new story

[PippinTook]

I'm baaaaack!

Chapter Nine

Over the Gorgirath mountains, across the far Earosian Desert and int the heart of the King’s Empire lay the city of San Lilead. Once the streets of the city were bright and people roamed freely, trading, buying, and fellowshipping with eachother. The city was built by the elves, the cobblestoned streets and quaint homes were now riddled with ash and filth. The streets were dark and people only left thier homes to buy necesities. Crops stopped growing long ago, now they had to be shipped in from the grasslands east of Las Grecia, the sea harbor city in the north. Soldiers of the royal empire patrolled the streets, and kept the people in line. There was a tax on almost everything. The palace of the King sat in the middle of the city. It was made of gray stones, an iron gate surrounded the walls. Everything about it was bleak and dreary. No flowers or color could be seen. This was the capital of San Lilead.
High in the chambers of the palace King Zarfoth lay in his bed, deathly ill. No one was allowed into his room save the royal healer and his son, Silivryn. And so these came to him one morning, the healer and the son. The healer’s name was Horace. He wore a red cloak that hung about his shoulders and drug the floor as he walked. Horace was old and feeble, but he was cunning. He lay his bag of herbs on the table next to the King’s bed. Silivryn sat next to his father, his piercingly evil violet eyes starig into those of his only parent.
“How do you feel, Father?” he asked with false sincerity.
“Better than last night, those herbs helped.” came the raspy reply.
Silivryn shot an evil glance at Horace.
“Really, well I believe I have something that should have you up on your feet in no time, your Majesty.” said Horace, trying to avoid the stare of Silivryn’s eyes.
Horace poured a cup of what seemed to be tea and crushed some unknown leaves into it. He handed the cup to the King who slowly drank it. The King’s face went pale, he looked down at the empty tea cup than up at his son, who bore a sinister smile.
“I knew it. I knew you would do this, Silivryn, you black-hearted monster.” the King said to his son, with all maliciousness and despite of a sworn enemy. Those words would be his last.
Silivryn stood and turned towards Horace.
“I swear, healer, if you tell a single soul what happened here, I will hunt you down and boil your filthy guts when I find you.” Silivryn said with surprising calmness. Horace winced,
“Not a soul, your Majesty, not a soul.” he said.
Silivryn smiled at Horace, that smile was enough to freeze the heart of any man. Silivryn ran out of the room, false concern and pain was on his face.
“Gaurds! Gaurds! That man killed my father! Sieze him! I want to see him at the gallows by morning!” he cried once he was out of the royal chambers.
So goes the first act of Silivryn, King of Earosia.

Back in the Eresmine valley, the sun was setting on Von Scotia. Krian, Pilin and Pala had all settled down after a busy day, but Rhys, Aiya and Alaithia sat high in the rafters of the Great Hall, waiting impatiently for midnight’s hour.
“All this horrid waiting will be the end of me!” said Alaithia impatiently.
“Only a few more hours.” Rhys laughed. Aiya stood and paced the room. She was just as impatient as Rhys and Alaithia if not more. She unsheathed Elohae and studied the blade. It was beautiful. The light streaming down from the prism reflected off the shiny metal.
“That is a wonderful blade.” Alaithia remarked.
“Thank-you. I am still a novice at sword play, I hope to do Elohae justice one day.” Aiya replied sheathing her sword.
Aiya walked over the spot directly underneath the prism. It was a circle, a flat green tinted circle. She knocked her foot against it. It sounded just like any other wood floor.
“I don’t see how the light shining onto this circle will do anything.” Aiya said dismally sitting down.

[PippinTook]

“Who knows, midnight is nigh, let’s wait and see.” Rhys replied.
And so went the next two hours. A few comments, a few dry replies. They waited for three long hours. Finally the stroke of midnight hit. The bell in the belltower stroke a soft and clear one, two, three. The three friends stood around the circle, waiting, waiting. Four, five, six, seven. The stars began to align high in the black night sky. Eight, nine, ten, eleven. Now was the time, the elokin would be found. Twelve. A blinding green light shone down in front of them. It seemed to fill the circle on the floor without touching anything else. The light fell in the shape of a star the spun aroun in the circle. The ground began to shake. The circle in the floor fell inwards revealing a set of stairs. Suddenly everything was quiet.
“Well, what are we waiting for?” asked Alaithia, breaking the silence. Aiya and Rhys smiled.
They began to descend the steps.

The steps ended abruptly. There was a tall stone archway with elven writing along the top.
“What does it say, Alaithia?” asked Rhys.
“Only the Elohai may enter.” said Alaithia. “Curse you, Chrysophian!” she mumbled.
“I’m sorry, Alaithia.” Aiya said consolingly.
“It’s okay. It’s only a dumb lost dragon egg.” Alaithia said with a smile.
Rhys and Aiya entered through the arch. They were in a dark room. A glass table sat in the middle of the room. A large round object sat on it. They moved closer, being sure not to touch anything. The egg was sapphire blue and opaque. A light shone down on it, illuminating the smooth surface.
“One of us has to touch it.” Rhys said.
“It seems an injustice to disturb it.” Aiya said softly, gazing at the jewel-like egg.
“You go first, Aiya.” Rhys said, nudging her on.
Aiya reached her hand out towards the egg. She paused and stared at it. This was the moment she had been waiting for. She softly laid her pale hand on the shell. Nothing happened. She placed both hands on it. It did not move. Aiya sighed and stepped away.
“Touch it Rhys.” she said.
Rhys laid his hand on the egg. Something happened. They heard a crack. A large jagged razk was formed down the middle of the shell. A claw appeared, then a scaly arm, then a tapered head of a dragon poked through the shell.

brash ti 90 second rule

[PippinTook]

Rhys and Aiya jumped back. The baby dragon sat upon the glas table looking at them inquisitively.
“Hello.” said Rhys after a long pause.
“Hello.” replied the dragon.
“I am Elohai Rhys Parianath.” Rhys said in a hoarse whisper.
“I am Sphora. I have been waiting for you.” replied the dragon.
She was beautiful. Her scales were a sapphire blue, her long sloping neck formed into a triangular face. The most amazing thing about her was her eyes. They were as deep as the blue seas. They held the wisdom of worlds of men and the innocence of an infant. They stood for a long while and stared at eachother. Rhys was mesmerized. He reached his hand out to touch her. Sphora streched her tapered snout towards his hand. He stroked her as she purred with delight. She turned her face towards Aiya.
“Who are you?” she asked inquisitively.
“I am Elohai Aiya Ailediel, the other dragon rider.” Aiya replied.
“Your dragon has yet to hatch.” Sphora said.
Aiya nodded, “He lies in San Lilead.” she said, surprised that Sphora knew of her soon to come dragon.
“Let us go.” Sphora said hopping down off the glass pedastool.
“Can you fly?” asked Rhys.
“Not yet. Young dragons age quickly. I will be fully grown in two weeks.” Sphora said, standing beside Rhys.
“We should go.” said Rhys.
“Not yet, I have something for you.” said Sphora.
She reached behind her and grabbed a sword with her teeth. Where it came from, Rhys had no idea. It’s blade was crimson, and the hilt black. Runes covered the leather bound handle.
“This is Selahae, the elve blade.” said Sphora as Rhys took it.
“Looks like we are even, Aiya.” he said as he twirled the sword.
“Not quite, my dragon is hidden in the Empire, gaurded by who knows what.” she replied.
“Let us go.” said Sphora. For one so young, she seemed to hold the nobleness and wisdom of an ancient ruler.
Her head reached Rhys’ waist. As they walked towards the arch, Rhys kept his gaze on his dragon, almost walking into a pillar in the process. Sphora’s talons clicked on the marble floor. She held her regal head high.
They left the room and stepped onto the steps where Alaithia waited. She stood speechlessly staring at Sphora.
“Alaithia, this is Sphora.” said Rhys proudly. Alaithia gaped.
“Hello, Alaithia.” said Sphora politely.
Alaithia jumped back in surprise.
“You can talk?” she said in amazment.
“Yes.” said Sphora as she inspected Alaithia. She was so curious. They walked up the steps and into the loft. Sphora stopped once her claws hit the wooden floor. She sniffed it and slowly decided it was safe. She stepped out onto the floor and walked with the others. One of her sharp claws became caught in a small hole in the wood. She shrieked and flapped her wings.
“Sphora! It is okay.” Rhys consoled her and helped her pull her claw from the hole. She still had much to learn.
They walked down the long case of stairs untill the came into the Great Hall.
“What a big place!” Observed Sphora.
“This is the Great Hall of the elves.” said Aiya. Sphora nodded.
No one walked the halls. It was late and the moonlight filtered through the windows.
They hurried through the many winding hallways untill they came to Krian’s room. Rhys burst in without knocking. Krian lay in bed snoring. Rhys promtly shook his father into wakeness.
“Father! I have something to show you!” said Rhys excitedly.
"In heaven's name boy, can't it wait untill morning!" grumbled Krian.
"No, afraid not." replied Rhys excitedly.
Sphora stepped up to the besdie and looked at Krian curiously. Krian stared her in her deep sapphire, oblivious to anything else.
"Hello." said Sphora.

[PippinTook]

“She talks" said Krian, ignoring Alaithia.
"Of course." said Sphora.
"We must go show Elrian." Krian said.
Krian hurriedly put his robe on as they made thier way to Lord Elrian’s chambers.
Once they arrived, Kria rapped sharply on the wooden door.
“Lord Elrian! It is Krian, we have something to show you.” he said.
The elf lord opened the door. His eyes fixed on Sphora.
“Vidwe, elokin.” he said to her.
“Vidwe Lonar Selo.” replied Sphora.
The others were surprised to hear the dragon speak elvish, but Lord Elrian seemed to expect it, and allowed them to come in.
Krian, Alaithia, Rhys and Aiya sat opposite the elf lord as Sphora stood in the middle.
“Where did you find her?” he asked.
“In a secret passage way in the loft above the Great Hall.” said Rhys.
“Did you find Selohae?” asked Elrian.
“Yes.” replied Rhys, unsheathing the blade.
“So you are the first Dragon Rider since Loroth.” Elrian said dryly. Rhys nodded.
“Sphora, is it?” Elrian said, turning his attention to the dragon hatchling.
“Yes.” she replied, gazing at the elf curiously.
“Sphora means blue gem in the ancient elvish tounge.” said Elrian.
“Suits her.” said Rhys.
“When will you be fully grown?” asked Elrian.
“In two weeks.” said Sphora. Elrian nodded.
“How many riders will you be able to bear?” he asked.
“Two, at the most. I can carry three, but it would be hard and laborous.” she said. “At that time, I will also be able to breathe fire.”
“Good. In two weeks you and Rhys and Aiya will fly to San Lilead. The other Elokin lays hidden somewhere in that city. I have a map that will lead you to the correct dungeon.” he said.
“A map?” asked Krian, on th edge of anger.
“Yes. It was kept hidden because of its value. It is the only one of its kind, and only the Elohai will find it.” Elrian said. Krian grunted.
“For the next two weeks, you two Elohai will practice magic. Rhys will be stronger, because of Sphora, but both of you must learn.” said Elrian in closing. “Alaithia will be your tutor.” he said. Alaithia chuckled.
The company left the elf Lord’s chambers. Sphora followed closly behind Rhys.
“Nice to meet you.” she said politely to Elrian. Elrian smiled widely and nodded.

[PippinTook]

*wipes forehead* well, there it is. how was it? I think i'll post a pernuciation guide, just for the heck of it.

Aiya-EYE-uh
Rhys-reese(like the candy)
Krian-KREE-ahn
Alaithia-uh-LAY-thee-uh
Earosia-air-oh-SEE-uh
Elrian-el-REE-uhn(rymes with gun)
Sphora-sfor-uh
Pala-PAH-la
Pilin-PILL-in
Telesmere-TEL-es-meer
Eresmine-AIR-es-meen
San Lilead-San-lil-AY-id
Las Grecia-lahs-GREESH-uh
Mirronor-MEER-oh-nor
Gorgirath-GOR-geer-ath
Titania-tight-TAIN-ee-uh
Elohae-EL(short)-oh-hay
Elohai-EL(short)-oh-high
Elokin-EL(short)-oh-kin
Selohae-SEL-oh-hay

okay, so that was pretty much needless, but I did it anyway

[PippinTook]

okay, I am still bored, so i am going to post what I have of the elven tounge, which will come to play more in the future

elf-selo
friend-myma
I-yi
you-ti
am-yahm
kill-shrik
King-malan
old person-wana
child-jorin
fire-siya
spirit-vash
water-hastil
break-cristi
sleep-listo
take-betha
me-nin
air-hanoben
wing-hanim
blade-hae
evil-rhoh
angel-alen
love-mina
hate-kari
fear-bosti
brave-coorahin
magic-spora
black-atar
blue-spho
gem-ra
fast-asatar
awake-alina
rider-hai
change-mirthi
death-rithnak
curse-brash
beast-bahil
protect-lithin
raise-raista
throw-bornik
greetings-Vidwe
Lord-lonar

yep.

[Nurvingiel]

Continuing to enjoy your story. I’ll put the line from your story in quotes, followed by my suggestion(s). All the comments are in the same order as the story.

Chapter Nine

Over the Gorgirath mountains, across the far Earosian Desert and int the heart of the King’s Empire lay the city of San Lilead. Once the streets of the city were bright and people roamed freely, trading, buying, and fellowshipping with eachother.

“Once, the streets of the city were bright, and people roamed freely, trading and socializing (or another word other than “fellowshipping”) with each other.”
At the beginning, “and into the heart of the King’s Empire” (mistype.)
I felt putting trading and buying was redundant, since buying is already implied. Each other is two words, and I just didn’t like “fellowshipping”, but it’s your call.

The city was built by the elves, the cobblestoned streets and quaint homes were now riddled with ash and filth.

“The city was built by the elves, but the cobblestoned streets were now riddled with ash and filth.” I like your description of the streets. Very mood-setting.

The streets were dark and people only left thier homes to buy necesities.

“The streets were dark, and people only left thier homes to buy necessities (2 s’s).

I feel that “The palace of the King sat in the middle of the city.” should be the beginning of a new paragraph.

It was made of gray stones, an iron gate surrounded the walls.

Don’t you mean that there was an iron gate providing access through the wall?

And so these came to him one morning, the healer and the son. The healer’s name was Horace.

“And so these came to him one morning, the healer, Horace, and the son.”

He wore a red cloak that hung about his shoulders and drug the floor as he walked.

“He wore a red cloak that hung about his shoulders and dragged on the floor as he walked.”

Silivryn is excellently evil. I can picture him stroking a white cat and going “Buahaha!” (Just kidding, he’s great.)

The light streaming down from the prism reflected off the shiny metal.

There’s nothing wrong with this sentence, but what about “translucent” instead of “shiny”? It just sounds cool.

I only have a few questions since I haven’t read the story in a while. Who are Pilin and Pala again? *sheepish grin* And what are they waiting for?

Nice work. I’ll do your next post too.

[Nurvingiel]

Comments on the second post in Chapter Nine.

“Who knows, midnight is nigh, let’s wait and see.” Rhys replied.

“Who knows? Midnight is nigh, let’s wait and see.” Rhys replied.

And so went the next two hours. A few comments, a few dry replies.

Starting with “And so” worked before when Horace and Silivryn entered the sick king’s room, but I don’t feel it’s appropriate here. This is a device you wouldn’t want to use very much.
How about… “This is how the next two hours passed – a few comments, a few dry replies.”

Finally the stroke of midnight hit.

I don’t know if “hit” has the right connotations for this. What about “Finally, the stroke of midnight.”?

Now was the time, the elokin would be found.

Should you capitalize “elokin”?

Never mind my question about what they were waiting for. It has obviously been answered.

(It wouldn't let me post this before. Poop.)

[Nurvingiel]

Surprisingly, I have nothing to add for the last two parts. You're very good at dialogue, and I especially enjoy Sphora and all events and discussions surrounding her. She's now my favourite character after Aiya. I do like Rhys and your other characters too.



Edit: By the way Pip, about your pm box: try emptying the Sent Items folder (make sure you're looking at all pms from the beginning). Sometimes it gets out of hand.

[PippinTook]

Okay, thanks for pointing out those things, nurv. I keep forgetting about typos, so sorry about that. Do you really like the dialouge? I have always been in secure about it. i emptied out the sent items in my box, so it might work now, lol. Wednsday I will be leaving for jolly old england for 10 days, so I wont be posting here or in the rpg forum. But hold out, I'll be back! Thanks again for all your encouragement! it is what keeps me going, in fact 'm not sure If i would have pursued the story if it had not been for you and akai, so thanks!
-pip

[PippinTook]

well, I'm back! Jolly old england was loverly, but i'm glad to be home. thanks for waiting.

Chapter 10.

It was late, so they all went to bed. Sphora followed Rhys into his bedroom. She looked around inquisitively. Moonlight shone through the window, illuminating the room. Sphora leapt onto the bed and stared at Rhys. Rhys laughed, and collapsed next to his dragon. He was tired, and soon was drifting to sleep.
“What are you doing?” asked a voice suddenly. Rhys wasn’t sure whether it was a dream or not. He opened his eyes to find Sphora staring at him curiously.
“I am sleeping.” He said tiredly.
“Why do you sleep?” she asked. Rhys stifled a laugh,
“People have to sleep to be strong and stay awake.” he said.
“I suppose dragons must sleep also.” she replied.
“I suppose so.” said Rhys as he drifted into sleep again. Sphora curled up next to him, and soon began to purr delightfully.
The next morning, Rhys woke up to two slitted blue eyes looking at him. He jumped out of surprise, and was half startled to see a dragon by his bed. He soon rememered the events of the previous day.
“The yellow face has been awake for a long time.” said Sphora. Rhys looked outside, the sun was high in the sky. He stod and looked at his dragon.
“You are bigger!” he said. Sphora nodded, her head was at his waist.
“We grow swiftly. For now, we must go find Alaithia.” she said. Rhys pulled his jerkin over his shirt as they found their way to the courtyard.
There stood Aiya and Alaithia, talking.
“Hullo, Rhys, my new pupil!” said Alaitia jubiantly.
“Hello, Sphora.” said Aiya kindly.
“Hello everyone. When do we start?” asked Sphora.
“Right now.” said Alaithia. “I will start with the basics. You both have magical powers, due to your elven heritage. All elves can use magic to some degree, and because of our dragons, your magical powers are tripled, making you very powerful. Aiya, you will not be as strong yet, because of your lack of dragon.” said Alaithia. Aiya nodded. “When you use magic, you are speaking in the elven tounge, it is am ancient and long lost language, only known by the elves. It has the magic of the elves in it, as it was made by them. If you speak these words, with the right application of power, you can do many things.” she said. “Raista lorana!” she said commandingly at a flower. The flower rose and floated in the air. Rhys and Aiya stared at it, awestruck. Alaithia let the flower drop to the ground.

[PippinTook]

“I just told that flower to raise, by saying, ‘raise flower’ in elvn tounge. But you can not just speak the words, you have to feel the power inside of you, and channel it to where you want it to go. Now you try, Rhys.” she said.
Rhys concentrated hard. He lifted his hand and said, “Raista lorana!” The flower slowly lifted, but did not get a foot off the ground before it dropped. Alaithia smiled,
“With time it will become easier for you to use magic.” she said. “Now, this one is harder, but I think you can do it.” she said. Alaithia threw a few sticks onto the ground. She raised her hand and said, “Siya!” The sticks caught fire. “You must be very careful when working with elements, I could have easily caught you on fire, Aiya.” said Alaithia.
“How do you keep from doing that?” asked Aiya.
“It is all a matter of channeling your power and concentrating on a certain thing.” said Alaithia. “Now, Aiya, put the fire out with, hastil, the word for water.” she said.
Aiya concentraded on the fire, found her power and commanded, “Hastil!” A burst of water shot from her palm and hit Alaithia.
“Thank you, Aiya, but I already had my bath today.” said Alaithia.
“Sorry, it is alot harder than it looks!” said Aiya.
“Rhys, because of Sphora you are stronger, but before you can do that, you have to connect with her. Reach her conciousness and link your minds.” said Alaithia.
Rhys was confused, but he searched for Sphora’s mind. Suddenly, he hit something. He reached into her mind, and felt her feelings.
“I got it.” he said.
“Now, put out the fire.” said Alaithia. Rhys raised his hand and spoke,
“Hastil!” water shot from his hand and soon the fire was gone. Alaithia smiled,
“Very good. Was it easier?” she asked.
“Much easier. That was amazing!” he said, pulling his mind away from Sphora’s.
“Together, we can do anything!” said Sphora.
“Almost anything. The only task a rider must never perform is healing. The strength that it takes could put you into a deep sleep, that you would never wake from.” said Alaithia solemnly.
“How can you perform magic?” asked Aiya.
“Shapeshifters are very powerful. We have the magic of elves, I use it when necessary, like when we fled from the Rhohatar.” said Alaithia.
“For now, I will teach you as many words as I can. You must practice as much as possible. In two weeks, when Sphora is fully grown, you will fly to San Lilead.” said Alaithia. “Oh, I almost forgot!” Alaithia pulled two brown cloth wrapped parcels from behind her. “These are what the dragon riders wore, it keeps you warm in the harsh weather you will find high in the air. The craftsmen just finished them.” She handed the parcels to Aiya and Rhys.
Aiya opened the brown cloth to find an unusual riding outfit. It was black leather, including pants and a cloak that fit tight around the shoulders and torso, but hung loose behind her. It also came with black riding boots, that reached to her knees. Rhys’ was similar, beautiful black leather. Aiya noticed a seal on the back. It was a dragon in flight, holding a flaming sword in it’s teeth.
“That is the seal of the dragon riders. Well, go try them on!” said Alaithia.
Aiya and Rhys emerged minutes later, clothed in black.
“Now you look like Riders, not that your hair and eyes didn’t give you away!” said Alaithia, inspecting them.
“This is the most comfortable clothing I have ever worn!” said Rhys, flexing under the fitting leather. Aiya inspected her new attire. The long leather formed to her body, moving as she moved. Sphora sniffed Rhys curiously.
“I like it.” she said plainly.
“Now, back to lessons!” said Alaithia, once Aiya and Rhys had thoroughly enjoyed themselves. “Aiya, light the candle.” she said, lifting up a wax candle.
Aiya lifted her hand, and commanded the fire to light the candle. A shoot of blue fire shot from her hand, lighting the wick. She smiled, proud of her success.
“Why was the fire blue?” she asked.
“It depends on the person. Some people’s fire is green, or red, or violet. Mine, for instance, has always been violet.” said Alaithia, putting the fire out with a shoot of water. “Time to eat!” she said, sitting down and calling to an elf to bring them food.
“Eat! Sphora, you haven’t eaten anything since you hatched! Aren’t you hungry?” cried Rhys. Sphora looked at him and nodded,
“Food would be most satisfying.” she said. Rhys and Sphora went to the kitchens to search for some meat.
“Alaithia, what do you really look like?” asked Aiya once Rhys had left.
Alaithia looked at her curiously. “What do you mean?” she asked.
“I mean, have you always looked like this; blond hair, blue eyes.” said Aiya. Alaithia smiled,
“No, I haven’t. All shape shifteres have the same traits. I only shift to this so that I don’t call too much attention to myself. If you wish, I’ll show you.” she said.
Alaithia stood, her long locks of blond shifting into an electric blue, and her bright blue eyes, turning black. She smiled broadly, “Not your average elf, eh?” she said. Aiya sat open-mouthed.

[PippinTook]

*bump* more posts coming your way, I am having compy problemos, lol.
-pip