Headlines from the year 2029

Shelob's Hubby · 10-01-2004, 07:24 PM

I recently got a chain e-mail of headlines from the year 2029. I thought of some of my own headlines, and wanted to see what other people could come up with as well. So go ahead and predict the future!

>Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest
country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California.
> White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's
third language.
> Spotted Owl plague threatens northwest United States crops and livestock.
> Baby conceived naturally . . . scientists stumped.
> Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
> Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslin dies in the American Territory of the
Middle East, formally known as Iran, Afghanistan.
> Iraq is still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10
more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
> France pleads for global help after being overtaken by Jamaica.
> Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally,
but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
> George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
>Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces
mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
> 85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
> Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
> Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed,
they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
> Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
> Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
> Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
> New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly
swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
> Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political
contributions to campaign accounts.
> IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
> Florida Democrats still don't know how to use a voting machine.

And I thought of these.

After recovering from his death last month, Bob Barker has announced that he will continue to host The Price is Right for his 58th season running.

In order to raise awareness about the high costs of plastic surgery, Michael Jackson has released his newest album entitled “Six Billion Dollar Man.”

The Prime Minister of Canada, Arnold Shwarzenegger, has announced that he will continue to impose economic sanction against Uruguay because, "They're girly boys."

Scheduled to air this fall on CBS is “Survivor: Manhattan.”

The IOC has decided to hold the 2038 Olympics in the Vatican City.

New evidence is discovered concerning the OJ Simpson trial.

The last sane person · 10-02-2004, 09:45 PM

I like the one conserning that last fanatic muslim and the Iraqi one! I broke up laughing!

Last Child of Ungoliant · 10-15-2004, 07:31 AM

quite funny - i will have a go

> Britain announces its decision to join the United States of Europe
Chancellor Chirac declares that Britons will NOT be treated like second class citizens after joining the union
> Bruce Forsyth announces plans for a new tv series, to start on his 120th birthday
> King William declares that assasinating Prince Charles in order to get the throne after Elizabeth II was not morally wrong
> Switzerland continues to amass weapons of mass destruction - President Lewinsky declares war
> central asian confederation announces plans to grant china independence subject to cessation of hostilities with East Asian Warlords

***Valandil*** · 10-15-2004, 10:45 AM

Here's one.

Quote:

PROTESTERS MARCH IN THE STREETS, DEMANDING:

"EQUAL RIGHTS FOR CLONES!"

Last Child of Ungoliant · 10-15-2004, 10:46 AM

Jedi becomes official religion of United Kingdom

Shelob's Hubby · 10-15-2004, 11:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Last Child of Ungoliant

Jedi becomes official religion of United Kingdom

Hurrah!!!

I really like the one about Switzerland LCU.

10-01-2004, 07:24 PM	#1
Shelob's Hubby Enting Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Somewhere between heaven and hell Posts: 73	Headlines from the year 2029 I recently got a chain e-mail of headlines from the year 2029. I thought of some of my own headlines, and wanted to see what other people could come up with as well. So go ahead and predict the future! >Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California. > White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language. > Spotted Owl plague threatens northwest United States crops and livestock. > Baby conceived naturally . . . scientists stumped. > Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage. > Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslin dies in the American Territory of the Middle East, formally known as Iran, Afghanistan. > Iraq is still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. > France pleads for global help after being overtaken by Jamaica. > Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking. > George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036. >Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only. > 85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss. > Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs. > Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. > Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative. > Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. > Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches. > New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036. > Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts. > IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent. > Florida Democrats still don't know how to use a voting machine. And I thought of these. After recovering from his death last month, Bob Barker has announced that he will continue to host The Price is Right for his 58th season running. In order to raise awareness about the high costs of plastic surgery, Michael Jackson has released his newest album entitled “Six Billion Dollar Man.” The Prime Minister of Canada, Arnold Shwarzenegger, has announced that he will continue to impose economic sanction against Uruguay because, "They're girly boys." Scheduled to air this fall on CBS is “Survivor: Manhattan.” The IOC has decided to hold the 2038 Olympics in the Vatican City. New evidence is discovered concerning the OJ Simpson trial. __________________ Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering? I think so Brain, but without ears, we look like weasels. "The next time I lent an ax to a surgeon, I would pick my century." A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court. The Last Alliance of Orcs and Spiders

10-02-2004, 09:45 PM	#2
The last sane person The Black Númenórean Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 6,773	I like the one conserning that last fanatic muslim and the Iraqi one! I broke up laughing! __________________ Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

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10-15-2004, 07:31 AM	#3
Last Child of Ungoliant The Intermittent One Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: here and there Posts: 4,671	quite funny - i will have a go > Britain announces its decision to join the United States of Europe Chancellor Chirac declares that Britons will NOT be treated like second class citizens after joining the union > Bruce Forsyth announces plans for a new tv series, to start on his 120th birthday > King William declares that assasinating Prince Charles in order to get the throne after Elizabeth II was not morally wrong > Switzerland continues to amass weapons of mass destruction - President Lewinsky declares war > central asian confederation announces plans to grant china independence subject to cessation of hostilities with East Asian Warlords

10-15-2004, 10:46 AM	#5
Last Child of Ungoliant The Intermittent One Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: here and there Posts: 4,671	Jedi becomes official religion of United Kingdom