new story

[PippinTook]

That evening, they stopped to rest, the elf laid upon a blanket in front of the fire. “Now, another lesson!” said Krian. “We haven’t eaten supper yet!” pleaded Aiya. “Your food will wait!” scowled Krian. Aiya moaned, and grabbed her stick which they had saved from the previous night. They sparred for a while, again, Krian had no bruises, and Aiya was black and blue. Aiya found it easy to sleep that night. She curled up in her blanket, and drifted into a dreamless sleep.

The next morning, Aiya woke to find the elf standing by the fire, cooking some meat. Aiya sprang up, “You are okay!” she said. The elf quickly looked in her direction. “Yes, I am doing better thanks to that jeerna lusrta.” said the elf. Aiya was surprised at the sound of her voice. It was smooth and seducing. “Who are you and what is your name?” asked the elf. “I am Aiya, I was raised in Telesmere and now me and my companions travel to Von Scotia.” said Aiya. At first she was wary to give this stranger information, but after all, she was an elf. Suddenly the elf laughed, “Von Scotia? How do you know how to get there? I have heard of no human that had this information!” she said. “We have a map, and Krian knows much about elves.” said Aiya. The elf stopped laughing. “That he does.” she said solemnly. “You know him?” asked Aiya, surprised at the elf. “I have heard of him.” she said shortly. “What is your name?” asked Aiya, trying to change the subject. “I am called Alaithia.” she said with a smile. “I should thank you for saving me.” Alaithia said. “It was no problem I’m sure. Why were you in the desert? And so close to the forest!” asked Aiya. “The Rhohatar are abroad, they have been seen outside the borders of the Gorgirath. The Rhohatar are-” Alaithia began, “I know, they have been in the forest, and killed one of our people.” said Aiya solemnly. “It is worse than we feared! Well, I was coming to warn the people of Telesmere, the king sent me. I know, they would be surprised to see an elf, but it had to be done. On my way, they found me. They shot my horse with a red arrow. I escaped, only by chance. But without steed, and so far into the desert, I was soon taken by the heat of the sun.” Alaithia said. Aiya nodded, “Where are they now?” asked Aiya. “Who can say, that was five days ago, so I assume they made straight for the forest after they found me.” said Alaithia. “We have to get to the mountains as soon as possible!” she said. Krian groaned from where he lay, and soon sat up. He stared straight at Alaithia, who just looked right back at him. “I am glad you are feeling better.” he said finally. “Thank you, you saved my life.” said Alaithia, bowing before Krian. “Obliged, may I ask your name?” he asked. “Alaithia. I came to warn the Kandar about the Rhohatar, but as Aiya has told me, you have heard that they are abroad again.” she said. Krian nodded, “I suppose Aiya has not told you everything, eh?” he said the last words towards Aiya. Aiya shook her head. “She is one of the two.” Krian said slowly to Alaithia. The elf gaped, looking from Krian, to Aiya, to Krian. She smiled at Aiya. ‘What is going on?’ Aiya thought. Rhys yawned and stood. “Father, we need to-” he started, then noticed Alaithia. “Hello, I am Alaithia.” she said politely. “Oh, er I am, yes, I am-” he studdered. “This is Rhys, Krian’s son.” said Aiya. Alaithia laughed, “Well met, Rhys.” she said. “Now, we need to get moving.” said Krian. “I agree, the sooner we get to Von Scotia the better!” Alaithia said. “I am afraid your mare will have to bear us both Aiya.” said Alaithia. “I’m sure she will be able.” Aiya said, saddling Kea. They were soon off, into the desert and the blistering sun.

[PippinTook]

Aiya sat in the saddle, with Alaithia behind. She found herself telling the elf everything about her childhood, friends, and memories. They went on like this for several days. Then Alaithia spoke up, “How old are you, Aiya?” asked Alaithia. “Just fourteen, about a week ago.” said Aiya. “And you?” she asked. Alaithia laughed, “Seventy-five!” she said. Aiya laughed, she had almost forgotten that Alaithia was an elf. “I am actually very young for my race.” she added. “So you were born after the war?” asked Aiya. “Yes, and I am greatful for it, we elves don’t take to battle.” she said. Aiya nodded, “I understand.” she said. They stopped to feed the horses, but were soon on thier way again. The sun was creeping to the west, and Aiya was getting tired. Suddenly, Kea bolted. She tossed her head wildly, neighing, and kicking her hooves. It was all they could do for Aiya and Alaithia to stay on her back. An ear piercing, cackling laugh came from behind them. Silouetted against the setting sun, were two massive animals, to the liking of a Ghryphon. On the backs of the animals sat two black cloaked figures. Thier faces were hidden, but two red eyes shone through. Malicious eyes, the likes of which Aiya had never seen before. “The Rhohatar.” Alaithia said, her voice soft and raspy. One of the grhyphons shreiked, making Kea bolt again. “Go Kea! Vinwe Voromir!” cried Alaithia with a voice commanding and threatening, unlike her own. All the horse’s ears pricked and they shot forward. The Rhohatar seemed to shrink at the voice of the elf. “Shirk Nashga!” she cried out again. Dust and sand flew into Aiya’s eyes, almost blinding her, but the horses pressed forward. A dust storm formed around the three horses, as they galloped relentlessly over the flat land. They seemed to be running for miles, an occasional shriek pierce thier ears, but they kept on. Ahead, Aiya could see the dust cloud clearing, and the opening of a cave could be seen. The rhohatar’s laugh turned to screams. Something drove the horses harder, as they came into the mouth of the cave. Kea stopped, with a cry of, “Sherna!” from Alaithia. Silent darkness surrounded them.

[PippinTook]

Well, I hope you liked the fourth chapter of Half-Elven! It was alot shorter than the past chapters, critique me! Did you think the chapter title fit? I couldn't really find a good one.

[PippinTook]

The four companions sat silently, in the dark, musky cave. “What just happened?” asked Aiya after a long pause. “They must have been following us, but waited to attack untill they knew where we were going.” Alaithia said, her voice was strained. “Are you alright?” Aiya asked. “I shouldn’t have used magic, it has weaken my body, for I wasn’t quite healed from my heat exaustion.” she mumbled. “Where are we? We have to get you to Von Scotia!” Aiya said. “Not enough time, but we might be able to get to the Mountain Faeries on time.” Alaithia said, her breathing was becomin heavier, and she was slowly drifting into unconsiousness. “Rhys! Krian! Alaithia needs help!” cried Aiya. “I know how to get us to the faeries, I just need some light! Rhys, where are you?” said Krian. “I am right here but-” Rhy started, but suddenly gave a cry and a loud thud was heard. “Rhys?” Aiya called, worried that he had fallen. “I am fine, but Nilia collapsed!” Rhys cried. “We need light!” said Aiya. “Aiya, give me your fighting stick!” Rhys said. Aiya handed the stick to Rhys, once she found him in the dank cave. Rhys mumbled something, and they heard a few sparks and then saw a fire at the end of the make-shift sword. ‘A torch!” said Rhys proudly. From what Aiya could see, Triton and Krian were ahead, and Nilia lay sprawled on the ground, a red dart protruding from her neck. Rhys wept over his beloved steed, “They killed her.” he said softly. “I am sorry, Rhys.” consoled Aiya. Rhys stood up and shook himself. “Father, I will have to ride with you.” he said coldly. “Triton will bear us.” Krian said. So Rhys mounted Triton, and Aiya sat behind the fallen elf. The dead horse lay at the closed mouth of the cave.

The cave turned out to be more of a tunnel, and led straight for a long time, but soon began to spiral upwards. Rhys held the torch, but it was dim and did nothing but light the path ahead. Aiya sat silently, thinking about what had occured. The Rhohatar were obviously affected by what Alaithia had said. What was that great dust storm? How did the cave mouth open and close like that? What were those massive beats that the Rhohatar rode? So many questions, that had to wait to be answered. The horses were weary, but they pressed on.

The tunnel was so dark, and it made Aiya feel depressed. She wanted light, happiness, and love, but these were not found here. Suddenly, a light appeared ahead of them. It was small, but it was light nonetheless. Once they finally reached the blessed beam, they found it was a small gateway. Triton led the way throught the gate, and they appeared on a well-lit path that winded downwards. ‘Great, another long trek.’ thought Aiya, but she was glad it was light. “Do you know where we are?” she asked Krian. “Yes. Soon we will reach the gates of Titania, the Faeries’ city.” Krian replied.

[PippinTook]

The path was a pleasant change for Aiya. The vast desert was obviously an eye sore, and the dank cave was rather depressing as well. The cobble-stoned road with green plants on either side was enjoyable. For the first time since Aiya had left Telesmere she was comfortable. Suddenly Aiya looked ahead and saw a great white gate. It had many runes and ancient writing on it. It was a marvel to see, and th most beautiful sight Aiya had seen. Krian dismounted Triton and stepped up to the massive wall. Aiya waited for him to speak some spell in an anient language to magically throw the dors open. Krian sharply rapped his knuckles on the door. Aiya rolled her eyes, “Yes, and I am sure all the faeries will open the gate and let us right in.” she said, her voice seeping with sarcasm. Krian said nothing as a small peek-hole opened, showing a small face. The hole was just shy of three feet off the ground. “Who knocks on the gate of the Mountain Faeries?” asked the face. “Krian, from the underground city of Telesmere. We have a ingured elf with us.” said Krian calmly. “Come in.” said the face, as it shut the small hole and opened the massive gate. Krian led Rhys and Triton through the gate, followed by Aiya and Alaithia on Kea. Standing behind the door was a small person, only three feet tall. Her cheeks were rosy, and she was built lightly. She giggled as they walked into the city. “Welcome to the Faerie city!” she said, her voice was sweet and polite. “I am Pala, the gatekeeper.” she said lightly. “We need to get to an infirmary.” said Krian, motioning to Alaithia who sat unconsious in the saddle in front of Aiya. “Yes, of course.” said Pala, the lightmes in her voice unchanging. They walked through the cobble-stoned streets of the city. On either side were trees, tall and strong. “Do they have no houses?” Aiya asked Krian quietly. “We live in the trees, the ones you see here.” Pala answered her question. Aiya was surprised that the faerie had heard her. Aiya looked at trees again, only to see small faces popping out of thier boughs. All of them were happy, and smiling. The presence of the faeries brought up Aiya’s spirits. Suddenly she noticed, the in the trees were small flats, which were hidden well by the green leaves. “Here we are. You may tie your horses and follow me!” said Pala. Rhys dismounted Triton, and lifted Alaithia from Kea’s back. Aiya leapt from the himdquarters of Kea and tied her to the post.

[PippinTook]

The began to ascend up a flight of stairs that wound around the trunk of the enormous tree. The bark was smooth and it seemed to shimmer when the light hit it. They finally reached the top of the great flight of stairs, and landed on a wide flat. Aiya could tell is was made of the same wood of the tree. She soon realized that there seemed to be a house on the flat, though it was open and high. Pala led them to a bed on which to lay Alaithia. Rhys laid the elf gently on the sheer sheets. Another Faerie came to the bedside. She was as tall as Pala, though her garb was different. It was white and draped around her, compared to the light green cloak of Pala. “Lara, this elf has been hurt.” said Pala. Lara looked Alaithia over, laying her small hands on the elf’s forehead. “She was smitten by heat stroke when we found her in the desert, she seemed to recover, but we were chased by Rhohatar, and she used magic. After we were free of the monsters she fainted again, and has not risen.” Krian said to Lara. The faerie shook her head, “This is not the work of the sun’s heat.” she said solemnly. “She was poisned, by Rhystarien leaves. I don’t know how she was infected, but Rhystarien leaves can only get into the bloodstream through an open wound.” she said. “Help me roll her over.” Lara said to Rhys. Rhys helped her roll Alaithia on her stomach. Lara opened the back of her tunic gently, revealing her white shoulder. On it was a deep scratch, but more visible was a scar. Lara gasped at the sight of the mark. “What does it mean?” asked Krian anxiously. “That is the mark of the shapeshifters.” she replied. “She is a shifter?” asked Krian dumbfounded. Lara nodded. “There hasn’t been a shifter since the war.” she said. “The elves must have known!” said Krian. “Yes, I don’t see why they would have hidden it from us.” Lara said. “They must have tried to kill her from behind with a blade smothered with Rhystarien oil, but didn’t succeed and left only the poison.” Lara said, looking at the wound. “Why didn’t the poison kill her?” asked Aiya suddenly. “The only way to kill a shapeshifter is to pierce the heart. She can be cured with the right ointment.” said the faerie. “Pala, get me some lista.” asked Lara. Pala hurried away, in search of lista. ‘So she will be okay, right?” asked Aiya. “Yes, if I can draw the poison from the wound with lista oil.” Lara replied. Pala came back into the room, and handed Lara a small bottle. “Thank-you.” Lara said, taking the ointment. Lara applied the oil to Alaithia’s gash. The oil was thick and dark as it poured into the scratch. The skin around the wound began to twitch, and soon the wound itself turned blue and began to glow. Lara quickly wiped it with a white cloth and the deep scratch dissappeared. Rhys and Aiya gazed in awe at the clean, white skin. Lara smiled. “She will recover.” she said as she walked from the room. “I will take you to your flat.” said Pala, leading the group back the way they came.

[PippinTook]

Hope you enjoyed the fifth chapter of Half-Elven, A Shift in Shape. what was wrong with it? what do i need to add/take out. did you like it? thanx for all comments!

-pip

[Nurvingiel]

Wow Pip! I love your story! It's so interesting and exciting, and it reads like a fantasy novel! The only comment I would make is the story needs a few more edits, especially on how you structure your paragraphs.
A new paragraph should occur every time a new person speaks, or each time a new subject or idea is introduced. Sometimes I was confused as to who was speaking. More paragraphs, correctly placed, make the story easier to read.

For example, I would write this paragraph:

The began to ascend up a flight of stairs that wound around the enormous tree's trunk. The bark was smooth and it seemed to shimmer when the light hit it. They finally reached the top of the great flight of stairs, and landed on a wide flat. Aiya could tell is was made of the same wood of the tree. She soon realized that there seemed to be a house on the flat, though it was open and high. Pala led them to a bed on which to lay Alaithia. Rhys laid the elf gently on the sheer sheets. Another Faerie came to the bedside. She was as tall as Pala, though her garb was different. It was white and draped around her, compared to the light green cloak of Pala. “Lara, this elf has been hurt.” said Pala. Lara looked Alaithia over...

As:

They began to ascend a flight of stairs that wound around the trunk of the enormous tree. The bark was smooth and seemed to shimmer when hit by light. They finally reached the top of the great stairs, and arrived at a wide flet (or ...a wide flat area). Aiya could tell it was made from the wood of the tree. She soon realized that there was a house on the flet, though it was open and high. Pala led them to a bed where Alaithia would rest. Rhys laid the elf gently on the sheer sheets. Another Faerie came to the bedside. She was as tall as Pala, though her garb was different. It was white and draped around her, as opposed to the light green cloak of Pala.
“Lara, this elf has been hurt.” said Pala. Lara looked ...

A few points as to what I did.
1) In some places I just guessed what you meant. When you edit your story, you will know what you really meant to say. My edits aren't necessarily correct. (I just assumed you meant "flet" in the part where they reached the top of the stairs, but you could have meant "wide flat area".
2) This brings up the point that it should be clear to your audience exactly what you mean. You've invented a very cool fantasy world, and your story is essentially explaining what it is like.
3) Grammar mumbo-jumbo: There should be two spaces between each period and the beginning of the next sentence. With spelling, I would recommend writing this in a program like Microsoft Word, OpenOffice, or WordPerfect. That way you can run a spell-check - much easier than trying to catch all the typos yourself. When anyone writes a story, there are always many typos.

That's all folks! My criticism may seem harsh, but I really enjoy your story so I wanted to point out everything I felt needed improvement. Having a lot of editing does not reflect badly on the quality of your story. Sure, there's a spelling mistake here and there, but you have the most important elements of the story: an interesting plot, and unique characters.

Your engine is built Pip, you just need to polish the chrome.

Eagerly awaiting more chapters!
Nurvningiel

[PippinTook]

wow, your comments are really motivating. I'll be sure to be careful about paragraphs and stuff from now on. I did mean flet, and I will make use of that spell check! I am so happy that someone is reading my story! Your complements are a BIG help!
-Pip

[PippinTook]

They followed Pala down the stairs of the giant tree. Once they had reached the ground, Pala led them down the main street, which had trees on either side. Each trunk had the same steps that the infirmary had. Aiya wondered how they could see the difference between each tree. Then she saw small markings at the foot of every massive trunk. They were in a ancient language that Aiya had not seen.
“What are those symbols?”
she asked Pala. “They are in the old tounge of the faeries. It names the family of the faerie that lives there.” Pala replied. She sprang swiftly in front of the group, lightly moving over the cobble-stoned path. Aiya was amazed at the nimbleness of the small creature. Pala finally stopped at a tree, identical to the others. “Here is your temporary home.” she said, leading them up the staircase.

The big flat was much like the infirmary, but a bit smaller.
“If you need anything, just call my name,” said Pala politely. “Try to get some rest, tomorrow we will take you to Von Scotia.” she said, begining to climb back down the stairs.
“What about Alaithia?” asked Aiya urgently.
“She will be ready to ride again by sunrise. The faerie healers are very efficient.” Pala smiled, and then was gone. Aiya looked around her, the floor seemed to be made of the wood of the tree. The green leaves sheltered the flet, but still seemed to let light in.
“This is truly amazing.” she said running her hand over a thick branch nearby.
“There is no place like this.” said Krian, leaning back on a grey branch. “This city sits inside a mountain, yet the trees flourish. A mountain stream flows around the outskirts of the city, the one you saw on the path down here. Light filters in through an opening at the peak of the mountain, being the tallest peak of all the great mountains, no one has found it.” Krian spoke as if he was reciting. Rhys sighed,
“I can’t wait untill we get to Von Scotia!” he said wistfully. Aiya looked at him strangly. He had never posessed such a want for the elven city before. “Why do you want to go?” she asked.
“I don’t know, I just feel like I should be there.” Rhys said shrugging his shoulders. Krian shuffled uncomfortably,
“I am going to bed.” he said, walking to the other side of the flat. “And you should too! We will have a long day tomorrow.” Krian lay down on a small matress and was snoring. Aiya wasn’t so lucky. Aiya laid down on the soft sheets, trying as hard as possible to fall asleep. For the first time in a while she was safe to sleep ungaurded, and she was unable to shut her eyes. She sat up studying her surroundings. It was semi-dark, thin rays of silver light streamed through the leaves. Krian slept soundly as well as Rhys. Aiya was amazed at the noise that thier combined snoring produced. Her eyes wandered around the small flet, resting upon thier small packs. She stood and picked up her own. It contained her bowl, a spare cloak, some old twine, and a wooden spoon. Tied to the bag was her sword, Elohae. With some sudden impulse she untied the blade and let it rest upon her lap. There was nothing special about it, save the strange runes inscribed on the long metal blade. She slowly ran her fingers over the hilt, which was bound by soft black leather. The butt of the hilt was silver, pure silver. It relfected the pale moon light like a pool. Aiya studied it harder. There seemed to be something written on it. She turned it so that the light shone down upon it. ‘Elohae, the DragonBlade’ was inscribed in fluent letters. Aiya shrugged, “Elohae must mean dragon blade in elvish or something.” she thought to herself, not thinking anything of it.

[PippinTook]

Suddenly, Krian shifted in his sleep, which made Aiya jump up. Promtly, Krian began to snore again, and Aiya tied Elohae back onto her pack. She laid back down on her mattress, hoping that sleep would find her, and soon it did.

Early the next morning, Aiya woke to Alaithia shaking her by the shoulders.
“Wake up, lazy!” Alaithia said lightly. “The sun is nearly risen!” Aiya jumped up quickly, staring at the elf akwardly.
“Well, I am glad to see you are feeling better.” Aiya said, still staring at Alaithia. “Why didn’t you tell us?” she asked with a sudden change of subject. Alaithia shuffled uncomfortably.
“That’s not something you go around telling everyone.” she said solemnly. Aiya nodded,
“What exactly happened?” Aiya asked.
“I was sent by the elves to come and find you, but the Rhohatar found me first. I was in the shape of a human, but when I saw them I shifted into an elf, knowing that I might intimidate them. They saw me shift. One of them tried to stab me in the heart, but I dodged and tried to fight him off. The other one stabbed me from behind. I blacked out, but the wound had missed my heart. They must have administered Rhystarien when I was unconsious. Why they did not kill me, I do not know. They left me, assuming I was dead. That’s where you found me. I could not tell you how they really wounded me, because Rhystarien would have killed anyone but a shape shifter.” Alaithia said, while Aiya sat and listened.
“When they came upon us, I used what magic I could to distract them. Shifters have the magic of the elves, if not a bit stronger. Because I had not totally recovered, the use of magic had weakened me. Now I am completely healed, thanks to the healers of the Faeries.” Alaithia said, standing to her feet.
“We must wake our sleeping comapanions!” said Alaithia. Aiya smiled. They attempted to wake Rhys and Krian, which was quite a task considering the deep sleeping state they were in. After a significant amount of shaking and prodding the two awoke.
“Well, it is nice to see you feeling better, Alaithia!” said Rhys, who was surprisingly good-tempered for one who had just been jostled into conciousness. Krian, on the other hand was not so civil.
“In the name of Earosia, Alaithia you rouge! You shouldn’t shake one so! You should be grateful that I saved you, you little knavish scallywag!” Krian growled. Alaithia simply laughed at the old man’s coments.
“That I am! Very grateful indeed!” she said, trying to keep a straight face and a solemn tounge. Krian reluctantly got out of bed and they packed all their bags just in time for Pala to come bounding onto the flet.
“Are you all ready to go? Hastily now, we don’t want to be late!” she said jumping about the travelers.
“Yes, yes, we are ready!” Krian scowled. Pala smiled
“Well then, let us be off!” she said, leading them down the stairs. Aiya suddenly decided to strap Elohae about her waist instead of onto the pack. They were soon on the cobble-stoned road once more. Pala led them back to the stable where they had left their horses the day before. Triton and Kea had been well taken care of. Pala led out the two horses, handing the leads to Krian and Aiya. Another faerie brought two white horses.
“Take these horses, the two you have will not be able to bear you efficiently by themselves.” Pala said, handing the two leads to Rhys and Alaithia.
“Thank you, Pala. That is a very gracious gift, we are in your debt.” said Krian politely.

[PippinTook]

“Think nothing of it my friend. Their names are Norama and Jeon.” she said, mounting her own pony.
The group left the stable and rode down the road, the horse’s hooves clicking as they hit the stone. Suddenly, the trees came to a stop and a tall gate stood in front of them. The gate keeper let them through and Pala led them from the faerie city. Alaithia rode upon Norama and Rhys upon Jeon. The horses were well trained and obeyed as if their lives depended on it. Aiya looked around, it was getting darker, soon the only light in on the path were small torches on the walls. It became narrow and they rode in single file.
“Where are we?” asked Aiya.
‘We are decending into the very roots of the mountain. Soon we will arrive in the valley.” Pala replied. She rode in front upon her short yet valiant little pony. It was a dark and dank road through the mountain. Aiya was beginning to drift off to sleep when a bright light was visible ahead of them. As they drew closer to the light, Aiya could see that it was a large opening that led down into a fertile valley. She was happy that there was something besides the darkness around them.
Pala led them through the hole and into a wide field. The grass was lush green and the sky was bluer than anything Aiya had laid eyes on. The mountain range loomed up behind them and another row of massive cliffs were ran parellel with the mountains. A stream rolled over the meadow, bubbling and gurgling as it went.
“Let us stop and water the horses.” Pala said, dismounted her pony and led him to the stream. The others followed her lead. Once they were all refreshed, Pala led them over the meadow and into a massive forest.
The trees were not like those in the Mountain Faerie city. They were taller, and all the golden leaves reflected the sun’s rays. The floor of the forest seemed to be a golden path because of the leaves that had fallen. Though the ground was covered, the branches always seemed to be full. Again, Aiya felt a peacefulness surround her. Birds flew from the tops of the massive trees and red squirrels lept from branch to branch.
“We are almost there.” said Pala softly. Suddenly she stopped her horse. A wide stream crossed their pathway. Aiya supposed it was the same one they had stopped at before.
“How are we going to get past this?” Aiya asked.
“We aren’t.” replied Pala shortly.
“So how are we going to get into the city?” Aiya asked, het temper rising. Pala said nothing. She silently dismounted her pony and stepped into the water. “Great, so we are going to swim, eh? How are we going to get the horses through? That water is too deep!” Aiya complained. Pala said nothing. she was now waist deep in the water. She mumbled something under her breath. The water slowly parted, two tall walls of water stood on either side of the faerie. Aiya sat in awe.
“Well, are you coming with me?” Pala asked lightly. The three followed her into the bed of the river. There was a wide staircase descending. It was wide enough for the horses to be led down. The walk was not long and soon they came upon a long tunnel that began to slowly slope upwards. They followed the path once again until they came to ground level. Aiya found herself standing in the forest once again.
“Why are we still in the forest?” she asked.
“Von Scotia lays in the heart of the forest.” said Pala.
Aiya shrugged and they followed their guide, knowing not to doubt what she said. As if it jumped in front of them, Aiya saw the elven city of Von Scotia. It was amazing, something that she had not even seen in her dreams. She stood speechless. There was no gate, they needed no gate. A tall waterfall sprang over into the city. The water seemed to change colors, like a glittering rainbow. The waterfall soon fed into a small spring that wound its way through Von Scotia. A huge building stood right in the middle of the city. Gables and balconies littered the outer walls of the city’s great hall. An elf ran up to Pala, embracing the faerie in his arms.

[PippinTook]

‘Pala, my friend! It has been many a cold winter since I have seen you my friend!” he placed the faerie back on the ground and looked up at the others. “Alaithia?” he said, staring at the girl who stood beside Aiya. “We thoguht you were dead! When you didn’t come back, we thought they had killed you!” he stood in front of Alaithia simple staring.
“Earoth, stop staring. I was attacked, but they didn’t kill me. I found them, Earoth.” Alaithia replied. Earoth turned to look at Aiya, then at Krian, then at Rhys.
“Why did they come?” he asked sharply.
“They were bringing her here, but this is no place to speak of such things.” said Alaithia, her usually merry voice was solemn. “We need to see Elrian as soon as possible.” she said. Earoth nodded and led hem in the direction of the Great Hall.
Earoth stopped at the stables. “Give your horses to Jurik, they will be well taken care of.” Earoth said, pointing to an elf standing in the door of the stable. They handed their horses’ leads to the elf and strode on to the Great Hall.
They arrived in a common-room with tall cathedral ceilings.
“Wait here.” said Earoth as he climbed up a tall staircase.
The small group stood in the room, taking int hier surroundings. There were elves who would pass but payed no heed. Most of the Great Hall was colored cream or light colors. Soon Earoth returned, downt he staircase from which he came.
“Elrian can not see you now, so I shall take you to your quarters.” he said, in a much more polite tone. He led them up a different staircase, which led to a long hall with many doors on either side. He showed them all their separate rooms which were well furnished and comfortable.
“You may roam the city and the Great Hall, but Elrian wants to see you all at sunset.” Earoth said.
Rhys shuffled anxiously, “Me and father have things to attend to.” he said, glacing over to Krian who nodded in reply.
“I want to go too.” Aiya blurted out. Rhys glanced over at his father, who looked back at him. They seemed to be having a silent conversationw itht hier eyes.
“I don’t see why not. There are things you must learn.” Krian said.
“I will go with Earoth, we have some catching up to do.” said Pala, looking at her friend. Earoth smiled,
“That we do, Pala.” he said. So they left to talk of old times and memories.
“Alaithia, what are you going to-” began Aiya, but Alaithia had already fallen asleep on the mattress.
‘Let’s go.” said Krian. They walked down the steps they had just ascended. Soon they had left the Great Hall and Krian led them behind the massive building. Behind the Great Hall were smaller, but no less elaborate buildings. Krian led them pass a few of these and suddenly stopped at a small cottage like home.
Krian opened the door, without bothering to knock. An elf sat behind a small table in the back of the small room. He looked up at Krian.
“Krian?” he asked dumbfounded.
“Yes, Pilin, it’s me.” Krian said to the elf.
“You old devil! You finally came back!” said Pilin embracing Krian.
“Back?” thought Aiya to herself.
“Rhys, you have grown so much!” sadi Pilin, looking Rhys up and down. Rhys simply nodded, he obviously didn’t know Pilin as well as his father. Pilin suddenly turned his eyes to Aiya and smiled.
“Hello Aiya.” was all he said.
“How does he know my name?” was the natural thought of Aiya.
“We have been waiting long and hard for you, all of us.” Pilin said, his voice not changing.
“Pilin, you know why I am here.” Krian said, nodding at Rhys.
“Oh, yes, of course!” Pilin said, snapping from his day dream. Pilin motioned for Rhys to sit in a chair. Rhys obiediently sat. Pilin staring long and hard at the boy of fifteen. He closed his eyes and began to chant something under his breath. Aiya stood awestruck as Rhys’ hair color began to grow darker and his brown eyes were tinted with green. Soon his hair was raven black and his eyes as emerald as Aiya’s. Pilin smiled. Rhys ran his fingers through his hair, he uncovered his ears which were as pricked at any elf’s.
“What? How? I mean-” Aiya studdered.
“I am half-elven, Aiya.” said Rhys sheepishly.
“Well, I have figured that much out, but-” Aiya said. She looked over at Krian, “You have some explaining to do!”

[PippinTook]

Well, hope you liked the sixth chapter of Half-Elven. What should I change? Is the form better? Was the ending clishé?
-Pip

[Nurvingiel]

I didn't think the ending was cheesy. Actually, I didn't expect it. I wondered who the second half-elf was when you first mentioned it nearer the begginning, but then I forgot about that particular plot-device. So, nice work!

I like how you're doing the paragraphs now, it makes for an easier read!

I'm still really enjoying your story! Von Scotia is exciting, and not just because it reminds me of Nova Scotia! (Canadian province.)

Congradulations on your recent Elf Lord status! If you're wondering what a good custom title is, you could put "Pippin's scarf" or maybe "Aiya's Creator"!

Cheerio!

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~Tree

[PippinTook]

Thanks! how do you change your title? I have been planning on changing it to, "Tea-Drinking Hobbit" its a inside joke between me and some of the rpgers. Anywho, I have been really sick the past few days (Figures I get a stomach virus on ThanksGiving!) so I haven't started the next chapter yet. I'm glad you like it, I always loved the name Nova Scotia, sounds nice. Thats why I named the city Von Scotia. I'm from Tennesse, now living in California, so I'm not Canadian, but I still like Nova Scotia. Again, thanks for all your supposrt! It is what keeps me going!
-Pip

[Nurvingiel]

I've actually never been to Nova Scotia, but some of my friends go to St. Francis Xavier university there.

California, Washington, and Oregon are my favourite states. I've never actually been to California, but I do live in res with a Californian and I think it's an exciting state.

I hope you feel better soon! Maybe there'll be some tasty turkey-stuffing-cranberry-sauce sandwiches (with a scarping of mayonnaise and some pepper) left over for you! In my opinion, those are almost as good as the dinner itself!

Looking forward to your next chapter, when ever it comes!

[PippinTook]

Thanks Nurvingiel! I ate a turkey and cheese hoagie to break my fast today! I've actually gotten alot done and should have the next chapter up today or tomorrow. This one is a bit shorter than the last one, but it should be okay.
-Pip

[PippinTook]

Chapter Seven

Krian sighed, “Have a seat, Aiya.” he said, sitting down. Aiya did as she was told. She looked from Krian, to Rhys, to Pilin. After a long silence Krian spoke, “After the great war a prophecy was spoken.” He said slowly. Krian lifted a piece of parchment that seemed to be very old. He read,
“Yaia-Syhr Elohai,
Come and wake them,
Hidden in the depths
Find the lost gems.
Yaia firstborn,
By green moonlight,
Stars align,
Elohai Yaia,
See the sign.
Elohai Syhr,
Search for the gem
Darkness, deep, do not sleep,
Elohai Syhr, find them.
Find them, before the end is nigh,
Yaia-Syhr, the riders, the last Elohai.”
Krian sighed after reading the long riddle.
“What does it mean?” asked Aiya. “What are Yaia-Syhr Elohai?” she asked.
“It is mixed up.” said Pilin.
“I’ll say!” replied Aiya. Krian laughed,
“No, he means the letters are mixed up. If you reposition the letters, it says, Aiya-Rhys Elohai.” Krian said.
Aiya gasped, “They knew my name? Who wrote this?” she asked.
“It is said that the last living dragon wrote the prophecy.” said Pilin. Again Aiya swooned in her seat.
“A dragon?” she asked. “But what does Elohai mean?”
“Elo is traslated in elvish to ‘dragon’. Hai means ‘rider’.” Krian said.
“My sword is named Elohae, on the hilt is inscripted ‘DragonBlade’.” Aiya said. Pilin shot around and looked at Krian.
“You have the Elohae? You didn’t tell me!” he said huffily.
“I am sorry, Pilin, I had forgotten.” Krian said agologetically.
“Forgotten, humph!” said Pilin grunting.
“How much do you know about all this?” Aiya asked Rhys.
“As much as I could get out of my father, which was not alot.” Rhys replied. Aiya was still getting used to his changed appearance.
“What about Elohae?” Asked Aiya.
“The blade Elohae, the DragonBlade, was made by Loroth in the early days and used by him to kill one of the Rhohatar. He did not succeed in killing all three. That blade is highly valued and all the elves believed it was lost!” said Pilin.
“I stole it from the elves before I left, in hopes that you would be born in Telesmere.” muttered Krian.
“May I ask, why don’t I get a legendary sword?” asked Rhys in a light tone.
“Oh, but you will.” laughed Pilin. “Hidden with the egg that lies in Von Scotia is the sword of Rhyran, the elven warrior. He hid it when he laid the dragon egg there. It is called, Selohae, the Elven Blade.”
“Well, I suppose we are even, Aiya.” laughed Rhys.

[PippinTook]

“Now, back to the prophecy!” said Krian.
“The prophecy states,
‘Yaia firstborn,
By green moonlight,
Stars align,
Elohai Yaia,
See the sign.’
If we were to translate it, it would read, ‘Aiya firstborn, By green moonlight, Stars align, DragonRider Aiya see the sign’ This obviously means that you were to be born first.” Krian said.
“But Rhys is older than I am.” said Aiya.
Krian nodded, ”I know. For some reason, Rhys was born before you were. This has presented much contreversy.” Krian said. “Rhys was born here in Von Scotia. His mother and I met after the war when I was injured and brought to the elven city.” Aiya began to say somehting, but was stopped by Krian hand. “Fifteen years ago, Rhys was born. A week later, his mother was found outside the city, pierced by a red arrow.” Krian stopped, his voice cracked.
“The rhohatar?” asked Rhys. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked in a hurt voice.
‘That has been said often today!’ thought Aiya to herself.
“You couldn’t have handled it.” Krian said. Rhys said nothing, he just shuffled in his seat. Krian went on,
“After that, I decided to travel to Telesmere because the elves were having trouble accepting thay Rhys had been born before you had. Pilin here, put a spell on him, to make hm appear to be a human, I couldn’t have him looking like an elf in Telesmere.” He said to Aiya. Aiya could not repress her questions any longer.
“If you fought in the war you sould be over a hundred years old!” she blurted. Krian laughed,
“One hundred and forty two.” he said. Aiya stared at him,
“How?” she asked.
“I was the father of a half-elven child. Your mother would have had a long life, if it had not been cut short.” Krian replied. “Now, back to the prophecy. After I had moved to Telesmere, I positioned myself as a blacksmith. I waited for a year with no sight of any half-elven children, until your mother came to Telesmere.” Krian said. “She came with you, searching for a healer. I knew she was important because she knew the elven password to get into the city. I made it my business to learn everything about her. Johanna took care of her along with myself. On Saren’s deathbed, she told me and Johanna everything. She was living in the empire but had escaped to the desert somehow. There the faeries found her and brought her to Von Scotia. She fell in love with an elf named Celebre. They lived there happily for a while, untill your mother left with reason. No one knows why she left, but she traveled far into the desert. There she was attacked by the Rhohatar. Somehow she made it to the city, but the slithe poison took its toll.” Krian said solemnly.
“What are we to do now?” asked Aiya.
“There is an egg here in the city, though no one knows where it is. Another is in San Lilead, the capital city of the Empire. You must find the eggs, both of you.” said Krian.
“What did the prophecy mean by ‘gems’?” asked Aiya.
“The gems are another name for the dragon eggs. They are said to be like bright jewels.” Krian replied. “By what the prophecy says you are to find the first egg, here in Von Scotia, but it also said that you were to be born first.” Krian said, shrugging his shoulders.
“It has been an hour now, we must get back to the Great Hall to meet with Elrian.” Rhys said after a long pause. Krian nodded. It was a silent walk to the magnificient hall.