bars of his prison cell. "You'll see, Web Design Guy... I'll get you, and your little Fox, too! Just you wait..."