"Seven Evils" (just a simple title for now)

[Elfmaster XK]

Phew..sorry it took me a while to get back to you about this, I had to get chapter III and a damned short story out of my head before I did this. If I didn't do it before I went back to Uni it would never have got done.

The quiet sweeping of their cloaks and the occasional disturbed pebble were the only noises that disturbed the tense night air.

You used disturbed twice in the same sentence. How about changing the second one to "only noises that echoed on the tense night air," or something to that effect. "Permeated" is another option.

Multi-hued eyes darted around the area as the rest of the ancient torches were lit, illuminating the chamber with a cheery dancing light, though it held no warmth for those who had come.

This sentence would have more effect if you put a full stop after "dancing light." The last short sentence on its own would create more suspense.

The center-piece, a multi-colored,

Centrepiece is one word.

But still they continued on

Delete "on" or have something like "went on."

His eyes held a glazed over look

"Held a glazed look" is fine.

She bit back a shout as her arm flared with pain. “Istas, climb back in that saddle.” Istas recognized

Here, where you start having dialogue start the speech of each person on a different line. Ie.

"Istas, what are you doing?"
"I'm leaving..."
"No, you're not!" etc. Then add tags as needed.

tall, brown-haired young mad reached her.

Young mad? Not young man? Also, though you can leave it, I recommend losing descriptions like 'tall.'

. He said he would not accept charity, no matter who it was from.

"Whom it was from."

As the sun’s rays faded, the travelers began to set up camp, starting multiple fires which attracted the elves like flies to honey.

Comma after "fires."

“We can’t accept this… It’s too much to ask for a simple healer’s skills.”

Not to ask, as they didn't ask for it. I would say "it's too much in return for a simple healer's skills."

The reflection of the flames were black,

"reflection of the flames was black."

He steps quickened until she had began to run.

Her, not he.

And that is all I have for this chapter. Nice work. There were a couple of other places where I thought wording could be edited for better flow, but I couldn't actually think of a better way at the time, so left those in case I was being petty.

If you would like, in the future I can edit your work for you. I love to proof read, and being an English student and a writer myself I can spot common errors. And I like to think my grammar is impeccable.