LOTR Lessons

From a posting in The Council of Elrond:

#1 Never pick up jewellry that does not belong to you.
#2 If someone ever starts to tell you strange things about your jewellry, for God's sake run out the door and don't come back.
#3 Do not move in with eccentric uncles under any circumstances.
#4 Stay as far away from Witch-kings as possible (with thanks to Tel for this one)
#5 Never get so attached to your boss that you end up going to Mordor or any other such places with him.
#6 Avoid Gondorian men. Especially if they keep looking at you in a funny way.
#7 However, trust said Gondorian men's brothers.
#8 Don't steal spoons. You will be paid back, and your son may be eaten.
#9 Men with no faces with black cloaks are bad guys.
#10 Men with blonde hair and pointy ears are good guys.
#11 Don't kill Gollum, however tempting it might be at times.
#12 If you are a wizard, don't worry about dying.
#13 However, if someone tells you to keep away from caves, it just might be worth doing so.
#14 If you are a woman, chances are you will tougher than your husband. This is perfectly natural. Don't worry.
#15 That weirdo who looks like a Big Issue salesman with a drink habit is actually royalty. Make sure you're nice to him.
#16 Second-hand swords work better than new ones.
#17 Flocks of birds inevitably means that the arm of your enemy has grown long.
#18 Characters who don't say anything are there to be admired. Make sure you do so (for example Imrahil)
#19 The king that is decrepit will inevitably get better with just a flash of lightning.
#20 The steward who appears OK, however, is likely to be revealed as a latent suicidal, filiocidal pyromaniac. Stay away.

:lol:

ok, another:

When in trouble, don't worry. The Eagles are coming.

I can't remember where I saw that one... there were others, too. I'll have to see if I can find the place again.

:lol: :lol:

Another: Don't stand on bridges with demons and wizards on them. It won't be pleasant.

Pray do send in some more.

Always bring some rope along, as chances are you will need it.

Do not sing on top of tables when you have a magic Ring in your pocket.

When angry at dwarves, use long, harsh words to express your unenjoyment.

If someone is singing on your table, hide the crockery.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

If a wizard falls down a very long staircase in a cave, don't worry; he's okay.

Using prisms on a ray of light is evil.

So are multi-coloured clothes. Be vary.

Don't forget: Elves can't "sleep" while walking unless they have lots of Lembas to eat.

All men who come from lands which are not on the map are evil.

never trust a guy who hisses a lot.

Never meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with mustard.
Also listen to your primary sidekick when he's suspicious of the dud you picked up along the way.

Great thread, but it should be located in LOTR Books....you can find it there.

These are hillarious.

Men in black are evil.

Men in white, grey, brown or green are good.

If making a sneak-attack, sing and make noise to advertise your presence.

If a hobbit suddenly picks up an apple, turns to you and makes it clear that he's going to throw it, for God's sake, don't stand there listening to what he has to say.

When in trouble, say something elvish to be saved.

not only an apple, but anything throwable.

:lol:

Rogue, are you on the MEVault at all?

:lol: :lol:

When in a tight spot, summon the Dead.

Don't look at ghosts (unless you're an Elf).

Men who wear grass skirts are trustworthy, good folk.

Men who wear grass skirts make good mathematicians.

Don't eat lunch on tombs.

Don't ask someone for a birthday present.

Umm, no I'm not, Ildonodil. I don't think I even know what MEVault *is*. Should I check it out?
I'm still LMBO at this thread. :lol:

Sometimes the dragon wins.

Always have plenty of extra food on hand for visiting dwarves.

Pipe weed and handkerchiefs are a must for any long trip.

Rogue, where did you get that quote about dragons and ketchup?

Mustard. And this will sound like my brain is mush, but I don't actually remember. I saw it on some Tolkien page or other in the last year or so, but I've looked thru so many, I don't have a clue which one or where I originally saw it. Sorry about that. Why, if I may ask?