Hobbit joke

Sminty_Smeagol · 02-01-2004, 07:08 PM

this amuses me terribly.
note: sexual in nature

Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly. They take her to a local inn; the first hobbit goes into the motel room while the other waits outside. Once the door closes, the hobbit on the outside hears strange noises through the door, "I can't do it, I can't do it, I CAN'T DO IT!"

In the morning, the second hobbit askes the first, "How did it go?" The first one answers. "It was embarrassing. I simply couldn't do it."
The second hobbit shook his head. "Manhood problems, eh?"

"No. I couldnt get on the bed!"

any other lotr jokes out there that you've come across?

Twista · 02-01-2004, 07:11 PM

Lol, thats a good one. Nah ive not come across any more myself. However, i will look now.

Lady Ravyn · 02-19-2004, 06:20 PM

here's one, though everyone has probably heard it a million times:
what did the warning label say on rosie gamgees fertility pills?
caution: could be HOBBIT forming!
lololol... oh, i crack myself up. *ahem*

GrayMouser · 02-21-2004, 07:39 AM

Favorite Tolkien joke, I think from Michael Martinez (if I'm wrong, apologies to true author)

Q: How many Elves does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, they just sit around in the dark singing sad songs about the Light That Was.

Falagar · 02-21-2004, 11:00 AM

A good one, which isn't really a LotR-joke (just a joke transformed into a LotR-joke), also by MM I think:

"An Elf and a Ranger were camping out in Eriador one night. As they lay in their blankets, the Elf nudged the Ranger and said, "Look up, my friend, and tell me what you see."

"I see stars," replied the Ranger. "A vast multitude of bright, shining stars."
"And what does that tell you?" the Elf asked.
Sensing a deeper purpose behind the Elf's question, the Ranger gazed upward thoughtfully for a moment and said, "Well, I think it means that the universe is immense, and that the Valar must have labored many ages before settling in Arda."
"Hm," the Elf said quietly. The Ranger decided he had not given the proper answer, so he cast his gaze westward and beheld the bright light of Earendil's star.

"And it also tells me that we are all part of a great tale, ever unfolding, adding layer of challenge and adventure upon layer," he added quickly.
"I see," said the Elf, and he said nothing more. But the Ranger, realizing he had not guessed the Elf's purpose, gave up and asked with great exasperation, "Well, then, what does it tell you, that we see the stars?"
"It tells me," said the Elf as he turned to his companion, "that someone has stolen our tent"."

***Sister Golden Hair*** · 02-21-2004, 11:07 AM

I like that one Falagar.

Nerdanel · 02-21-2004, 04:25 PM

Yeah that's a good one Falagar!

Not the way I picture elves, but I guess they can be practical too..

**Nurvingiel** · 02-22-2004, 12:17 AM

LOL Fal!

I've heard the non-LotR version, but I like yours better.

justaregularguy · 03-08-2004, 09:32 AM

Many have wondered why Elrond and Gandalf didn't ask the Eagles to fly the One Ring into Mordor to be dropped in Mount Doom.

While there are many theories, recently uncovered writings by JRR Tolkien reveal the true reason to be that Elrond and Gandalf thought they were Philadelphia Eagles.

As you know, the Philadelphia Eagles never get the Ring.

***azalea*** · 03-08-2004, 10:04 AM

Har, har.

I'm moving this thread to the ME forum and merging it with a joke thread there entitled "Hobbit joke."

trolls' bane · 03-08-2004, 11:30 AM

You can merge threads, too!? Wow.

BeardofPants · 03-08-2004, 07:09 PM

Oh, that reminds me ... The other day I thought of something that (I thought) was really funny, but I can't draw for shite.

Maybe someone else can draw it for me? Here's my preliminary sketch:

http://homepage.mac.com/aishafenton/frodo.jpg

Caption: ... and it wasn't until they were nearing the Fires of Mt. Doom that Frodo realised that he had fallen for one of Elrond's infamous practical jokes.

Caption needs a bit of work as well. Suggestions?

Lizra · 03-08-2004, 07:36 PM

The picture is funny in itself.

Frodo looks really steamed (and kind of stupid!

)which is quite funny, and the eagle looks like Big Bird, with the massive droopy butt...which is funny too! The caption is wrong...but the picture...hee hee!

Coney II · 03-08-2004, 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by BeardofPants
Oh, that reminds me ... The other day I thought of something that (I thought) was really funny, but I can't draw for shite. Maybe someone else can draw it for me? Here's my preliminary sketch:

http://homepage.mac.com/aishafenton/frodo.jpg

Caption: ... and it wasn't until they were nearing the Fires of Mt. Doom that Frodo realised that he had fallen for one of Elrond's infamous practical jokes.

Caption needs a bit of work as well. Suggestions?

Gotta luv the lil' hairy hobbit legs!

I think the caption works well.......might make a suggestion tho'...

As the eagle soared away from the fiery hell that is Mt Doom.......Frodo realised there was something he had forgotten to do

(noticed he's still wearing the ring)

Or

Frodo eye'd the eagle with suspision.....Sam Gamgee had been the appetiser, Gollum the main course and Frodo suddenly felt more than a little like a gateux...

or

Frodo was unimpressed.......as in-flight movies went, this was among the worse he'd seen

or

Frodo was alarmed when Gwahir informed him that he was suffering from diarrea

I'll stop now........

Lizra · 03-08-2004, 08:00 PM

Oh! The last one kicks! How about...

"Unfortunately, Elrond had failed to inform Frodo of Gwahir's irratable bowel syndrome. "

Oh boy! Nothin like toilet humor!

There's something about that eagle's butt!

BeardofPants · 03-08-2004, 08:19 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by BeardofPants
Caption: ... and it wasn't until they were nearing the Fires of Mt. Doom that Frodo realised that he had fallen for one of Elrond's infamous practical jokes.

Yeah, the caption's giving me a headache....

How 'bout 'Suddenly it occurred to Frodo that perhaps Elrond had been joking about flying to Mordor....' ???

Ooh, I like the incontinence ones. Heeheee.

Big Bird! lol.

BeardofPants · 03-08-2004, 08:21 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lizra
"Unfortunately, Elrond had failed to inform Frodo of Gwahir's irratable bowel syndrome. "

That one's definately growing on me.

***Rían*** · 03-08-2004, 11:47 PM

I like the food one! *looks up "gateux"* Rats ! not in my dict.

Or how bout something like "not THAT noise again!! I just got the other stuff out of my hair!!"

I LOVE that tent joke!!!!

Last Child of Ungoliant · 03-08-2004, 11:50 PM

It wasn't until later, that frodo realised that awful smell wasn't the fumes of mordor.

hows that for a caption?

***Earniel*** · 03-09-2004, 03:11 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by BeardofPants
Oh, that reminds me ... The other day I thought of something that (I thought) was really funny, but I can't draw for shite. Maybe someone else can draw it for me?

I can give it a shot if you like. I'll try to get it done by the weekend.

02-01-2004, 07:11 PM	#2
Twista Orodruin's Flame Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Kananaskis, AB Posts: 1,194	Lol, thats a good one. Nah ive not come across any more myself. However, i will look now. __________________ Council of Entmoot - Foreign Affairs Minister - 2004-05 Visit the Ye Olde Avatar Shop and The New One Dont tell me what I cannot do Two men are on a Island, they both see a "monster", one sees a bright light, and the other sees a dark cloud My name bares no reference to the music artist.

02-19-2004, 06:20 PM	#3
Lady Ravyn Thief Queen of Entmoot Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: oh, I just wander around, aimlessly... Posts: 1,060	here's one, though everyone has probably heard it a million times: what did the warning label say on rosie gamgees fertility pills? caution: could be HOBBIT forming! lololol... oh, i crack myself up. ahem __________________ smooch Proud Member of the Evil Mooters and upstanding citizen of the Planet Bob! And all you touch and all you see is all your life will ever be... My Space! Cynicism is what happens when a person opens their eyes; stops blinking in the sun, and starts wondering "why". Question everything, believe only that which you yourself deem true. Go ahead- Call me cynical.

02-21-2004, 07:39 AM	#4
GrayMouser Elf Lord Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Ilha Formosa Posts: 2,068	Favorite Tolkien joke, I think from Michael Martinez (if I'm wrong, apologies to true author) Q: How many Elves does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, they just sit around in the dark singing sad songs about the Light That Was. __________________ Glendower: I can call spirits from the vasty deep. Hotspur: Why, so can I, or so can any man; But will they come when you do call for them? "I like pigs. Dogs look up to us, cats look down on us, but pigs treat us as equals."- Winston Churchill

02-21-2004, 11:00 AM	#5
Falagar Death of Mooters and [Entmoot] Internal Affairs Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Oslo, Norway Posts: 2,870	A good one, which isn't really a LotR-joke (just a joke transformed into a LotR-joke), also by MM I think: "An Elf and a Ranger were camping out in Eriador one night. As they lay in their blankets, the Elf nudged the Ranger and said, "Look up, my friend, and tell me what you see." "I see stars," replied the Ranger. "A vast multitude of bright, shining stars." "And what does that tell you?" the Elf asked. Sensing a deeper purpose behind the Elf's question, the Ranger gazed upward thoughtfully for a moment and said, "Well, I think it means that the universe is immense, and that the Valar must have labored many ages before settling in Arda." "Hm," the Elf said quietly. The Ranger decided he had not given the proper answer, so he cast his gaze westward and beheld the bright light of Earendil's star. "And it also tells me that we are all part of a great tale, ever unfolding, adding layer of challenge and adventure upon layer," he added quickly. "I see," said the Elf, and he said nothing more. But the Ranger, realizing he had not guessed the Elf's purpose, gave up and asked with great exasperation, "Well, then, what does it tell you, that we see the stars?" "It tells me," said the Elf as he turned to his companion, "that someone has stolen our tent"." __________________ Fëanor - Innocence incarnated Still, Aikanáro 'till the Last battle. Last edited by Falagar : 02-21-2004 at 11:14 AM.

02-21-2004, 11:07 AM	#6
*Sister Golden Hair* Queen of Nargothrond Administrator Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Akron, Ohio - USA Posts: 7,121	I like that one Falagar. __________________ "Whither go you?" she said. "North away." he said: "to the swords, and the siege, and the walls of defence - that yet for a while in Beleriand rivers may run clean, leaves spring, and birds build their nests, ere Night comes." AboutNewJersey.com - New Jersey Travel and Tourism Guide

02-21-2004, 04:25 PM	#7
Nerdanel Spammer of the Happy Thread Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Helsinki, Finland Posts: 3,512	Yeah that's a good one Falagar! Not the way I picture elves, but I guess they can be practical too.. __________________ "Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known. " - C. Sagan My (photography) website My Flickr page

03-08-2004, 09:32 AM	#9
justaregularguy Sapling Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Fairfax, VA Posts: 12	Why the Eagles didn't fly the ring to Mount Doom Many have wondered why Elrond and Gandalf didn't ask the Eagles to fly the One Ring into Mordor to be dropped in Mount Doom. While there are many theories, recently uncovered writings by JRR Tolkien reveal the true reason to be that Elrond and Gandalf thought they were Philadelphia Eagles. As you know, the Philadelphia Eagles never get the Ring. __________________ "The ordinary person seeks certainty in the eyes of others and calls that self-confidence. The warrior seeks impeccability in his own eyes and calls that humbleness." Don Juan - Tales of Power

03-08-2004, 10:04 AM	#10
*azalea* Long lost mooter Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Florida Posts: 3,342	Har, har. I'm moving this thread to the ME forum and merging it with a joke thread there entitled "Hobbit joke."

03-08-2004, 11:30 AM	#11
trolls' bane Entmoot Secretary of the Treasury Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Campsite-by-Giraffe Posts: 5,408	You can merge threads, too!? Wow. __________________ KI6PFA Amateur Radio Operator

03-08-2004, 07:09 PM	#12
BeardofPants the Shrike Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: San Francisco, CA <3 Posts: 10,647	Oh, that reminds me ... The other day I thought of something that (I thought) was really funny, but I can't draw for shite. Maybe someone else can draw it for me? Here's my preliminary sketch: http://homepage.mac.com/aishafenton/frodo.jpg Caption: ... and it wasn't until they were nearing the Fires of Mt. Doom that Frodo realised that he had fallen for one of Elrond's infamous practical jokes. Caption needs a bit of work as well. Suggestions? __________________ "Binary solo! 0000001! 00000011! 0000001! 00000011!" ~ The Humans are Dead, Flight of the Conchords

03-08-2004, 07:36 PM	#13
Lizra Domesticated Swing Babe Join Date: May 2002 Location: Reality Posts: 5,340	The picture is funny in itself. Frodo looks really steamed (and kind of stupid! )which is quite funny, and the eagle looks like Big Bird, with the massive droopy butt...which is funny too! The caption is wrong...but the picture...hee hee! __________________ Happy Atheist Go Democrats!

03-08-2004, 08:00 PM	#15
Lizra Domesticated Swing Babe Join Date: May 2002 Location: Reality Posts: 5,340	Oh! The last one kicks! How about... "Unfortunately, Elrond had failed to inform Frodo of Gwahir's irratable bowel syndrome. " Oh boy! Nothin like toilet humor! There's something about that eagle's butt! __________________ Happy Atheist Go Democrats!

03-08-2004, 11:47 PM	#18
*Rían* Half-Elven Princess of Rabbit Trails and Harp-Wielding Administrator (beware the Rubber Chicken of Doom!) Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Not where I want to be ... Posts: 15,254	I like the food one! looks up "gateux" Rats ! not in my dict. Or how bout something like "not THAT noise again!! I just got the other stuff out of my hair!!" I LOVE that tent joke!!!! __________________ . I should be doing the laundry, but this is MUCH more fun! Ñá ë?* óú éä ïöü Öñ É Þ ð ß ® ç å ™ æ ♪ ?* "How lovely are Thy dwelling places, O Lord of hosts! ... For a day in Thy courts is better than a thousand outside." (from Psalm 84) * * * God rocks! Entmoot : Veni, vidi, velcro - I came, I saw, I got hooked! Ego numquam pronunciare mendacium, sed ego sum homo indomitus! Run the earth and watch the sky ... Auta i lómë! Aurë entuluva!

03-08-2004, 11:50 PM	#19
Last Child of Ungoliant The Intermittent One Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: here and there Posts: 4,671	It wasn't until later, that frodo realised that awful smell wasn't the fumes of mordor. hows that for a caption?

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