Eärniel's short stories

[Nurvingiel]

Why couldn't you get it published? You still own the idea, whether it's on the net or not.

I read your story and I thought it was totally brilliant! I love how this new world came alive in such a short tale.

[BeardofPants]

Originally Posted by Nurvingiel

Why couldn't you get it published? You still own the idea, whether it's on the net or not.

I'm not exactly sure of the whys and wherefores, but apparently publishers don't tend to like it when works have already been made public. An author friend of mine mentioned this to me once, but I never really paid attention to why it was difficult.

[Count Comfect]

Can probably edit or update it (or something like that) and get it published then. It really is quite good. I'm glad it got on Elfwood because I missed it first time around...

[Earniel]

Thanks for the kind replies, everyone. In fact I'm quite overtaken with the amount of compliments I got.

Originally Posted by Jonathan

Feathered cats - now that sounds like beasts that would fit in any mythology. I liked how they talked with their eyes How did you come up with these animals?

If I recall correctly the inspiration came from the mix of a drawing of a very fluffy white cat with a earring and the idea to do something completely contrary (since feathers usually refer to birds).

Originally Posted by Jonathan

I hope the fact that your story became a "moderator's choice" on Elfwood will inspire you to write some more

It does, it does! However I'm a slow writer and I usually edit and rewrite massively which makes me slower still. And I realise that with 'the Moor' I really put the bar for quality high for me, it'll be tough not to sink below it.

Originally Posted by BeardofPants

I can't believe that I didn't comment on this when it was posted up! Anyway, I really enjoyed it Smearniel, and I'm glad it's received the accolades it clearly deserves. You *should* try to get it published. 'Course you might have difficulty since you've made it public over the 'net.

Thanks. Originally it was meant for publishing too, in the abandonned Entmoot Anthology. Right now I'm not thinking about getting it published any time soon. I'm unsure whether single short stories actually can be published (I'm so not at home in that field, I fear), and I want to have more stories finished before that, to show myself whether I'm a 'one-trick-pony' in writing or not.

[Draken]

I'm glad this got bumped up! That's a great little myth Earniel, nice and self-contained and beautifully told.

[Farimir Captain of Gondor]

Bumpaty bump bump. Everyone read this.

Great story Eärniel.

[Gordis]

Indeed, it is quite captivating. My compliments, Earniel.

And thanks to Faramir for bumping this thread.

[Earniel]

Thank you both for the compliments, Farimir and Gordis. They're much appreciated.

[Jonathan]

*Bump*

I just read this story at Elfwood. A fascinating read! I admire your story-telling technique (like how the story was told in letter form but also your technique in general).

Anyway I thought I'd just bump this thread in hope of bringing the attention of other mooters

[me9996]

Wow... It was writen as if it would be longer and go on intill annoying, but otherwise... Wow... So in summery as far as my eye can see, well writen, neet storey(Lack of a plot might annoy some people but not with a story like this), and a nice ending -but a little strange.

[Earniel]

Originally Posted by Jonathan

I just read this story at Elfwood. A fascinating read! I admire your story-telling technique (like how the story was told in letter form but also your technique in general).

Elfwood! Oh dear, how on Earth did you find it there? It's been years since I had that link in my sig and that was when I still only had an art gallery.

I like the letter-format for writings. It allows one to nicely combine narrative with first person-perspective. But I noticed of late that I start to use it overmuch.

[Butterbeer]

Let us, dear writer, be the judge of that...

(really must read this sometime ... soon(ish) )

[Earniel]

I've got this story on which I'd love to have some feed-back. It's finished but some scenes still seem to grate a little and despite numerous edits I can't seem to get them to my satisfaction. Normally I hate posting anything before it's properly corrected and edited but I guess that has to do for now.

The story is 8600 words long, longer than my pervious writings and I know my writing tends to suffer in longer stories. I may have expanded a little too far in the area of scene setting and explanation. I like the climax, but the bus-stop scene feels a bit week.

There's some mild violence and a shooting.

I'd love to get thorough comments on this one, even if negative. You may totally be frank. If you notice any error in grammar, spelling or even plot line, don't hesitate to mention it. If there are paragraphs that you think are superfluous, dialogs that can be shortened, this can also help me already along in improving it.

Thanks in advance.

[Text has been removed.]

[tolkienfan]

I liked it Eärniel. It was good. But the ending! I want to read more. Did Randolph and Morgan really die? What happens? I think you could really go with this.
I noticed two things:
Max says that "The water’s just cooked." I think that should be 'just boiled'.
also:
the journalist says "The majority of shops has now disappeared or stands empty." I think that should be 'The majority of shops have now disappeared or stand empty.'

[Lief Erikson]

Randolph and Morgan's deaths were mentioned in the news broadcast. I think it's pretty clear they died.

This was a neat story . Good thoughts. I was very off-track in my guesses about where you were going through most of the story, Eärniel. That's largely because I tend to write very devious villains- in some ways I have a less gentle mind than you. Throughout the story, I was very distrustful of every character except Emma, though always for the wrong reasons.

I thought the first scene was a slow beginning to the story, but after that everything picked up. Bang up action writing, by the way . Very well written. The ending was especially well constructed, I thought. Good messages and themes, too. You write very well.

You might be amused by how completely off-track I was as to where the story was going .

I was pretty tense throughout most of the earlier part of the story out of concern that Randolph might be a madman who was successfully misguiding Morgan. That concern kept me tense until Max's dragon identity was revealed. After that, I was dancing a bit between the possibility that Max was good, as Max was arguing, and the possibility that Max was living up to her name and being simply devilishly clever in her attempts to deceive her enemies. If it was the latter, I was thinking she might successfully get the T-Shirts distributed by convincing Morgan and Randolph (or maybe just Morgan) that she actually was not bad, and thus through them unleashing a reign of terror on the world by her trickery.

But my knowing you personally helped me to stay on course some during that final conversation. I knew you loved environmentalism, so as I was listening to the good environmental messages coming out, I suspected that really Max was honest.

I think what you wrote about the setting and location was well written and helpful, but like you noticed, it did tend to drag some. Maybe just revealing that Max is a dragon and a good one in the first scene would be a good idea. That would grab readers right from the start and keep people like me from considering so many alternative plotlines to the one you intended . The conclusion would not be easily predictable, but that would help me to stay with the story better.

Though if you revealed Max's dragoninity immediately, that might make Emma's seeming death appear a bit nastier when it happens, since the readers would know she's not the dragon. That nastiness might distract attention from what was coming, and so wouldn't really contribute . . . Though it could be avoided if Randolph was to shoot her at longer range (perhaps out of fear of her dragon fire or danger reflexes) and hit her in a part of her body where the reader knows it wouldn't kill a normal human, so readers could guess she'll be okay. Then having the audience know that Morgan and Randolph are walking into Emma's shop, the dragon's lair, with the incorrect belief that they've killed the dragon would create suspense. If I'd known it was good dragon vs. (semi-)good people from the start, that might have focused my attention and expectations more accurately, thus enabling the conclusion to satisfy me more effectively. And all the environmental and historical answers and arguments could still be saved for the climax, just as they are now. Those would help a lot and still prove effective in bringing about a forceful climax, just as they do now.

Just some ideas, takeable or leaveable .

You wrote the story very well . I like the conclusion a lot and the structure, and your writing style. The final scene with Emma also really flows well.

[Olmer]

A very well composed story, Eärniel, with catching up beginning, unexpected twists, and filled with emotions end.
Also it carries a pressingly important message about human's arrogance in governing our Earth.

You definately have a talent for writing. Don't stop, you are good at it!

[Tessar]

Really fantastic writing!

Some of the dialogue was a little awkward, but other than that I didn't notice anything. It was fantastic!

[tolkienfan]

Another thing I wanted to add: I was thinking about these characters for a long time after reading the story. You really made them real to me. I still can't figure out if Emalaxrys was really good or not, and if you aren't going to make a sequal you might want to make that more clear, unless you purposely left it up to the reader. I really liked Randolph and Morgan, that's why I don't want them to be dead. I don't know, this feels more like a first chapter of a book or the first in a series than just a short story. The whole thing just made me want to read more.

[Curubethion]

You know, I liked that story! The ending was interesting too...very open-ended. Was the Order really killed off for good, or were there other dragon-hunters? Is Emma really trying to do good, and is the idea that she can change things merely a delusion?

I actually liked the fact that you never revealed Max's dragon-ness. It made for an amazing plot twist. I was seriously cheering Randolph and Morgan on, thinking that they had struck true. And then...yeah, that was a shock. The gender-switch was a nice touch.

The only thing...did Emma survive because the poison was intended to kill dragons, not humans?

[Lief Erikson]

That's what I've assumed.