Discussion Thread for the Tale of Sky Blue

[Tuinor]

The title says it all: I'd deeply appreciate any sort of advice or criticism on this story, as well as what anyone thinks of it so far. Don't worry about being brutally honest about anything; I can handle it, trust me.

I'd also like any ideas you may have on the story or what you'd like to see it go to next. Trust me, I'm nowhere near done with it.

Also, thanks to anyone who is reading it, and I hope you've enjoyed doing so as much as I have writing it.

[Lief Erikson]

I just finished reading that of it that you've so far posted, Tuinor. I'm enjoying the plot structure . . . it's quite interesting. The ideas in the prologue got me interested from the start, and I like your idea of having Aisha and the Master traitors from the rest of this order.

I really like how the story is currently centered on a few important characters, without involving all kinds of nameless troops. Keeping the action between main good guys and main bad guys without involving many troops-to-be-busted really helps stories, I think. That's the ideal, I think, and it's cool that you've been able to keep to that so far. I know that, unfortunately, sometimes putting nameless troops into the story is necessary . . . it sometimes is in my own book. But you've avoided that so far, so keep that up as long as you can .

The dialogue in your story between Liera and Tuinor didn't always hold me because it was often (though not always) pretty much casual chatting. I liked Sky's bashfulness and defensiveness, though.

In the beginning sentences, after the prologue, you mention that the city looked "colossal," and that Tuinor had great amazement, but that doesn't really paint a picture for me to grasp in my mind so that I know what he's seeing and what his perspective is. So including some more description there would be nice.

Also I got rather confused by the continuous references to "it" that were occurring in the order's council. I didn't know what they were talking about, so the dialogue there was somewhat hard to follow.

I really like the ideas you're using. The plot doesn't seem at all stereotypical to me, and it doesn't seem similar to any books I've read. So I'm really enjoying it .

That nightmare sequence sure did get dramatic, especially with the conclusion. Having major characters betray their order in the end of the scene really makes clear the importance of the sequence. That was really dramatic, both exciting and character-driven. A lot of major events occurred in that little bit of space . . . and that really made things exciting.

Packing major events together so that they happen quickly can keep the reader very interested all the time, which is important, even if it leads to a shorter story.

I think that what I like best about your story at present really is the plot structure, how it doesn't follow a pattern I've seen before and is very character focused.

Oh, just to let you know, it may take a while for me to read any more after you post it, so don't take it askance if I'm a slug.

[Tuinor]

Originally Posted by Lief Erikson

I just finished reading that of it that you've so far posted, Tuinor. I'm enjoying the plot structure . . . it's quite interesting. The ideas in the prologue got me interested from the start, and I like your idea of having Aisha and the Master traitors from the rest of this order.

Thanks for reading, Lief, and I'm glad you've enjoyed it so far.

Originally Posted by Lief Erikson

I really like how the story is currently centered on a few important characters, without involving all kinds of nameless troops. Keeping the action between main good guys and main bad guys without involving many troops-to-be-busted really helps stories, I think. That's the ideal, I think, and it's cool that you've been able to keep to that so far. I know that, unfortunately, sometimes putting nameless troops into the story is necessary . . . it sometimes is in my own book. But you've avoided that so far, so keep that up as long as you can .

I'll try, but I do intend on the story panning out a great deal, so we'll see how that turns out.

Originally Posted by Lief Erikson

The dialogue in your story between Liera and Tuinor didn't always hold me because it was often (though not always) pretty much casual chatting. I liked Sky's bashfulness and defensiveness, though.

I understand if a lot of it bored you. Some of it bored me, too, and it was very hard to write it to be so "casual", but in the end that was what I was aiming for. See, I want readers such as yourself to be able to believe that these characters can be just as normal (boring) as you or me. I hope I succeeded.

Originally Posted by Lief Erikson

In the beginning sentences, after the prologue, you mention that the city looked "colossal," and that Tuinor had great amazement, but that doesn't really paint a picture for me to grasp in my mind so that I know what he's seeing and what his perspective is. So including some more description there would be nice.

Yeah, sorry about that . You see, back when I first started posting it I thought it would turn out to be a small short story not covering more than ten or so pages, but now it's up to thirteen pages without any signs of slowing down. In fact, it seems to just keep building up inside my head. I am sorry, though, that it didn't cover enough in the beginning. If I've got time I'll try to change it.

Originally Posted by Lief Erikson

Also I got rather confused by the continuous references to "it" that were occurring in the order's council. I didn't know what they were talking about, so the dialogue there was somewhat hard to follow.

In some cases "it" reffers to something I haven't revealed in the plot yet, but I will soon. In most cases, however, "it" reffers to Sky. I'm sorry if it confused some people, but I did it because I wanted readers to be able to go back after I'm finished and say "Oh, so that's what 'it' was!" I've always wanted to write a story that one has to read twice in order to really get it, but I'll try in the future to keep things like that to a limited few.

Originally Posted by Lief Erikson

I really like the ideas you're using. The plot doesn't seem at all stereotypical to me, and it doesn't seem similar to any books I've read. So I'm really enjoying it .

Thanks! I don't think anyone at all wants a stereotypical plot for their stories, but it's very hard to write one when we're influenced by so many. I am truly glad you're enjoying it.

Originally Posted by Lief Erikson

That nightmare sequence sure did get dramatic, especially with the conclusion. Having major characters betray their order in the end of the scene really makes clear the importance of the sequence. That was really dramatic, both exciting and character-driven. A lot of major events occurred in that little bit of space . . . and that really made things exciting.

Thank you again. Every once in a while I can write a really awesome action sequence like that, but it's really rare for me. I'm glad everyone can read this one.

Originally Posted by Lief Erikson

Packing major events together so that they happen quickly can keep the reader very interested all the time, which is important, even if it leads to a shorter story.

It gives one a feeling of being in a rush, much like how that scene would be if one were really there.

Originally Posted by Lief Erikson

I think that what I like best about your story at present really is the plot structure, how it doesn't follow a pattern I've seen before and is very character focused.

Plot is the backbone in my storytelling, I think, because I'm horrible when it comes to writing meaty sentences, and I'm nowhere near poetic. As for characters, well, I love characters. That only comes as a problem when I have to kill one off for the sake of the plot.

Just as a fun question, and there's no right answer, but... Which character is your favorite?

Originally Posted by Lief Erikson

Oh, just to let you know, it may take a while for me to read any more after you post it, so don't take it askance if I'm a slug.

That's fine. I'm just about to post a new scene, so enjoy it when you have the chance. By the way, sorry if this seems long after I've responded to every single one of your statements, but, I'm terribly bored and have little else to do.

[Lief Erikson]

Originally Posted by Tuinor

I'll try, but I do intend on the story panning out a great deal, so we'll see how that turns out.

Yep, we'll see. I'd 100% understand, of course, if one can't keep it between main characters. I haven't been successful in doing that completely in my books either, though I'm trying to maximize those kinds of conflicts as much as I can. I haven't seen any fantasy writers or movie makers do that successfully, I don't think. Or at least very few (I can't think of any right now). It would be cool if that could work, though . I think it's an ideal, because fights between main characters are so dramatic and cool .

Originally Posted by Tuinor

I understand if a lot of it bored you. Some of it bored me, too, and it was very hard to write it to be so "casual", but in the end that was what I was aiming for. See, I want readers such as yourself to be able to believe that these characters can be just as normal (boring) as you or me. I hope I succeeded.

Yeah, I see what you're going for and trying to make the people seem normal is fine, I think. I'm not sure that this the way that's best to go about it, though. Perhaps the characters can speak in a style that's natural but avoid making comments that bore you?

Writing things in a way that comes across as natural for the characters is fine, but boring . . . I'd steer clear of that, if I were you.

Originally Posted by Tuinor

In some cases "it" reffers to something I haven't revealed in the plot yet, but I will soon. In most cases, however, "it" reffers to Sky. I'm sorry if it confused some people, but I did it because I wanted readers to be able to go back after I'm finished and say "Oh, so that's what 'it' was!" I've always wanted to write a story that one has to read twice in order to really get it, but I'll try in the future to keep things like that to a limited few.

I understood that you were talking around something you were going to reveal in the future, and that's fine. But it does get really confusing when they're talking about this unspecified it and Sky also . . . that can kind of tangle things up. Also, maybe it wouldn't hurt if you could name whatever item or person it is they're referring to? The audience doesn't have enough world knowledge to know about it yet, and then when it does come up in the story, they might think to themselves suddenly, "oh, isn't that what they were talking about in that earlier conversation . . . ?" and page back to it. And then they'd begin to work through it some on their own, which would be rather interesting for them.

Or if you'd rather keep it more completely secret, like it currently is, perhaps they'd have some code word to refer to it? Or some special name for it that only they use? Those kinds of things might help the conversation to flow more easily.

Originally Posted by Tuinor

Thanks! I don't think anyone at all wants a stereotypical plot for their stories, but it's very hard to write one when we're influenced by so many. I am truly glad you're enjoying it.

I like the conversation about Aevor and the nature/windmill analogy too . That was cool and greatly increases my respect for both Aevor and Jahud. Plus this . . . I forget what his name is . . . the little runt who was talking with Jahud, that guy's development also is rather fun.

Originally Posted by Tuinor

Thank you again. Every once in a while I can write a really awesome action sequence like that, but it's really rare for me. I'm glad everyone can read this one.

Me too . It's cool when the mood hits .

Originally Posted by Tuinor

It gives one a feeling of being in a rush, much like how that scene would be if one were really there.

That's certainly good to work with too. It's cool to work out these elements and keep always developing and improving.

Have you written many stories or books before this one?

Originally Posted by Tuinor

Plot is the backbone in my storytelling, I think, because I'm horrible when it comes to writing meaty sentences, and I'm nowhere near poetic. As for characters, well, I love characters. That only comes as a problem when I have to kill one off for the sake of the plot.

I know what you mean. It's the same for me . . . so in my most recent book I'm resurrecting them all .

Originally Posted by Tuinor

Just as a fun question, and there's no right answer, but... Which character is your favorite?

Jahud. He presently is coming across as very intelligent, calm, collected, controlled, and very strong. He's impressive.

Originally Posted by Tuinor

That's fine. I'm just about to post a new scene, so enjoy it when you have the chance. By the way, sorry if this seems long after I've responded to every single one of your statements, but, I'm terribly bored and have little else to do.

I send very long posts all the time, and I often prefer receiving long answers to short ones.

I like having my statements all responded to very much . Not that anyone has to, of course, but I do appreciate it.

[Tuinor]

Originally Posted by Lief Erikson

It would be cool if that could work, though . I think it's an ideal, because fights between main characters are so dramatic and cool .

It is ideal, but I'd say it'd be impossible on a scale as large as a major battle or something like that. Still, main characters are a lot more interesting to focus on.

Originally Posted by Lief Erikson

Perhaps the characters can speak in a style that's natural but avoid making comments that bore you?

That would be difficult, but I could give it a shot.

Originally Posted by Lief Erikson

Writing things in a way that comes across as natural for the characters is fine, but boring . . . I'd steer clear of that, if I were you.

Perhaps I should just paraphrase idle chat from now on? Actually, most of the time I do paraphrase unimportant chats, yet I almost always feel I've cheeted the character out of something important.

Originally Posted by Lief Erikson

Or if you'd rather keep it more completely secret, like it currently is, perhaps they'd have some code word to refer to it? Or some special name for it that only they use? Those kinds of things might help the conversation to flow more easily.

Actually, I've been trying to think of several special words for things in the story such as the special training Sky has recieved, but I just can't think of anything.

I gotta go , but I'll try to reply to the rest of your post later.

[Lief Erikson]

Originally Posted by Tuinor

It is ideal, but I'd say it'd be impossible on a scale as large as a major battle or something like that.

True. With major battles and confrontations between large forces, that's definitely true. A fight between one or two central characters though, like the one between Aisha and Sky, is always at least as interesting as a major battle, though, to me .

Originally Posted by Tuinor

That would be difficult, but I could give it a shot.

Originally Posted by Tuinor

Perhaps I should just paraphrase idle chat from now on? Actually, most of the time I do paraphrase unimportant chats, yet I almost always feel I've cheeted the character out of something important.

I don't feel that way when reading books that paraphrase unimportant things. I think paraphrasing is often a good idea for stuff like that. When actual dialogue is occurring, I feel it's usually best to keep it advancing the storyline. I think characters can speak in a way that's natural while discussing things plot related. But sometimes including a normal conversation might be helpful- I know I shouldn't generalize. Those might be helpful for character development from time to time. Just don't bore yourself during them . I personally don't think that that would cheat the characters at all.

Originally Posted by Tuinor

Actually, I've been trying to think of several special words for things in the story such as the special training Sky has recieved, but I just can't think of anything.

I bet you'll come up with something that works. Sometimes it just takes some hard thinking (and for me, pacing) to get over story hurdles.

[Mari]

I think you should IF it doesn't hurt the story to shorten it. But sofar I really enjoyed the story. It is accessible and fun. So whatever you do I certainly don't think you'll make a fool out of yourself by submitting it!

[Acalewia]

Word of advice, Tuinor: Only if it won't bring down the story or ruin it. I'll admit, I did that once for a story contest. Page limit was 5 pages. The story I had was over that. I had to cut all of the flashback scenes I had that added to the story. Reading back, I realize I hurt the story by cutting out parts. IF you think you can shorten it without harming the storyline, do it. It's really up to you.

[Tuinor]

Thank you all for the advice. Do not worry, I don't intend on ruining the story. In fact, I've decided not to enter "Sky Blue" at all, but another story I'm writing that focuses on one of my favorite characters in my main works. (Tuinor, who is my namesake here on the moot) If any of you have the time, I'd like to ask if you might help me out by reading it over and giving me some feedback if I post it in another Thread here in the Writers Workshop.

[Acalewia]

Originally Posted by Tuinor

Thank you all for the advice. Do not worry, I don't intend on ruining the story. In fact, I've decided not to enter "Sky Blue" at all, but another story I'm writing that focuses on one of my favorite characters in my main works. (Tuinor, who is my namesake here on the moot) If any of you have the time, I'd like to ask if you might help me out by reading it over and giving me some feedback if I post it in another Thread here in the Writers Workshop.

I'm game

[Mari]

Love to! Any excuse to read.

[Mari]

Yay! Updatedness!

[Mari]

o_O Cliffhanger...
Which cloak is which? O_o
The suspense...

[klatukatt]

Originally Posted by Mari

o_O Cliffhanger...
Which cloak is which? O_o
The suspense...

Sorry to intrude, but I had to point out that THIS was Mari's 3000th post because she DIDN'T point it out.

[Mari]

Originally Posted by klatukatt

Sorry to intrude, but I had to point out that THIS was Mari's 3000th post because she DIDN'T point it out.

I hadn't noticed o_O How could I not have noticed!?? O_o ARGH!
Oh well, I guess it was a nice one, for a 3000th post

[Nautipus]

Very nice, T. Very nice indeed. Have fun with your tickle fight.

[Acalewia]

Eep! Cliffhanger! I love cliffhangers! I can guess who the first cloaked figure is but who the *bleep* is the second one? Who got Snow? Ahh, the suspense! I love it