Some Poems

[faerie_child]

Could I have some critique on this? I just wrote it and I'd like some comments.

There’s a lady by the lake,
With flowing blonde hair,
Who simply walks in the sun,
No one knows why she’s there.

She wears a white dress,
And holds a yellow rose,
Just a single, lonely flower,
What on earth do you suppose?

She never looks happy,
But she never looks forlorn,
And it looks as if she’s been there,
Since the day that she was born.

You can see right through her,
(If you care to get close),
The specter walks silently,
Carrying her yellow rose.

Neither spirit nor flesh,
She’s not a ghost, nor a hag,
For she doesn’t scream,
Nor for her beauty does she brag.

It seems a pointless venture,
To ask her why she came,
For every time we ask her,
The answer is the same.

She very sweetly smiles,
And takes up her walking once more,
I don’t understand her constant circling,
Or what’s she walking for.

She takes no food or water,
And never changes clothes,
She just continues on walking,
Carrying her yellow rose.

Winter storms return again,
Summers come and pass,
But once the skies have cleared,
There remains the lovely lass.

I bet she’ll just keep walking,
Through Armageddon and judgement day,
At the end of the world, there she’ll be,
And there she’ll stay.

[elven dragonrider]

On the second line, this might sound better.-
Who just walks on in the sun,

This would sound better with the rhyming, because the “carrying” has three syllables.-
(If you care to get that close),

In the last verse, I would use “she will” instead of “she’ll”

I love that poem! It is great! there are a couple of verses that just need some working out on the meter, but I love the rhyming. Great work!

[Tessar]

I'm not sure what this was supposed to be. It came to me when I sat down to write something completely different--I guess it just wanted out of my head . I think it's how I feel in the best way I can describe it, when I think back on this past year and as I look forward to the future.



Am I Too Late?

If I had shrunk from how small I am,
I would never have grown so much.

If I had known just how little I know,
I would never have learned so much.

If I had seen just how little I see,
I would never have dreamed so much.


Don’t be afraid,
Don’t bleed out your life,
Don’t dream that your dreams will go out.


If I had felt just how much I would feel,
I would have hidden myself.

If I had been cut by the edge of wit,
I would have ignored it all.

If I had imagined how real it could be,
I would have stopped.


Don’t stop striving,
Don’t pretend you’re not enough,
Don’t stop saying the things you wont forget.


If I had been all I could be,
I would be what I will be now.

If I had done all I could do,
I would do what I will do now.

If I had said all I could say,
I would speak as I will now.

[Tessar]

Oh, and two more that I wrote the other day. I've been writing a lot of poetry lately... mostly crap, but I do like a few, and I liked these two in particular .


Stop Writing Me!
Two Short Poems On The Subject of Spam

1.

Dear Viagra Co.
I thought you’d like to kno’,
That I am not a ho,
So you will have to GO!!!



2.

Dear Spam Spam,
I write to you today,
Because I’d like to say,
You’re really in my way!

Dear Spam Spam,
When I open up my mail,
You tell me what’s for sale,
And my rage makes me go pale!!

Dear Spam Spam,
I wish you’d stop this chain,
Fw: fw: fw: fw: is such a bane,
You make me go insane!!!

Dear Spam Spam,
STOP!!!!

[Tessar]

This poem was inspired very much by my love for Tolkien's poem... I think it's called 'The Road Goes Ever On.' I've been in love with that poem ever since I was a little boy, mostly because I was introduced to it by the music from the animated Hobbit, which was written by Glenn Yarbrough.

This poem is bits and pieces of a variation on Tolkien's poem that goes through my head whenever I'm tired or upset, so I finally wrote down the parts that I liked. It has a weird little melody, but I'll refrain from singing it .

I'm not sure it's finished yet, but then it keeps changing (in my head) anyways, so... this is just the latest spawning of it.




My road leads ever forward,
Though I oft cannot find the way,
It winds past every trial and fear,
With danger and toil and many sneers,
But hope will lead me forward.

My road leads ever onward,
Though my heart cannot see it clear,
It flees my sight and hides the right,
With anger and lust, both most unjust,
But love will see me onward.

My road leads ever upward,
Though my soul cannot tell how far,
This weary spirit yearns for rest,
With sleep, with peace, forever blessed,
But faith will guide me upward.

[Gwaimir Windgem]

Originally Posted by Tessar

This poem was inspired very much by my love for Tolkien's poem... I think it's called 'The Road Goes Ever On.' I've been in love with that poem ever since I was a little boy, mostly because I was introduced to it by the music from the animated Hobbit, which was written by Glenn Yarbrough.

It's amazing how absolutely enchanted I was by that music. I must admit, I look back on that with a bit of horror.

You should title it "The Young Person's Guide to Travel: Variations on a Theme of Tolkien". But seriously, I like it, especially the second stanza. I also, on scanning backwards, quite like "Am I Too Late".

[Tessar]

Originally Posted by Gwaimir Windgem

It's amazing how absolutely enchanted I was by that music. I must admit, I look back on that with a bit of horror.

You should title it "The Young Person's Guide to Travel: Variations on a Theme of Tolkien". But seriously, I like it, especially the second stanza. I also, on scanning backwards, quite like "Am I Too Late".

Thank you--I'm glad you liked it . It doesn't quite have the flow that I wish it did, but then it fits my little melody well enough so...


Why be horrified by liking that music? Glen Yarbrough has had a VERY long, successful career, even though I don't know that he's ever been super famous. And anyways--I love folk music, and I definitely think that classifies as folk music .

[Gwaimir Windgem]

A LOT of people have had long successful careers making music; doesn't mean much of anything.

[Tessar]

The music will beat on,
Rhythm and song,
Till the pain is gone.

Sometimes the last strain,
Comes too soon,
So I play it again.

Thank goodness for Repeat Track.

[Tessar]

This is what happens when I'm avoiding homework .

I honestly don't know how I wrote this, because I certainly don't feel like the author. It's dreadful, and a bit disturbing IMO. It's definitely not how I feel about life... the rhythm is weird, and has more to do with the first word of each line using the letters or rhyme of the final word of the previous line. Then the very last part is weird and just kind of trails off.

... anyways.





Go search for gods and idols far beyond your human power;
Cower at the thought that they're self-interested or dour.
Sour the air with fervent prayer, placate them with an hour,
Flour your bed with ground up bones and be your own grave's sower.

Fear the void that tugs your soul when silence fills your ear,
Fear the time that you will waste on hollow, empty cheer,
Fear the life of nothingness that draws you close and near,
Fear the dawn of a morning... when you will not be here.

When all you were, and are, is gone till all of you has vanished,
Banished by the gale of time and polished by its sand,
And life is pulling, drawing to its end,
Bend your knees as if to pray,
Fray your mind in worry,
Sorry for that sin,

Fin.

[Tessar]

It hangs for just one second,
like a diamond falling from a rusty ring,
White calcium stains behind it,
and white-painted metal beneath.

It dives away to its end,
round, oval, tear-dropped, square?
A thousand diamonds now,
then they roll down the drain.

[Empress_Flynn]

Well... I suppose I ought to post something in here finally...

This is something I wrote... back in 2005 or 2006, so forgive if it's a bit... I don't know... lol..

Sweaters and Lemonade

My head's thrown back in laughter
For you.
And me.
For you and me.
I brush my skirt.
Fidgety.
"Can't you ever stay still?"
Why should I want to?
Our lips puckered,
like with watered lemonade.
And you look at me--
concerned?
"Are you cold?"
It's windy, but mild.
"You're only in that sweater,
that thin sweater."
I'll keep you warm.
"I'll keep you warm."
All buttons undone,
so precisely.
I never knew you had such attention to detail.
My head's thrown back again,
not laughing this time.
But I'm smiling.
For you.
And me.
For you and me.
I bet you're glad
I never stay still now.

[Tessar]

Very nice!



This is one I hesitated to post.

For... um... obvious reasons, I think.



No One Really Appreciates Me

My friends tell me I'm awesome,
My mom thinks that I'm sweet,
My lovers are unanimous,
They think I bring the heat.

But none of this fulfills me,
Because in truth, you see,
Their words are only humble-speak,
They can't quite describe me.

My friends tell me I'm awesome,
My dad says, "that's my boy!"
I'll be quite blunt and simply say,
It's true.

I'm friggin' RAD.

[Nerdanel]

Hehe.. I like that last poem of yours, Tessar.. Glad you posted it.

Here's a new one I wrote a couple of weeks ago.. Seems I haven't posted here in a while.

Sine sole sileo

dawn climbs in through the eastern window
as joni sings to us, "it's down to you"
and your eyelashes seem brown in the morning shadow

waiting to get hurt has never been this pleasant
and what they meant has never been more clear:
if you know your future, you'll lose the present

before i wake you or let the sun kiss your eyes
i become a magnet, i pull you closer
too close to stay safe, to listen to advice

how close can i hold you without settling inside,
why does your beauty grow the closer i get
and why is your soft hair such a safe place to hide?

answers are not allowed this morning, please do not speak
don't ever let go, let us never admit to ourselves
this is where our disease reaches its peak

for we have all the symptoms, we show all the signs
of a disease we cannot mention by name;
there is not a single future where our fate aligns

but in this moment, this dawn, our bodies fit
my stomach and the curve of your back, so close
such intimacy that it's hard not to admit

sometimes i think we're twins, raised apart
separated and rejoined, but painfully aware
that it'll never return, we won't have a new start

and as the morning star creeps down your face
softly opening your eyes and putting a smile on your lips
i know i can never leave this now, never abandon this place

[Count Comfect]

Nerdanel, I quite like that. The lines are just long enough that you almost forget the presence of the rhyme, but not so long that you actually do. It's a good effect. And the emotion is wonderful.

I've been dabbling some more with sonnets; I wrote a couple more I like, and I was wondering if anyone could tell me what's wrong with them (because I know something is. There is always something, especially with my last few lines...)

War
That thunder isn’t thunder anymore
Now that their eyes have seen the dreadful guns
That threaten even now to end the war
By bringing down the walls. A child runs
Through streets that echo with the bugle’s call
His cry is swallowed in the eager air
That snatches sounds, save those beyond the wall,
And hides them from themselves. Yet even there,
Confined within the ever-straining gate
Where tramping soldiers march to certain doom
And wealthy men, or emperors in state,
Subsume themselves within a general gloom,
The child’s presence lifts the cloudy skies.
The end may come; we live for the sunrise.

On
I wandered long in deadened Northern lands
Where ice fought ice for what was once a sea
And I knew not where land or warmth might be.
I walked upon the frenzied Southern sands
Where dust was interposed between my hands
So neither knew the other was with me.
I even sojourned in the Eastern lea
Where deadly calm left skeletons in strands
And I near wept for tempest and for rain.
Though uncompanioned as each one turned back
From doldrums, desert, or from frigid main,
I never changed my course or set a tack.
There is no purpose save against the grain
The easy West has nothing that I lack.

[Nautipus]

I had to write this bad boy for Creative Writing.It had to be a Valentine's Day theme. I'll post it here, before I turn it in.



Silver

Alex Edwards


He watches, and ponders, the wind in her hair,
As it is woven into dancing strands.
It twists and turns its lovely way,
It dances in his hands.

Her head turns, her neck arches,
Good sense, she does not heed.
He stares into her golden strands,
He stares, he stares indeed.

The sun parades along their length,
It burns and leaps and tricks.
And he wonders what it is,
To be among those fiery wicks.

Inside those locks,
Those flaxen curls,
He is blind and small,
As their golden length unfurls.

He is among another world,
Lost in a fickle whim.
He floats among the golden kelp,
In which gold fish still swim.

He watches as his sun sets,
The gold loses its glitter.
He watches as it falls away,
Along the road like so much litter.

He watches, silent and in awe,
As Twilight comes and fails
He watches, silently,
It is Moonlight, that prevails.




He cannot speak, is it so?
All the gold is gone.
He searches among the cold lengths,
But no, there is none.

Now he turns to her eye,
Here he lights instead.
Here he sees the real gold,
Lies inside her head.

Her eyes are bright,
Bright as the sun,
Bright as her hair that day,
That, her glory, won.

In that moment, on a lash
He knew that he would stay,
Even if no gold should last
Beyond that very day.

[EllethValatari]

*Embarrassed because everyone else is REALLY good at poetry.

I have a couple on my blog: go check em out and do the survey and write comments!!! no one ever looks at it....lol

[url]http://www.ringgirlz.blogspot.com

[Nerdanel]

just a haiku i wrote when inspired one of my own photos.. XD



illuminated
by the breath of spring and you
purified by frost

[Nerdanel]

wow, it's quiet in here.. o.O



change

and yes, it is true
that you managed to pierce
deep, deep under my thick skin
- that's where you placed your drug

but of course, it is known
that it was bound to happen
even to me, although
I always thought I was something else

love, do you see
that i'm the one with more
to lose? that you changed me
from a martyr to a creator?

i never wished to be holy.

so tell me, love,
how does one distinguish
humble development
from brainwashing?

29.09.2010


(i'm not sure it's finished yet...)

[EllethValatari]

Originally Posted by Nerdanel

wow, it's quiet in here.. o.O



change

and yes, it is true
that you managed to pierce
deep, deep under my thick skin
- that's where you placed your drug

but of course, it is known
that it was bound to happen
even to me, although
I always thought I was something else

love, do you see
that i'm the one with more
to lose? that you changed me
from a martyr to a creator?

i never wished to be holy.

so tell me, love,
how does one distinguish
humble development
from brainwashing?

29.09.2010


(i'm not sure it's finished yet...)

Indeed it is...I just spent about 30 min. reading back through all of these poems-I'm suddenly inspired to go write myself-such good poetry!

Nerdanel, the poem is quite good, especially the 3rd stanza. I like how it ends. It leaves you thinking.