The Jokes Thread - Page 5

Elf Girl · 04-21-2002, 12:04 PM

A man walks into a bar. OW!

Get it? He walks into a bar? Smack? Ow?

Glorious Glorfindel · 04-21-2002, 12:14 PM

tee hee hee heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
thats bloomin marvellous. its such a corny joke, yet its the bst one. heeeeeeee heeeee heeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

StrawberryIcecream · 04-21-2002, 02:29 PM

hee hee!!!

And rosie lass? Would it not confuse even pythagoras to be asked to go sit in the corner of a circular room?!

Glorious Glorfindel · 04-21-2002, 02:55 PM

no. because he is clever and he would be able to do sum clever maths wizz thing and come up with a really smart answer. the reason why i can't write what sort of smart answer he would come up with down on this post is because i am both blonde and incredibly dense!

eowyn144 · 04-21-2002, 03:16 PM

What did Pippin do when he got drunk?

He felt merry!

teehee.

Aragorn · 04-21-2002, 03:33 PM

A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer, and drinks it! HAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!

Wow, I created a popular thread. I DID IT! WOO!

Arathorn · 04-21-2002, 10:01 PM

What'll happen if Batman & Robin get run over by a steamroller (I know it'd be stupidly slow for them)?

Batman would be known as Flatman and Robin will be known as Ribon.

Michelle The Fair · 04-21-2002, 10:27 PM

Thanksgiving Day- Revenge of the Turkeys

elf_princess · 04-21-2002, 10:28 PM

What do you call a row of rabbits marching backwards??
?
?
?
?
A receding hare line!!!
(ba dum chhhh... that was supposed to be the drum noise after a joke... lol)

Eruviel Greenleaf · 04-21-2002, 10:42 PM

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Arathorn · 04-21-2002, 10:49 PM

Cockfights are still legal where I come from. Here's one about 'em:

Q: How would you know if there is a moron in a cockfight?
A: If someone registers a duck.
Q: How would you know if there's a bigger moron?
A: If someone bets on the duck.
Q: How would you know if a syndicate is involved?
A: If the duck wins.

***Khamûl*** · 04-21-2002, 10:56 PM

Why do they bury lawyers 12 feet under instead of the usual 6?

Because deep down they're really good people.

Eruviel Greenleaf · 04-21-2002, 11:44 PM

Why did the moron throw the clock out the window?

To see time fly.

StrawberryIcecream · 04-22-2002, 03:23 PM

HEE!!!! LOVED THE LAWYER ONE! and the receding hare line one!

eowyn144 · 04-26-2002, 03:52 PM

Actual answering machine answers recorded and verified by the World famous International Institute of Answering Machine Answers:

1)My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
2)A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why i'm not here. So leave a message.
3)Hi.This is Jon. If you are the phone company, i already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. I fyou are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
4)Hi. Now you say something.
5)Hi. I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
6)Hello. I'm David's answering machine. What are you?
7)Hello!If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a sexy message, I'll call you sooner.
8)Hi!John's answering machine is broken. This is his refridgerator. Please speak very slowly, and i'll stick the messege to myself with one of these magnets.
9)This is not an answering message-this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and i'll think about returning your call.
10)Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
11)If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message.
12)Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you do say will be recorded and will be used by us.

StrawberryIcecream · 04-27-2002, 04:57 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by eowyn144
Actual answering machine answers recorded and verified by the World famous International Institute of Answering Machine Answers:

1)My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
3)Hi.This is Jon. If you are the phone company, i already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. I fyou are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
8)Hi!John's answering machine is broken. This is his refridgerator. Please speak very slowly, and i'll stick the messege to myself with one of these magnets.
9)This is not an answering message-this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and i'll think about returning your call.
10)Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
12)Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you do say will be recorded and will be used by us.

VERY good! especially the esp one. But only cos i can relate to it!

eowyn144 · 04-27-2002, 03:32 PM

A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to the alarmists practising junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide".

And for plenty of good reasons, since it can:

1) cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2) it is a major component in acid rain
3) it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
4) accidental inhalation can kill you
5) it contributes to erosion
6) it decreases effectiveness of automobile breaks
7) it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients

He asked 50 people if they suppprted a ban of the chemical dihydrogen monoxide. Fourty-three said yes, six were undecided, and only one knew that the chemical was....water.

The title of his prize-winning project was, "How Gullible Are We?" The conclusion is obvious.

elf_princess · 04-28-2002, 02:15 PM

Ok... I just had a very very funny experience. It is kind of a joke but not really. Ok... My mama told me to make a salad for our dinner. So she threw me a head of lettuce and I yelled "Head's up!!!" It was hilarious... just thought I'd share that little story... lol

elf_princess · 04-28-2002, 02:19 PM

LOL... I just now read your post eowyn144... that's hilarious. That must have been one creative kid!

Elf Girl · 04-28-2002, 02:44 PM

Oh, that water one was so funny...I think I'll try that science experiment.

04-21-2002, 12:04 PM	#81
Elf Girl Lurker Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Lothlórien Posts: 3,419	A man walks into a bar. OW! Get it? He walks into a bar? Smack? Ow? __________________ There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium...

04-21-2002, 12:14 PM	#82
Glorious Glorfindel Elven Warrior Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: im too doped up to remember Posts: 371	tee hee hee heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee thats bloomin marvellous. its such a corny joke, yet its the bst one. heeeeeeee heeeee heeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! __________________ A Elbereth Gilthonial Silivren penna miriel o menal aglar elenath Na-chaered palan-diriel o galadhremmin ennorath Fanuilos, le linnathon nef aear, si nef aearon! add a drop of lavander to milk. leave town with an orange and pretend you're laughing at it.

04-21-2002, 02:29 PM	#83
StrawberryIcecream Elf Lord Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: In my jeans Posts: 915	hee hee!!! And rosie lass? Would it not confuse even pythagoras to be asked to go sit in the corner of a circular room?! __________________ www.foolofatook.com for all you pippin's out there.

04-21-2002, 02:55 PM	#84
Glorious Glorfindel Elven Warrior Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: im too doped up to remember Posts: 371	no. because he is clever and he would be able to do sum clever maths wizz thing and come up with a really smart answer. the reason why i can't write what sort of smart answer he would come up with down on this post is because i am both blonde and incredibly dense! __________________ A Elbereth Gilthonial Silivren penna miriel o menal aglar elenath Na-chaered palan-diriel o galadhremmin ennorath Fanuilos, le linnathon nef aear, si nef aearon! add a drop of lavander to milk. leave town with an orange and pretend you're laughing at it.

04-21-2002, 03:16 PM	#85
eowyn144 Elven Warrior Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 435	What did Pippin do when he got drunk? He felt merry! teehee. __________________ If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe

04-21-2002, 03:33 PM	#86
Aragorn Elven Warrior Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Anywhere but where I should be. Posts: 369	A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer, and drinks it! HAHAHAHAHAAA!!!! Wow, I created a popular thread. I DID IT! WOO! __________________ And they carried them to the flatlands But they died along the way And they built up with their bare hands What we still can't do today. EIDRIORCQWSDAKLMEDDCWWTIWOATTOPWFIO till the day I die.

04-21-2002, 10:01 PM	#87
Arathorn Bard of Mangled Songs Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: West of Middle Earth...oh alright...Manila Posts: 2,679	What'll happen if Batman & Robin get run over by a steamroller (I know it'd be stupidly slow for them)? Batman would be known as Flatman and Robin will be known as Ribon. __________________ Power attracts the corruptible. Absolute power attracts the absolutely corruptible. -Missionaria Protectiva, Frank Herbert *Accio, Ash Nazg!* Elennuru s?la lúmenn' omentielvo* (The Death Star shines on the hour of our meeting) - Darth Arathorn Put aside the ranger... Start looking for Mumakil action figures...

04-21-2002, 10:27 PM	#88
Michelle The Fair Enting Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Chithaeglir (Misty Mountains) Posts: 86	Thanksgiving Day- Revenge of the Turkeys __________________ "And so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. Gandalf the Grey "PIPPIN LIVES in MY HEART!!!!!!!'

04-21-2002, 10:28 PM	#89
elf_princess Elven Warrior Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: la dee da Posts: 275	What do you call a row of rabbits marching backwards?? ? ? ? ? A receding hare line!!! (ba dum chhhh... that was supposed to be the drum noise after a joke... lol)

04-21-2002, 10:42 PM	#90
Eruviel Greenleaf Alcoholic Villain-Fancying Elf Pirate Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Lyonesse Posts: 4,547	Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. __________________ Eruviel Greenleaf in a past life. "Whoever has come to understand the world has found only a corpse, and whoever has found a corpse is superior to the world." -The Gospel of Thomas SQUAWK!

04-21-2002, 10:49 PM	#91
Arathorn Bard of Mangled Songs Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: West of Middle Earth...oh alright...Manila Posts: 2,679	Cockfights are still legal where I come from. Here's one about 'em: Q: How would you know if there is a moron in a cockfight? A: If someone registers a duck. Q: How would you know if there's a bigger moron? A: If someone bets on the duck. Q: How would you know if a syndicate is involved? A: If the duck wins. __________________ Power attracts the corruptible. Absolute power attracts the absolutely corruptible. -Missionaria Protectiva, Frank Herbert *Accio, Ash Nazg!* Elennuru s?la lúmenn' omentielvo* (The Death Star shines on the hour of our meeting) - Darth Arathorn Put aside the ranger... Start looking for Mumakil action figures... Last edited by Arathorn : 04-21-2002 at 10:52 PM.

04-21-2002, 10:56 PM	#92
*Khamûl* Slacker Warrior Admin Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Alabama Posts: 2,759	Why do they bury lawyers 12 feet under instead of the usual 6? Because deep down they're really good people. __________________ "If the giving of information is to be the cure of your inquisitiveness, I shall spend all the rest of my days in answering you." Gandalf to Pippin Psalm 107:31

04-21-2002, 11:44 PM	#93
Eruviel Greenleaf Alcoholic Villain-Fancying Elf Pirate Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Lyonesse Posts: 4,547	Why did the moron throw the clock out the window? To see time fly. __________________ Eruviel Greenleaf in a past life. "Whoever has come to understand the world has found only a corpse, and whoever has found a corpse is superior to the world." -The Gospel of Thomas SQUAWK!

04-22-2002, 03:23 PM	#94
StrawberryIcecream Elf Lord Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: In my jeans Posts: 915	HEE!!!! LOVED THE LAWYER ONE! and the receding hare line one! __________________ www.foolofatook.com for all you pippin's out there.

04-26-2002, 03:52 PM	#95
eowyn144 Elven Warrior Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 435	Actual answering machine answers recorded and verified by the World famous International Institute of Answering Machine Answers: 1)My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished. 2)A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why i'm not here. So leave a message. 3)Hi.This is Jon. If you are the phone company, i already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. I fyou are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money. 4)Hi. Now you say something. 5)Hi. I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep. 6)Hello. I'm David's answering machine. What are you? 7)Hello!If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a sexy message, I'll call you sooner. 8)Hi!John's answering machine is broken. This is his refridgerator. Please speak very slowly, and i'll stick the messege to myself with one of these magnets. 9)This is not an answering message-this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and i'll think about returning your call. 10)Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you. 11)If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message. 12)Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you do say will be recorded and will be used by us. __________________ If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe

04-27-2002, 03:32 PM	#97
eowyn144 Elven Warrior Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 435	A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to the alarmists practising junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide". And for plenty of good reasons, since it can: 1) cause excessive sweating and vomiting 2) it is a major component in acid rain 3) it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state 4) accidental inhalation can kill you 5) it contributes to erosion 6) it decreases effectiveness of automobile breaks 7) it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients He asked 50 people if they suppprted a ban of the chemical dihydrogen monoxide. Fourty-three said yes, six were undecided, and only one knew that the chemical was....water. The title of his prize-winning project was, "How Gullible Are We?" The conclusion is obvious. __________________ If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe

04-28-2002, 02:15 PM	#98
elf_princess Elven Warrior Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: la dee da Posts: 275	Ok... I just had a very very funny experience. It is kind of a joke but not really. Ok... My mama told me to make a salad for our dinner. So she threw me a head of lettuce and I yelled "Head's up!!!" It was hilarious... just thought I'd share that little story... lol __________________ ~Life's unanswered question~ ¿Which came first... the chicken or the egg? ¿How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

04-28-2002, 02:19 PM	#99
elf_princess Elven Warrior Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: la dee da Posts: 275	LOL... I just now read your post eowyn144... that's hilarious. That must have been one creative kid! __________________ ~Life's unanswered question~ ¿Which came first... the chicken or the egg? ¿How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

04-28-2002, 02:44 PM	#100
Elf Girl Lurker Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Lothlórien Posts: 3,419	Oh, that water one was so funny...I think I'll try that science experiment. __________________ There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium...

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