Tolkien Talk Show!

Elvish Archer · 08-21-2002, 11:17 PM

*Camera zooms in on the stage*
Elvish Archer: Hello there! And welcome to the Tolkien Talk Show! I am your host Elvish archer but you can call me Elfie. This show is where you get to ask all your favorite tolkien characters questions! To get on the show you have to write down who you wish to ask and the question or questions you wish to ask. Then post it on the "Tolkien Talk Show Questions and Comments" thread! Then my crew and I will pick a few questions and go to middle earth and bring the characters in to the show! Please if you have a question post now!

(have fun! this is a fully interactive thread!)

Nibs · 08-29-2002, 03:17 PM

The second group of commercials finish. The audience applauds and turns silent. Elfie is noticably perturbed, but remains composed.

"Doesn't ANYBODY have a question?"

The audience looks at each other until one man in the far back stands up. Elfie leaps toward him and thrusts the microphone into his face.

"Do you have a bathroom around here?"

Elfie doesn't lose her ecstatic smile. She merely looks at the camera, takes the mic back, and asks:

"I don't know... can we get Aragorn out here... into our very own studio?? Indeed, WE CAN!"

Any objections from the inquiring man are shut out by Elfie's statement and the ensuing music.

Allorien · 08-31-2002, 07:17 PM

I would like to ask Saruman why he turned evil and tossed Gandalf around like a ragdoll.
I also would like to ask Legolas and Gimli how the braids in their beard/hair chang ewith every scene.
thank you
**sits down and waits for applause**

Beleg Strongbow · 09-04-2002, 07:38 AM

Gimli: Because we braid each other's hair, silly!
Legolas: How did you think dwarves and elves spent time?

Gimli: Welcome to Moria, land of my fathers.
Legolas: Woah, you had more than one?

Nariel · 09-05-2002, 11:36 AM

*standing up*
Nariel: Okay, to Legolas: First of all you are SO hot!
*Legolas blushes.*
Legolas: Well so are you, darlin'.
Nariel: Thanks. Two questions: First is why is it that when Celeborn described Gollum, you did not acknowledge that fact that it was your escaped prisoner? Second, how is it that although you recylce arrows, the book shows you picking up Orkish ones and using them, while in the movie, there is only one shot where your quiver is not full of your own arrows?

Beleg Strongbow · 09-06-2002, 01:03 PM

Legolas: Well, I was embarrased about the prisoner deal. And I have a bunch of quivers of arrows; I just pick up Orcish ones because they're pretty.

Aeryn · 09-12-2002, 06:14 PM

I have a question for the people who have asked questions. Where in the world do you get this stuff?

*sits down and falls back to sleep*

Beleg Strongbow · 09-17-2002, 01:05 PM

Beleg, to Glorfindel and Tom Bombadil:

Where were you guys, do you have an inferiority complex?

Nariel · 09-18-2002, 11:08 PM

Glorfindel: Well, in case you didn't notice, I was on my way to fight a balrog, which I did kill, by the way, but I died there so Thanks a LOT for wakin' me up, buddy. I was having this great dream about-
Elfie: Well, looks like it's time for a commercial break. We'll hear from Tom when we get back.
_They call me mellow yellow (quite right) Gap Khakis_
Elfie: Well, we're back. Beleg had just asked Tom Bombadil where he was. What do you say, Tom?
Tom: I choose not to answer. I don't have to stoop to your level. Have fun on your adventure.

Beleg Strongbow · 09-19-2002, 07:31 AM

Beleg: Well thanks so much Mr. Bombadil. Some of us didn't make it into the movie either; there's no reason to get all huffy about it.

And now a commercial break: Buy from GAP! The GAP of Rohan!

Beleg: Well, in that case I have a question for Sam and Frodo although anyone may answer the second part: In the scarecrow scene, where Sam says "One more step and this is the farthest from home I've ever been" hadn't you ever been to Buckland before? AND WHO WAS DRIVING THE CAR?

<smirks and sits down>

Lizra · 09-19-2002, 07:46 AM

Well who do you think, Belbow! Gollum, of course! He stalked us the entire flick! Did you notice him in all the other scenes? Trust me, he's there. Ssing and slinking and moaning and groaning, we could not shake that creep.

Beleg Strongbow · 09-19-2002, 07:48 AM

aaah, I see. But I thought you were trapped in Moria, Mr. Smeagol.

Lizra · 09-19-2002, 07:53 AM

Mr. Smeagol! Aaacck! Where is he! Watch your fingers everybody!!

He's here! WHERE? Behind the podium, Sam, get the frying pans....Help! Shine that spotlight on the slimy sucker! Help!!!!

Beleg Strongbow · 09-20-2002, 01:21 PM

Sorry folks. We'll be back right after these messages.
ARAGORN!
<<fade to ty-d-bowl commercial>>

Allorien · 09-22-2002, 06:57 PM

Well, with all due respect, this is getting quite amusing.
I have another question, for Legolas, or shall I say Orlando Bloom? What is up with the mohawk???

Rána Eressëa · 09-23-2002, 07:54 PM

Orlando: I needed a change from the norm. *pauses* That and it tends to drive off one-fourth of the ogling fan girls . . . heh heh . . .

Nariel · 09-23-2002, 10:18 PM

Legolas: Not to mention that my wig goes farther back than my hairline, so I had to shave some, but didn't want to shave all.
Commercial break:
Are you lonely?
Are you waiting for adventure to come knocking?
Are snotty relatives measuring your house?
Then come to the Lonely Mountain. Riches, honor, adventure, and glory are only one dragonslaying away.
Lonely Mountain. A bard's adventure.
And now back to our show.
To Gollum: What's with the Ssses?

Beleg Strongbow · 09-24-2002, 12:58 PM

hmmm, we never thought about that one, did we, Precious, it just comeses natually to usss.

(Gollum is forcibly restrained; his arms and legs are duct-taped to the wall to prevent him from running loose again.)

Lizra · 09-26-2002, 08:53 AM

Sam..."Tape up his mouth! One more "My Precious" and we're out of here, aren't we Mr. Frodo. No wait, ask him how he bounced up from the 'Crack of Doom', only slightly blistered, to continue his Baggins stalk!"

Human#3.141592653 · 09-28-2002, 12:19 PM

Gollum: No! It burnss usss! Hssss! Made by elvesss with the bright eyes!
Elvish archer: No, the duck tape was by an anonymous Latin American duck tape maker imported form Sweden where he made miniature windup Nunzillas. Now—
Gollum: Burnsss!
Elivish archer: But no elves—
Gollum: *Writhing in pain* Hsssss!
Frodo: *Frustrated and annoyed* Oh for pity’s sake…
Gandalf: Pity? It was pity that stayed bilbo’s hand--
All: Shaddap!
Gollum: …ssssssss….

08-21-2002, 11:17 PM	#1
Elvish Archer Sapling Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 5	Tolkien Talk Show! Camera zooms in on the stage Elvish Archer: Hello there! And welcome to the Tolkien Talk Show! I am your host Elvish archer but you can call me Elfie. This show is where you get to ask all your favorite tolkien characters questions! To get on the show you have to write down who you wish to ask and the question or questions you wish to ask. Then post it on the "Tolkien Talk Show Questions and Comments" thread! Then my crew and I will pick a few questions and go to middle earth and bring the characters in to the show! Please if you have a question post now! (have fun! this is a fully interactive thread!)

08-29-2002, 03:17 PM	#2
Nibs Head Hollara Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Texas Posts: 751	The second group of commercials finish. The audience applauds and turns silent. Elfie is noticably perturbed, but remains composed. "Doesn't ANYBODY have a question?" The audience looks at each other until one man in the far back stands up. Elfie leaps toward him and thrusts the microphone into his face. "Do you have a bathroom around here?" Elfie doesn't lose her ecstatic smile. She merely looks at the camera, takes the mic back, and asks: "I don't know... can we get Aragorn out here... into our very own studio?? Indeed, WE CAN!" Any objections from the inquiring man are shut out by Elfie's statement and the ensuing music. __________________ "People used to ring up and say 'Don't quit your day job' or 'sell your synth', but the joke's on them: we were fired and the synth is broken!" -John Flansburgh from They Might Be Giants Ever heard of Mormons? I'm one. Click here to know more about us.

09-04-2002, 07:38 AM	#4
Beleg Strongbow Truest of Friends Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Pennsylvania, but I have a vacation home in the Westfarthing. Posts: 520	Gimli: Because we braid each other's hair, silly! Legolas: How did you think dwarves and elves spent time? Gimli: Welcome to Moria, land of my fathers. Legolas: Woah, you had more than one? __________________ "...Beleg Strongbow, truest of friends, greatest in skill of all that harboured in the woods of Beleriand in the Elder Days..." Aure Entuleva! John Kerry for President!

09-05-2002, 11:36 AM	#5
Nariel Elven Warrior Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: In the custody of the Knights who say "Ni!" They want a shrubbery. Posts: 365	standing up Nariel: Okay, to Legolas: First of all you are SO hot! Legolas blushes. Legolas: Well so are you, darlin'. Nariel: Thanks. Two questions: First is why is it that when Celeborn described Gollum, you did not acknowledge that fact that it was your escaped prisoner? Second, how is it that although you recylce arrows, the book shows you picking up Orkish ones and using them, while in the movie, there is only one shot where your quiver is not full of your own arrows? __________________ I'M NOT A PIRATE! I'M A REDISTRIBUTION ECONOMIST! Marketing Supervisor and Everything Girl for Entmoot's "Lord of the Rings" Avatar Courtesy of "Ye Olde Avatare Shoppe" Sounds like a job for... UBERGEEK!" (special thanks to Finrod Felagund!) I try to make everyone's day a bit more surreal. Funny Error Messages... "Cannot find REALITY.SYS...Universe Halted." "Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue..." "Bad Command or File Name. Good try, though." "WARNING: Keyboard Not Attached. Press F10 to Continue." "I have a spelling checker It came with my PC; It plainly marks four my revue Mistakes I cannot sea. I've run this poem threw it, I'm sure your pleased too no, Its letter perfect in it's weigh, My checker tolled me sew." -Janet Minor "A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila." "There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence."

09-06-2002, 01:03 PM	#6
Beleg Strongbow Truest of Friends Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Pennsylvania, but I have a vacation home in the Westfarthing. Posts: 520	Legolas: Well, I was embarrased about the prisoner deal. And I have a bunch of quivers of arrows; I just pick up Orcish ones because they're pretty. __________________ "...Beleg Strongbow, truest of friends, greatest in skill of all that harboured in the woods of Beleriand in the Elder Days..." Aure Entuleva! John Kerry for President!

08-31-2002, 07:17 PM	#3
Allorien Hobbit Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: On earth Posts: 48	I have a question I would like to ask Saruman why he turned evil and tossed Gandalf around like a ragdoll. I also would like to ask Legolas and Gimli how the braids in their beard/hair chang ewith every scene. thank you sits down and waits for applause __________________ ~Allorien~

09-12-2002, 06:14 PM	#7
Aeryn Bank'ress of Sith Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: In a hot-hot place, heh Posts: 913	I got one I have a question for the people who have asked questions. Where in the world do you get this stuff? sits down and falls back to sleep __________________ my new account name feigndeath. This one is deactivated, I think.

09-17-2002, 01:05 PM	#8
Beleg Strongbow Truest of Friends Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Pennsylvania, but I have a vacation home in the Westfarthing. Posts: 520	Beleg, to Glorfindel and Tom Bombadil: Where were you guys, do you have an inferiority complex? __________________ "...Beleg Strongbow, truest of friends, greatest in skill of all that harboured in the woods of Beleriand in the Elder Days..." Aure Entuleva! John Kerry for President!

09-18-2002, 11:08 PM	#9
Nariel Elven Warrior Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: In the custody of the Knights who say "Ni!" They want a shrubbery. Posts: 365	Glorfindel: Well, in case you didn't notice, I was on my way to fight a balrog, which I did kill, by the way, but I died there so Thanks a LOT for wakin' me up, buddy. I was having this great dream about- Elfie: Well, looks like it's time for a commercial break. We'll hear from Tom when we get back. _They call me mellow yellow (quite right) Gap Khakis_ Elfie: Well, we're back. Beleg had just asked Tom Bombadil where he was. What do you say, Tom? Tom: I choose not to answer. I don't have to stoop to your level. Have fun on your adventure. __________________ I'M NOT A PIRATE! I'M A REDISTRIBUTION ECONOMIST! Marketing Supervisor and Everything Girl for Entmoot's "Lord of the Rings" Avatar Courtesy of "Ye Olde Avatare Shoppe" Sounds like a job for... UBERGEEK!" (special thanks to Finrod Felagund!) I try to make everyone's day a bit more surreal. Funny Error Messages... "Cannot find REALITY.SYS...Universe Halted." "Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue..." "Bad Command or File Name. Good try, though." "WARNING: Keyboard Not Attached. Press F10 to Continue." "I have a spelling checker It came with my PC; It plainly marks four my revue Mistakes I cannot sea. I've run this poem threw it, I'm sure your pleased too no, Its letter perfect in it's weigh, My checker tolled me sew." -Janet Minor "A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila." "There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence."

09-19-2002, 07:31 AM	#10
Beleg Strongbow Truest of Friends Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Pennsylvania, but I have a vacation home in the Westfarthing. Posts: 520	Beleg: Well thanks so much Mr. Bombadil. Some of us didn't make it into the movie either; there's no reason to get all huffy about it. And now a commercial break: Buy from GAP! The GAP of Rohan! Beleg: Well, in that case I have a question for Sam and Frodo although anyone may answer the second part: In the scarecrow scene, where Sam says "One more step and this is the farthest from home I've ever been" hadn't you ever been to Buckland before? AND WHO WAS DRIVING THE CAR? <smirks and sits down> __________________ "...Beleg Strongbow, truest of friends, greatest in skill of all that harboured in the woods of Beleriand in the Elder Days..." Aure Entuleva! John Kerry for President!

09-19-2002, 07:46 AM	#11
Lizra Domesticated Swing Babe Join Date: May 2002 Location: Reality Posts: 5,340	Well who do you think, Belbow! Gollum, of course! He stalked us the entire flick! Did you notice him in all the other scenes? Trust me, he's there. Ssing and slinking and moaning and groaning, we could not shake that creep.

09-19-2002, 07:48 AM	#12
Beleg Strongbow Truest of Friends Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Pennsylvania, but I have a vacation home in the Westfarthing. Posts: 520	aaah, I see. But I thought you were trapped in Moria, Mr. Smeagol. __________________ "...Beleg Strongbow, truest of friends, greatest in skill of all that harboured in the woods of Beleriand in the Elder Days..." Aure Entuleva! John Kerry for President!

09-19-2002, 07:53 AM	#13
Lizra Domesticated Swing Babe Join Date: May 2002 Location: Reality Posts: 5,340	Mr. Smeagol! Aaacck! Where is he! Watch your fingers everybody!! He's here! WHERE? Behind the podium, Sam, get the frying pans....Help! Shine that spotlight on the slimy sucker! Help!!!!

09-20-2002, 01:21 PM	#14
Beleg Strongbow Truest of Friends Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Pennsylvania, but I have a vacation home in the Westfarthing. Posts: 520	Sorry folks. We'll be back right after these messages. ARAGORN! <<fade to ty-d-bowl commercial>> __________________ "...Beleg Strongbow, truest of friends, greatest in skill of all that harboured in the woods of Beleriand in the Elder Days..." Aure Entuleva! John Kerry for President!

09-22-2002, 06:57 PM	#15
Allorien Hobbit Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: On earth Posts: 48	Well, with all due respect, this is getting quite amusing. I have another question, for Legolas, or shall I say Orlando Bloom? What is up with the mohawk??? __________________ ~Allorien~

09-23-2002, 07:54 PM	#16
Rána Eressëa The Rogue Elf Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 1,722	Orlando: I needed a change from the norm. pauses That and it tends to drive off one-fourth of the ogling fan girls . . . heh heh . . .

09-23-2002, 10:18 PM	#17
Nariel Elven Warrior Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: In the custody of the Knights who say "Ni!" They want a shrubbery. Posts: 365	Legolas: Not to mention that my wig goes farther back than my hairline, so I had to shave some, but didn't want to shave all. Commercial break: Are you lonely? Are you waiting for adventure to come knocking? Are snotty relatives measuring your house? Then come to the Lonely Mountain. Riches, honor, adventure, and glory are only one dragonslaying away. Lonely Mountain. A bard's adventure. And now back to our show. To Gollum: What's with the Ssses? __________________ I'M NOT A PIRATE! I'M A REDISTRIBUTION ECONOMIST! Marketing Supervisor and Everything Girl for Entmoot's "Lord of the Rings" Avatar Courtesy of "Ye Olde Avatare Shoppe" Sounds like a job for... UBERGEEK!" (special thanks to Finrod Felagund!) I try to make everyone's day a bit more surreal. Funny Error Messages... "Cannot find REALITY.SYS...Universe Halted." "Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue..." "Bad Command or File Name. Good try, though." "WARNING: Keyboard Not Attached. Press F10 to Continue." "I have a spelling checker It came with my PC; It plainly marks four my revue Mistakes I cannot sea. I've run this poem threw it, I'm sure your pleased too no, Its letter perfect in it's weigh, My checker tolled me sew." -Janet Minor "A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila." "There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence."

09-24-2002, 12:58 PM	#18
Beleg Strongbow Truest of Friends Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Pennsylvania, but I have a vacation home in the Westfarthing. Posts: 520	hmmm, we never thought about that one, did we, Precious, it just comeses natually to usss. (Gollum is forcibly restrained; his arms and legs are duct-taped to the wall to prevent him from running loose again.) __________________ "...Beleg Strongbow, truest of friends, greatest in skill of all that harboured in the woods of Beleriand in the Elder Days..." Aure Entuleva! John Kerry for President!

09-26-2002, 08:53 AM	#19
Lizra Domesticated Swing Babe Join Date: May 2002 Location: Reality Posts: 5,340	Sam..."Tape up his mouth! One more "My Precious" and we're out of here, aren't we Mr. Frodo. No wait, ask him how he bounced up from the 'Crack of Doom', only slightly blistered, to continue his Baggins stalk!" __________________ Happy Atheist Go Democrats!

09-28-2002, 12:19 PM	#20
Human#3.141592653 Elven Warrior Join Date: May 2002 Location: Truth or Consequences, New Mexico Posts: 292	Gollum: No! It burnss usss! Hssss! Made by elvesss with the bright eyes! Elvish archer: No, the duck tape was by an anonymous Latin American duck tape maker imported form Sweden where he made miniature windup Nunzillas. Now— Gollum: Burnsss! Elivish archer: But no elves— Gollum: Writhing in pain Hsssss! Frodo: Frustrated and annoyed Oh for pity’s sake… Gandalf: Pity? It was pity that stayed bilbo’s hand-- All: Shaddap! Gollum: …ssssssss…. __________________ You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you.

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