The Last Spartan Discussion

[The last sane person]

You're doing great, I'm getting a kick out of it! One thing to watch for also is sometimes sentence structure and word choice, but those are less frequent. Doing fine!

[Lief Erikson]

*Catches up.*

We still don't know who Alex is, do we?

[Acalewia]

Nope.

[Lief Erikson]

*Drums fingers on the tabletop, impatiently.*

[Acalewia]

A brownie for anyone that can guess which Mooter is Shahra

[Mari]

Acally, I'd like to file an official complaint.



It is too short! *cries* I wanted to read more! *cries louder*

[Acalewia]

I promise the next one will be longer

[Mari]

Hehe, don't worry about my whining. I love the story so far.

[Acalewia]

*wipes sweat off brow*
Thank goodness

[The last sane person]

I was about to ask... Now, which character is it? Rachel, like a last name? Or is it someone different?

[Acalewia]

Originally Posted by Lief Erikson

I agree with Mari- make the next one longer!



Sane.

*gives Lief a box of Brownies*

Originally Posted by The last sane person

I was about to ask... Now, which character is it? Rachel, like a last name? Or is it someone different?

You'll see. She actually hasn't come into the story yet

[The last sane person]

You might want to point that out then, rather than just pull the name out of the blue.

Something like "Leave Rachel's house under guard and focus on Shahra's..." (or something of the sort) just to give the reader a bit more warning before the switch and introduction to the character. Or, at least that would help, I think.

[Acalewia]

As promised, a longer post.

And a better intro for Shahra

[Mari]

Oh my! UPDATE!!! *goes wild*
So many new family connections >_< What's going on!?
MORE UPDATE!!! o(>_<)O

[The last sane person]

Sooo...


YAY!!! AN UPDATE!! *runs off to read it*

Nice, I'm back and I has questions. *aherm, sorry to be such an ass with all the questions*


Shara is the Spartan's daughter...she is married and has a child. How old is Shahra? Is she an older woman in her 40s or so? How old is she compared with Rachel? If she is older, how is Alex (Spartan) is still in fighting prime? All of Shahra's and Alex's other family is dead; Alex's wife, and his other daughters (Shahra's sisters). Alex has a grandkid?

Also, Hector, a seeming young man, whom is after the heroine's affections (or at least, something along those lines...) orchestrated the whole raid overthrow meanness towards the Spartans all those years ago? And there is seemingly one old Spartan left in the form of the crippled man?


Perhaps you could give us a time line of events, because its really hard to parse out the ages/times of these happenings. I had thought that the destruction of the spartans had happened a great long time ago; but now it seems that it wasnt? How old are Rachel, Shahra and Lief and those players in comparison to Alex, Hector and Orthil?

Am I right?

[Acalewia]

Originally Posted by The last sane person

Sooo...


YAY!!! AN UPDATE!! *runs off to read it*

Nice, I'm back and I has questions. *aherm, sorry to be such an ass with all the questions*

You're not being an ass with the questions. But with the questions I've realized I haven't been clear on how long it's been.

Shara is the Spartan's daughter...she is married and has a child. How old is Shahra? Is she an older woman in her 40s or so? How old is she compared with Rachel? If she is older, how is Alex (Spartan) is still in fighting prime? All of Shahra's and Alex's other family is dead; Alex's wife, and his other daughters (Shahra's sisters). Alex has a grandkid?

It's been about 15 or 16 years since their family died and the Spartans fell. Shahra's about mid thirties. She married right before the attack so she was able to escape her mother and sibling's fates. She is older than Rachel although not by much. If you remember Rachel has three kids, the oldest being 10. Yes Alex has a grandkid and this is the first he's known about it.

Also, Hector, a seeming young man, whom is after the heroine's affections (or at least, something along those lines...) orchestrated the whole raid overthrow meanness towards the Spartans all those years ago? And there is seemingly one old Spartan left in the form of the crippled man?

He takes the credit for it. The old Spartan would have had to retire by now if his brothers were still around.

Perhaps you could give us a time line of events, because its really hard to parse out the ages/times of these happenings. I had thought that the destruction of the spartans had happened a great long time ago; but now it seems that it wasnt? How old are Rachel, Shahra and Lief and those players in comparison to Alex, Hector and Orthil?

Am I right?

You know I could have swore I wrote How long ago it was.
Alex and Orthil are the oldest of the six, followed by Hector, Shahra, Lief and Rachel.

How far back do you want to know on the timeline?

[The last sane person]

Ahah, that makes more sense now. The time line should extend right to where the story begins; with the overthrow and the death of the spartans.

If you could some how work into the writing how long ago it was, and the familial relationships in Alex's family (state somwhere that Shahra is eldest) and then give rough approximations of character's ages (it could work into the physical descriptions like; Alex, a grizzled war veteren whose strength belied his age...or something) it would REALLY HELP.

[Acalewia]

I was reading back over the story and I did say how long ago it was in the second post:

Rachel sighed as she passed under the eaves of the forest. How many times had that goat escaped now? She couldn't understand why she always ran into the woods. Stupid goat. Rachel wondered how much meat was actually on that goat. For sixteen years, the people of Aluten feared these woods. The rumors of the old gossips claimed it was haunted, that the ghost of a vengeful Spartan lived there and he would kill anyone that passed into his territory. This Rachel knew to be false. As a child, she had gone many times into the woods to escape her father when he was in his drunken rages. There was no ghost, no Spartan. Nothing lived in these woods, save the trees and the undergrowth. Now as a grown woman with a family of her own, she still was the only one to venture into the woods. Rachel smiled to herself. One old gossip went as far as to say the Ghost spared her because she was an innocent soul and he didn't want to taint himself with an innocent's death.

I think I did end up confusing people with that last post and I'm sorry about that.

[The last sane person]

Ah, I didn't connect the 16 years mentioned with the raid.

New question; if it was 16 years ago, then Rachel would certainly know about the Spartans seeing as she was well into her teens by then. Why didn't she recognize Alex was a Spartan? And how would she not recognize the tattoo he has, if 16 years ago there were a whole passle of them still protecting the village?

Another question is how would she not know that Shahra's father was also a Spartan? It seemed as though she didn't.

It wouldn't be so much gossip as it would be cold hard fact. Another thing, if she ran into the forest when she was a child, that was before the raid and of death of the Spartans, so of course there would be no ghosts or venegeful Spartans.


Arg... Sorry... I'll button my beak.

[Acalewia]

Originally Posted by The last sane person

Ah, I didn't connect the 16 years mentioned with the raid.

New question; if it was 16 years ago, then Rachel would certainly know about the Spartans seeing as she was well into her teens by then. Why didn't she recognize Alex was a Spartan? And how would she not recognize the tattoo he has, if 16 years ago there were a whole passle of them still protecting the village?

With the amount of scars Alex has, she really didn't connent the brand with the Spartans. She never saw Alex before he walked away.

Another question is how would she not know that Shahra's father was also a Spartan? It seemed as though she didn't.

She didn't. The older generation assumed Shahra's father was one of the Spartans killed. The younger generation didn't know because Shahra and her husband don't talk about it and as a general rule people don't mention it.

It wouldn't be so much gossip as it would be cold hard fact. Another thing, if she ran into the forest when she was a child, that was before the raid and of death of the Spartans, so of course there would be no ghosts or venegeful Spartans.

Ok you got a point there. But you are also considered a child until you reach 20.

Arg... Sorry... I'll button my beak.

lol. Hey when I finish and with all the stuff your pointing out I'll do a rewrite and send you the finished product.