Err...Some Poems

[Lady Arwen56]

thank you. Yours was very...awesome I do believe is the best word to describe it.

[Tessar]

Really, I'd quite litteraly kill to see you write a happy poem Arwen .

[Lady Arwen56]

HAHAHHHAA!! Me...write a happy poem???? HAHAHaA!! Actually...I think I may have one.


Highlight of the Day
Once again I find myself sleeping in the same clothes from the day before. I find myself seeing you day after day, more and more. Late night walks, four hour talks. Your showing me what I couldn't see, showing me what more I can be.
Heart pounds inside your chest, I pray to God that this is not some ****ed-up test. Around you I want to act clever, knowing that I'll be yours forever.
Your visits are the highlight off the day. I wish you would never go away. my breath catches as the door behind us latches. We can never look back. I don't wanna look back.

PS
This was once about someone...but now it's not about them. or anyone for that matter....not this certain poem anyway

[Tessar]

Awww I like it!

[Lady Arwen56]

thanx...I've kinda got problems w/ that one...but I'm glad you liked it.

[Katie of the Golden Wood]

I posted this is another poetry thread too, but I wanted to get feedback ASAP so I'll post here too.....


A Poem of Nostalgia:
I remember the bright curved shell of the Easter egg
Its orange coat glittering in the sun
Reflecting the dew of the uncut grass

I remember those diamonds in the sky
Flying in the wind on cool summer evenings
The kite silohetted against the end of day

I remember the heat of the pavement
The sound of the kickball game
The smell of the lemonade stand
And the brightness of it all

Because most of all, I remember the Sun

But its all gone now.
Only some irrecovable dream lost to the weaving pattern of
Time.

Now I'm alone on the moor and I can feel
The coarse grey grass rubbing against my legs, my arms
The trees are far away, stripped, bared;
A prelude to the oncoming cold of winter.
The sun is eclipsed by the grey coulds, moving away
Forever west
Because nothing stays forever.
The mists swirl around me, til
I am enfolded in the dull monotony of the present.
With nothing here and memory long gone.

But then it all changes.
Because I can smell the sea, and I can hear the thunder far off.
And the ache fo things past is joined by
The hope of things to come
And the beauty of every moment.
Its a feeling so sad and so sweet that I don't know whether to
Laugh or cry
Because they feel the same.
Because some things stay.
Because even though the sun is gone,
When I look up,
I can see the stars.

Katie

[Beruthiel's cat]

Originally posted by Katie of the Golden Wood
I posted this is another poetry thread too, but I wanted to get feedback ASAP so I'll post here too.....
Katie

Patience, my dear...this forum is not one for quick, snappy comments. Those who take the time to post are generally very thoughtful and deliberate with their ideas. Writing is not a medium in which to indulge if you want instant gratification (or, put another way, you can't be "hasty...")

That said, here are my thoughtful, deliberate comments:

Your use of sensory imagery is very good. There are a number of things I can see and feel in my mind's eye. I particularly enjoy the tactile images you use. "heat of the pavement" "grass rubbing against my legs." They add dimension and depth. Your visual imagery is also very good.

Suggestion for future writing -- try to incorporate other senses as well as visual and tactile. You make reference to "the smell of the lemonade stand," another excellent image, but use more scent and auditory images, if possible. The sense of smell is our most primal sense and brings up memories more quickly and strongly (most of the time) than any other of the senses. It would be very effective in a poem about memories or reminicences such as yours.

I also like a poem to be something like a snapshot -- quick, evocative images, not necessarily a poem of any great length. (This is just me and how I tend to write).

You should keep writing. I'm looking forward to seeing what else you have to offer!

[Nimbrennil]

Why are all the poems sad? I don't like sad poems, even though yours are pretty good for being poems... They are just... sad... Oh well I don't do well with poems, so why am I critisizing yours? Sorry, I am just in a weirded-out mood ... Hey, can I post a poem or is it just your post, and you don't want anyone to post poems on yours? (Confusing sentence, I know. Pardon.) Please reply, thanks--- Nimbrennil

[Nimbrennil]

neber mind!

[Lady Arwen56]

I would like everyone to know that anyone is aloud to post here.