new story

[Nurvingiel]

Why did Aiya's mother leave? Is her father still alive? Why why why??? Questions that will later be answered in interesting ways, no doubt. I love your story Pip!

Would you be interested in reviewing one of mine? It's in the new thread Erin the Elf. I'd really appreciate input from a fellow fantasy author!

[PippinTook]

Aiya's mom died, I guess I didnt make that clear enough, tee-hee *bangs head on wall* other questions will be answered in due time. I would LOVE to read your story Nurvingiel! I'll hop right over! Again, thank you for all the positive feed back!
-Pip

[Nurvingiel]

I knew she died, but didn't she die after she left Von Scotia? That's the impression I got. I'm glad you like my feedback! I'd put criticisms too, if I had any. The only thing I can think of to add is to go over the story again for continuity and grammer, but I already said that anyway. Cheers!

[PippinTook]

Oh, okay. Yes, you got it right. She was attacked by Rhohatar in the desert, then later died in Telesmere. I haven't started the next part, but I have lots of ideas so it should be in a day or two of writing.
-Pip

[Nurvingiel]

Yea! I'm sure my questions will be answered then. A good author never answers all the readers questions at the beginning anyway.

[Treehobbit]

Hello! I havn't read all you're story yet but fdrom what little I read so far you're quite a good writter. I wrote a story, it's still not done. 224 pages long and I'm no revising it!

[Nurvingiel]

Wow Treehobbit! A story that long and you bet you're still revising it! My story (Erin the Elf) might end up that long someday. Right now it's about 30. Let's hear it for short stories!

[PippinTook]

Thanks TreeHobbit! Wow, mine is only 48 pages at the moment. *Hooray for stories!* Eighth chapter almost done. Get it in by tomorrow.
-Pip

[PippinTook]

Chapter Eight

Aiya, Rhys and Krian were led by Pilin into the Great Hall. Elves walked to and fro on thier light feet. They followed Pilin down a long hall and into a room with high ceilings and large table. Many elves sat around the oaken table, all thier fair faces turned towards Aiya, Rhys and Krian. Aiya noticed that Pala, Alaithia and Earoth sat on the other end of the table near a tall elf who was robed in green and white garments. His appearance was fair, but mighty. Long locks of dark hair laid upon his shoulders. A circlet of gold sat upon his head, in the shape of a swan. His eyes seemed to be deep with wisdom. Aiya naturally assumed that this was Elrian, Lord of the elves. To his right sat an elf, clothed like Elrian, with the same regalness of he. Upon his head sat a circlet with likeness to Elrian’s, but smaller. He seemed to be very young, about Aiya’s age, but elves’ age can be decieving.
Pilin led them to sit next to thier comerades on Elrian’s left side. Aiya sat in between Alaithia and Rhys. She felt uncommonly uncomfortable. Every elven eye was resting upon her and Rhys. The room was deathly quiet for a time untill Elrian spoke.
“Welcome to Von Scotia, Elohai.” he said. His voice was smooth and filled the room as it echoed off the high ceiling.
“Thank you, Lord Elrian.” said Rhys a bit awkwardly.
“You both have been summoned here for a conference. You are the last Elohai, the DragonRiders and saviors of Earosia. Long ago a procpecy was spoken by the last dragon, Chrysophian, he foretold your coming and the finding of the lost Elokin, the dragon eggs. This council is being held to determine your furture and the furture of us all.” Elrian said, his silky voice was solemn.
“Two eggs lay hidden, one here in Von Scotia, another is deep in the Empire of Zarfoth in his capitol city, San Lilead. You, Aiya Ailediel, for that is your true name, must find the Elokin along with Rhys.”
“Lord Elrian, I am loathe to point out that the prophecy stated that Aiya was to be firstborn, yet Rhys was born before she.” stated an elf who sat a few seats down from Aiya.
“This may have many meanings. In only one way will we know. You both must find the Elokin, working together, for that is who you are. Please present the prophecy, Krian.” Elrian motioned to Krian who sat by Rhys.
Krian slowly pulled the parchment from his cloak. A silence fell upon the room. Elrian nodded at him, Krian began to read,
Yaia-Syhr Elohai,
Come and wake them,
Hidden in the depths
Find the lost gems.
Yaia firstborn,
By green moonlight,
Stars align,
Elohai Yaia,
See the sign.
Elohai Syhr,
Search for the gem
Darkness, deep, do not sleep,
Elohai Syhr, find them.
Find them, before the end is nigh,
Yaia-Syhr, the riders, the last Elohai.”
Krian ended with a sigh. He laid the paper on the table and sat down.
“This riddle can be solved with effort. Time must not be wasted. King Zarfoth is getting no younger, and his son grows in the ways of his father. The King is evil, but Silivryn is ten times more malicious, he was born of evil, raised in evil, and breathes evil night and day. He and his murdering servants, the Rhohatar will not cease hunting you. Eventually they will find this place and the golden leaves of Von Scotia will burn. The fertile valley of Eresmine will wither. Even the Gorgirath will crumble. Silivyn will stop at nothing to find us, and you.” said Elrian, directing the last words to Aiya and Rhys.

[PippinTook]

“We will do everything in our power to save Earosia.” said Aiya, surprised at her own courage. Elrian smiled,
“And a great power that is, Elohai Aiya.” he said. “May the strength of men, and the magic of elven be with you.” said Elrian as he stood from the table.
The other elves stood after thier Lord Elrian. Aiya was glad that they had all stopped staring at her. All but one. The elf who sat next to Elrian kept his keen eyes fixed on her intently. She tried to look back into his sea gray eyes, but she could not keep eye contact with him. He stood and began to walk towards her. She kept her ground, her feet fixed to the floor. The elf smiled as he approached her.
“Hello, Aiya.” he said simply, his face glowing with a vibrant smile.
“Erm, Hello, er, sir.” Aiya replied awkwardly.
“Celebre, my name is Celebre.” He said.
“Celebre? That was my father’s name.” Aiya said, her tenseness loosening. Suddenly Celebre laughed,
“Did you know your father, Aiya?” he asked.
“No, I never met him, nor do I know anything about him, why?” asked she.
“I knew him once.” Celebre said softly.
“Really? What was he like?” asked Aiya eagerly.
“He was a good elf, always kind and fair. He never wanted to leave the Empire,. He wanted to stay and fight. Our surrender never set well with him.” Celebre said. Aiya smiled,
“I am glad he was brave.” she said.
“Very brave indeed.” Celebre replied.
“Why do you wear those garments and that circlet, if I may ask.” Aiya said with a change of subject.
“I am the grandson of Lord Elrian, the last elven heir to his rule. My father was his only son.” Celebre said sadly.
“Oh, I am sorry, I suppose we have something in common.” Aiya said in condolence.
“Yes, we do.” Celebre said with a stunning smile.
“My father, when did he die?” asked Aiya.
“Only a year ago, the same as mine.” Celebre replied. Aiya nodded,
“How old are you?” she asked, expecting somewhere in the hundreds.
“Just shy of thirteen.” Celebre said with another smile.
“Well, I have to say, I expected two-hundred thirty-seven!” said Aiya gaily.
“I am very young for an elf, not many are my age.” said Celebre.
“Aiya! We have to go solve this blasted riddle!” called Krian from the door.
“I am afraid I have to be going, I will see you later, Celebre!” said Aiya as she left for the door.
“I hope so!” called Celebre after her.
Aiya ran up to Krian who was holding the great oaken door ajar.
“We have to get started or we will never get finished!” he said closing the door behind them. Rhys, Pilin, Alaithia and Pala stood in the hallway waiting.
“I see you met your brother, Celebre, a good boy the young rip!” said Pilin non-chalantly.
“Brother? What do you mean, Pilin?” asked Aiya supposing that Pilin was joking. Krian shoved Pilin in the ribs with his elbow.
“Ow! Krian you scallywag! What was that for?” asked Pilin, rubbing his sore side.
“Pilin, what did you mean by my brother?” asked Aiya more seriously. Krian sighed,
“My wide-mouthed friend here is telling the truth. Celebre Ailediel is your brother. His father and your father are the same, though you do not share mothers.” Krian grumbled. Aiya shook her head. She didn’t say it, but she though it,
‘Why didn’t they tell me!’
“I did not tell you because Lord Elrian would then be your grandfather, and I don’t think you could have sat through that conference without a mad slew of questions!” Krian said as if in reply to Aiya’s thought. It was true, Aiya probably could not have handled it. She looked at Rhys,
“Don’t look at me, I didn’t know a thing, which seems to be the theme of the day.” he replied.
They soon arrived at in a room, alot smaller than that of the conference room. A small round table sat in the middle of the study, six chairs surrounding it. They all sat down at stared at the prophecy which laid in front of them.
“Well, I suppose we should start at the begining.” said Krian.
“Indeed, now the first part about the gems is,
‘Yaia firstborn,
By green moonlight,
Stars align,
Elohai Yaia,
See the sign.’” said Pilin.
“We known that Yaia firstborn means Aiya, but she wasn’t first born, so we will overlook that.” said Pala thoughtfully.
“What in Earosia does green moonlight mean?” asked Rhys. Pilin shrugged his shoulders.
“The moon shines white light here in Von Scotia, just like anywhere else.” he said.

[PippinTook]

“What about stars align?” asked Aiya. No one spoke.
“Wait, it could be talking about the Luniran!” said Alaithia. Everyone waited for her to speak more.
“Once a year all the stars in the sky line up and produce a great beam that sines right on top of the Great Hall roof.” Alaithia said.
“Well, I suppose this is a start, but what sign is it speaking of?” asked Krian.
“Who knows? It could be anything, but when is this Luniran?” asked Rhys.
“It is tonight, at midnight all the stars will be aligned.” Pilin said.
“What luck! I think we should stay up on the roof tonight.” Rhys said.
“I agree, is there a way to get to the roof, Alaithia?” asked Krian.
“I believe so, there is a tall staircase the leads up through the Hall’s ceiling which is high and vaulted.” Alaithia said.
“Well, let’s go!” Pala exclaimed. They all stood and left the study. Alaithia and Pilin led them into the Main Hall which was a massive hall with intracate tapestries, sculptures, and paintings of the history of Earosia. Paintings of great ships and long battles flooded the walls. The ceiling reached high and was vaulted with oaken beams.
“Over here.” Pilin said leading them to the left side of the hall. Almost hidden because it was carved in the same wood of the walls, Pilin opened a small door. Steep steps spiraled upwards. They seemed to be walking forever upwards and Aiya expected them to be in the heavens when they arrived at the top.
“Well, that was a pretty little trek!” said Rhys as he sat on the floor. They seemed to be in a loft, the walls were blank, as was the ceiling. A large opening was in the ceiling in the middle of the room.
“What is that?” Asked Aiya refering to the opening.
“On the roof there is a small tower, on top sits a green prism, when the light his it just right, it lights the city with green light.” said Pilin.
“Do you think that the stars will reflect the prism? Maybe that’s what is meant by ‘green moonlight’ and ‘stars align’!” Rhys said excitedly.
“There’s only one way to know, Rhys and I will stay up here and wait untill midnight to see what happens.” Aiya said. Alaithia laughed,
“Oh, no you’re not! I will not allow you to chase after dragon eggs with out me.” she said
“She won’t, but I will!” Krian said, “I have a very comfortable bed, and I will take advntage of it!” he said with a smile.
So Pilin, Krian and Pala left the three others to sit with anticipation until midnight.

[Nurvingiel]

Two little things:

“Two eggs lay hidden, one here in Von Scotia, another is deep in the Empire of Zarfoth in his capitol city, San Lilead. You, Aiya Ailediel, for that is your true name, must find the Elokin along with Rhys.”

It is spelled: capital

“Celebre? That was my father’s name.” Aiya said, her tenseness loosening. Suddenly Celebre laughed,
“Did you know your father, Aiya?” he asked.
“No, I never met him, nor do I know anything about him, why?” asked she.

I think it would sound better if you said "she asked."


Other than that, you continue to write a wonderful story! I loved the dialogue between Celebre and Aiya. This part makes me laugh out loud:

“Hello, Aiya.” he said simply, his face glowing with a vibrant smile.
“Erm, Hello, er, sir.” Aiya replied awkwardly.
“Celebre, my name is Celebre.” He said.
“Celebre? That was my father’s name.” Aiya said, her tenseness loosening. Suddenly Celebre laughed,
“Did you know your father, Aiya?” he asked.
“No, I never met him, nor do I know anything about him, why?” asked she.
“I knew him once.” Celebre said softly.

Cheerio!

[PippinTook]

Thanks Nurvingiel! I'll change those things you mentioned. I'm so glad you like it!
-Pip

[Nurvingiel]

But of course my dear Pip! You don't have to do those things, I just think they're good ideas.

I also laughed at the part where Aiya thought Celebre was over 200, and he turns out later to be her brother. (A cool plot twist by the way.)

[PippinTook]

Really? Thanks Nurvingiel! I am so happy that someone i sreading and enjoying my work. It's very encouraging! By the way, I started the next chapter.
-Pip

[PippinTook]

Okay, now is the time where I mess with all your heads! I am away from home at my grandparent's house for Christmas. before I left, I started the next chapter, now I am on a roll, so I will be writing more of the story, unfortunately, a HUGE chunck will be missing, so if you please. just ignore this thread for the next 2 weeks untill I get the rest of the story up.

sincerely yours,
Pip

[PippinTook]

"In heaven's name boy, can't it wait untill morning!" grumbled Krian.
"No, afraid not." replied Rhys excitedly.
Sphora stepped up to the besdie and looked at Krian curiously. Krian stared her in the eye, oblivious to anything else.
"Hello." said Sphora.
Krian didn't speak.
"Father, this is Sphora." Rhys said. Krian nodded and reached out his hand to touch the dragon. Sphora purred softly as he stroked her head.
"That is a dragon." he said after a moment of silence.
"Whoa, Krian, you are a fast one!" said Alaithia sarcastically.
"She talks." said Krian, ignoring Alaithia.
"Of course." said Sphora.
"We must go show Elrian." Krian said

[Nurvingiel]

Er... should I not read your latest installment?

Maybe you could post a brief synopsis to bring us up to date! I love your story, I don't want to ignore it!

[PippinTook]

NO! dont read it, you see, I am on Christmas Holiday, so I am away from ym computer, where the story is, but I still wanted to write, so I am writing straight to the moot, instead of to the computer, therefor, there is a whole chapter missing, and a long one at that. Just 2 weeks and I'll be home and I'll post the rest. Sorry nurv!
-Pip

[Nurvingiel]

*Averts eyes sadly*

Okay... I'll wait. I haven't written more of Erin the Elf either, so I guess I can't really complain.

(I do have some more segments I need to post though.)