Discussion for Hoofbeat Hill

Nautipus · 08-29-2007, 08:21 PM

I am only posting this story so that I can get some feedback on it. Please be as candid as you like. i really would like to know what you think.

Acalewia · 08-30-2007, 11:35 AM

Oh wow. You hooked me on the opening line about small towns. I can tell right now this is going to be a good thriller. You've already got me asking questions. Like why did Alex and Tyler leave? Where is everybody? What is going on?
Btw don't answer that here

Keep it up

Nautipus · 08-30-2007, 11:45 AM

Thanks a bunch.

And yeah, all that is too be explained later.

I dont know when I will be able to post there again for a couple of days, but I will continue.

Tuinor · 08-30-2007, 11:05 PM

Whoa, man. This is getting pretty good. I gotta wonder wether Tasha's really seeing these things, or if she's just completely mental.

. . . You're not planning to pull a psychological thriller on us, are you?

Don't you mess with me!!!

I also love the way you described the noise she heard in your most recent post. It's the small details like that that make stories worth reading instead of watching the movie. It is possible, however, to go overboard with them. Trust me on that.

Nautipus · 08-30-2007, 11:20 PM

Thanks, T. I will use that advice, but I have already had a few stories shot down (then burned, flayed, and hung) because of too much of the little stuff.

You'll know soon enough about her though, and Tyler and Alex, too.
It's coming.
Get an umbrella.

Acalewia · 09-01-2007, 12:40 PM

*holds an umbrella at the ready*

This is just getting better and better

Curubethion · 12-08-2007, 04:46 AM

I'm impressed by the way you're weaving this story. It does remind me of what I've heard of The Mist (which I should read) in a few ways. It is creepy.

The only thing I don't like 100% is the writing style. It could definitely use improvement, first of all spelling-wise. There's a good deal of errors here and there, ones which distract from the atmosphere.

Nautipus · 12-08-2007, 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Curubethion

I'm impressed by the way you're weaving this story. It does remind me of what I've heard of The Mist (which I should read) in a few ways. It is creepy.

Thank you, thank you.

I actually just read The Mist a couple of weeks ago, then saw the movie. So I didnt really get any of my ideas from there.

Quote:

The only thing I don't like 100% is the writing style. It could definitely use improvement, first of all spelling-wise. There's a good deal of errors here and there, ones which distract from the atmosphere.

Thanks for the CC.

But just remember that I'm actually typing this as a rough draft on entmoot, and then revising on my own computer, and it the revisions your not seeing. But thanks for pointing that out.

08-29-2007, 08:21 PM	#1
Nautipus Kraken King Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Under the sea Posts: 2,714	Discussion for Hoofbeat Hill I am only posting this story so that I can get some feedback on it. Please be as candid as you like. i really would like to know what you think. __________________ Being the King of these Beings, This is my Child One of my top ten favorite movies. "You ever try to flick a fly? "No." "It's a waste of time." "Can you see it?" "No." "It's right there!" "Where? "There!" "What is it?" "A crab." "A crab? I dont see any crab." "How?! It's right there!!" "Where?" "There!!!!" "Oh." -Excerpts from A Tale of Two Morons One of the best Global Warming Messages out there

08-30-2007, 11:35 AM	#2
Acalewia Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: In trouble. As usual. Posts: 4,674	Oh wow. You hooked me on the opening line about small towns. I can tell right now this is going to be a good thriller. You've already got me asking questions. Like why did Alex and Tyler leave? Where is everybody? What is going on? Btw don't answer that here Keep it up __________________ "Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera

08-30-2007, 11:45 AM	#3
Nautipus Kraken King Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Under the sea Posts: 2,714	Thanks a bunch. And yeah, all that is too be explained later. I dont know when I will be able to post there again for a couple of days, but I will continue. __________________ Being the King of these Beings, This is my Child One of my top ten favorite movies. "You ever try to flick a fly? "No." "It's a waste of time." "Can you see it?" "No." "It's right there!" "Where? "There!" "What is it?" "A crab." "A crab? I dont see any crab." "How?! It's right there!!" "Where?" "There!!!!" "Oh." -Excerpts from A Tale of Two Morons One of the best Global Warming Messages out there

08-30-2007, 11:20 PM	#5
Nautipus Kraken King Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Under the sea Posts: 2,714	Thanks, T. I will use that advice, but I have already had a few stories shot down (then burned, flayed, and hung) because of too much of the little stuff. You'll know soon enough about her though, and Tyler and Alex, too. It's coming. Get an umbrella. __________________ Being the King of these Beings, This is my Child One of my top ten favorite movies. "You ever try to flick a fly? "No." "It's a waste of time." "Can you see it?" "No." "It's right there!" "Where? "There!" "What is it?" "A crab." "A crab? I dont see any crab." "How?! It's right there!!" "Where?" "There!!!!" "Oh." -Excerpts from A Tale of Two Morons One of the best Global Warming Messages out there

09-01-2007, 12:40 PM	#6
Acalewia Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: In trouble. As usual. Posts: 4,674	holds an umbrella at the ready This is just getting better and better __________________ "Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera

08-30-2007, 11:05 PM	#4
Tuinor Elven Warrior Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Wandering in circles until they become triangles Posts: 292	Whoa, man. This is getting pretty good. I gotta wonder wether Tasha's really seeing these things, or if she's just completely mental. . . . You're not planning to pull a psychological thriller on us, are you? Don't you mess with me!!! I also love the way you described the noise she heard in your most recent post. It's the small details like that that make stories worth reading instead of watching the movie. It is possible, however, to go overboard with them. Trust me on that.

12-08-2007, 04:46 AM	#7
Curubethion Fenway Ranger, Lord of Red Sox Nation Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: College! Posts: 1,976	I'm impressed by the way you're weaving this story. It does remind me of what I've heard of The Mist (which I should read) in a few ways. It is creepy. The only thing I don't like 100% is the writing style. It could definitely use improvement, first of all spelling-wise. There's a good deal of errors here and there, ones which distract from the atmosphere. __________________ Adventure...betrayal...heroism... Atharon: where heroes are born. My wife once said to me—when I'd been writing for ten or fifteen years—that I could always go back to being a nuclear engineer. And I said to her, 'Harriet, would you let someone who quit his job to go write fantasy anywhere near your nuclear reactor? I wouldn't!' (Robert Jordan)

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