Rules Are Meant to Be Broken Discussion

Acalewia · 09-06-2007, 08:39 PM

I'm going to remind you from the start this is a work in progress. I'd like to hear your feedback on this

Nautipus · 09-12-2007, 08:29 AM

Whoa.... I dont really know what's going on, but that's good

This looks pretty good, I wasnt going to post until you extended the story a little bit, but I went ahead and did anyway. I really am curious about Ryman, and the queen also has me asking questions. Please keep writing!

Acalewia · 09-12-2007, 05:22 PM

Thanks, Nautipus. This is acually the first story I wrote in my current style. Hopefully, it'll be better than Dragonmaiden.

I'll give warning now. Later posts in this story will contain some language

Nautipus · 09-12-2007, 10:03 PM

Well, so far your current style has me hooked.

These story seems to be moving at an almost frenzied pace, and under normal circumstances I would say slow down, but it flows so well right now that it would be unnecessary.
Thanks for the warning, by the way.

Acalewia · 09-16-2007, 04:29 PM

You're welcome. Sorry about just now getting a new post in. Been working double shifts at work.

Acalewia · 09-17-2007, 12:31 PM

I might not get another post in until maybe next wed or thursday

Curubethion · 12-09-2007, 09:47 PM

Not bad. You really need to work on the formatting, it really gets hard when it comes to quotes, I can't tell who's speaking. Beyond that, the plot's decent. I like the idea of the Pendant, that's a cool concept. There were also a couple of interesting plot twists.

But I'd really like to see more character development. If you focused more on specific characters, instead of narrating what happened, it would work much better.

It would also be cool if you didn't make some things quite as obvious or stated. If Ryman is distrusted by Claudious, you should show that in little ways.

Nautipus · 01-08-2008, 12:26 PM

Awwwww. Is that the end of the story? It was pretty good. It was definately a better ending than I thought might happen.

Cant wait to see more of your stories.

Acalewia · 01-09-2008, 07:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nautipus

Awwwww. Is that the end of the story? It was pretty good. It was definately a better ending than I thought might happen.

Cant wait to see more of your stories.

Yes that's the end. My friend that read it is trying to get me to write a sequel

Reading over the others, I think this one is my favorite. I know its like chosing a favorite child.

How did you think it would end?

Well, we got email

Nautipus · 01-09-2008, 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Acalewia

Yes that's the end. My friend that read it is trying to get me to write a sequel

Reading over the others, I think this one is my favorite. I know its like chosing a favorite child.

Quote:

How did you think it would end?

For a while there, from the way you treated Claudious, I thought you might just kill him off.

Quote:

Well, we got email

Eh?

Acalewia · 01-09-2008, 09:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nautipus

For a while there, from the way you treated Claudious, I thought you might just kill him off.

Now what makes you think I would go off and do something like that?

Quote:

Eh?

You said Can't wait to see more of my stories. Of course you got to finish the one I'm sending now

09-06-2007, 08:39 PM	#1
Acalewia Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: In trouble. As usual. Posts: 4,674	Rules Are Meant to Be Broken Discussion I'm going to remind you from the start this is a work in progress. I'd like to hear your feedback on this __________________ "Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera

09-12-2007, 08:29 AM	#2
Nautipus Kraken King Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Under the sea Posts: 2,714	Whoa.... I dont really know what's going on, but that's good This looks pretty good, I wasnt going to post until you extended the story a little bit, but I went ahead and did anyway. I really am curious about Ryman, and the queen also has me asking questions. Please keep writing! __________________ Being the King of these Beings, This is my Child One of my top ten favorite movies. "You ever try to flick a fly? "No." "It's a waste of time." "Can you see it?" "No." "It's right there!" "Where? "There!" "What is it?" "A crab." "A crab? I dont see any crab." "How?! It's right there!!" "Where?" "There!!!!" "Oh." -Excerpts from A Tale of Two Morons One of the best Global Warming Messages out there

09-12-2007, 05:22 PM	#3
Acalewia Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: In trouble. As usual. Posts: 4,674	Thanks, Nautipus. This is acually the first story I wrote in my current style. Hopefully, it'll be better than Dragonmaiden. I'll give warning now. Later posts in this story will contain some language __________________ "Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera

09-12-2007, 10:03 PM	#4
Nautipus Kraken King Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Under the sea Posts: 2,714	Well, so far your current style has me hooked. These story seems to be moving at an almost frenzied pace, and under normal circumstances I would say slow down, but it flows so well right now that it would be unnecessary. Thanks for the warning, by the way. __________________ Being the King of these Beings, This is my Child One of my top ten favorite movies. "You ever try to flick a fly? "No." "It's a waste of time." "Can you see it?" "No." "It's right there!" "Where? "There!" "What is it?" "A crab." "A crab? I dont see any crab." "How?! It's right there!!" "Where?" "There!!!!" "Oh." -Excerpts from A Tale of Two Morons One of the best Global Warming Messages out there

09-16-2007, 04:29 PM	#5
Acalewia Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: In trouble. As usual. Posts: 4,674	You're welcome. Sorry about just now getting a new post in. Been working double shifts at work. __________________ "Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera

09-17-2007, 12:31 PM	#6
Acalewia Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: In trouble. As usual. Posts: 4,674	I might not get another post in until maybe next wed or thursday __________________ "Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera

12-09-2007, 09:47 PM	#7
Curubethion Fenway Ranger, Lord of Red Sox Nation Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: College! Posts: 1,976	Not bad. You really need to work on the formatting, it really gets hard when it comes to quotes, I can't tell who's speaking. Beyond that, the plot's decent. I like the idea of the Pendant, that's a cool concept. There were also a couple of interesting plot twists. But I'd really like to see more character development. If you focused more on specific characters, instead of narrating what happened, it would work much better. It would also be cool if you didn't make some things quite as obvious or stated. If Ryman is distrusted by Claudious, you should show that in little ways. __________________ Adventure...betrayal...heroism... Atharon: where heroes are born. My wife once said to me—when I'd been writing for ten or fifteen years—that I could always go back to being a nuclear engineer. And I said to her, 'Harriet, would you let someone who quit his job to go write fantasy anywhere near your nuclear reactor? I wouldn't!' (Robert Jordan)

01-08-2008, 12:26 PM	#8
Nautipus Kraken King Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Under the sea Posts: 2,714	Awwwww. Is that the end of the story? It was pretty good. It was definately a better ending than I thought might happen. Cant wait to see more of your stories. __________________ Being the King of these Beings, This is my Child One of my top ten favorite movies. "You ever try to flick a fly? "No." "It's a waste of time." "Can you see it?" "No." "It's right there!" "Where? "There!" "What is it?" "A crab." "A crab? I dont see any crab." "How?! It's right there!!" "Where?" "There!!!!" "Oh." -Excerpts from A Tale of Two Morons One of the best Global Warming Messages out there

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
The Lord of the Rings discussion project	azalea	LOTR Discussion Project	460	01-20-2008 11:35 AM
Rules Are Meant to Be Broken	Acalewia	Writer's Workshop	21	12-27-2007 10:12 PM
All members familiarize yourselves: ENTMOOT RULES	Sister Golden Hair	General Messages	149	03-19-2006 11:12 AM
LOTR Discussion Project: Book V, Chapter 4: The Siege of Gondor	Beren3000	LOTR Discussion Project	31	02-09-2006 02:46 AM
Discussion of the new rules	Ben	General Messages	52	07-06-2002 08:56 AM