Comments on my poems plz

Squirrel · 09-23-2005, 09:36 PM

i would appreciate any comments on these poems!!!

Suicidal Rose

Sees the sky
Prays to die
Or to see
Another way free
Holds the knife
Says bye to life
Beside a rose bud
Soiled with blood
A small cry
No way to lie
Time to die
Just say bye
Take the rose
Hold it close
Think of me
I'll be free

Nothing's Wrong

Nothing's wrong
But nothing's right
In this night
I don't belong
Dwelling on fears
Left to cry
And wonder why
I'm still here
Let myself fall
All are gone
Left all alone
None to call
Can't leave behing
What's been done
Nowhere to run
No peace to find

***Earniel*** · 09-24-2005, 02:38 AM

I like the rhythm. But they're very ...dark, are they not?

I always wonder why half of the poetry people post here is so depressed.

Welcome to the Entmoot, by the way.

Butterbeer · 09-24-2005, 06:08 AM

do they follow on one from the other?

I hope sincerely they are not biographical.

yes, dark, good rhythm ... emotionally evocative ... hope they help your spirit if it's down just now?

Liked them Squirrel!

there is always peace to find!
*winks at Earniel here on unrelated matter*

and you can find it! ... there are always sunny days, bright new dawns and little natural things that can refresh the spirit un-looked for.

hope dawns as bright and fresh as the grey shrouds of despair and angst can loom ... it can be around any corner and if nothing else is all the more beautiful after dark times.

how can we know pleasure or joy without pain, fear and sadness?

best BB

09-23-2005, 09:36 PM	#1
Squirrel Hobbit Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Georgia Posts: 23	Comments on my poems plz i would appreciate any comments on these poems!!! Suicidal Rose Sees the sky Prays to die Or to see Another way free Holds the knife Says bye to life Beside a rose bud Soiled with blood A small cry No way to lie Time to die Just say bye Take the rose Hold it close Think of me I'll be free Nothing's Wrong Nothing's wrong But nothing's right In this night I don't belong Dwelling on fears Left to cry And wonder why I'm still here Let myself fall All are gone Left all alone None to call Can't leave behing What's been done Nowhere to run No peace to find __________________ [COLOR=DarkSlateBlue][FONT=Comic Sans MS] To the Hobbit Hole I Go

09-24-2005, 02:38 AM	#2
*Earniel* The Chocoholic Sea Elf Administrator Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: N?n in Eilph (Belgium) Posts: 14,363	I like the rhythm. But they're very ...dark, are they not? I always wonder why half of the poetry people post here is so depressed. Welcome to the Entmoot, by the way. __________________ We are not things.

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09-24-2005, 06:08 AM	#3
Butterbeer Elf Lord Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: here and there Posts: 3,514	do they follow on one from the other? I hope sincerely they are not biographical. yes, dark, good rhythm ... emotionally evocative ... hope they help your spirit if it's down just now? Liked them Squirrel! there is always peace to find! winks at Earniel here on unrelated matter and you can find it! ... there are always sunny days, bright new dawns and little natural things that can refresh the spirit un-looked for. hope dawns as bright and fresh as the grey shrouds of despair and angst can loom ... it can be around any corner and if nothing else is all the more beautiful after dark times. how can we know pleasure or joy without pain, fear and sadness? best BB