Eärniel's short stories

***Earniel*** · 04-05-2004, 03:39 PM

[EDIT 11/01/2010: I've bundled all threads about my stories for (I admit, mostly mine) convenience. I wanted to keep taps on what I publish where so the texts have been removed.]

This story was originally written for the Entmoot Anthology. It was beta-d by the lovely Tanoliel. Since the anthology sadly enough bit the dust, I thought I could as well post it here. It is the first story that I ever wrote and finished since essays in secondary school some years ago.

***Earniel*** · 04-05-2004, 03:39 PM

text deleted

Lief Erikson · 04-05-2004, 08:02 PM

That was a very neat story. It to some respect reminded me of the North American Indians. Those cats just had that kind of feel, to me. The story held my attention very well.

Lizra · 04-06-2004, 12:38 AM

What a nice story Earniel! It would have been perfect for the anthology!

I wonder where Entlover has been of late...she should read it.

I must know...how do you pronounce "tawrhee"? A good little story.

Beruthiel's cat · 04-06-2004, 09:41 AM

This is one of those stories I wish I'd have thought of!!!

It's too bad there isn't an anthology for this. It's absolutely great! Has a real English/Irish legendary feel to it. *sigh*

I posted a tale "A Story Rejected" some time ago. I tried to create a myth there as well. Take a look (if you haven't already) and let me know what you think.

Very nice job!!

Arat-Falathion · 04-06-2004, 03:31 PM

Very nice story, Eärniel! It sucked me in right from the first mentioning of these mysterious cats, and the interest remained to the very end. Hurray for you

***Earniel*** · 04-08-2004, 08:59 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lizra
I wonder where Entlover has been of late...she should read it. I must know...how do you pronounce "tawrhee"? A good little story.

Since I had sent it, Entlover did read it.

She advised me to get it published.

I don't pronounce Tawrhee in any special way, so I suppose any way of pronouncing it is okay.

Thanks for all the really nice comments, people. Now I feel all happy.

Lizra · 04-09-2004, 11:29 AM

Good!(Entlover read it) I guess it's "tauree" then.

What kind of sound do they make...chirpy or meowy? I mean, besides the telepathic thing...Sorry, I'm being a dork!

***Earniel*** · 04-10-2004, 05:15 AM

LOL!

I'm going for 'meowy' since they're technically still cats.

***Jonathan*** · 11-15-2004, 05:33 PM

I really liked the story, Eärniel. It was lovely.

It was sort of cosy to read the conversation in the pub. Made you remember when you were young and of listened to the grown-ups's fairy tales at the fireplace.

Feathered cats - now that sounds like beasts that would fit in any mythology. I liked how they talked with their eyes

How did you come up with these animals?

I liked the ending too...
*realizes the spoiler code probably didn't make the upgrade to vBulletin3*
Oh well, I liked it

I hope the fact that your story became a "moderator's choice" on Elfwood will inspire you to write some more

BeardofPants · 11-15-2004, 06:23 PM

I can't believe that I didn't comment on this when it was posted up!

Anyway, I really enjoyed it Smearniel, and I'm glad it's received the accolades it clearly deserves. You *should* try to get it published. 'Course you might have difficulty since you've made it public over the 'net.

**Nurvingiel** · 11-15-2004, 06:41 PM

Why couldn't you get it published? You still own the idea, whether it's on the net or not.

I read your story and I thought it was totally brilliant! I love how this new world came alive in such a short tale.

BeardofPants · 11-15-2004, 07:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nurvingiel

Why couldn't you get it published? You still own the idea, whether it's on the net or not.

I'm not exactly sure of the whys and wherefores, but apparently publishers don't tend to like it when works have already been made public. An author friend of mine mentioned this to me once, but I never really paid attention to why it was difficult.

***Earniel*** · 08-31-2004, 07:07 AM

[Text has been removed]

***Earniel*** · 08-31-2004, 07:07 AM

[Text has been removed]

***Earniel*** · 08-31-2004, 07:10 AM

All comments about grammar, language, style, story and what not are appreciated. You can say in all honesty what you think of this short story of mine.

Lief Erikson · 09-06-2004, 03:34 AM

I really like the description. I wish I knew more about the horse, but I guess I'm all right with the amount of knowledge that is revealed. It would require a longer story to do much more. There's a lot left unexplained though, I feel at the end.

However, I really do like the description. The pictures of the man riding, the descriptions of his experience, the whole way the story is written is very well done. I love the writing style. No grammar errors leapt out at me, but I wasn't really looking for them.

On the whole, I felt this was very well done

.

***Earniel*** · 09-08-2004, 01:47 PM

I'm glad you liked.

Short stories are easier to get the sentences 'just right' the way you want it. Even though this particular story was written in one go and has undergone surprisingly little editing. Usually I rewrite and rewrite and then edit some more.

What elements in particular do you feel I should have explained more? What do you think is lacking?

***Earniel*** · 06-08-2007, 03:59 PM

I've got this story on which I'd love to have some feed-back. It's finished but some scenes still seem to grate a little and despite numerous edits I can't seem to get them to my satisfaction. Normally I hate posting anything before it's properly corrected and edited but I guess that has to do for now.

The story is 8600 words long, longer than my pervious writings and I know my writing tends to suffer in longer stories. I may have expanded a little too far in the area of scene setting and explanation. I like the climax, but the bus-stop scene feels a bit week.

There's some mild violence and a shooting.

I'd love to get thorough comments on this one, even if negative. You may totally be frank. If you notice any error in grammar, spelling or even plot line, don't hesitate to mention it. If there are paragraphs that you think are superfluous, dialogs that can be shortened, this can also help me already along in improving it.

Thanks in advance.

[Text has been removed.]

tolkienfan · 06-08-2007, 05:03 PM

I liked it Eärniel. It was good. But the ending! I want to read more. Did Randolph and Morgan really die? What happens? I think you could really go with this.
I noticed two things:
Max says that "The water’s just cooked." I think that should be 'just boiled'.
also:
the journalist says "The majority of shops has now disappeared or stands empty." I think that should be 'The majority of shops have now disappeared or stand empty.'

04-05-2004, 03:39 PM	#1
*Earniel* The Chocoholic Sea Elf Administrator Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: N?n in Eilph (Belgium) Posts: 14,363	Eärniel's short stories [EDIT 11/01/2010: I've bundled all threads about my stories for (I admit, mostly mine) convenience. I wanted to keep taps on what I publish where so the texts have been removed.] This story was originally written for the Entmoot Anthology. It was beta-d by the lovely Tanoliel. Since the anthology sadly enough bit the dust, I thought I could as well post it here. It is the first story that I ever wrote and finished since essays in secondary school some years ago. __________________ We are not things.

04-05-2004, 03:39 PM	#2
*Earniel* The Chocoholic Sea Elf Administrator Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: N?n in Eilph (Belgium) Posts: 14,363	text deleted __________________ We are not things.

04-06-2004, 12:38 AM	#4
Lizra Domesticated Swing Babe Join Date: May 2002 Location: Reality Posts: 5,340	What a nice story Earniel! It would have been perfect for the anthology! I wonder where Entlover has been of late...she should read it. I must know...how do you pronounce "tawrhee"? A good little story. __________________ Happy Atheist Go Democrats!

04-06-2004, 09:41 AM	#5
Beruthiel's cat mystical divinity of Unashamed Felinity Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: New York's beautiful North Coast -- we're all mad here!!! Posts: 635	This is one of those stories I wish I'd have thought of!!! It's too bad there isn't an anthology for this. It's absolutely great! Has a real English/Irish legendary feel to it. sigh I posted a tale "A Story Rejected" some time ago. I tried to create a myth there as well. Take a look (if you haven't already) and let me know what you think. Very nice job!! __________________ "Never try to out-stubborn a cat!" -- R. Heinlein ~~~~~~~~~ "But I don't want to be among mad people, " Alice remarked. "Oh, but you can't help that," said the Cat; "We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad." "How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice. "You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here." ~~ Lewis Carroll ~~~~~~~~~~~ Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana...

04-06-2004, 03:31 PM	#6
Arat-Falathion A'mael Dalharen Eldarele Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Norway Posts: 707	Very nice story, Eärniel! It sucked me in right from the first mentioning of these mysterious cats, and the interest remained to the very end. Hurray for you __________________ Atharon, where heroes are born. A constantly evolving forum rpg created by Lief Erikson, Falathion and its players.

04-05-2004, 08:02 PM	#3
Lief Erikson Elf Lord Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Fountain Valley, CA Posts: 6,343	That was a very neat story. It to some respect reminded me of the North American Indians. Those cats just had that kind of feel, to me. The story held my attention very well.

04-09-2004, 11:29 AM	#8
Lizra Domesticated Swing Babe Join Date: May 2002 Location: Reality Posts: 5,340	Good!(Entlover read it) I guess it's "tauree" then. What kind of sound do they make...chirpy or meowy? I mean, besides the telepathic thing...Sorry, I'm being a dork! __________________ Happy Atheist Go Democrats!

04-10-2004, 05:15 AM	#9
*Earniel* The Chocoholic Sea Elf Administrator Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: N?n in Eilph (Belgium) Posts: 14,363	LOL! I'm going for 'meowy' since they're technically still cats. __________________ We are not things.

11-15-2004, 05:33 PM	#10
*Jonathan* Entmoot Attorney-General, Equilibrating the Scales of Justice, Administrator ♎ Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Stockholm, Sweden Posts: 3,891	I really liked the story, Eärniel. It was lovely. It was sort of cosy to read the conversation in the pub. Made you remember when you were young and of listened to the grown-ups's fairy tales at the fireplace. Feathered cats - now that sounds like beasts that would fit in any mythology. I liked how they talked with their eyes How did you come up with these animals? I liked the ending too... realizes the spoiler code probably didn't make the upgrade to vBulletin3 Oh well, I liked it I hope the fact that your story became a "moderator's choice" on Elfwood will inspire you to write some more __________________ An unwritten post is a delightful universe of infinite possibilities. Set down one word, however, and it immediately becomes earthbound. Set down one sentence and it’s halfway to being just like every other bloody entry that’s ever been written. ☻

11-15-2004, 06:23 PM	#11
BeardofPants the Shrike Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: San Francisco, CA <3 Posts: 10,647	I can't believe that I didn't comment on this when it was posted up! Anyway, I really enjoyed it Smearniel, and I'm glad it's received the accolades it clearly deserves. You should try to get it published. 'Course you might have difficulty since you've made it public over the 'net. __________________ "Binary solo! 0000001! 00000011! 0000001! 00000011!" ~ The Humans are Dead, Flight of the Conchords

08-31-2004, 07:07 AM	#14
*Earniel* The Chocoholic Sea Elf Administrator Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: N?n in Eilph (Belgium) Posts: 14,363	[Text has been removed]

08-31-2004, 07:07 AM	#15
*Earniel* The Chocoholic Sea Elf Administrator Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: N?n in Eilph (Belgium) Posts: 14,363	[Text has been removed] __________________ We are not things.

08-31-2004, 07:10 AM	#16
*Earniel* The Chocoholic Sea Elf Administrator Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: N?n in Eilph (Belgium) Posts: 14,363	All comments about grammar, language, style, story and what not are appreciated. You can say in all honesty what you think of this short story of mine. __________________ We are not things.

09-06-2004, 03:34 AM	#17
Lief Erikson Elf Lord Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Fountain Valley, CA Posts: 6,343	I really like the description. I wish I knew more about the horse, but I guess I'm all right with the amount of knowledge that is revealed. It would require a longer story to do much more. There's a lot left unexplained though, I feel at the end. However, I really do like the description. The pictures of the man riding, the descriptions of his experience, the whole way the story is written is very well done. I love the writing style. No grammar errors leapt out at me, but I wasn't really looking for them. On the whole, I felt this was very well done . __________________ If the world has indeed, as I have said, been built of sorrow, it has been built by the hands of love, because in no other way could the soul of man, for whom the world was made, reach the full stature of its perfection. ~Oscar Wilde, written from prison Oscar Wilde's last words: "Either the wallpaper goes, or I do."

09-08-2004, 01:47 PM	#18
*Earniel* The Chocoholic Sea Elf Administrator Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: N?n in Eilph (Belgium) Posts: 14,363	I'm glad you liked. Short stories are easier to get the sentences 'just right' the way you want it. Even though this particular story was written in one go and has undergone surprisingly little editing. Usually I rewrite and rewrite and then edit some more. What elements in particular do you feel I should have explained more? What do you think is lacking? __________________ We are not things.

06-08-2007, 03:59 PM	#19
*Earniel* The Chocoholic Sea Elf Administrator Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: N?n in Eilph (Belgium) Posts: 14,363	Eärniel's short stories I've got this story on which I'd love to have some feed-back. It's finished but some scenes still seem to grate a little and despite numerous edits I can't seem to get them to my satisfaction. Normally I hate posting anything before it's properly corrected and edited but I guess that has to do for now. The story is 8600 words long, longer than my pervious writings and I know my writing tends to suffer in longer stories. I may have expanded a little too far in the area of scene setting and explanation. I like the climax, but the bus-stop scene feels a bit week. There's some mild violence and a shooting. I'd love to get thorough comments on this one, even if negative. You may totally be frank. If you notice any error in grammar, spelling or even plot line, don't hesitate to mention it. If there are paragraphs that you think are superfluous, dialogs that can be shortened, this can also help me already along in improving it. Thanks in advance. [Text has been removed.] __________________ We are not things. Last edited by Earniel : 06-22-2007 at 03:33 PM.

06-08-2007, 05:03 PM	#20
tolkienfan Elf Lord Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: The Internet Posts: 803	I liked it Eärniel. It was good. But the ending! I want to read more. Did Randolph and Morgan really die? What happens? I think you could really go with this. I noticed two things: Max says that "The water’s just cooked." I think that should be 'just boiled'. also: the journalist says "The majority of shops has now disappeared or stands empty." I think that should be 'The majority of shops have now disappeared or stand empty.' __________________ Don't be hasty! Thanks so much to Last Child of Ungoliant, Twista, and BeardofPants for my avatar!

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