Tuinor's and Nautipus' Sci-Fi story Discussion thread

[Nautipus]

So Tuinor and I have been noodling a story for some time, and here is where we will discuss it. Duh.

I believe I speak for both of us when I say that we welcome critiques, suggestions, and ideas. But bear in mind that this is an original story between the two of us, and that much of our own dialogue may not take place in a public setting.

That said, here is our premise:

Two alien races have been warring for an indefinite period. And now their conflict has moved into Earth's solar system.
This story will take place from a number of viewpoints, both alien and human. This story will star the position that humans have been placed into, as they are seen not as a threat but a resource.
Tuinor and I have each come up with our own alien civilizations to populate this story with. I will let him make the first story post.
Feel free to discuss among yourselves as well as with us.

[Tuinor]

Alrighty then... let the discusions begin. I'd like to start with organizing who our main characters are, what perspectives the story will be told from, and what events we expect to cover.

[Nautipus]

Originally Posted by Tuinor

Alrighty then... let the discusions begin. I'd like to start with organizing who our main characters are, what perspectives the story will be told from, and what events we expect to cover.

I think the first bit of the story should be from the perspective of those seeing the conflict approach. (like we discussed some time ago )
I would actually like to see alot of the dialogue come from the humans, with some dramatic dialogue to narrarate the alien movements and intentions.

[Acalewia]

Oh yay, guys! I knew you were cowriting something. I didn't think you'd post it here! Aliright

[Nautipus]

W00t. What it be, Accally?

[Acalewia]

I'll be waiting.

Iknow it'll be good

[Nautipus]

OOOOKAAAAAY, Ladies and Germs:

We were NOT procrastinating, we were BUSY. I beleive the first post on this story is to take place no earlier than Wednesday, no later than Thursday. Tuinor and I have been in mucho contact and are working on the beginnings. PLease be patient a moment longer.

[Acalewia]

It better be good since I've had to wait so long

JK
JK


Take your time, guys

[Nautipus]

Originally Posted by Acalewia

It better be good since I've had to wait so long

JK
JK


Take your time, guys

Keep the gloves up.

[Nautipus]

Okay, peeps, the noodling has begun.

Epic noodling.

Noodling on a scale the world has never seen.

Soon, PASTA, will flow from your computer because of the massive NOODLING that is happening beneath the very skin of your Lquid Crystal Display (or Plasma).

And then the world will know...



That HERE....



There was.....



NOODLIN'.

[Tuinor]

LOL.

I brought the sauce.

[Nautipus]

Originally Posted by Tuinor

LOL.

I brought the sauce.

SAUCE

SAUCE will also be here on an epic scale


SAUCE unlike the world has ever seen


...SAUCEEEEHHH.


ANYWAY, I think we're almost ready for that first momentus post. T has it, so it'll be a goodun. Waiting.

[Earniel]

Is this story taking place on an earth-observatory? Or a futuristic one placed near Jupiter?

[Nautipus]

Strictly earth-based, when the dialogue comes people.


T, great post. I'll talk to ya more tonight.

[Earniel]

I see. Is this modern day or the future? Because I'd like to make a few comments on astronomy but if this is set in the future, they're a lot less useful.

[Nautipus]

Modern day, so post away! We can use all the help we can get.
Actually, I figured you'd be posting on this one as soon as the word telescope came up.

[Tuinor]

Originally Posted by Eärniel

I see. Is this modern day or the future? Because I'd like to make a few comments on astronomy but if this is set in the future, they're a lot less useful.

Any and all advice and comments on astronomy would be beyond useful. I want this to be as realistic a story as fictionably possible. It is set very near present times.

If you have pointers or info or perhaps even a good place on the web in mind to research the topic of astronomy, that would be fantastic. I admit that my writing comes from only a small rudimentary knowledge on the subject.

Many thanks to your reading!

[Earniel]

Originally Posted by Nautipus

Modern day, so post away! We can use all the help we can get.
Actually, I figured you'd be posting on this one as soon as the word telescope came up.

Ah, really? I think you give me too much credit. I love astronomy, but am very much only an amateur, so take my comments for pointers more than absolute facts.

If you're going to actually photograph Io, I would suggest using a space telescope, rather than an earth-based one. Earth telescopes are influenced by (our) atmosphere and the astroid belt that is between us and Jupiter. This is a small point however, since earth-based telescopes can see Jupiter including the 60-something moons pretty well. But it is the space telescopes and the spacecrafts that usually get better and more exact results on photographs and readings. NASA allows some of their telescopes and observers to be 'rented' in a way so other scientists can make use of those facilities. I reckon Caitlin's university can be part of this programme in order to allow their thesis-students to make use of it, although this is more into me speculating because I don't know how the process actually goes.

(If you go with the space telescope you can have it be destroyed in Jupiter's demise. Having Caitlin and Doug stare at an black empty screen that says something like 'signal lost' as soon as the planet is gone, can have a certain equally dramatic impact. But, as I said, small point. You could very easily argue that Caitlin's university is cash-strapped, and the observatory will have to do.)

It is never said just what specifically Caitlin's thesis is about. If it is solely about Io, I would assume the telescope is set to a close-up of Io, which would rule out seeing a good deal of Jupiter's surface. (And so to see the impacts.) Unless of course her thesis deals with something relating to Io's orbit or relationship to Jupiter so that she would have been watching more than just Io.

Asteroids don't light up to my knowledge unless by impact. If the first light they saw on the screen was when the presumed asteroid just crashed on Jupiter, then Doug would never have suggested naming it. (There's no point in naming a crashed asteroid.) If the 'asteroid' had hit Io instead of Jupiter, he may have suggested being able to name the crater if the asteroid was large enough to leave one. But as Io's still vulcanically active, I honestly can't tell if such surface marks stay on Io's surface permanently like on our Moon.

There has been (this year or last year, don't exactly remember when) an asteroid shower hitting Jupiter that the lucky observers managed to document at the time. So the sight of something lighting up on Jupiter's surface as it impacts, shouldn't be totally unknown to Caitlin and Doug, but it may definitely surprise and excite them.

I don't know much about how planets 'normally' disappear, so I'm not going to comment on that. But spinning apart was rather interesting. Poor Jupiter... It may be interesting to keep in mind (should it come handy somewhere in the story) how Jupiter influences Earth and the rest of the solar system, and how its disappearance (unless it's merely invisible) affects us. I've heard Jupiter referred to as the 'vacuum cleaner' of our system, as its mass is thought to be holding asteroids away from us.

A side note, you've dealt with Jupiter's gasses by specifically mentioning the hydrogen and helium spinning away, but Jupiter is thought to have a solid core as well (although this has not been confirmed). You could -I suppose- reason it imploded when the poles caves in or have it be all that's left of Jupiter. But I admit I'm not certain whether gas giants are able to leave rocky core-skeletons behind. Although it would make an interesting image: instead of mighty gas giant Jupiter, there's a pathetic little rocky core Jupiter.

That were the more scientific-minded comments, I have a few story-orientated as well: Catty Caitlin should consider a carreer change. Seriously, if you find Io a boring little rock, you're in the wrong line of work, honey. How can one show that little enthusiasm for a thesis-subject? (And who doesn't come prepared if they know they'll be hours on end in the observatory? I bloody well would have taken along a thermosbottle of tea, a book and a blanket. And candy.)

The scene might benefit from a short description of the inside of the observatory in which Caitlin is. I admit, I haven't been inside a real observatory yet, so I wouldn't know how it could look. But some description may help people who try to picture the scene.

Not sure what the meaning is of this thought of Caitlin: "Better not to think about it. Might accidently start dreaming with thoughts that nice." Could be just me, for being a non-native english speaker, but maybe it could use a bit re-phrasing.

And what exactly is Doug doing leaning against a wall in the student lounge at a quarter to three in the morning? Is he notoriously insomniac? (I admit, you've got me wondering, is it actually possible to have freckled fingers? Suddenly I want to find out.)

“Maybe I’ve had one too many bad encounters with Max.” (who was the janitor in the observatory)

I would write it without the () and rephrase it into something like: “Maybe I’ve had one too many bad encounters with Max," Doug said, referring to the janitor in the observatory.

He pounced forward and stuck a long freckled finger on the monitor’s screen were a small yet brilliant light had suddenly ignited just down and to the right of Io’s surface.

Should be 'where'.

I realise a lot of this is pitpicking but I hope some of it at least is useful in some way. Looking forward to reading further!

As for reading materials, I admit I don't know many websites. My sister has left me with a lot of astronomy books, and that is mainly where I get my info. You could try the NASA-website, which should definitely help you if you're interested in specific missions, but I find it somewhat difficult to navigate when looking for something astronomic in general. I mostly go there for the nifty space pictures. Wikipedia has been fairly helpful for general info on planets and astronomic concepts in my experience.

[Nautipus]

Originally Posted by Eärniel

Ah, really? I think you give me too much credit. I love astronomy, but am very much only an amateur, so take my comments for pointers more than absolute facts.

We're here for feedback.

If you're going to actually photograph Io, I would suggest using a space telescope, rather than an earth-based one. Earth telescopes are influenced by (our) atmosphere and the astroid belt that is between us and Jupiter. This is a small point however, since earth-based telescopes can see Jupiter including the 60-something moons pretty well. But it is the space telescopes and the spacecrafts that usually get better and more exact results on photographs and readings. NASA allows some of their telescopes and observers to be 'rented' in a way so other scientists can make use of those facilities. I reckon Caitlin's university can be part of this programme in order to allow their thesis-students to make use of it, although this is more into me speculating because I don't know how the process actually goes.

(If you go with the space telescope you can have it be destroyed in Jupiter's demise. Having Caitlin and Doug stare at an black empty screen that says something like 'signal lost' as soon as the planet is gone, can have a certain equally dramatic impact. But, as I said, small point. You could very easily argue that Caitlin's university is cash-strapped, and the observatory will have to do.)

It is never said just what specifically Caitlin's thesis is about. If it is solely about Io, I would assume the telescope is set to a close-up of Io, which would rule out seeing a good deal of Jupiter's surface. (And so to see the impacts.) Unless of course her thesis deals with something relating to Io's orbit or relationship to Jupiter so that she would have been watching more than just Io.

I will leave most of this to T, since this is more his cuppa tea...and is post.

This, however:

Asteroids don't light up to my knowledge unless by impact. If the first light they saw on the screen was when the presumed asteroid just crashed on Jupiter, then Doug would never have suggested naming it. (There's no point in naming a crashed asteroid.) If the 'asteroid' had hit Io instead of Jupiter, he may have suggested being able to name the crater if the asteroid was large enough to leave one. But as Io's still vulcanically active, I honestly can't tell if such surface marks stay on Io's surface permanently like on our Moon.

There was no impact. Or impacts, just flashes of light that fizzled out, and went nowhere.

[Earniel]

Originally Posted by Nautipus

There was no impact. Or impacts, just flashes of light that fizzled out, and went nowhere.

Ah, right. It's just that when I read of bright little lights that pop up and then fade on the surface of Jupiter, my brain was immediately going 'impact'. Just me then.

I like the next post too. Space telescope, wheee! You each wrote a post, right? The writing style between the first and second post is rather different.