Lyrd Of The Ryngs - The Homies

[Nurvingiel]

OOC: I forgot about the trolls. Hm... we haven't really made Sam out as a punk. We could start now if you guys want.

"As you know," said Aragorn, "Thugs can only come out at night. Besides," he added, taking a fake Christmas tree from one of the thugs heads, "This is a strange ornament for a thug!"
Everyone laughed, even Frodo, though it then caused him to cough spasmodically.
"We still need to do something about that paper cut Frodo, and worse, the Subpoena," said Aragorn in a subdued tone. "I've been looking for an Aloe Vera plant, but none seem to be growing in this area."
"Aloe Vera!" exclaimed Sam, "I thought that was just a weed. I know what it looks like though."
"You can help me look," said Aragorn, and the two of them split up and searched the woods. "We'll be right back," said Aragorn.
Frodo felt a sense if Impending Doom. The phrase "I'll be right back" is something one should never say on an adventure, it was usually a signal for something to kill you greusomely. This feeling of doom also might have been from the cold, horrible feeling spreading around the paper cut, or the clammy, unpleasant sensation of the stuck Subpoena on his chest.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

After Aragorn and Sam had gone Frodo suddenly remembered something.
"Hey. These thugs are the same one's that Bilbo saw on his adventure, argueing about how to beat up 13 dwarves and a burahobbit," he said cheerily.

[Nurvingiel]

Merry and Pippin had heard Bilbo's tales, but they thought the old hobbit was a bit of a loon. Now they were concerned Frodo was going barmy because of his wound. They exchanged a worried glance.
Shortly, Aragorn and Sam returned with bundles of sweet smelling herbs. Sam built a fire, and they quickly heated a small pot of water.
Aragorn boiled the herbs until he could make a sickly green paste from them. He smeared the paste on the wound, and lo! the Subpoena started to fade. The paper cut lost its foul black hue. The paste seemed to sink into Frodo's skin, and the fumes were having a soporific effect on everyone.
After several applications, the Subpoena was a faint tattoo on Frodo's chest. "Thazz not quite righ'," said Aragorn sleepily. "It should be gone... completely. He needs to see Lord Elrond as soon as possible," he added more clearly, worry creeping into his voice.
They put Frodo on the quad in front of Sam, who drove carefully and slowly. The tired troop continued their journey until nightfall.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

The next morning they returned to the road and during this time the Hobbits asked Aragorn who Elrond was.
"He is chief Surgeon at the Last Homely Hospital. His father was Earendil the Pirate, a good one mind you. He is the only one that will be able to cure Frodo," he said. At that moment they drew near to the road. They heard an engine coming down the road and the hobbits shrank back into the bushes.

[Grey_Wolf]

Soon the driver of the bike could be seen. It was an elven woman. Aragorn yet again became extatic, recognising the driver for who she was, his elven love whom he had not seen for a long time her career as supermodel and his as a FBI agent keeping them apart.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

"Where's Glorfindel?" asked Aragorn, looking around.
"Ummmmmmmm. He ummmmmm still at his conference," said Arwen nervously kicking a nearby bush.
Sam lookad at her in wonder before he to started kicking the bush.
"that's right lady. Stick it to the bush," he said in a harsh voice before the other hobbits pulled him away.
Aragorn then explained to Arwen what had happened near the café. Immediatly she pulled Frodo on to the bike and at the same moment 9 lawyers rounded the corner on their jet black suzuki bike.
"Go," Arwen said urging Frodo to go.
Frodo stalled the bike. "Not without my friends."
"You will be chased whether you ride now or stay," she said urgently.
Frodo did't move. At that moment the bush Sam and Arwen had been kicking moved. out sprang Glorfindel.
"Oh no you don't Arwen. This is my line," he said in a crazed voice. "Noro lim Asfolath. Noro lim."

[Nurvingiel]

"Dammit! I wanted to say that. Well no matter, I can still save Frodo!" said Arwen as she revved the bike. She sped away from them as the Lawyers gained on her and Frodo, ignoring the others.
"Frodo is strong, I only meant to give him my bike!" shouted the now distant Glorfindel.
Frodo was sitting in front of Arwen as they sped through the trees. He was feeling weak from his wound, and kept having flashes of the strange, grey world. The Harley got up to speed, and they pulled away from the Lawyers. The Suzukis were really no match for the Harley Davidson. Suddenly, a low-lying branch whacked Arwen in the face, sweeping her from the bike. Frodo, being a hobbit, was spared this fate. He quickly grabbed the handle bars, though the action made the paper cut throb. He raced to the Ford of Bruinen, keeping ahead of the Lawyers.

[Grey_Wolf]

Frodo saw the Ford glimmering in the distance as he emerged from the forest and onto a wide plain in which the river of Rivendell flowed. The Lawyers' black sukuzis screamed like banshees as their riders raced after their elusive quarry, rapidly narrowing the gap between them.

Frodo nevertheless felt his hopes rise as he closed in on the Ford and risked a backward glance which almost made his heart run cold. The closest Lawyer was only some ten meters away from him when he felt the wheels of bike splash through the waters of the Ford. He gunned the engine once more and made a safe landing on the other side where he stopped and turned back to see if his enemies had dared to follow him. They hadn't.

They just stood there, all nine of them. Looking at him menacingly.

"Go to back to your fell master. Go back to Mordor and follow me no more."

"Come back to us. To Mordor we will take you."

"By Elbereth the Fair you shall have neither me nor the Package."

"The Package. The Package. Come with us."

"No I will not. Leave me alone!"

The Head Lawyer raised his hand, in which he held a subpeona. Frodo felt his throat become paralyzed. He couldn't say anything.

The Lawyers edged their bikes into the river and as they did so the waters receded and a roar could be heard faraway. The elves would not allow the Lawyers to enter Rivendell and had devised an almost foolproof trap should they be foolish enough to try.

The Elves opened up the flood-gates of the Imladris Hydro-Electric Power Staion and flooded the river and thus flushed the Lawyers from it and their bikes with them.

Frodo just heard a terrific roar and then he fainted and knew no more.

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V
Book 2.1: Many Meetings

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

When Frodo awoke he was in a strange room with plastic pipes going in thorugh his nose and an oxygen mask on.
"Where am I," he said aloud to the blue curtain around his bead. "What time is it."
"You're in The Last Homey Hospital. The time is 3pm," saida voice. Frodo looked up.
"Gandalf?" he said as he looked up.
"Yes it is me," he said poking his nose out of the Middle-Earths remedies to Morgul paper cuts by Elrond Half Surgeon. "I'm lucky to be here and so are you. Elrond removed the last shard of paper from you last night in the operating theatre. I was very worried. It was a task beyond my cream and pill," he sighed.
Frodo looked at the other side of the bead where the curtain was open and saw a familiarelven lady with two black eyes and a fat lip!

[Grey_Wolf]

At that moment Sam burst into the room, rushing forward to Frodo's bed and grabbing his hand.

"It's warm, I mean it's been so cold until now and I've been so worried." he said.

"Well, I'm quite all right now. And hungry."

"You've shown you're usual impeccable timing and woken up just in time for dinner. When the Elves heard that you had recovered they began making preparations for a sumptuous feast. Get up and I'll take you to where the rest of the Gang is. They've been waiting most anxiously."

Frodo then practically jumped out of the bed, but before he went off he walked over to where Arwen was lying to inquire how she was doing.

"Oh, I'm quite all right. Father says that the bruises will be gone in a couple of weeks. Then I can resume my modelling career. But, of course, I'll attend the feast in your honour."

Then he went off, followed by Gandalf and lead by Sam through the maze of Imladris' Hospital corridors.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

After many left and right turns the found themselves at the main hospital entrance, and Sam showed Frodo into the waiting room where Merry and Pippin were waiting. He notive that they had a couple of bruises on their faces and when he questioned them about them, they hastily changes the subject.
"Anyway," said Pippin. "How's my cousin Frodo, The Lord of the Rings."
"Frodo is not the Lord of the Rings," Gandalf said as he walked into the room. "The true Lord of the Rings is Sauron, and although evil things do not come into this valley, of them should not be spoken freely."

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Gandalf then escorted the hobbits to the Hospital canteen where the tables had been pushed together. At the head of the table(s), sat Elrond with his stethoscope round his neck.
"Welcome," he said standing up. "To our feast in recognition of the recovery of our young hobbit friend, Mr. Frodo Baggins. Here we have a wide spread of hospital delicicies as they was of old. For I remember when a great battle was won. And then Saint Isildur took the Ring on high and said bless this thy holy magic Ring so that we may blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy. And the Lords did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs, and the sloths, and the carps, and the fruit-bats, and the break-fast cereals," he said in a day dreamily voice.
"Hem hem," said Gandalf, clearing his throat.
"Yes, yes. We also have ready meals and vegetable platter wivh questionably shaped vegetables. May the feast begin!"

OOC: Elrond's speech is courtesy of Monty Python and the Holy Grail!

[Nurvingiel]

OOC: It's "enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy" but whatev. Awesome post TD!

IC:
Everyone helped themselves to the delicious food. Frodo opened a specially marked ready meal - he had his own since he had been ill, and was now on a special diet.
The ready meal had overcooked, dry chiken in a strangely lumpy white gravy, mushy beans, and unnaturally green Jell-o. He ate the Jell-o, which was excellent, and pushed around the chicken with his fork. He was ravenously hungry, but Elrond said that he could only eat the ready meal. Frodo looked longingly at Aragorn's questionably shaped carrot.
Aragorn was chewing thoughtfully and gazing at Arwen. She had a fat lip and two black eyes from the branch, but she seemed to glow. Frodo was pretty sure that this wasn't just because she was sitting in front of the neon sign marked 'Salad Bar', because even with the bruises, Arwen was incredibly beautiful.

OOC: Maybe something about Bilbo and Balin?

[Grey_Wolf]

To his left sat a important looking dwarf, Frodo stopped eating to take a look at him.

"Good Evening. Gloin at your service." He rose and bowed deeply.

"How do you do." replied Frodo, scattering his cushions."Frodo Baggins at your service and your family's. Now am I right in recognising you as the Gloin, friend of Bilbo's and one the twelve adventurers who accompanied him and Thorin Oakenshield on the Raiders of the Lost Treasure Expedition?"

"Quite right." answered the dwarf, gathering up the cushions and courteously assisting Frodo back into his seat."And I do not ask, for I have already been told that you are the kinsman adopted heir of our friend Bilbo the Renowned. Allow me to congratulate you on your recovery."

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

As Gloin talked of the fortunes of the Lonely Skyscraper which had become a place of great wealth and respect, Frodo admired Gloin's chains and his many Rings.
"What of Balin," Frodo asked in one of the few gaps of Gloins speech.
"I'd rather not speak of that here," said Gloin uncomfortably. "Here we are merry, and we feast on strangley shaped vegetables." At the last past a dark look of envy passed over Frodo's face.

[Grey_Wolf]

occ: I have the books now (I just didn't have at my parent's place).

[Grey_Wolf]

At length the Cantina-party wound to an end and Elrond and Arwen exited and walked along a corridor with all the company following them. A bit further they opened twin doors to another common room with LCD High Definition TV:s, Playstations, X-boxes and pool tables. Along the further wall there were several bowling alleys where elves were bowling enthusiastically. In the middle of the wall was a fine fireplace.

Elrond and the other elves entered and he seated himself at special place made ready for him. The elves loaded the dvd-players with suitable music.
The Fireplace spread a golden light in the hall lighting up the fair faces of the elves.

Frodo suddenly noticed a small dark figure, not far from the further end of the fire, seated on a stool with his back propped against a pillow. Frodo wondered who he was and whether he was very ill since he hadn't attended the party. His head seemed sunk in sleep on his chest, and a blanket had been thoughtfully laid over his back, though it now covered his face too.

Elrond rose and went over to the silent figure.

"Awake, little master." he said gently.

"Frodo, the time has come which you have eagerly awaited." Elrond beckoned him towards the figure.

Frodo approached and the figure uncovered its face. Revealing, too, a pad computor which he had been working on.

"Bilbo! How nice to finally see you." Frodo said, happily.

"Hullo, Frodo my lad." said Bilbo."So you have got here at last. I hoped you would have managed it. Well, well, so all this partying is your honour, I hear. I hope you've enjoyed yourself."

"Why weren't you there?" cried Frodo."And why haven't I been allowed to see you before?"

"Because you were nearly comatose. I've seen a good deal of you. I've sat by your side with Sam each day. But as for the party - I don't go for those things anymore. Now I have something else to do."


"What were you doing?"

"Why, I was sitting and thinking, working on my webpage on my pad. This is a quit enough place to get such things done. Wake up indeed, Dr Elrond. If you want to know I was deep in thought about a song which I'd almost finished when you came and disturbed me. You ended the party to early. There will be so much noise and singing here to night that I won't get anything done. I should get my friend the Dúnadan to help me. Where is he?"

Dr Elrond laughed.
"He shall be found." he said."Then you shall go into a corner and finish your task and we'll hear it before the evening is over."

SMS:s were sent out to the nurses so that they could locate Bilbo's friend.

[Nurvingiel]

OOC: Grey Wold, your last two posts were totally awesome and hilarious! Nice!

I don't have the books either... um... Telcontar?

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

The SMS's came back reporting Bilbo's friend had been found and was coming to the Entertainment Room.
"Ahhh. Dunadan, you are here," said Bilbo as a figure entered the room.
"Strider. You have many names it seems," said Frodo.
"And Strider is one I have not heard," said Bilbo.
"It's how they were introduced to me. It's one of my tags," said Aragorn. " Anyway, apparntly you need my help."
"Yes. My song is almost finished but it needs a few little tweaks," he said as he ushered Aragorn into a corner.
Frodo sat by himself for a moment but after a while a voice started to speak.

Well I used to be a farmer and I made a living fine
I had a little stretch of land along the Gondolin line
But the times went by and though I tried the money wasn't there
And Morgoth's orcs came and took my land and told me fair is fair
I looked for every kind of job the answer always no,
"Hire you now" they'd always laugh, "we just let twenty go"
The Valar, they promised me a measly little sum
But I've got too much pride to end up just another bum

Then I thought "who gives a damn if all the jobs are gone,
I'm gonna be a pirate on the Great Sea ..." (Arrrrrgh!)

'cause it's a Heave! Ho! High! Ho! Coming down the plains
Stealing wheat and barley and all the other grains
And it's a Ho! Hey! High! Hey! Farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Rancher on Valinor's mighty shores

Well you'd think the local farmers would know that I'm at large
But just the other day I found an unprotected barge
I snuck up right behind them and they were none the wiser
I rammed the ship and sank it, and I stole their buried tresure
A bridge outside of The Havens spans the mighty river
Farmers cross in so much fear their stomachs are a quiver
'Cause they know that Captain Earendil is hiding in the bay
I'll jump the bridge and knock 'em cold and sail off with the hay

'cause it's a Heave! Ho! High! Ho! Coming down the plains
Stealing wheat and barley and all the other grains
And it's a Ho! Hey! High! Hey! Farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Rancher on Valinor's mighty shores

Well Mounty Osse, he chased me, he was always at my throat
He'd follow on the shore line but he didn't own a boat
But cutbacks were a comin' so the Mountie lost his job
So now he's sailin' with me and we call him "Salty Osse"
A swinging sword a scum 'n bones and pleasant company
I never pay my income tax, and screw the GST -- "Screw It!"
Prince Thingol down to Doriath, the terror of the sea,
If you want to reach the Co-Op boy, you gotta get by me

'cause it's a Heave! Ho! High! Ho! Coming down the plains
Stealing wheat and barley and all the other grains
And it's a Ho! Hey! High! Hey! Farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Rancher on Valinor's mighty shores

Well pirate life's appealing, but you don't just find me here
I've heard that in Valinor there's a band of buckeneers
They roam the Coastline, from Arda to Fort Numenor
And you're gonna loose your Helmet and if you have to pass their way
Well winter is a comin' and the chill is in the breeze
My pirate days are over once the river starts to freeze
I'll be back in springtime, but now I have to go
I hear there's lots of plundering down in Old Valinor

'cause it's a Heave! Ho! High! Ho! Coming down the plains
Stealing wheat and barley and all the other grains
And it's a Ho! Hey! High! Hey! Farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Rancher on Valinor's mighty shores

'cause it's a Heave! Ho! High! Ho! Coming down the plains
Stealing wheat and barley and all the other grains
And it's a Ho! Hey! High! Hey! Farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Rancher on Valinor's mighty shores

'cause it's a Heave! Ho! High! Ho! Coming down the plains
Stealing wheat and barley and all the other grains
And it's a Ho! Hey! High! Hey! Farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Rancher on Valinor's mighty shores

[Nurvingiel]

OOC: Awesome Telcontar! You rule! Maybe we should also make "Regina" "Stetson" and "fertilizer" something...